Harmony Island Gazette

14. Juniper

I dressed in a new pair of leggings and a soft, worn t-shirt. I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, brushing my wet hair and staring at my reflection as I went over what had just happened with Boone.

He’d spent the last hour taking care of me more than Kevin had ever taken care of me in the years we’d been together. Kevin would have never held my hair back while I puked. If I’d thrown up in my hair and had been too weak to stand in the shower, he would have just handed me some wipes and told me to take care of it.

But not Boone.

His actions had me all sorts of confused.

For a moment, I allowed myself to think that this was how a man took care of the woman he loved, but then I wiped that from my head with a quick shake. Boone was not my man, and he certainly wasn’t in love with me. He was just fulfilling his promise to my dad by taking care of me. That was all.

Still, I wanted to look nice in front of him, so I grabbed my mascara and swiped it across my lashes. Then I stared at myself, wondering if I was reading into things. I turned on the water and grabbed my makeup removing rag.

I studied my reflection in the mirror. I did look better with more pronounced lashes.

I flipped off the water. What did it hurt to want to look good? Unless he was the kind of guy who could tell when a woman was wearing makeup. Would he wonder why I was wearing it?

I turned the water back on.

Cursing myself, I turned the water off, squeezed the water out of my makeup rag, and set it next to the sink before flipping the bathroom light off and entering my bedroom. If I didn’t get out to the kitchen, Boone was going to start wondering what was taking me so long.

I fluffed my damp hair as I pulled open my bedroom door and padded out into the hallway. Boone was busy in the kitchen. The smells of basil and tomato wafted past my nose and my once queasy stomach was grumbling with anticipation.

I couldn’t fight a smile, so I gave up as I walked into the kitchen and found Boone standing near the stove. Steam was rising from various pots and pans in front of him. He had a pair of tongs in his hand and was busy flipping the breaded chicken.

“This smells divine,” I said as I made my way toward the stove and peered over his arm.

“Careful,” he said, using his free hand to stop me from getting too close. “This oil is popping tonight.”

I glanced down to see five breaded chicken breasts in the pan. The crust was perfectly browned and only made my mouth water more. “Is it almost done?” I asked, fearing I might eat this entire house if he told me no.

He chuckled. “Have a seat at the table and I’ll bring it as soon as I can.”

I pouted but nodded and obeyed. I sat down on the dining room chair and got lost in watching him move. He was something I’d never expected, and I wasn’t sure how to read him. He took care of his mom, but he was also a Navy SEAL. The man could cook in a way that would make Gordon Ramsey bow down, but he had a stare that said with one simple movement he could break your neck.

It was a strange combination, but Boone was slowly growing on me. It made me sad when I reminded myself that he was going to leave. Or date Ms. Meaghan.

I was a mess.

“Did your mom teach you how to cook?” I asked before my thoughts truly went wild and I wouldn’t be able to rein them in.

Boone glanced over his shoulder and shook his head. “Nah. Back when I was growing up, my meals consisted of boiled hotdogs and Hamburger Helper with no hamburger.” He lifted the pan of oil and chicken off the stove and set it on a trivet. He started pulling the chicken from the skillet and placing them on a plate layered with paper towels. “I actually learned from a buddy in the service. He taught me to cook while we were deployed and needed a distraction.”

There was so much to Boone’s life that I didn’t know. His mom. His time in the service. He was this complicated puzzle that I knew I should keep my fingers off of, but every part of me desired to see the final product.

“Do you miss it?” The question left my lips before I could stop it. I inwardly cursed as I pinched my lips to remind myself to keep my nose out of other people’s businesses. My mother would die if she knew how far I was prying into Boone’s life.

He paused, his gaze turning thoughtful before he glanced over at me and said, “Every day since I left.”

I wondered if I was supposed to respond, but as he continued, I sat back and listened.

“The service gave me something that I could never find at home. It gave me a family. It gave me a sense of belonging. And I was able to save people, unlike…”

His voice trailed off, and before I could stop myself, I whispered, “Your mom?”

His gaze slowly drifted over to me before he swallowed and nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered.

