Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Dex
“Hey, Kendal. Play the video of Dex singing again.”
Jojo chirps this over her plate of fried chicken. It’s Monday night, two days after the storm, and we’re at family dinner. See also: My sisters have been tormenting me over this footage ever since Kendal shared the video in our group chat.
“Great idea.” Landry nods at the serving bowl next to my dad. “We can prop your phone against the mashed potatoes.”
“Haven’t we all seen that clip enough?” I grumble.
“Never,” Jo quips.
“The video’s on the group chat,” Kendal says. “You don’t need me to play it for you.”
“But we should watch it together, though, while Dexter’s with us.” Jo grins, extra chipper tonight. “We’re in the presence of greatness, and you’re the only one allowed to have her phone at the table.”
“Only because Tim’s home with the kids,” Kendal says.
Today Rowan came home so wiped out and cranky after preschool, Tim offered to stay home with her and Wally.
“Poor thing,” my mom says on a sigh.
“Which one?” Landry snorts. “Tim or Rowan?”
“Me,” Kendal says. “Being a mom is not for the faint of heart.”
“Well, don’t worry, Jo.” Landry flashes her a smirk. “Once we crank out a couple babies, we’ll get to have our phones at the table, too.”
“Whoa.” Jo fakes a gasp. “Is Brock aware of your plan to crank out babies? Is that why he’s not here tonight?”
Landry frowns. “Brock’s downtown volunteering with storm cleanup.”
“Oh.” Jo wrinkles her nose. “I was just joking, but now I feel like a jerk.”
“You said it,” Landry quips. “Not me.”
“Stop. I can’t take this anymore,” Kendal groans. She cues up the video and passes her phone down the table.
“Great.” I shake my head. “Is it too late for me to go eat with Rowan and Wally?”
Kendal grabs the salt and pepper. “Wally’s not on solids yet.”
My dad props the phone against the mashed potatoes, and my mom reaches over to press play on the video of me and the football team singing “Steal My Girl.”
“Everyone ready?” she asks.
I frown at my parents. “Traitors.”
“Sorry, son.” My dad scoots his chair around for a better view of the phone. “But I kinda want to see your face again, too.”
For the next few minutes, my beloved family proceeds to shovel food into their mouths, while also laughing and pointing at the screen as I trip over one of the members of the drill team. When we reach the part of the video where Sayla makes her final speech, though, everyone gets quiet. Focused.
Annnd, I know what’s coming.
“Can we stop now?” I grunt.
“But this is the best part,” Jo crows.
“There’s the face!” my dad aims his fork at the screen.
“That’s just my face,” I say.
“Yep. And you’re looking at Sayla all lovey-dovey and moony-eyed,” Landry snarks. “Wasn’t it just like two weeks ago you were claiming you weren’t into her?”
“Lies!” Jojo cheers.
“Totally,” Landry agrees.
“That was three weeks ago,” I mumble.
“You really do seem smitten with her,” Kendal says. “And I was there during the speech. Trust me. You looked even gooier in person.”
“Dad and I were there too,” my mother says.
“You did great, son,” my dad adds. “And let me tell you, there’s nothing wrong with appreciating your woman.”
My mother clucks. “I’m just so sorry about the theater, though. What a shame.”
“I’ll bet Dex is glad, though.” Landry sends me a knowing smile. “Because his girlfriend’s gonna get her renovation now.”
“Dex has a girlfriend,” Jo teases in a sing-song voice.
And I’m about to say something stupid like “what are you, ten years old?” but I slam my mouth shut.
Slipping into old juvenile habits around the table with my sisters is way too easy.
We start to act like dumb kids again. And anyway, Landry isn’t wrong.
I am glad Sayla’s going to get her theater rebuilt.
“Hey.” Landry kicks me under the table. “You aren’t protesting.”
“Nope.” I dig into the pile of potatoes on my plate.
Jo squawks. “Are you admitting you want Sayla to be your girlfriend?”
“Have you told her how you feel?” Landry asks.
I say nothing. Just shovel more potatoes in my mouth.
“Leave him alone,” Kendal says, reaching over to drop a drumstick on my plate. It’s like she can’t quite give up her motherly instincts even when her kids aren’t around.
