23. Epilogue
As I combed the tangles out of my long blonde hair I contemplated my future. There wasn’t much to think about. I didn’t really have one. At nineteen my life seemed to be over.
I’d been kidnapped, raped, become pregnant by my rapist, and put up for sale. I’d spent months in a room that didn’t have running water, heat, or air conditioning, then a couple of weeks in a shipping container with over forty other women. We’d been given only enough food and water to keep us alive, except for Ginger. She’d died anyway. I’d been told that as soon as the baby was born I’d be given to the man who bought me, and I’d earn my living on my back. That’s when I gave up hope.
From out of nowhere, we’d been suddenly freed. The men who helped us escape were just as scary as our captors if you only looked at their outside appearance. But inside they were different. They didn’t harm us. In fact, one of them, Rage, carried me in his arms away from the awful hellhole I’d been living in. He disobeyed orders to save my sorry soul when I was so far along in childbirth that he’d been told to leave me behind. Instead, he took me with him and caught my daughter when she slid from my body.
I owed these men, the Serpent Sinners, our lives. So did Liz. She was allowed to come with me. She’d been my caretaker since the day we met in that nasty, dark room. She still was. I’d have gone crazy without her. She was like a mother to me even though she was only thirty. Now, I’d decided to give her my child.
I had no one to return to, but Liz had family who loved her. I was young, too young to deal with a baby when I had nothing to give it. I had no job and never had. I didn’t know where I was going once today ended or what my future held. My baby deserved more than that. She deserved safety, a home without worry, and family surrounding her. Liz could give her that. I loved my daughter enough to let her go, but the day to do so had come too soon.
I slipped into the borrowed dress. It was a little too big for me, but it would do for today. I’d only be wearing it for a short time. I was attending a wedding here at the Sinners’ clubhouse where I’d been allowed to stay in order to regain my strength.
The big, bald man they called Sweet was marrying the beautiful Jemma and taking her son as his own. It was easy to see the love in their eyes though they were an odd combination. Sweet had been the one to open my tomb that night and free me. Jemma had been at his side. It was she who’d convinced us the men were harmless by kissing the big, scary man very enthusiastically. The memory brought a smile to me, which was a shock. I didn’t think I was capable of smiling.
“Are you dressed?” Liz asked as she entered the small room I’d been assigned. One of the Serpent Sinners had hurriedly emptied the closet and dresser of his belongings when I’d arrived. I was embarrassed by the fact that I hadn’t even been kind enough to ask him his name.
“I am. Will I do well enough?” I asked right back.
“Try to put a bit of a smile on your face and you’ll be fine. Sweet and Jemma should see everyone smiling, don’t you think?”
“I promise I’ll smile. I can’t imagine not being able to when Jemma walks down the aisle to marry Sweet. He’s so big and sometimes a little scary, but his eyes light up like a child’s when she’s nearby. It’s so cute.”
I choked up a little when I said the word child. If I followed through on giving my little girl a better life then I’d never see her eyes light up with love for me or anyone else. It hurt to think about it. I’d only held her a couple of times because I didn’t want to get too attached, but I discovered it was too late. She would forever be a part of me because she’d grown inside my body, beneath my heart. It was that deep love that allowed me to do what I must.
Liz must have seen my thoughts reflected in my face. She came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me.
“You can still change your mind,” she said.
“No. A part of me wants to, but I know it’s not what’s best. With you she’ll have a real home, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I can’t give her that. I want her to have all of it and so much more. I won’t change my mind no matter how much it hurts.”
“Then promise me this, you’ll keep my parents address and phone number and if you ever want to see her or be part of her life just reach out to me. I’ll love her and raise her as my own, but I’ll be sure she knows how much you love her. She should know you sacrificed for her. If you decide to see her, it’ll be up to you whether or not you tell her who you are. I’ll follow your lead, Vikki. You’re going to be blessed for this. I can feel it,” Liz replied.
“I need to feel some happiness before I say goodbye to her, so let’s go watch this wedding.”
Liz hooked an arm through mine, and we went to watch Sweet and Jemma say their vows.
The wedding was small, with only the Sinners and a few of the women who hung with them to witness it. But it was beautiful. Jemma wore a slim, white dress that hugged her curves and showed off her smooth shoulders. The slit that came to her knees allowed her to walk and showcased her lovely legs. She carried a bouquet of yellow roses for her tie to Texas.
Sweet was dressed in his leather pants and cut but had a blue shirt beneath it that brought out the blue of his eyes. He was transfixed on Jemma when she appeared on Prime’s arm. We all saw the love that passed between them as they gazed at one another. I wanted that kind of endless, unwavering love someday. If only I was that lucky.
Jemma’s son, Jackson, stood beside Sweet as the best man. There was pride and joy on his face as the wedding proceeded. The woman who’s hand I’d almost broken while giving birth, the one they called Flame, was Jemma’s maid of honor. She looked uncomfortable in the long, blue dress she wore, fidgeting all through the ceremony. She must have cared deeply for the two of them to suffer like that.
The kiss that sealed the marriage made us all sigh, even the toughest of the Sinners made an odd sound. Sweet lifted Jemma off her feet and swung her around once their lips parted which had taken a long time. I heard him call her “mi Vida”, which Liz told me meant “my life”. She answered with “mi Corazón”, my heart. I smiled through my tears.
Cheers rang out from everyone. I looked around at all of them and became uncomfortable. This was a family, and I didn’t feel as if I belonged. I started to wander out, but Rage caught me and said, “You can’t leave. You have to have some cake and dance. Do it for the bride and groom.”
I would because Rage had asked, because Jemma and Sweet deserved the celebration, and because it would mean I could put off saying goodbye to my baby and breaking my heart. It also put off leaving, since I didn’t have any idea where I was going.
I could do this, I promised myself. I’d find a life, somewhere, somehow. Because I had a heart that was capable of love, and I was stronger than I looked. I’d had to be to survive.