Chapter 10
10
MATT
W hat if something’s wrong with Isla?
She said she’s okay, but is she really?
While we were waiting for the police to arrive, Rhiannon gave Isla a quick once-over and only found bruised knees and scraped hands, but there was no way to know if there’s more damage we can’t see.
Like a complication with the pregnancy.
The way that man grabbed Isla, pinning her against his body, and then roughly throwing her to the floor…
What if it hurt the baby?
What if it hurt Isla ?
What if she’s in danger right now, injured internally, and we get her to the hospital too late?
Shit.
And what about the stress? She’s dealing with so much already—what if this last traumatic event pushes her body over the edge? What if we arrive at the emergency room only to discover that this baby Isla’s already attached to is in danger?
She’ll blame herself. Though it’s not remotely her fault, I know Isla enough to know she’ll come up with plenty of reasons why it is—she shouldn’t have come, she should have fought back more, should have struggled less—and how if something happens to the baby, she’ll never forgive herself.
But she would be wrong. Nothing that happened was remotely her fault.
It was mine. I’m the one who was with her. Not Rhiannon or Erik. Me.
I feel so damn guilty. Every decision I made is under harsh scrutiny as I torture myself with all the ways this could have been avoided.
As I glance over at Isla huddled next to me in the backseat, another wave of intense regret washes over me.
She’s so pale, her red-rimmed eyes and chewed-raw lips the only spots of color on her face. Her neat braid is all in tangles, and her pretty pink dress is all wrinkled and has a tear on one sleeve. Her hand hasn’t left mine since we got into the car, her fingers clutching mine with a strength that belies her size.
The only comfort in all of this is Isla’s slight weight leaning against me, a constant reminder that she’s here, that those men didn’t take her away from me.
It was too close. Her captor had her only ten feet from the back exit before I stopped him. Yes, I know she’s wearing the tracking earrings, and we would have caught up before they could have gotten far, but any amount of time in their clutches was too much.
And who knows what they had in mind for her once they got her out of the building. Would they have hurt her? Done something to the baby? Or even?—
No. If I think about that, the control I’m barely hanging on to will snap. And then I won’t be a help to Isla or my teammates.
But shit.
Part of me wishes I had shot him. Not the rational part; that part knows that knocking him out was the better choice. I had my gun pressed to the back of his head; if I’d pulled the trigger it would have been horribly traumatizing for Isla. Not to mention, killing that man would have meant hours spent at the police station and possibly criminal charges.
I would have worked it out—between myself and some of my more computer-savvy friends, I’m confident any problems would be worked out, eventually. But then I wouldn’t be here with Isla, trying my best to keep her safer than I did the first time around.
If only I had done something different. Insisted on having a doctor come to Isla’s apartment instead of making the trip to the office. Pushed for an appointment that was outside regular business hours. Called Rhi to come let us into the reception area instead of choosing to take the back exit instead.
If only I’d done a better job, Isla wouldn’t be scared and hurt all over again.
“We should be at the hospital in just a few minutes.” As Erik’s voice shakes me from my self-recriminations, Isla jerks against me, her body tensing at the sudden sound.
My arm tightens around her shoulder, instinctively hugging her to my side. “It’s okay,” I murmur, feeling the exact opposite of it.
“I know,” Isla replies quietly as her eyes meet mine. “I’m fine. Just a little jumpy.”
Guilt wraps around my chest and squeezes. “I’m sorry, Isles. I wish?—”
“No.” She sits up and turns slightly to face me. Her voice firms. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Arguing about this won’t accomplish anything, so I swallow my immediate denial and instead change the subject. “Are you feeling okay? Any cramping? Pain?”
“I feel fine.” At my raised eyebrows, she amends, “My knees are a little sore. But it’s not a big deal.” She pauses, tiny wrinkles etching across her forehead before she adds in a less certain tone, “I’m not having any cramping. So that’s good, isn’t it?”
“It is,” Rhiannon answers. She twists in her seat to look back at us. “I’m not an expert in this, obviously, but I would say if you’re not having any cramping or pain by now, it’s a good sign.”
Isla gives Rhiannon a jerky nod. “I’m sure you’re right. I’m sure everything is fine.” She goes silent for a few seconds, her attention shifting to the view outside the car window. At noon on Saturday, there’s a steady stream of cars passing by us, each one bringing fresh potential of an oncoming threat.
I know we’re safe in the customized B and A vehicle, a three-row SUV that’s equipped with almost as many security features as the president’s state car. It would take a tank or a rocket launcher to cause any significant damage, and after the incident with Sarah and Dante, I even figured out a way to make the computer system unhackable.
