33. Hotaru
It’s nearing the end of the second period. Rangers lead the Blackhawks by one. They snagged that goal in the first minute of the first quarter.
It’s not enough for Hailey. Not nearly.
After the first, when the teams hit the locker rooms, she orchestrated the Rangers section in a cheer I’ve never sung despite having season tickets for the past five years. For her, though, I yell it from the top of my lungs. Arlo does too.
We’re a couple of beers in, and I’m feeling really damn good.
“One more round?” Arlo hollers over the roar of the crowd. He’s sitting on the aisle with Hailey smooshed between us whenever she actually sits. Which isn’t often.
“Sure. I can go,” I offer.
“I’ve got it.” He waves me off. “Make sure she doesn’t storm the ice.”
“I’ll try.” I laugh, imagining our little siren sunshine scaling the plexiglass, enraged at a bad call.
“Do you want anything?” Arlo hollers since Hailey obviously missed the first time he asked.
She grabs his jersey, eyes intent on the game. “Them to stop the puck!” She jerks him around. “Stop! The! Puck!”
The greater crowd roars as the Rangers goalie misses the shot by a fraction of an inch, allowing the puck through and the cherry to twirl.
“No!” Hailey screams, releasing Arlo and shaking her fist in the air.
“Bring her back something sweet,” I suggest.
He nods and slips away before she can rant at him.
One of the teams calls time-out, and Hailey collapses into the seat. Her cheeks are flushed. Her hair is wild. She looks thoroughly fucked and fucking gorgeous. She’s full of life and love…
She hasn’t shown me the tattoo yet, which is starting to kill me slowly. She says I’m not ready to see it, but I am.
I lean onto the armrest between us and pull her face to me.
Her lower lip pokes all the way out, and her brows furrow.
“You weren’t kidding about loving hockey.”
“I kinda hate it right now,” she huffs.
My laugh is thick and loud, and then I’m smashing my mouth to hers.
She opens for me immediately, teasing the tip of my tongue with hers. Somewhere behind us, a guy hoots. It feels good to kiss her in the open. We haven’t done it back home. I don’t exactly know why. None of us have said this…whatever it is…is a secret.
I pull back and find her wide gaze on me.
“I love you, Hailey.”
Her mouth falls open.
“Please, don’t feel like you have to reciprocate or say anything at all. I just…” I’m rambling. “You’re amazing. For Arlo, but for me too. To me, you’re the light and bright. At the same time, you allow me to free my dark side. It’s like we balance each other. I know this isn’t a permanent thing, but…”
I feel like I just got kicked in the chest, saying those last words out loud. They’ve been in my head for a long time, but saying them makes them real.
“It doesn’t diminish how I feel about you. Not at all. I just?—”
“Say it again,” Hailey whispers. I don’t hear it as much as read it on her lips.
“Which part?” I laugh uncomfortably.
Her eyes narrow. “You know.”
“I love you.”
Her lips form a breathtaking smile, and then she stands. Abruptly as fuck, she’s up, and a part of me panics. Then she moves closer to me. Really close between my legs.
The game has started back. For the first time, she seems oblivious to it.
She lifts her jersey and undershirt, revealing the ink and her perfect belly, the sway of her hips, and the newest addition to her skin.
Someone whistles. Several someones, actually, but I don’t give a shit. She’s whistle-worthy. Hell, she’s go-to-war-worthy.
My fingertips trace just outside the line of her newest creature.
“My pretty panther.” She cups the side of my face.
“You did this for…” My throat goes tight.
“For you, Hotaru.” She lifts my chin from the intricate fine-lined panther etched into her side, its claw over her heart just under her dragon. “I love you.” Her fingers graze my lips. “That is permanent.” She gestures to her tattoo, and then she points between us. “This is permanent too.”
I stand and wrap my arms around her thighs, bringing her up with me as I go, holding her high.
She’s beaming. Radiant. And fuck if I don’t want to put a baby in her. Right here. Right now.
Whew!
That thought makes me dizzy and hard.
I squeeze her tight and she giggles, plowing her fingers through my hair and hugging my head to her belly.
Arlo’s words from weeks ago when he told me he wanted me to fuck Hailey echo in my head.
If that happened, it wouldn’t be an accident. It would be a gift, and we would raise it as such.
Hailey and me…and you.
For the first time, I think it could be an actual possibility. Not right now, of course. But somewhere along the way.
I loosen my grip and slide her down my body until we’re face-to-face.
Then the doubt hits, even though I’m inked on her skin, still there’s doubt. She has Arlo, why in the world would she ever need me?
The trauma response makes my skin crawl. I’ve done the work to know my father’s desertion has more to do with him than it does me. Yet I wonder how I can be enough for her or Arlo when I wasn’t enough to my flesh and blood.
“You’re loyal and honest, brave and true.” She speaks as though she can hear my thoughts. “You take my darkness and make it all right.” Her tiny hands cup my face. “You love with everything you have, no matter what.”
She presses her lips to mine.
The logical part of my brain tells me I’m enough. The hopeful thing in my chest begs me to believe Hailey’s words. Her actions speak loud enough to tamp my doubt.
“I brought her Whoppers. But it looks like she found something better to cheer her up.” Arlo steps into our aisle and deposits a beer in his cup holder as we pull back.
“Kiss!” someone screams. Then another. Then the sea of people in our section scream for us to kiss.
Then I see us, me and Hailey on the Kiss Cam, showing on the jumbotron. Arlo is on the outskirts of the frame. That’s not right.
Without thought, I yank Arlo forward, spilling a bit of my beer on the ground, and press my lips to his and Hailey’s at the same time.
The stadium erupts.
Catcalls. Whistles. Hoots. Hollers. Some boos.
I don’t care about any of it. I only care about the two people whose lips are on mine. The two people who own my heart.