Chapter 26
It’s the final morning of the retreat and I’m ready to go home.
Although it’s lovely here, and I can’t fault Hugh and Cara’s hospitality, I need to get away from Gina and her death stares.
She hasn’t spoken a word to me since I stood up to her in the garden, but she positively oozes hostility every time we have to share a space.
I’m sure the fact that I’ve become more friendly with Suzie and Grace since their revelations the other morning hasn’t helped, but I’m frankly tired of her and whatever her problem with me is.
The good news is that Angus has kept his promise and hasn’t made any more attempts to persuade me to go back to him.
In fact, I’d go as far as to say we’re being very grown-up and amicable at the moment.
He’s sensibly decided that I’m not at risk of attack on my morning walks and left me to take them alone.
In theory, I was using the time to concentrate on the plot of my book, but the reality is that I spent them daydreaming about Finn.
My favourite fantasy is one where our kiss at the waterpark ends in the bedroom, and I have to say I have rather enjoyed the images.
The only downside is that my mind became so Finn focused that it fooled me into thinking I actually saw him a couple of times.
The first Finn doppelganger was thankfully unmasked before I made a fool of myself.
He looked just like Finn from the back, but the moment he turned to greet someone else, it was clear it wasn’t him.
The second time, I actually called out before I realised I was trying to get the attention of a total stranger.
That one did take a bit of unravelling, as it turned out my French was nowhere near good enough to explain to a confused local that I thought he was someone else.
After our usual delicious breakfast, I pack my bags, double and triple-checking that I haven’t left anything behind, before going to look for Cara so I can say goodbye.
‘Is everything all right?’ she asks me when I find her in the dining room.
‘Absolutely. I just wanted to thank you for looking after us all so well. I think I’ll have to stay away from the scales for a while.’
She beams. ‘Thank you. It’s been a real pleasure having you and I hope you found inspiration.’
‘I did. Who knows, I might even come back.’
‘Do. Can I ask you a question before you leave?’
‘Of course.’
‘Hugh and I have tried not to pry, but we’re naturally curious and can’t help ourselves. When you first arrived, you seemed to be getting on very well with Finn.’
‘Yes,’ I say, suddenly unsure where this is going or whether I’m going to like it.
‘And now you seem to be getting on well with Angus.’
‘He’s my ex,’ I tell her firmly.
‘He’s still keen on you though.’
‘I think we’ve ironed that out. Was there a question?’
‘More of an observation, now I come to think about it. I’ll admit I’m no relationship expert, although I flatter myself that I landed a good one with Hugh, but we both felt there was a spark between you and Finn that isn’t there with Angus.’
‘Angus and I are definitely in the past,’ I agree. ‘I’m not sure Finn felt the spark though.’
‘Oh, he did. He’s nuts about you, it’s obvious from the way he kept finding ways to be with you or sit next to you at mealtimes. You two were thick as thieves. I think he’s just a little shy and not sure how to make his move.’
‘He got spectacularly burned in his last relationship,’ I agree. ‘I think that makes him cautious.’
‘And you?’
‘Angus walked out. That’s a hard thing to come to terms with but, in a weird way, him flying out here to try to win me back has been cathartic.’
‘It’s helped you to see more clearly.’
‘Yes. He thinks he wants me, but he doesn’t really.
Part of him craves adventure, which is why I think he signed up for the cruise line, but he also likes stability.
If he could do his cruise job knowing that I was waiting patiently for him when he got home, that would be his dream scenario.
The only problem with that is I’m not prepared to be a part-time partner, and I’d always be worried that he’d just walk out again.
We were good for each other once, but now it’s time to move on. ’
She smiles. ‘Then you’re ready.’
‘For what?’
‘For Finn.’
I sigh. ‘I’m not sure it’s as simple as that, even if the old lady in town thinks it is.’
‘What old lady?’
‘I’ve met her a few times on my early-morning walks. She was convinced Finn and I were a dream couple, and she took against Angus the moment she set eyes on him.’
Cara laughs. ‘Madame Laurent. She’s a real local character. She fancies herself as the town matchmaker and, to be fair, her record is impeccable. If she thinks you and Finn are made for each other, I’d take that on board.’
‘No pressure, then.’
‘Look, all I’m saying is what we saw, and it seems Madame Laurent saw it too. Yes, Finn might need handling with kid gloves while he learns to trust again, but it seems everyone who’s observed the two of you feels the same.’
‘I don’t know. I’ve only just got myself back on track after Angus left. Maybe I’m better off as I am for now. Apart from anything else, I’m on a deadline and can’t get distracted until I finish this book.’
‘If you ask me, you’re already distracted. Can I give you a piece of advice?’
‘Can I stop you?’
‘No, probably not. If you do nothing, this will wither and you’ll always wonder whether you missed an opportunity. Find a way to meet up with him once you’re back. I think that will help you decide what to do next. Oh, and Laura?’
‘Yes?’
‘Bonne chance.’
The house is empty when I get home. Although that’s to be expected as Liv will be at work and Meg’s presumably at doggy daycare, I feel a pang of disappointment nonetheless.
