Happily Ever Never

24. Brooke

24

brOOKE

The bed I’m in smells unfamiliar.

It doesn’t smell like my bedroom back in New York. It doesn’t smell like the master bedroom at Susie McGillicuddy’s house.

It’s got a faintly lavender smell, like scented laundry detergent. The pillow is lumpier and the comforter is too silky.

Have I been kidnapped?

Am I in yet another universe, and if so, where is Lucas?

And what’s that ringing sound?

I lie there for probably thirty seconds, heart pounding in my chest, struggling to orient myself.

The ringing stops. Finally I remember—I went over and crashed at my high school friend Brenda’s house, because I’m so angry that I could spit nails at Jasper Whitfield.

I’m mad at him, and I’m mad at myself for thinking a city slicker like him could ever—

Except I’m getting it twisted up in my head. I never went to high school with Brenda, and I’m mad at Lucas, not Jasper.

Lucas is the one who’s been lying to me about those mysterious phone calls, and there’s no innocent explanation for it .

Of course, Pri-Annelise is stunning—she’d probably tempt any man—but I thought that he and I had something together. I know that we agreed this relationship wouldn’t carry over to the real world, but he couldn’t even wait until we got back there before he took advantage of the fact that Jasper was engaged to Pri-Annelise?

I feel like an idiot.

I sit up and rub my face with my hands, struggling to wake up.

What am I going to do now? How are we going to carry through the rest of the romance plot requirements if I’m sitting here feeling hurt, humiliated, and furious? I can’t let Lucas take me out to dinner; I wouldn’t trust myself around a steak knife right now. Heck, I wouldn’t trust myself around a fork.

The phone starts ringing again.

Brenda hasn’t answered her phone. She’s got a phone in the kitchen as well as one by this bedside, so she should have gotten it by now. Why hasn’t she?

I squint out the window. It’s sunrise.

I reach out and tentatively pick up the receiver. It had better not be Lucas, because he’ll get an earful.

“Hello, Brenda’s house,” I say.

“I need bail.” I could swear it sounds like Brenda speaking.

Sweet, small-town, everyone’s-best-friend Brenda.

“Pardon me, who is this?” I stare at the phone in confusion.

“Brenda, of course. Can I borrow a hundred dollars?”

“Uh, you don’t need to pay me back.” I blink in confusion. “Are you at the jail that’s at the police station?”

“What other jail is there?’

“I’ll be there in . . . twenty minutes.”

“Please hurry. The toilet here is atrocious.”

“I promise I will get there as fast as I can.”

I hurry to take a two-minute cold shower and dress in the clothes I was wearing yesterday. I grab my purse, run out the door, and jog to the police station. I’m panting and out of breath as I run up the front steps.

It’s a small brick building located right off Main Street. When I enter, I see a front desk and an open door to the left, through which I can just see the bars of a jail cell. It’s like something from an Andy Griffith show.

Officer Hernandez is sitting at the front desk, and his usually friendly expression has been replaced by a scowl.

“You,” he says.

“Me,” I reply. “What about me?”

“Every time there’s trouble in this town, you or Jasper are there.”

“Is this somehow related to Brenda being in jail?”

“Yes. She threw her drink in Jasper’s face last night.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “That sounds very out of character. Are you sure she did it? He’s been known to lie before.” Not that I’m bitter.

He arches one thick, dark eyebrow at me, his expression sour. “I witnessed it. Some of the drink splashed on me.”

“Good!” Brenda yells from the other room. “Let me out and I’ll throw another drink on you!”

“Why would she do that?” I protest.

“Because of him having a fiancée and not telling you about it.” He shakes his head. “And to think, I was going to take romantic advice from that man.”

“What romantic advice?” Brenda calls out.

“Romantic advice about you!” he shouts back.

“What? Why?” she cries out.

“Never mind!” he replies crabbily.

I open my purse, pull out my wallet, and hand him some of the cash that Lucas gave me when we first got here.

“Here’s her bail. I can’t believe you kept her in jail all night. Men are scum.” I glare at him. “There are murderers roaming the streets out there and you’re keeping someone like her in jail?”

“Murderers in Green Acres?” His mouth quirks up in a grimly amused smile. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Okay, maybe not murderers,” I concede. “I bet there are some litterers out there.”

He stares me in the eye. “I offered to pay her bail after I arrested her. Lucas offered to pay her bail. She refused. She wasn’t speaking to either of us.”

“Fine, whatever. Let her out.”

He gets up from his desk, grabs a set of keys from the desk drawer, and walks into the back room. He returns a minute later, followed by a frazzled-looking Brenda.

“Let’s go,” she huffs. “I’m dying for some coffee.”

“I offered you coffee!” Officer Hernandez protests. “And breakfast!”

“What. Ever.” Nose in the air, she sails out the door. I hurry after her.

When we reach the sidewalk, she turns to me. “What did he mean about romantic advice?”

“Jasper and I were trying to help him get up the courage to ask you out. He’s had a crush on you for ages.”

Her eyes widen as we walk down Main Street. “Seriously? I had no idea.”

I look at her skeptically. “I do not understand how you could have no idea, but then again, this is a Serena Lovelace novel.”

Brenda’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “There you go with that again. I thought it was just the wine talking last night.”

I wince. “It was. Sorry, I meant that it sounded like something out of a Serena Lovelace novel.”

“Okay.” But she’s giving me the side-eye.

“So you actually threw a drink at Lu—at Jasper? ”

“You did it again. You almost called him Lucas.” She looks at me curiously.