But I still can’t help worrying. Not just about being in the car, but once we get to the hospital. Even with me, Erik, and Rhiannon accompanying Isla, she’s still not as safe as I’d like.
What I’d like?
An entire battalion of Special Forces operators guarding her might be enough. Maybe.
It’s crazy. I’ve never doubted my own abilities before or those of my teammates. I’ve literally put my life in Erik’s hands during our missions overseas, and I trust Rhiannon just as implicitly. When it came to having my teammates’ six, I was always confident in my skills—I knew I could take out that tango creeping around the corner of the building or carry my injured brother back to safety.
But with Isla, I’m worried.
Not just worried. Scared.
When’s the last time I was actually scared? When Levi had appendicitis in elementary school and I had to steal my parents’ car to get him to the hospital? When that bomb went off in Afghanistan and I had to watch as Jeff bled out in front of us?
Yes. I was scared both of those times.
And then seeing that man grab Isla. Not knowing if he was going to hurt her, shoot her, even?—
Shit .
What happened this morning has thrown everything into stark clarity.
My feelings for Isla go much deeper than the client-protector relationship. Even though I know it’s not the right time, that it might never be, selfishly, I still want more.
I want to date her. Be there for her not because it’s my job, but because I’m her boyfriend. I want to go to all her appointments with her, holding her hand through the scary parts and celebrating the good ones.
It’s the height of irony. After forty years I finally find the right woman and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“How do you want to do this?” Erik asks as he turns into the hospital entrance. His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror for a second. “I’m thinking we’re better off all going in together, but what are your thoughts?”
“I’d prefer the three of us go with Isla, too,” I reply. “How about if you drop us off at the entrance and we’ll wait inside for you to park the car? With security right at the entrance, plus me and Rhi, I can’t imagine anyone trying anything there.”
At least I damn well hope they won’t.
Rhiannon nods in approval. “That sounds like a good idea.”
Glancing at Isla, I force an encouraging smile. “Two of us will stand outside the exam room and one will be inside with you. We’ll all be armed. And as soon as the doctor checks you over, we’ll get out of here.”
Isla stares at me for a moment. Her chin quivers as she tries to force a smile. “I guess Erik’s not getting his cheeseburger mac and cheese.” She pauses. “I’m sorry, Erik. Maybe I can make something…”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Erik proclaims brightly. As he shifts the car into park, he turns to look at her. “I can go another time, Isla. It’s not a problem.”
In a small voice, she replies, “I guess. It just sounded fun…” Trailing off, she stares down at her lap. One tear trickles down her cheek.
Ah, shit.
She was looking forward to it.
Why didn’t I think of that? When we went to get ice cream the last time, it was obvious how much she enjoyed getting out—not just to work, where she sits at her desk all day while Erik, Rhi, or I stand guard in the hallway—but to do something fun. Something that can make her feel like things are normal for a while.
Squeezing her hand, I tell her, “We can get ice cream on the way home. And swing by the food truck for Erik’s revolting mac and cheese abomination. It should be okay.”
Erik’s eyes flash a warning sign in the mirror. Am I promising too much? If it were anyone else, would I insist on taking her straight home to make things less complicated? Maybe. But it’s not someone else, it’s Isla. And I would do pretty much anything to take away the sad look on her face and make her smile again.
“Are you sure?” Isla asks, her eyes big and worried as she looks at me. “I don’t want to put you guys in any danger?—”
“You won’t. We can handle a little stop for food. And we all need to eat, don’t we?”
“True. But we can eat at my place…”
“Okay,” Rhiannon interrupts. “Are we ready to do this?”
Isla startles again, but quickly hides it. “Okay. I’m ready.”
As we make our way into the hospital, I keep her close to my side, my free hand resting on the gun inside my shirt. We wouldn’t normally be allowed to carry inside a hospital, but after some quick work hacking into the hospital computer system, I was able to get written authorization that will let us keep our weapons on us.
Once we’re through security, we stand off to the side waiting for Erik to join us. Isla is still squeezed up against me, clutching my hand. Her breath comes rapidly, and when I glance down at her, I can see her pulse fluttering in her neck.
“Matt?” It’s almost a whisper. Her teeth dig into her lower lip as she looks up at me. “I was wondering—” She stops. Shakes her head. “Nevermind.”
“What, honey?”
“Well… I was wondering if…” She pauses. Then in a rush, the rest spills out. “Would you go into the exam room with me? Like before? Unless you don’t want to?”
