Chapter Six
Despite Avery’s reservations, I wasn’t lying when I told her tonight would be colder than before. I could sense it as night fell. The sweat coating my skin quickly became a straightjacket, encasing me with the bitter cold biting at my limbs. And with the blanket of darkness came another set of problems involving the lack of sight and the stirring of nocturnal creatures. It was time to stop, even if we desperately wanted to keep going.
Now I’m lying in that darkness, actively listening to the broken silence beyond the walls of the tent. Avery is facing away from me, curled in the sleeping bag with her back pressed against my front. She didn’t fight me this time. I know my admission has rattled her, but it’s better this way. At least she won’t keep trying to run off and jump into a random vehicle just to get away from me.
I slip into a light daze, my thoughts growing muffled. Avery’s hair tickles my nose, the curve of her back following the length of my torso. She has no right to feel this good after two days of being stranded in the middle of nowhere. I made a vow with my dick to behave tonight, but she isn’t helping.
My stomach rumbles, a hollow sound that can’t be filled with brioches and protein bars. We need real food. Even though we’ve been walking all day with exhaustion weighing us down more than the bottled water on my back, and we’ve covered a huge distance, it wasn’t quite far enough. Tomorrow. We’ll reach civilization tomorrow.
A soft whimper sounds within the tent. I suck in a breath, instantly on alert. It wasn’t Baxter, who’s quietly snoozing in his own sleeping bag in the corner. It sounds again, punctuated with shallow and erratic breathing. Avery’s body shudders, small tremors rolling through her frame as if she’s fighting something invisible. Shallow, uneven gasps slip through faint, broken whimpers. Her hands clutch at the sleeping bag, tightening and loosening in a rhythm that mirrors her jerky movements.
She shifts against me, her legs kicking slightly, as if trying to run but unable to get away. The barrier stopping her is my arm curled around her middle. She scratches at my skin, throwing her head back and forth.
“Avery?” I whisper, giving her a small shake. To push myself up, I have to withdraw my arm from beneath her head, and this makes her nightmare worse. “Avery,” I try again, leaning over her trembling frame, probably exactly like the monster of her nightmare is currently doing.
“I don’t…” Her lips mumbling, forming words I can’t quite hear but can feel. The look on her face, pinched and desperate, sends a shiver down my own spine.
“Avery, it’s Wyatt.”
“Wyatt,” she mutters, and her voice trembles. “I don’t want… I don’t want you.” Swallowing hard, I breathe against the sudden slice of pain that slams into me. Lowering my gaze, I absentmindedly stroke her damp hair.
“I know, Angel.” I continue to stroke her, trying to comfort her through the subconscious hell she’s been dragged into. No matter how many times she jostles or how many times she tells me she doesn’t want me, I don’t push away. I can handle the pain, just about. But it’s the weight of her distress that presses down on me. The drive to stop her from hurting that brings on the sharp, undeniable urge to pull her out of it, to make it stop.
“Avery, wake up.” I say roughly, a command she can’t deny. Her eyes fly open, wide and disoriented, as she sucks in a sharp breath. For a second, she looks like she doesn’t know where she is or who I am, but then her gaze locks on mine, and some of the panic ebbs away.
“Wyatt,” she whispers, her voice trembling. “What happened?” Everything taut and raging inside of me stalls, a frozen abyss while she’s looking at me like that. Not like the monster. Not her villain, but her hero. She’s quick to blink away the admiration, shutting down before me. It takes every shred of my control to not crash my lips against hers—anything to bring that look back. To rid myself of her rejection.
“Hey,” I say softly instead. “You’re okay. It was just a bad dream.”
Her breathing is still uneven, and she doesn’t move. Tension holds her jaw prisoner, her hands clutching the edge of the sleeping bag like it’s the only thing keeping her tethered. Her eyes are sunken, her skin too ashy. We must reach civilization tomorrow. There’s no other option.
“You want to talk about it?” I ask gently, even though I know she won’t. Avery’s not the type to open up unless you pry the truth from her. She shakes her head, confirming my suspicion. Instead, I lie back, wrestling with the pounding of my heart. There will be no sleeping for either of us now, but I can at least give Avery a distraction. Shift her focus onto something else.
“What do you see in the guys?” I ask casually, my voice even. I feel Avery’s interest pique, her head twisting upwards. After a beat, she rolls onto her back too, finding my arm beneath her head again.
“Why?” she probes. I smile in the dark. Avery is anything but easy, and damn if I don’t enjoy the fight.
“I’m just curious, that’s all. They’re just as fucked up and damaged as… Well, me. What attracted you to them?” There’s a double meaning somewhere within my words, one I didn’t intend, but I can’t take it back now. Avery exhales harshly through her nose.
“Well, for starters, they have never tried to scare me, harm me, or actively spent years pushing me away.”
“I’ve never tried to harm you,” I instantly bite back. My brows furrow as I quickly catalogue the past few months. Avery snorts a laugh.
“Oh yeah? What about the Fall Ball? You literally pressed a blade against my thigh.” I wince, scrunching my eyes and nose tightly. Swallowing, I toy with my response, wondering if she’ll even believe me.
“I’m fairly certain someone spiked my drink that night,” I answer in a small voice. One that causes Avery’s ears to strain for the rest of my confession. “I felt fine, although admittedly a bit pissed off, when I went outside. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in bed with flashes of what happened. Your body pressed against mine, the way you looked up at me, even when I felt the knife in my hand and you were pressing closer. You’re so…defiant.”
I struggle against those images now. How willing Avery was to take whatever pain I gave her, believing it’s what I desired. I’ve never wanted anything less, but the reaction of my body to that memory shames me. Those huge blue eyes dilated, consuming me whole. Her parted lips and flushed cheeks. She looked beyond beautiful that night anyway, but those few snippets I remember—she was exquisite. It led to many dreams of knife and blood play that I refuse to think about right now, with her heat pressed against me, lost in the woods.
