CHAPTER EIGHTLydia’s POV
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lydia’s POV
I am stupid.
The hangover creeps in slowly until it registers in the pit of my brain.
What have I done???
Vivid memories of the night I just spent with Eric flood my mind. I sit down on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands.
These past weeks I have worked hard to conjure up an indifferent air towards him. Hiding my hurt under a cold facade.
Every time I come face to face with him in the office, I tell myself how much I hate this man for abandoning me, not even remembering me. Each encounter brought me to the dawning realization that he is still the man I longed for all these lonely years.
How I used to wake up dreaming about him the first couple of years after our first encounter. Sometimes I just saw him in the distance and I would call out “wait” or even “stop” because I didn’t know his name…
In other dreams I felt him lying next to me, kissing me like he did tonight. Awakening my body with his sensual touch - only to wake up and find him gone.
Why? Why could I not resist him tonight? When he hugged me to comfort me for the loss of my dad, electricity ran through my body at his touch. I looked at him and could not resist the urge to kiss him.
Once my lips touched his, I knew I was lost. Seven years of pent-up emotions coursed through me. Desire flooded my veins. It felt so right to be in his arms again, as if I belonged there.
I had a moment of sanity and sat up right before we were to meld together, but try as I might, my desire for him to possess my body was greater than any rational thought.
I didn’t care that he didn’t love me, or that he didn’t care for Leo. I didn’t care that I was deceiving myself into thinking that I could make him care.
All those thoughts I pushed out of my head, compartmentalizing them into a box to “think about it later.” Now it’s “later.”
Now I have to deal with regret and shame. How could I have thrown myself at him like that?
When we made love all those years ago, was there a flicker of love in his eyes, in his touch?
Was it any different today? He seemed like a man who needed to be saved from drowning…as if he couldn’t get enough of me. The memory brings a blush to my cheeks.
Does he treat all the other women he slept with like the way he made love to me? An emotional abyss opened up and I was on the precipice of falling into it.
I get up and run to the bathroom. The face looking back at me in the mirror is hardly recognizable. Gaunt circles line my eyes and my hair was in fantastic disarray.
In a few hours I will have to go to work. Wait - work? I will have to confront Eric as my boss? Be in his company knowing that he doesn’t want anything to do with me? Nor with Leo, his son?
I swore never to tell Eric of his paternity of Leo, but I did it anyway. Under the influence of alcohol…and emotional baggage.
I quickly undressed and jumped into the shower, lathering my body with lots of shower gel, washing my hair, my face, scrubbing my skin as if to wash away the memory of Eric’s body against mine, his scent, his touch, his lovemaking.
*******
I go to Leo's room and slowly tap him. Thankfully, the sling is no longer needed and he doesn't suffer from pain. Leo wipes his eyes and turns slightly to me.
“Happy birthday, sweetie. You're fully seven now.” I kiss his forehead and he smiles widely. “There is something we need to do.”
“What's that?” he asks in his groggy, sleepy tone.
“We have to leave. Now.” I say it sternly so he doesn't sulk on it.
“But I like it here,” he whimpers.
“I know you do, but Mummy has to leave. You understand?”
He nods. “Where are we going?”
“To Auntie Kay's place. You love her muffins, don't you?”
“Yes,” he nodded softly.
“I have your things packed up, so we gotta go now.”
When we are ready, we sneak out of the rooms and head towards the back door. I don't want Eric to know I'm leaving and I don't want to see his face because I'll be hurt all over again. I was one of his cheap girls.
On the way to the back door, I meet Pattie in the kitchen, making breakfast. When she sees us, she smiles and plays with Leo's hair. “Bacon and scrambled eggs are ready for consumption,” she says robotically.
I smile and shake my head. “We're heading somewhere so we don't have time to wait for food.”
Pattie’s expression changes and her smile disappears. “Eric isn't aware, yes,” she says.
“He shouldn't know about it,” I tell her. “We found a place to stay, that's why we are leaving. I will arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff when I can.”
She doesn't press further but gives me a hug. “From the moment I met you, I knew you were special; not like those girls Eric usually brings home. He adores you and Leo. Don't forget that.”
I wear a sullen look since Eric didn't give me an answer last night when I asked him if he loves me and Leo.