The harsh beep of the kitchen timer cut through the tension. Boone snapped to attention and finished pulling the chicken Parmesan from the pan and then turned back to the pots still simmering on the stove. Five minutes later, he had our plates full of spaghetti and chicken Parmesan slathered in red sauce that had my mouth watering.

He brought me my plate with a fork and then returned with a large glass of ice water. Once he was certain that I was taken care of, he made his way back to the counter, where he grabbed his full plate and joined me at the table.

I was so hungry that I didn”t notice the silence between us as we sat and ate. The food was almost as good as the scalp massage he had given me earlier. It wasn”t fair that he had such an advantage over me. I didn”t like being indebted to other people, even though I knew that he wouldn”t come to collect. I wanted our relationship to at least be fifty-fifty, though I didn”t know how that was going to happen.

My stomach was bursting by the time I finished, and I was grateful that I had put leggings on. I set my fork down next to my plate and stretched back with the hope to give my stomach just a little bit more room. But when I relaxed, my stomach felt just as smashed as it did before.

“I don”t know what I”m gonna do,” I said as I patted my stomach. “Someday soon it”s not going to be a food baby taking up all this space, but an actual baby.” My cheeks warmed as my words made their way back to my ears. Should I be embarrassed to talk about this with Boone? What was I saying? The man had already seen me throw up. It wasn”t like we had a lot of secrets between us anymore.

“Are you nervous about having a baby?” Boone asked. He was scooping up the last remnants of spaghetti on his plate with his fork.

“Nervous?” I asked more for myself than for him. “I don”t know.” I glanced over at him. “Does that make me a bad mom? Not knowing how I feel about the baby I”m carrying?” I could feel tears prick my eyes. I didn”t want to cry, but my hormones were already so out of whack that there was really no way to keep them in, even if I wanted to.

“I don”t think it”s possible for you to be a bad mom,” Boone said, his voice so low that it rumbled from his chest. “I think if you love your child, that”s all you need.”

He was pushing around some crumbs on the table with his fingertips, and I could tell he wanted to say something more. I remained quiet.

“My mom struggled, but I always knew she loved me. And I think she was a great mom.”

I reached across the table and rested my hand on top of his. “Of course she was a great mom,” I said. “She raised a good son.”

As those words left my lips, something changed in Boone. He pulled his hand back and straightened as if he had been poked by a hot iron. His gaze turned dark as he studied the table in front of him. “Don”t say that.” He had a bite to his tone that left me confused and wondering where I had gone wrong. “Please don”t ever say that again.”

Before I could ask him what I had said, or even apologize for having said the wrong thing, he was pushing his chair away from the table and gathering up the empty dishes. I was left sitting at the table, piecing through our conversation, while he busied himself with cleaning the dishes and loading the dishwasher.

I was so confused how this evening had gone south so fast. I complimented his mother. I complimented him. He had to know that he was a good guy. Right? He was a freaking Navy SEAL. The man had dedicated his life to saving others. How could he not see that he was an incredible person?

It couldn”t be that. I must”ve said something that I didn’t remember. Maybe if I gave him some time, he would come around. So, I decided to brush off his abrupt behavior and push out my chair. I joined him in the kitchen, where I grabbed a dish rag and rinsed it under the water that he had running for the dishes.

“You don”t have to do that,” Boone said as he approached the sink with the sauce pot.

“I think I do,” I said as I turned to face him head-on. The scales were tipped in his favor, but I was determined to bring them back in my direction. Or at least bring them to equilibrium.

“You cooked dinner, it”s my job to clean up,” I said, staring him down as if to threaten him to speak.

“You”re the one with the baby.”

“So that makes me incapable of helping out?” I don”t know if it was my frustration at the way he ended our conversation earlier or at his belief that I wasn’t capable of helping since I was carrying a child. But I was ready for a fight if that was what Boone wanted.

He stared at me with his lips parted, like he was trying to process what I just said to him. He brought his eyebrows together as he started to shake his head. “I don”t think you”re incapable of helping out. I think you are a very capable woman.”

It angered me that I couldn”t even get him to fight me. This man had to have a flaw. It had to be somewhere in there, and for the sake of my sanity, I needed to find out what it was. If I didn’t, I was scared that my feelings would continue to grow in the pit of my stomach. Every time I looked at him it would become unbearable. And when it came time to walk away, I wouldn’t have the strength to do it.

