12. Juniper
I didn’t know what to say to Boone when I woke up the next morning. I didn’t know what to say while we both sat at the table eating breakfast. And I didn’t know what to say while he drove us to the store.
Thankfully, he didn’t try to talk to me and just let us sit in silence. I offered him a few soft smiles here and there, but that was the extent of our morning conversation.
When we got to the store, I focused on opening the registers, and Boone kept to himself as he went in and out of the back room gathering things to stock the shelves. Today we needed to go through the produce and get rid of anything that was expired. I was glad that he had a busy task ahead of him. It meant the chances of us needing to talk went down significantly.
It wasn’t that I thought he’d done anything wrong. In fact, it was the opposite. I felt embarrassed for how Kevin acted last night. I was embarrassed that I’d allowed Kevin to barge into my parents’ house like that. I felt embarrassed that I was standing next to the man Boone knew I was upset with. If I’d been stronger, Kevin wouldn’t have walked all over me.
Last night was just another representation of how weak I was, and Boone got a front-row seat to that show.
I wanted Boone to think I could take care of myself. But last night when Kevin stepped up to him like he was looking for a fight, Boone had studied me, and I could see in his gaze the understanding that I was never going to be able to walk away from Kevin. That had been hard to see. I wanted my family and friends—and Boone was rapidly becoming a friend—to have confidence that I could make the right choice.
After last night, I doubted Boone felt that way.
I sighed as I pushed the drawer back into the register after filling it with the starting cash. I grabbed a spray bottle and some paper towels from under the register and began cleaning the glass on the scanner and then moved to wipe down the belt.
Eight o’clock rolled around, so I grabbed the keys and hurried to the front to open the sliding doors.
There was a steady stream of people today, which I was grateful for. It helped keep my thoughts at bay. There was a moment there when the line for my register spilled into produce. I moved to page Boone, but he’d already come to open another register. Once we made our way through the customers, he closed his register, nodded at me, and headed back to produce.
I was sitting on Mom’s stool, reading a magazine, when he walked up to the register at noon. I hurriedly moved to stand, my head pumping as his gaze trained on me. Was this the time? Did he want to talk about Kevin?
“Hey, Boone,” I said so quickly that it came out as a squeak. I swallowed hard, frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get myself together.
He studied me for a moment before he tapped the conveyor belt for the register behind me. “Just wondering if you want me to take over so you can get some lunch.”
Lunch. Of course. What did I think he was here for? My cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but I just nodded, hoping he hadn’t noticed. “Yes. Of course.” I set the magazine down under the register. “Lunch would be great.”
He gave me a small smile as he moved to the side so I could get out. My shoulder brushed his chest, and for a moment, I thought I felt him tense. But when I finally found the courage to look at him, he seemed unfazed as he made his way into the register alcove.
I peeked over at him two more times as I hurried to Sal’s meat counter to grab a sandwich. Thankfully, Boone didn’t notice. He kept his gaze forward and focused on something else. When I brought back my lunch, which consisted of a sandwich, Doritos, and an apple, he rang me up in silence.
I thanked him, but he just nodded and leaned against Mom’s chair, not once meeting my gaze. Regret settled in the bottom of my stomach when I realized that I may have just ruined our friendship. Boone was here to support me, and I’d gone and ruined it all by inviting Kevin back into my life.
Somehow, my relationship with Kevin made Boone upset, and I hated that. Boone was the only person in this small town who knew about the baby. That shared secret endeared him to me, and if I’d upset him, I wanted to fix it.
I just didn’t know how.
I finished my food while watching some reels on my phone. My body was tense as if it remembered what happened yesterday and was anticipating it happening again today. I wouldn’t put it past Kevin to make showing up at lunchtime a habit. I just prayed he’d stay away. I wanted to make sure Boone and I were cool before Kevin came around again.
I grabbed my garbage and headed to the trash to dump it inside. I tucked my phone into my back pocket and made my way from the back room to the registers. Boone was helping a customer, and as I neared, I recognized her. It was the same woman from yesterday that had been flirting with him.
And from the way her body leaned toward his, she was back at it again today.
Anger boiled in my gut as I approached. Was this woman never going to take the hint? Before I came into view of Boone and the woman, I saw her reach across the credit card machine and hand Boone a small piece of paper. I froze. He took the note and tucked it into his front pocket. Her smile was way too big, which could only mean one thing—she’d just give him her number.
I don’t know why, but that thought made me want to vomit right there on the grocery store floor. Which was stupid. Boone was a free man. He could date whomever he wanted. Why was I so upset that he was exercising that freedom? At some point, Boone was going to leave. I knew that, though the thought left a hollow feeling in my stomach.
Just because my life was a tangled and matted mess and happiness felt out of my reach, that didn’t mean Boone should be stuck with me. If I were a true friend, I would be celebrating his relationship success. Whatever this weird angry feeling was, it needed to leave right now.
I was going to be happy for my friend even if I didn’t feel it.
