12. Chris

12

I was going insane.

That had to be the only explanation for what I was doing.

I was laying on my bed, staring at pictures on Seb’s social media. I was studying the little details of his face. I was memorizing the five o’clock shadow in one of his pictures and the way his eyes sparkled as he laughed at something off camera in another. I was mesmerized by a picture of him with his best friends, head plopped over on Eli’s shoulder with a shit eating grin on his face. I wanted to know what had been said to put that smile on his face.

I wanted to know what I had to say or do to earn that smile.

I was still scrolling when I heard the pounding on my door. I put my phone in my pocket and made my way through my apartment, stepping over a pile of dirty clothes that had migrated from their usual corner. The knocking got louder the longer it took me to answer.

I had no idea who wanted or needed to see me that badly.

I didn’t even know who I knew that wouldn’t text before they came over. My friends weren’t the type of people who showed up without notice. My brother might, but he wouldn’t try to break down my door.

I hadn’t even considered Seb.

I didn’t think it could be him until I opened the door and found him standing there with a weird look on his face. He looked scared.

My stomach sank. “Seb?”

“I like you.”

The words escaped his mouth in a jumbled rush like they were some kind of confession. I looked at him for a moment and then motioned him to come in. Once I closed the door, I gave him a moment to go on. He didn’t. “I’m confused.”

“I like you,” he repeated, the words coming out a little slower.

I thought that was a pre-established fact. We’d gone on a real date, not one that was put on for the benefit of my friends or his mother. We’d spent the night together, and then we’d spent the entire day with one another. I had lied to my friends about it being fake, because I wanted it to be real.

But he was biting his lower lip like he was nervous, like he’d just made some earth shattering announcement and I should be shocked. Maybe even horrified that an amazing guy liked me. He kept staring at me like he was waiting for something.

Did he not know? Had it not been obvious when I asked him on a real date that I had feelings for him?

Shit.

“Seb,” I breathed out, shaking my head.

His face turned bright red, and his hand caught the doorknob. “It’s okay. It’s—Forget it.”

I realized my mistake the moment he turned around. Luckily, I was still close enough to him to catch him. I caught him and pushed him against the wall, slamming my mouth onto his. He froze for a moment, and then his lips started to respond. His tongue punched into mine, and I pulled away panting.

“What—”

“I like you too,” I cut him off. “I thought that was fucking obvious.” He stared at me as if my confession was in a language he didn’t understand. “How did you not know that? I asked you on a date. I spent all day with you. There aren’t a lot of people I want to spend that much time with, especially not guys that I’m just sleeping with. I couldn’t tell my friends that it was fake, because I wanted it to be real.”

He cut me off with another kiss. It wasn’t as heated as the last one. It was as sweet as chocolate and warmed me like sunshine directly on my skin. When he pulled away, his forehead rested against mine and there was the hint of a smile on his lips. “Then let’s make it real. Officially,” he said, his breath a whisper against my lips.

“You mean that?”

“I mean that.” He pulled away and met my eyes. I’d never seen his face look as serious as it did in that moment. The fear in his eyes was completely gone, replaced by something warmer. Something I’d seen in those pictures I’d been looking at since I got home. It was a warmth and a comfort that I loved seeing there. “Christopher Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is Singh, will you do me the insane honor of being my boyfriend?”

“That is a very fancy way of asking me a question you already know the answer to,” I teased him. And just in case it wasn’t obvious to him, I nodded. “Yes, Seb. I’ll be your boyfriend.”

As if there was any other answer that I could give him. In the time we’d been faking our relationship, I’d gotten to know him. I’d gotten to know him, and I’d started to fall for him. How could I not?

He kissed me.

This kiss was hungry, lips bruising lips and his tongue slipping past the seam of my lips immediately. There was urgency to the kiss, but there was also an underlying sweetness that lingered on my lips. I smiled into the kiss, my arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer. I could feel his body responding already. Mine was too .

How could it not when my amazing boyfriend was pressing his body against me and kissing me like he was a starving man and I was a porterhouse? It was one of the hottest kisses of my life, and I was ready to rip his clothing off of his body.