I don’t hesitate. “Of course I will. If you—” Guilt slams into me again. “Are you sure?”
She nods quickly. “I’m sure.”
Which is how I end up standing beside Isla thirty minutes later as a doctor spreads a clear gel across Isla’s belly. And while I know I shouldn’t think about Isla’s body at a time like this, it’s hard not to. Not when I’m looking at her creamy skin and her sweet little bellybutton and the tiny tattoo of a dove on her hip. It’s not that I haven’t seen her skin before—it’s early fall in Texas, which means shorts and dresses are pretty much all Isla wears. But this is different. This is a part of her body she doesn’t show to everyone.
And she’s trusting me. Not Rhiannon or Erik, but me.
I can’t let her down again.
“Okay,” the doctor says. “I’m just going to use this wand?—”
“A transducer?” I ask.
The doctor glances at me, a surprised smile curving her lips. “So the dad’s been doing his research, huh?”
My ears go hot. “I just wanted?—”
“Matt likes to learn about everything,” Isla interjects. She gives me an affectionate look. “He’s always researching stuff. Any time I have a question, he finds me the answer.”
Oh.
My heart flips over.
There’s no judgment in her tone. Just pride.
“Well, you’re lucky,” replies the doctor. “To have a partner that’s so involved.” She takes the wand—the transducer—and starts to move it across Isla’s belly.
Isla goes pink. Flustered, she starts, “Well, he’s?—”
But I interrupt her as I say, “I just want to know everything. So I can make sure Isla’s healthy. And she’s getting the best care.”
Yes, I know I could have let Isla tell the doctor the truth. That I’m not the partner, or even the father. But I don’t want to.
“Oh, look,” the doctor says. She moves the wand until a little humming sound is audible. After a beat, she adds with a bright smile, “It’s the baby’s heartbeat. Nice and strong.”
For a moment, that’s all we can hear in the room. The soft fluttering of the baby’s heart, still strong after everything.
Isla covers her mouth with her hand. Tears spring to her eyes. With a hint of wonder in her voice, she asks, “That’s my baby’s heartbeat? She’s really okay?”
“Yes.” The doctor pats Isla on the shoulder. “Everything looks normal. Two arms and legs, tiny fingers and toes, and a sweet little face. See?” She tilts the ultrasound monitor so Isla can see better. “And your baby looks to be about eleven weeks along. It’s a little too early to tell the sex reliably, but in another few weeks we should know for sure.”
Isla’s gaze is glued to the monitor. Tears run down her cheeks. But unlike the other times I’ve seen her cry, I don’t think these are sad ones. “Matt,” she breathes. Her hand tightens around mine. “She—or he—is perfect.”
Inexplicably, my eyes burn.
“You’re right.” Without thinking, I brush the tears from her face. “Your baby looks absolutely perfect.”
And just for a second, this breath stealing certainly comes over me.
I wish this was my baby, too.
It’s crazy. Unexplainable. But I do.
The doctor spends another few minutes moving the wand around and making notes on the computer. Once she’s done, she sets the wand aside and wipes the gel from Isla’s belly with a white washcloth. She hands a fresh one to Isla and says, “I’ll leave this with you to finish cleaning up. I’ll go print some photos for you, if you’d like?”
“Yes.” Isla nods emphatically. “Please. I would love that.”
After the doctor leaves the room, I send a quick text to Erik letting him know everything’s fine and we’ll be out shortly. Then I turn my attention back to Isla, who’s just sitting up and adjusting her dress.
“Can you believe it?” Her eyes are a bright, sparkling amethyst. Color is back in her cheeks. “It feels real now. And it’s not as scary—this part, at least. Seeing the baby… it’s incredible.”
“It is,” I agree, and I’ve never meant anything more. Something about seeing this little baby in Isla’s belly, so small but so magical…
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” Isla says. Her jaw sets. A fierceness flashes in her eyes. “Anything to make sure the baby’s safe.”
I hadn’t planned on bringing this up until later, but now I’m seized with an almost rabid need to get her to a place I know she’ll be safe.
Clasping her hand between mine, I ask, “Please don’t say no until I explain, okay?”
Her forehead creases. “Say no to what?”
“Well, you said you want to make sure the baby is safe. And I want that, too. I want you to be safe.”
“Matt, I told you, it’s not your fault what happened at the doctor’s office.”
I bite my cheek to keep from disagreeing. “That’s not what I’m talking about.” A pause. “Well, it is, but not how you mean. I just… I think it would be safer if you come back to Blade and Arrow.”