“Lucas was an ex. They, uh, they look a lot alike. Apparently, I have a type.” I hate lying to her, but it’s better than being hauled off to the loony bin. “Anyway... do you think I could crash at your house for a few days? I’m not ready to deal with Jasper yet.”

“Understandable. I need to go home and change and then I have to get to work. You can borrow some of my clothes too, if you like.”

“Don’t give up on Officer Hernandez yet.”

She shrugs listlessly. “Let’s talk about anything else. Anyway, I need to shower because I have to get to work.”

An hour later, we’re dressed and headed over to Velma’s. As we approach, we see a police car is parked outside.

Carmel and Dorian Lawrence are hurrying towards the diner too.

Looking through the diner’s big picture window, we see a very angry Officer Hernandez, accompanied by a shorter, red-haired policeman, yelling at a crowd of people. Lucas is surrounded by the angry crowd, but he’s taller than most of them, so I can see his head poking out.

“What the Hello Kitty?” Brenda says. We rush into the diner. Carmel and Dorian hurry in right behind us.

“Back away, back away from him!” Dorian shouts in an annoying bossy tone. Everyone ignores him.

There’s a crowd surrounding Lucas, comprising the usual suspects—Mr. Vickers, Mr. Hardcastle, Ruby, Edna, and a dozen townspeople.

Carmel, of course, has a basket of muffins. “Let’s all just eat some muffins and calm down.” she sings out. People start grabbing muffins from the basket, but they are far from calm.

“You and your muffins. Get out,” Theodore orders her, glowering. He towers over her, but she smiles at his scowling face .

“Try one, and I’ll leave.” She holds up the basket.

“Never. I think you put crack in them. People are getting addicted.” He shakes his head violently. “They are actually coming in here asking me where they can get your muffins. I have a business to run. You’re trying to lure away my customers with your baked goods.”

“What’s all the ruckus about?” I ask him.

He heaves an exasperated sigh. “The ruckus is, Jasper made the mistake of showing his face in public. Half the people here want to murder Jasper for cheating on you with that New York fashion model. The other half want to save him.”

“Which half are you?” Brenda asks.

“The undecided half.”

“Not sure that’s a thing,” she muses, and goes behind the counter. She reaches under the counter and grabs an apron, tying it on.

“There she is!” Ruby points at me. She marches over to me. Edna’s by her side. “You were wronged, sister!” Edna tells me.

“Oh, God. This isn’t happening,” I murmur.

“He cheated on our Susie!” Edna says indignantly. “I say we run him out of town on a rail!”

Apparently she’s forgotten that we were bitter baking rivals just the other day.

“You know, you haven’t even given him a chance,” Mr. Hardcastle says. “Just like back in the old days. And yes, I know I was guilty of it too, back then. Have we learned nothing from that?”

“I will reluctantly concede he may be right,” Mr. Vickers agrees.

“Hey! Everyone who’s not here to place an order, get out!” Theodore yells. “I got a business to run!”

“Susie,” Lucas calls out. “Tell them I’m not cheating on you!”

“Of course he’s not cheating on her. I was there first,” an indignant voice rings out. Dear God, is that Pri-Annelise? It is. She’s pushing her way through the crowd, standing next to Lucas. Today she’s wearing a pink silk wraparound dress, which offers a generous display of her lovely bosom, and heels you could stab someone with. “He cheated on me, but I forgive him.

She blinks dramatically, widening her eyes. “Dorian told me how manipulative Susie is. That’s why I came to town—to save him.”

“Very manipulative,” Dorian agrees, nodding enthusiastically. Pri-Annelise tries to grab Lucas’s arm, and he shakes her off, giving her a look of disgust.

“Manipulative? Our Susie, manipulative?” Ruby huffs. “I’ll sock you right in the kisser!”

“You probably shouldn’t,” Brenda says, shaking her head. “The jail beds are very uncomfortable. Can I take your order? Anybody? Does anybody have an order?”

“Well, if you arrest me, you better let me bring my hemorrhoid pillow,” Ruby says to Officer Hernandez. “I got piles like you wouldn’t believe.”

He gives a full body shudder. “How about if you don’t punch anybody and I don’t arrest you?”

Ruby pretends to consider it, then shakes her head. “Nah.” And she socks Dorian right in the kisser. “I’ll show you manipulative!” she yells.

He draws his fist back to punch her, but Edna kicks him in the cojones and starts beating him with her purse. Is it wrong that I start laughing so hard that tears run out of my eyes?

Somehow the diner scene turns into a full-scale mini riot. Pri-Annelise slaps me, I pull out a chunk of her hair extension, and in very short order, chaos descends. Henry takes the opportunity to punch Lucas, Lucas punches him back, and Carmel mashes her muffin into Theodore’s face, which sounds way more obscene than it actually is .

It’s not until Officer Hernandez tear-gasses us that the fight finally breaks up.

He and Officer MacGregor march every last one of us down to the police station, coughing and streaming tears, where we wait hours while we are booked.

Lucas insists on paying everyone’s bail. It’s a good thing, because the town literally has one jail cell, and we would have been stacked on top of each other. And Ruby keeps talking about her hemorrhoid pillow.

It’s mid-afternoon before I’m finally free to walk back to Brenda’s house, where I spend the afternoon idly making sketches that would work beautifully for the Romeo and Juliet play’s scenic backdrops and ignoring Lucas’s angry knocks on the front door.