Which… why shouldn’t I?

I tugged his shirt over his head. His arms lifted, and his shirt hit the floor moments later. It was followed closely by mine. Our lips crashed together again, like we couldn’t stand to not be kissing for a single second. I didn’t know how long we kissed before he pulled away. My eyes met his for a moment. His dark eyes were almost black; his pupils were that dilated with lust. His lips were swollen and shiny with saliva.

They felt like magnets, pulling me back to them.

He knelt down as I started to lean forward. My breath hitched in my throat as he dropped to his knees on my carpet. His hands were sure and confident as they reached for the button on my jeans and popped them open. I remembered the way his warm mouth had felt on me the last time we’d hooked up. I’d almost exploded the moment he’d touched me, but then I had just finished eating his ass.

Hopefully, I could hold off a little longer this time.

The moment his tongue slid up my shaft, I started to have my doubts. The doubts grew stronger as he pulled me into his mouth, his hand wrapped tightly around my shaft. He did something with his tongue that sent a jolt of pleasure racing down my spine. He was incredibly talented with his tongue, and the longer he was down there, the more he showed off that talent. My hands tangled in his hair as I held on for dear life. He took me for a wild ride, and I began moaning and thrusting into this throat.

Each time I moved, he took me further, his lips meeting his fist. When he groaned around my dick, the vibrations flowed through my entire body.

I could feel my orgasm starting to build. I didn’t want to get off that way.

I pushed him away lightly. When he looked up at me, I regretted pushing him away. He looked so fucking hot on his knees, a small line of dribble leaking from his swollen lips. He looked up at me through his long lashes, and I wasn’t sure that I’d ever seen anyone or anything as hot as him in that moment. It was even hotter than I’d imagined after that first kiss in my car. How the hell had I gotten so lucky to be able to call him mine?

“Everything okay?” he asked, his voice raspy.

Holy shit, that was hot.

“Yeah,” I assured him, offering a hand down to him. He took it, but he didn’t get up immediately. “I just don’t want to get off in your mouth. I want to fuck you.”

We’d only done it the once—that night after Goliath. I needed to know if it was as good as I remembered it being. After everything else we’d done, I had no doubts that it would be. There was no way that my memory could fabricate anything as good as the reality. Every single part of Seb had been better than I remembered so far, and I doubted that this would be any different.

I pulled Seb up. I didn’t drop his hand until we reached my bedroom. I watched as his eyes scanned over the mess of my room and grinned. “I’d say it only looks like this because I didn’t know you were coming over, but I don’t want to start our relationship off with a lie.” He raised an eyebrow at me and I laughed. Because our entire relationship had started with a lie. “A lie to each other,” I clarified.

He grinned a wild grin at me before he lunged at me, kissing me with so much force that I stumbled back on my bed. I pulled him down with me, savoring the way his laugh changed the flavor of our kiss.

We’d been in this position twice before. The first time had been spontaneous, fueled by lust. He’d been an unknown entity, someone I’d met at the club and wanted. The second one had felt different. Maybe it wasn’t as motivated by lust, but it was like the whipped cream on top of a perfect date. This time felt joyful. It felt amazing. He was laughing, and my cheeks hurt from how hard I was smiling.

I wasn’t sure that I’d ever felt giddy from hooking up with someone.

We kept kissing as we peeled off layers of our clothing until we were both naked on my dark green bedspread. He was just as gorgeous as I remembered. No, he was somehow more gorgeous than I remembered. Maybe because he wasn’t just a stranger I wanted. I knew him now. When he looked at me, his eyes were glistening with some combination of joy and lust that made me feel like I was glowing. The way his eyes moved down my bare chest made me feel like I was being set on fire.

He was the only thing that could extinguish that flame.

I reached over him to the small table by my bed and pulled out a condom and the small bottle of lube I kept there. His eyes tracked my every movement, and that sense of anticipation I’d felt with him before doubled. I couldn’t wait to feel him again, to be inside of him.