Isla spins around on the bed, so her legs are hanging off the edge. Her hand is rigid in mine, but she doesn’t pull it away. “Why do you think I should go to Blade and Arrow?”
“Because it’s clear the risk is escalating. And… shi—shoot. I don’t want to ruin this moment for you, Isles. But I really want you to be safe. And if you go there?—”
“ You keep me safe, Matt. So do Erik and Rhiannon.”
“Yes.” Sort of. “But with you going to work every day, there’s a risk in that. Plus, we just can’t secure your apartment the same way the B and A ranch is. At the ranch, no one can get to you. We have twenty-five acres of land, ten acres of that with an unscalable perimeter fence around it. Plus another fence directly around the ranch. There are hundreds of cameras and alarms. Motion sensors that can detect humans in the woods. A radar that picks up drone movement. We’ve designed the place to be as safe as any government facility. More than most, probably.”
She stares at me for a second, thoughts working behind her eyes. “But what about my job? I can’t just leave.”
“I can work it out, Isla. Set it up so you work remotely. You know I can. Coming to the ranch won’t hurt your job. I promise.”
Taking advantage of her silence, I press on. “It would be less stressful there. And we can find a referral for a doctor in San Antonio or Seguin. Plus, Rhi and Dante are both medics, so they can help if anything comes up.”
“And you really think it would be a better idea to go there? Than staying in Dallas?”
“I do.” Holding her gaze, I continue, “And I think you’ll like it. You didn’t really get to see much the last time you were there. But the ranch is completely renovated, so everything is new. And we have a gym, and a sauna, and a shooting range.”
“A shooting range?”
My ears get hot. Why did I think that would be a great selling point?
“Well, we use it for practice. And Sarah, she’s Dante’s fiancée, remember, she wanted to learn how to shoot. But you wouldn’t have to, of course. I’m sure with the baby, you wouldn’t. Forget I mentioned it.”
“Matt.” Her expression softens. “It’s nice that you offered. I’m not sure about it, but maybe…”
“The client apartment is really nice,” I offer. “Jade and Rhiannon decorated most of it. But it has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and you’d be right down the hall from me?—”
Shit. Why am I assuming she’d want to be?
But to my relief, a smile curves Isla’s lips. “You would be nearby?”
Something in my heart unclenches.
“Just two doors down.”
“And no one would mind me being there?”
“Absolutely not.” With one hand, I brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “The team already talked about moving you there if necessary. So the apartment is all ready. If you come, you’ll get to meet Jade and Sarah and Lucy. Plus Dante, Niall, and Xavier. Everyone’s really nice, and Jade’s pregnant, so you guys could talk about… I don’t know. Pregnancy stuff?”
Pregnancy stuff ? What am I, thirteen?
As she looks at me, her lips twitch. “Pregnancy stuff?”
Heat fills my cheeks. “Food and clothes and ultrasounds. Things like that.”
Isla smiles, her face lighting up with it. “I know.” She pauses. “I love it when your ears get all pink like—” Her mouth snaps shut. Red shoots up her face.
If possible, my ears get even hotter. “My ears?”
Now fuchsia, she blurts, “Oh, God, Matt. I’m sorry. That was completely inappropriate. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No,” I tell her, as hope kindles inside me. “It wasn’t. And I didn’t mind.”
“You didn’t?”
“I didn’t.” And though I shouldn't, I add, “I liked hearing you say it.”
“Oh.” As she looks into my eyes, something passes between us. “Good. I’m… I’m glad.”
There are so many things I want to say, most of them not suited for this moment. So I settle with something relatively safe instead.
“So… will you come to Blade and Arrow? If you really don’t want to, we’ll make it work here. But I think you’ll like it there. Really.” Then another truth slips out before I can stop it. “And I’d really like you there, too.”
Isla stares at me for a second, an unreadable expression on her face. Then she leans over to wrap her arms around my neck, her head coming to rest on my shoulder.
My arms come around her, hugging her close. Against my chest, her heart matches the same rapid rhythm as mine.
It feels perfect holding her. Like she’s supposed to be here.
“Yes,” she says quietly, her breath whispering across my neck. “I’ll go to Blade and Arrow with you.” Then she lifts her head away and meets my gaze. “But will we still get to play Minecraft ? And watch aspirational home improvement shows?”
“Of course. Do you think I’d finish the treehouse by myself?”
“I hope not.” A beat, and then so softly I almost can’t hear it, “It’s my favorite part of the day.”
Oh.
I shouldn’t feel this way about her.
It’s not the right time.
But I can’t help it.