Haunt Me (Heartbreaker Duet #2)

Eden’s Poetry

SMALLER

I felt myself growing smaller and smaller

Smaller than I was the day you stole me

Smaller than I was when you told me for the first time

That I was made of si n

Smaller than you made me feel every single day of every single year

Smaller than the minute I was born

I felt myself growing smaller

Smaller and smaller smaller and smaller

Until I didn’t exist.

I gathered my knees to my chest

Which was hollow

And I bent my forehead to the carpet

Which was bloodstained

Someone was screaming but I had made myself

Too small to hear

Someone was screaming but I had no idea

It was me

I folded into myself tighter and tighter

Tinier and tinier

But still I did not vanish

So I knew what I had to do:

I had to become smaller.

I felt myself growing smaller and smaller

Which was the next best thing

To not being there anymore

I felt myself growing further and further

From the mess on the floor

I knew it wasn’t good to feel this way

But this detachment was the only good thing I had felt

In a long time

So I felt it more until I felt less.

I replay the day in my head

Like footage from a documentary

(I still haven’t watched the one on TV

Just the one in my head, you know,

The real one)

And it’s always as if it’s happening to somebody else

The lies, the betrayal, the shouting

The starving, the bullying, the sinning

The shot that rang out in the ai r

And then I was free

And then I didn’t know what to do

I hadn’t been taught anything else to do except to

Become smaller and smaller.

Maybe this was the final test you would ever give me

Maybe I had to prove I had learned everything you had ever taught me

Maybe I had to show I knew how to become

Smaller and smaller

So smaller and smaller I became

(Even though you weren’t there anymore to make me

But I had learned my lesson well

After all these years)

And smaller and smaller

Until I was no longer there.

I am sad that my little nephew will never meet

The girl I was supposed to have become.

I am sad that the version of me the singer boy got

Was the haunted one, the ghost.

I am sad that every single person who meets me from now on

Will never meet the real me

The me that was supposed to be,

But instead will be stuck with the me you turned me into.

You took the little me and turned me small.

Of all the things you did to me

The worst was that you ignored me

You ignored me and ignored me and you didn’t do it on accident

You weren’t too busy too distracted too inexperienced

You ignored me until I became smaller

You ignored me to make me smaller

On purpose

And every time you ignored me

(Which was my whole life)

I kept diminishing

Extinguishin g

Vanishing

Disappearing

Smalling

Oh how you succeeded in stealing me

In ignoring me in starving me in eliminating me

In not touching me, in depriving me of everything, even air

In making me smaller.

And now I don’t know how to make myself unsmall again.