His legs spread, and I settled between them. “I am so into you,” I exhaled.

“Well, you will be,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. His joke was terrible, almost as terrible as that favorite quote he’d mentioned a few weeks before. He was so cheesy, and I hadn’t expected to like it as much as I did.

I opened the bottle of lube and drizzled a little over my fingers. Our eyes met as I began to stroke his shaft. The moment my hand touched him, he let out a shaky breath. Every stroke brought a new reaction from him, and I was hungry for more. I didn’t remember if he’d been this responsive the first night we’d been together. It was one of those details that had been lost to the months between us.

He whined a little when I pulled my hand away from him. The whine turned into a mewling sound of desperation as I traced my fingers over the sensitive skin under his balls, searching my way to his hole. I thumbed a small circle over his hole and tried to memorize the sound he made. I challenged myself to memorize every sound I pulled from him: the sharp inhale of breath when I first breached him, the low moan as I began to move my finger inside of him, the deep sound that went straight to my balls when I brushed against his prostate.

My catalog of sounds grew when I slipped a second finger inside of him. He started to fall apart the more I worked him open. Soon, I had three fingers inside of him, and he was pleading with me. It was hard to keep going, to keep taunting him when all I wanted to do was feel him wrapped around my cock. I somehow managed to keep teasing him. I wanted to drag it out, make it something that neither of us would ever forget.

“Please,” he begged again, his hips thrusting upward to fuck himself on my fingers. “Please baby.”

Baby.

I’d never been a big fan of pet names, but that one, coming from his lips, undid me.

I pulled my fingers out of him and grabbed the condom. I made quick work, tearing it open with my teeth and rolling it over my dick. Our eyes met as I lined myself up at his entrance. “You ready?” I whispered.

“More than ready,” he groaned. “Please, Chris.”

I missed him calling me baby.

I pushed inside of him slowly.

My memory had not done him justice. I pushed past the tight ring of muscle. I pushed into him slowly until my pelvis met his ass cheeks. The whole time, he made noises that sounded like the sweetest sin. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to keep myself from losing it immediately. He felt so fucking good. When he moved for the first time, a subtle shift of his hips, I groaned.

“Move,” he requested, doing that thing with his hips again.

How could I say no?

We began to move together. Every movement brought new waves of pleasure. I bent his knees back against his chest and draped my body over him. Our lips found each other, and our tempo slowed down. It moved from fucking to something different, something I’d only experienced a few times in my life.

It felt like making love.

My heart warmed as his hands wrapped around me. I’d never felt as close to anyone as I did him in that moment. I rested my forehead against his as I moved in and out of him, slowly and confidently. His lips muffled my moans. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, bodies combined as one. We moved in perfect synchrony, each seeking a pleasure we could only find in each other.

“Close,” I panted out. I reached between us and wrapped my hand around his dick.

“More,” he moaned as I began slow strokes in time with my thrusts.

I pulled away from the kiss and repositioned myself so I was kneeling between his legs, his knees up by my ears. I gave him what he wanted, fucking him harder. He was getting loud, so fucking loud, as I pounded inside of him. It only took a few more strokes before he exploded in my hand. His warm release splashed against my chest, and I kept fucking him through it.

The sounds he made.

The way his channel tightened around me.

“Fuuuuck,” I cried out as my hips sputtered and stars flooded my vision. I felt my orgasm wash over me. It felt like swan diving off of a cliff into a sea of ecstasy, and holy shit.

I wanted to stay in that moment forever, but unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. I pulled out of him and tied off the condom, tossing it into the small trash can by my bed. We curled up against one another. I didn’t care about his cum drying on my chest. I didn’t care about anything other than holding him, basking in that post sex glow.

What was it about Seb that made it so hard not to be touching him? Not to be with him?

We stayed there until he was ready to move again, and when we left the bed, it was only to the shower. We washed each other and fell back into my bed when it was over.

The last thought I had as I was falling asleep with him in my arms was that I never wanted to sleep alone again.

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