“You need to stop doing that,” I blurted out.

He frowned. “Doing what?”

“Being nice to me. Complimenting me. I know my dad asked you to take care of me and to help watch over his store, but I think you might be taking it a little bit too far.” I squared my gaze with his. “Especially if you”re not willing to let me return the favor.”

“Return the favor?” he asked.

He couldn’t possibly be this obtuse. “Earlier at the table, when I complimented you. You told me I had no idea what I was talking about.”

It must have been the pregnancy. I would have never spoken like this to Kevin. But Boone frustrated and angered me in a way that had my thoughts spilling from my lips before I could stop them. It was refreshing and scary at the same time. I kept my thoughts buried when I was around Kevin because I knew how he would feel if I spoke them out loud. But I didn”t know Boone. I didn”t know how he was going to take it.

He leaned forward, and my first thought was that he was going to hit me. My entire body tensed as I flung my arms up to protect my face. The dish rag I’d been holding flew across the kitchen and landed with a wet sound. I closed my eyes tight, waiting for the first blow.

“Juniper?” Boone”s voice was soft and near. “Why are you covering your face?” His voice broke like an emotional dam in his throat had ripped open.

I peeked over at him, and my entire heart felt as if it had been ripped from my chest. The expression on his face was one of horror as he stared at me. “I thought you were going to hit me,” I confessed.

Boone closed his eyes for a moment, and his jaw muscles tensed as he digested my words. Then he opened his eyes and met my gaze with a force that I had never seen in a man before. “I will make you a promise that I will never break.” He stepped closer. “I will never ever hurt you.”

And I believed him. I dropped my arms from my face and nodded. “Okay,” I whispered. “I trust you.”

He studied me for a moment longer to make sure I knew that he meant what he said, before he turned to pick up the dish rag I had thrown. He brought it over to the sink and set it down on the counter before he opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a new one. He stuck it under the faucet until it was drenched, and then he rang it out before handing it to me.

I took it and he stepped out of the way. I walked over to the table and began to wipe it down, unsure of where to go from here. There had been something in his gaze. A desperation. Like he needed me to know that he would never hurt me in that way. Suddenly, my thoughts went back to what he had said about his mother and how he used to clean her up as a child. I closed my eyes for a moment and shook my head with frustration. If I had been stronger, I wouldn”t have reacted that way.

If Kevin hadn”t broken me, I wouldn”t have thought Boone was going to hit me. All I felt was guilt and anger with myself.

“I”m so sorry,” I whispered.

I glanced over at Boone to see him turn his face in my direction. He was frowning like he was trying to follow my words, but couldn”t quite understand what I was trying to say.

“I said I was sorry,” I repeated.

“For what?”

“For thinking that you were going to treat me like Kevin treated me.” I stood there, my hand still holding the dishrag as it rested on the table.

Boone studied me for a moment before he turned off the water, dried his hands, and walked over to me. He was now standing inches away from me, his gaze intense.

“I”m a broken man, Juniper. There are things in my past that you don”t know. And I”m too scared to tell you because I”m worried how it will make you see me.”

I parted my lips to speak, but he just shook his head.

“But even in my brokenness, I want you to know that I know you are worth so much more than what Kevin ever gave you. And if a man ever hurts you again, all you have to do is call me, and I will be there to take care of it. You will never have to fear again.” He held my gaze as he let his last words linger in the air.

Electricity zapped between our bodies as he stared down at me. I knew what he was saying was true. I’d never been with a man so determined to make me feel safe. So determined to protect me. I was no one to Boone, and yet, he was offering to help me if and when I needed it.

Why wasn’t Kevin that way? The man who vowed to love me in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer.

For the first time in my life, I was getting a glimpse of how a man should treat me, and it was coming from a man who had been hired by my parents. I was confused and frustrated, but I knew one thing: I was never going to go back to Kevin if all he wanted was the status quo.

If Kevin wasn’t willing to step up, there was no future between us. Boone had set a new bar for men in my life, and I was never going to be the same again.