So, I forced a smile and approached the register. “Lunch was great. Thanks for taking over, Boone.”
Boone snapped to attention, and his gaze whipped over to me. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Which was strange, but I just brushed it off.
“I’ll take over from here,” I said as I turned my attention to the woman Boone had been talking to. She was watching me with her eyebrow quirked like she was trying to figure out who I was.
I was more than happy to introduce myself. “I’m Juniper. My parents own this store,” I said as I reached out my hand.
“Meaghan,” she said, taking my hand.
“Nice to meet you, Meaghan.” I pulled my hand back. “Are you getting to know Boone?” I asked as I flicked my gaze over to him. Boone was staring at the counter, not meeting mine or Meaghan’s gaze.
“I am,” she said, her voice turning to sugar. My stomach churned.
“Are you new around here?” I asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in the store before yesterday.”
She nodded. “I just moved here from Michigan last week.” Her gaze drifted to Boone.
“Ah.” I leaned forward. “Well, welcome. I hope Harmony has been treating you well.”
Her gaze remained on Boone as she nodded. “It has.”
I glanced from Boone to Meaghan. “Well, is there anything I can help you with? Looks like Boone rang you up.” I was trying to be happy for my friend, but that didn’t mean I wanted to witness the start of their love story. I got the sinking suspicious that, to her, I was just the third wheel.
She flicked her gaze over to me. “Actually, I?—”
“There’s someone coming up, so if you’re done…” I nodded toward the sliding doors and gave her a wide smile.
She narrowed her eyes before she sighed and nodded. She wrapped her fingers around the shopping cart handle. “Call me, Boone,” she said before she started pushing her cart out of the way.
Boone just nodded. I peeked over at him to find that his gaze was still trained on the register. He looked like he’d done something wrong. I felt bad. He shouldn’t feel ashamed for seeing Meaghan.
Mrs. Wolf started unloading her groceries on the conveyor belt, and the sliding doors shut on Meaghan’s retreating frame. Boone turned to leave. I hated that I might miss my opportunity to tell him that I was happy for him, so I reached out and rested my hand on his forearm.
“Wait,” I whispered. My gaze was trained on his arm. His entire body had frozen in front of me. I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his. “Will you wait until I’m done with Mrs. Wolf? I…I want to talk to you about something.”
His gaze was dark and stormy, but he nodded. “Sure.”
“Thanks.” I held his gaze for a moment before I turned to ring up Mrs. Wolf’s 20 cans of cat food, meat, apples, and cat litter.
Once everything was paid for, Boone helped her load it into her cart. She gave us a shaking, “Thank you,” before she made her way out to the parking lot.
I was suddenly alone with Boone, and all the things that I wanted to say to him left my mind. He was studying me as if he were waiting for me to talk. I knew I should talk, I just didn’t know what to say.
“Thanks for helping me with Mrs. Wolf,” I said, feeling like a complete idiot. This wasn’t what Boone was waiting for. Why couldn’t I just say the right thing?
He frowned as he glanced toward the sliding doors. “Of course. My pleasure.”
I pinched my lips together as I nodded. I wanted to tell him that I was okay with him dating Meaghan without making it sound like he needed my permission. But I couldn’t figure out how to say it. I was going to melt under his gaze if I didn’t say something soon.
“Meaghan seems nice,” I finally blurted out.
Boone blinked a few times before he nodded. “She is nice.”
“She eats a lot.”
He drew his eyebrows together. “She does?”
What was I saying? I waved toward the store. “I mean, she came in here two days in a row. One can only deduce…” I needed to stop talking. Right. Now.
“Ah. She just moved into her apartment and realized she forgot to pick up aluminum foil yesterday. That’s why she came back today.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the register as he studied me.
I felt like an idiot. Why did I have to open my big mouth? If I had a lick of sense, I would bid Boone a happy lunch and turn around. I would stop trying to suss out how he felt about Meaghan and if he was seeing her.
I would let my friend find his happiness.
I wanted to, anyway. It must be my pregnancy, but all my sense left my head as soon as I saw how Meaghan was looking at Boone.
“Do you have a big date planned with Meaghan?” I asked as I leaned toward him. “I saw her give you her number.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that the confession made me sound more like a stalker than just a curious friend.
His eyes widened. “Um, she just gave it to me after she told me about her art show this weekend. She wanted me to go to it.”
“Oh.” Don’t ask. Don’t ask, Juniper. “Are you going to go?”
His gaze felt like it was boring a hole into me. I could tell he was trying to figure out my intention. “I guess it depends on you.”
My heart began to pound, and I felt my cheeks flush. “Me?” I whispered, surprised by my reaction.
He nodded. “I did promise your dad I’d watch over you while he was gone. If you need me here, I’ll be here.” His gaze intensified as if he wanted me to feel the weight of his words.
My first reaction was to tell him not to go. I wasn’t sure about Meaghan, but I knew she wasn’t right for him. I also knew it wasn’t my place to ask him to stay. I hated myself for not being happy for him. These feelings were confusing me, and I shouldn’t drag Boone down with me. If he wanted to go, he should go.