I’ve been pondering Cara’s words for most of the journey, and I feel the need to talk to someone.
Although I ended up sitting next to Angus on the plane, he wisely kept his own counsel and didn’t try to make conversation all the way, like he normally would have.
He did tell me he’d secured another contract with the cruise line, leaving in a week or so, and he’s going to spend the time in between visiting his parents in Glasgow, which I’m sure they’ll enjoy.
He’s also agreed to pay the back rent on the storage unit and take it on going forwards, which I’m quite pleased about.
After unpacking and putting a load of washing on, I’m still feeling unsettled, so I decide to wander in the direction of Maison Olivia. The day is almost over, Liv should be packing up soon, and I’m definitely in need of her company.
‘Laura!’ she yells when I stick my head around the patisserie kitchen door. ‘Welcome home. I’d hug you only I’m covered in flour. What time did you get back?’
‘Not long ago.’
‘You’ve timed it perfectly. I’m just about to close up and go to collect Meg. I told her you were coming home this morning and she seemed pleased, although Donna tells me she’s absolutely loving her time at daycare. She’s the life and soul of the place, apparently.’
‘And how is the lovely Donna?’
‘You can find out yourself, when she comes over later.’
This draws me up short. I’ve been so focused on the situation with Angus and Finn that I haven’t really given any more thought to the prospect of playing gooseberry to Liv and Donna. Liv must be able to read my expression as she immediately moves to reassure me.
‘It’ll be fine,’ she says. ‘I’m not going to suddenly drop you like a hot brick just because I’m in a new relationship. Trust me.’
‘I just don’t want to get in the way. If you need me to start looking for somewhere else to live—’
‘Of course I don’t! I’ve really enjoyed having you living with me and the great thing about Donna is she isn’t needy or jealous, so she’s not going to get all funny if I want to spend the occasional evening just with you.
In fact, she wasn’t going to come round tonight, but I persuaded her because I want you two to get to know each other. Is that all right?’
I smile. ‘I should have known you’d be ahead of me on this. I’d love to meet Donna properly, especially as it sounds like she’s already a big part of your life.’
Liv grins. ‘Either that or I was just using her to keep me entertained while you were away. I guess we’ll find out this evening.’
‘I think the expression on your face when you talk about her makes it pretty obvious, Liv.’
‘It’s too early to say she’s the one, but…’
‘You’re hopeful. Wow, I’ve never seen you fall for someone this fast before.’
‘I know, but I can picture us five or ten years from now and it doesn’t frighten me. This is the first time that’s ever happened. With Trevor, even looking a week ahead used to terrify me. Thinking of which, what’s going on with you? Managed to unravel the tangle you found yourself in yet?’
As I begin to fill her in on everything that’s happened since we last spoke, it feels like a weight is lifting from my chest. She listens carefully when I tell her what Cara said and, although she doesn’t exactly come down on Cara’s side, she does agree that I need to make contact with Finn, even if it’s just to discover that he’s not interested, so I can close the door and move on.
‘I need an excuse though,’ I complain. ‘Otherwise it just looks weird.’
‘Simple. You’re just checking in to see if he’s heard anything from the TV people. Then you can tell him you’re home and see what happens.’
‘I guess that might work, although I’m pretty sure he’d have messaged me if he’d heard.’
‘Just do it. Remember the mantra?’
I sigh. ‘It’s always better to regret something you’ve done rather than something you haven’t.’
‘Exactly. Sometimes my own wisdom amazes me. Right, I’ve got to shut up shop. Are you coming to collect Meg with me? She’ll be delighted to see you.’
‘Of course.’
It’s a while before we’re ready to leave. Liv tidies and cleans the kitchen until everything is put away in its place, gleaming immaculately, while I help Bella tidy up the shop.
‘How are your elderly lovers?’ I ask her while we work.
‘Good,’ she enthuses. ‘They’re in here twice a week, regular as clockwork, and I think he’s staying over sometimes.’
‘Based on?’
‘He’s very particular about his appearance. Always clean-shaven with his clothes pressed just so. But he’s looked mildly dishevelled a couple of times recently. I think he’s got as far as staying over, but not as far as planning to stay over.’
‘I’m not following.’
‘Let’s assume he comes down the night before to take her out to dinner or whatever.
Planned sleepover would mean he’d bring an overnight bag with a change of clothes.
But that carries assumptions about the stage of their relationship that she’s perhaps not ready for.
So he comes, theoretically prepared to catch the last train home, only she always invites him to stay.
So it feels spontaneous even though they both know what’s going to happen, and it’s less pressure on her.
The downside is that he can’t bring overnight stuff, so he’s unshaven and a bit crumpled the next day.
I’m currently trying to work out if that’s part of her thing, that she prefers him a bit rough and ready. ’
‘Bloody hell, Bella. Are you sure you’re not reading more into this than there is?’
‘I might be, but it keeps me entertained.’
I smile at her. I did enjoy most of the retreat, despite Gina and her attitude, but it’s really nice to be home.