“Son.” My dad clears his throat and makes pointed eye contact with me. “If you really like this woman, you need to tell her. I didn’t land your mother by keeping my feelings to myself.”
“Your father was very expressive about his feelings,” my mom pipes up. “Surprisingly expressive.”
“Umm … ewww,” Jo says. “I don’t want to think about Dad like that, thank you very much.”
“Your father and I are a happily married couple,” my mom adds. “Expressing our love is a natural part of—”
“Anyway,” I say, loudly, interrupting this dissection of my parents’ love life. “Can we talk about something else? Anything else?” I haven't been this uncomfortable since Bob told me about his and Hildy’s love nest.
“Let’s talk about the real issue here,” Landry says, and for once her voice isn’t laced with sarcasm. “You care about Sayla, and you’re afraid.”
“Afraid?” My mother squints at me like she’s confused. “Of what?”
“Of getting hurt,” Landry answers.
“I get it, Dex.” Kendal offers a gentle nod. “I was scared too.”
“Of Tim?” My dad scoffs. “He’s the least scary man on the planet.”
“Scared of getting my heart broken,” Kendal says, matter-of-factly. “I loved him so much, I knew he had the power to completely crush me.”
“Wow. Go, Tim,” Jo snickers, and we all cut her a look. “Okay. I’ll shut up now.”
“This dinner conversation sure took a turn,” I say, trying to keep things light.
“Where else can you talk about stuff like this?” Landry asks, still serious rather than snarky. “Home should be your safe space.”
I push out a laugh. “Is it, though?”
“All kidding aside,” Landry says, “I kind of hope so. Yes.”
Something shifts in my gut, and it’s not the fried chicken.
My family is offering me support now, and instead of pushing them away, I should probably let them in.
“Okay, you all may have a point,” I admit.
“It’s possible I’ve developed real feelings for Sayla that I don’t exactly know how to handle. ”
“Didn’t Dad have the birds and the bees talk with you a while ago?” Jo asks.
“Jo!” Landry tosses a roll at her. “That is not shutting up.”
“Girls,” my mother scolds. “Let your brother talk.”
“The thing is,” I begin again, “this has been the safe space in my life. Our family. And opening up to anyone else, letting Sayla get close, is … terrifying.” I steel myself for the real question holding me back. “What if I lose her?”
“You won’t lose her,” Kendal says. “If you need me to play that video again, I will. But in case you missed it, you weren’t the only one who looked smitten.” Her lips curve up. “That woman cares about you right back, Dex. A whole lot.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” I say. “But sometimes you lose someone anyway. Even when you care a whole lot. Even when you love them hard.” The table falls quiet and everybody stills, probably figuring out what I’m getting at.
Who I’m talking about.
My mom is the first one to break the silence.
“Love is messy, Dexter. There’s no doubt about that.
But I also know I was put here on this earth to be a part of that mess.
I love everyone in this family with my whole heart.
I made room for you in there. Found the space.
You all filled up a part of me that will never go away.
So there is no loss in the end. There’s only the faith that we’ll all be together again.
One way or another. That’s what I choose to believe, anyway. ”
“Mom.” Kendal blinks at her across the table.
“I believe that too,” Landry says.
“Me four,” Jo says, her voice catching.
My dad clears his throat, his way of agreeing with everyone else. My mother reaches for his hand, and for a moment, we’re all still. Then she says, “I love you all so much, but you people really are just one big mess.”
Around the table, we break into soft, broken laughter.
“And someone else better do the dishes when we’re done with dinner,” she adds.
“I’ll clean up, Maggie,” my dad says. “And the kids will help, won’t you, kids?”
Landry, Kendal, and Jo simultaneously respond with versions of yeah, yep, and yes, while I shove my chair back from the table.
“I’ll come back to help.” I push to a stand, dropping my napkin on the seat. “But there’s something I need to do first.”
My mom tips her chin. “Where are you going?”
“Ooh!” Jo claps her hands. “He’s gonna go talk to Sayla. Aren’t you, Dex?”
“Well. Would you look at that?” I say. “For once, Jehoshaphat might be right.”