I scoffed and said, “I’ll be fine.” I forced a smile. “I’ll probably just stay home and eat pizza and watch reruns. You don’t need to be a part of that.” I waved my hand at him to show how much I didn’t need him around—even though I wanted him to stay.
He frowned. He was silent for a moment before he said, “You want me to go out with Meaghan?”
“Of course,” I said, probably a little too quickly. I cleared my throat. “You’re not going to live with us forever. Makes sense that you are finding a future.” Then I hurried to add, “Or just testing the waters.” I nodded. “It’s good for you. I’m happy for you.”
Those felt like the right words to say. I wanted him to know that I was supportive of his choices. He shouldn’t be waiting around my parents’ house. I knew he was new to town and probably needed a distraction. I wasn’t the best of company right now, with Kevin hiding around every corner. I wanted Boone to find some peace, and I knew my situation wouldn’t give that to him.
“So, you want me to go out on Saturday?” he asked.
“Of course.”
We stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. I could feel Boone staring at me as if he were trying to figure me out. I gave him a wide smile before I turned and logged him out of the register and logged myself back in.
Boone didn’t say anything as he walked past me. He didn’t say anything as he came back to ring up his lunch of crackers and cheese. And he didn’t say anything after lunch as he walked past the register and nodded at me to let me know that he was done.
His silence had my head whirling with thoughts as I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering if I’d said the wrong thing. Should I have told him that I needed him to stay? That I didn’t want him to go? That thought confused me.
By the time I signed out of my register so Jordan could sign in, I still had no answers. Boone had managed to avoid having any more conversations with me. The only acknowledgement I got from him was when my line got too long again and he opened the far register to help. All he sent my way were a few head nods before he disappeared to the back.
“Do you have fun plans for dinner?” Jordan asked me, drawing me from my thoughts.
I startled and turned to look at her. “Huh?”
Her eyes widened as she studied me. “Dinner. Tonight. Do you have fun plans?”
Dinner. Memories of Boone wanting to cook me dinner rushed into my mind, and suddenly, I had a plan. “I have to go,” I said as I hurried past Jordan.
I felt bad for leaving her there, sputtering at my retreat, but I needed to grab some ingredients if I was going to cook Boone dinner tonight. I had no plans to see Kevin—and I didn’t want to. Boone wasn’t going out with Meaghan until Saturday night. If I was going to fix the friendship that had blossomed between me and Boone, I needed to act.
I hurried through the aisle, grabbing stuff to make chicken Parmesan and spaghetti. Once my arms were full, I made my way to the register. I apologized to Jordan for leaving her so abruptly, but she just laughed and waved my apology off, saying she knew what it was like to have an ADHD moment. She was not offended.
I smiled and we engaged in small talk while she rang up my items. She asked me how my parents were doing, and I told her they must be busy because they hadn’t reached out to me other than a few texts letting me know that they’d landed, they were with Aunt Christi, and they had a sea of doctor’s appointments to take her to.
Jordan smiled and told me to wish them luck as she grabbed the receipt from the register and handed it to me. My hands were full, so I lifted my forefinger and thumb to take the receipt from her, and called a goodnight over my shoulder as I headed to the back.
I pushed through the swinging door to the back room and heard a “humph.” I yelped and stepped around the door to see Boone standing there, rubbing his arm.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” I stuttered, my face flushing with embarrassment. I moved to set the bags down only to have Boone raise his hands.
“It’s okay,” he said as he bent down to meet my gaze. “I shouldn’t be standing next to a swinging door.” His fingers grazed mine as he moved to take my bags from me. “Here, let me carry these.”
Electricity shot across my skin from the feeling of his skin brushing mine. My gaze snapped to his but he wasn’t looking at me. I felt the weight of the bags leave my fingers as he slipped the handles off my hooked fingers. All I could do was breathe a soft, “Thanks.”
He flicked his gaze down at me and nodded. “Of course.”
“I want to make you dinner,” tumbled from my lips.
His eyebrows went up.
“I mean, if that’s okay with you.”
He studied me before a soft smile spread across his lips. “It’s okay with me.”
My cheeks warmed as I whispered, “Great.”
He kept a few inches behind me as I walked through the back hallway to the exit. I went to push on the door release, but Boone leaned forward, beating me to it. My shoulder brushed his chest once more, but instead of pulling back, I glanced over to see him staring at me.
His gaze was dark and unreadable. My lips moved in my effort to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, the smell of his cologne surrounded me, pushing out all rational thought.
I’m not sure how long we stood there, staring at each other, but he was the first to break the silence.
“Let’s go,” he said, his voice low and throaty. He pushed hard on the door so it swung open and I was able to walk through. He caught the door before it closed on me, and I waited just outside for him to join me.
For some reason, I wanted to be close to him. With Boone, I felt safe. Confused. But safe. And I wasn’t ready to let that go.
Not tonight. And I had a sinking feeling, not tomorrow.