Pattie spins around and faces Leo. “And for the birthday boy, I baked you a chocolate cupcake. Do you want to try one?”
Pattie places one cupcake in front of him and he gobbles it swiftly. “Thank you, Miss Pattie.”
“That's a good boy,” she is telling him, but her eyes never leave mine. “Don't forget: He loves you.”
I don't reply. I hug her and walk out the door towards the gate of the house. I turn back and see Eric's mansion: A beautiful house with a wonderful architectural design, a big lawn and a big pool. I'll leave all of this behind…And most notably, Eric.
I dial Makayla's number and it goes straight to voicemail. I don't have to inform her I'll be breaking into her house, so I go straight there. It wasn’t a long distance to her house, so instead of calling for a cab, I decided to walk.
Leo was quiet as we walked and I was preoccupied with my thoughts. Again, sorting through what had passed last night and these past months. I just can’t let it be.
Things were going well with Eric…as well as it could between a boss and an assistant. True to his word, there were no other women coming to the mansion.
He seemed genuinely fond of Leo, spending time with him after work to play ball and occasionally helping him with his homework.
He treated me politely and I treated him nicer than I did at the beginning of our re-connection. Is it enough?
Am I being foolish to be walking away from this job, this relationship? What about Leo? He seems attached to Eric and looks up to him. In fact, Leo has blossomed under Eric’s attention and care…
I'm tired when I get to Kay’s, my legs throb even. I drop my bags and Leo turns on the TV to watch cartoons. As a result of the previous day's alcohol plus a sleepless night, I doze off on her couch. Maybe that's what I need to forget about Eric.
I wake up to the clattering of plates. I get up and walk to the kitchen to see Makayla making lunch. Leo stands in the corner feasting off some delicacy she made him.
“Hey, Kay,” I greet her. “Thank you for letting us stay here for a while.”
“Technically, you broke into my house. And you're welcome. What's the problem?” I join her in the kitchen as she makes lunch. Leo stumbles to the living room and sits in front of the television once more..
“I quit my job,” I begin.
“Please toss me the knife over there.” I give her the knife. “What happened?” She asks.
“Eric and I had some drinks yesterday and I told him that he is Leo's father. I never wanted to tell him. I told him that I was the one he made out with seven years ago, and I asked if he loved me.
He didn't give me an answer. I was stupid to think that he would. It was just a fling. I shouldn't have told him anything. Stupid alcohol.”
Makayla exhales. “Well, what do you intend on doing now?”
“Avoid him for the rest of my life. Maybe I can work with you in your coffee shop to help pay rent. I don't want to ever see him.”
“You know I work opposite his building. Don't you think there is a chance?”
“No chance. I won't see him. Ever. By the way, he doesn't care about me. I don’t think that he is ready to be a father or is in the right mind frame for a relationship. All he wants is to get revenge on the person that sent him to jail.” I lash out.
“That's new. I didn't know he was in jail. Maybe that's why he didn't come back to you.” Makayla tries to reason.
“He didn't even want to talk about his son! That's the part that hurts me the most. How silent he was during that epic revelation.” I try to imitate him from last night by staring on without uttering a single word.
“Maybe he was under the influence of alcohol. Or more likely, he was in shock after you told him.”
“The man I spoke to yesterday didn't sound like the alcohol manipulated his mind to make him say what he didn't mean and he is no longer there, is he? I don't want to ever talk about Eric. Let's just have a peaceful lunch.” I cut the vegetable with the spite I have in me.
“I agree.”
Makayla keeps to her promises and doesn't say a word about Eric. I can tell that Makayla has questions. I can see it in her eyes. But I’m not ready to bare all to her. Deep down, I hurt. Every time I look at Leo, I see him. I see the man I fell in love with.
After some quiet reflection, I think back about what Makayla said. Was she right in assuming that maybe Eric was in shock about my revelations and that’s what kept him from saying anything?
I think back trying to remember his facial expression after I told him that he was Leo’s father and that I was the woman he’d been with that long time ago. I remember the shock on his face, the way his eyes widened and his mouth gaped…
Maybe Makayla was right? Ugh. What am I thinking? Wishful thinking, I told myself. Forget about him already.
I am stupid. Love makes you do stupid things.