“Anyways,” I clear my throat, “I felt fucking terrible, so I got those compression socks you needed. I’d overheard you talking about them on the phone. Do you know the kind of ads I still get after searching for ‘petite ballet compression socks near me’?” I finger quote in the air despite her not being able to see me. She can feel the shift in my bicep though. “Not to mention, I have to duck my head walking through the local high street now. The sales girl in the uniform store thinks we’re best friends.”
Avery stifles a tiny laugh. My chest explodes at the sound, yearning for more of it. For once, it’s not her hatred and her tears. Smiling to myself, I huff a short laugh, replaying that night in my mind.
“I watched you dance for a while in the studio. You get so lost in your head, you didn’t even notice I was there, and when you were stretching, I snuck the socks into your bag and got the fuck back home before anyone noticed. Then you came bursting into the frat house, telling me you’re being stalked, and I just… left it at that. It was easier that way.”
She’s quiet now, listening intently. Thinking too hard. Licking my lips, I wrestle for something else to add, just to fill the void of my heart bleeding out. Luckily, Avery beats me to it.
“I thought the piano guy was trying to kill me,” Avery breathes. It’s my turn to force my chuckle to stay down.
“Theo? Nah, he’s a nice guy. I was his partner in Business Studies last year.” It’s the truth; Theo is a nice guy, and it helps that he’s scared shitless of me. He’s been texting me updates of Avery’s movements and moods for months.
Although he completely left out the fact Avery had a male partner for the Winter showcase, which caught me by surprise while I was sitting in the audience. I don’t care that he is gay. He had fingers trailing all over her thighs and her ribs. He lifted her at one point, keeping her elevated by a hand on her crotch, and I saw red. Everything that followed in the dressing room had as much to do with removing his touch from Avery’s skin, as it did with punishing myself for being so jealous.
“Well, as it turned out, I was being stalked. Just not by you.” Avery sighs, shifting the mood. My heart slowly sinks, growing heavier by the second.
The way I handled Avery’s concerns was naive. I thought, since she was safe from me revealing myself, there was no need to fret. I brushed off her concerns and let the Souls pander to her every whim. But I was wrong. I should have looked a little closer and realised she was in danger earlier. Long before Hux was shot. But that would have meant getting closer to her, and I couldn’t afford to do that. I couldn’t let her uncover my secrets and discover just how much I craved her. How possessive I can be.
Now that’s all gone to shit.
“I miss home,” Avery murmurs into the dark, her voice cracking slightly.
“Me too,” I admit quietly, my voice rough with fatigue. “More than you know.” Instinctively, my arm tenses beneath her head, the desire to drag her close taking over. I manage to keep myself in check until Avery whispers, “Do it.”
I move before I’ve fully decided if it’s for the best. Draping my arm over my waist, my hand settles on the warm fabric of her T-shirt. Avery’s abdomen shifts, adjusting to my weight; I’m now wrapped around her lithe body. Avery will never understand how something so simple can steady the storm inside me, just a little.
Avery shifts, twisting her face into the crook of my neck. Her fingers brush over my chest, tentative and unsure. It’s dangerous territory we’re treading, whether through desperation for comfort or, dare I believe, that she might have forgiven me. Just a little bit. It’s more than I expected. More than I thought I’d ever get from her. I can take the sex—the mindblowing, incredible sex—while still keeping myself protected. This is different.
All bets are off now. I’m exposed. My feelings are known. And god, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken so much in one day. Not even to the Souls. They talk to me and around me, but I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. Keep the barrier up so no one can slip inside. Well, here comes Avery with her sledgehammer. My barrier is a pile of rubble now, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.
“So,” I play with my tongue between my teeth, “back to my earlier question. I truly want to know what you see in the Souls.” Avery lifts her head slightly, glimpsing my profile through the shadows. I can’t see her eyes, but I imagine them large and unblinking. “Humor me.”
“I just think they’re perfect.” She shrugs, lowering back down against my neck. A shift against my collarbone gives the impression of a small smile creeping onto her face. “Damaged, yes, but perfect still. Axel is so beautiful, inside and out. He’s precious, you know? You just want to protect him from the world, but you also need to give him the freedom to live.”
I close my eyes, inhaling against Avery’s hair. My chest swells at her description of Axel and how she sees him. Of how protective yet understanding she is of him. I don’t respond; I just listen.
“And he has to be like that, because only someone truly incredible could bring Garrett out of himself. Garrett is hilarious. Considering these past few months have probably been the worst of my life, they’ve also been the best. He makes me laugh, but he also challenges me to look deeper beneath the surface. People can shrug him off or think he’s just full of shit, but when I’m with Garrett… I just know everything is going to be okay.”
She’s right again. I’m floored by how perceptive Avery is, and I want to hear more.
“And Hux?”
“Huxley struck me as quite basic when I first met him. That stereotypical jock, maybe a bit shallow. He’s had a rough time, and I know he wouldn’t have been injured if it wasn’t for me bringing out family drama his way. But I’m glad I could be with him in his recovery. He’s so strong, yet so stubborn. He tries to battle his demons alone, but it’s the moments when he cracks and lets me help; that’s when I feel the most connected to him. We’ve built a bond through his struggles. His willingness to fight, and to fight for me, shows me what kind of man he really is. I’m indebted to him, but that’s not why I fell for him.”
A trickle of emotion rolls through my spine. I can’t name exactly what it is, but it’s a visceral reaction to the admiration in Avery’s voice. The depths of what she feels. Any pretence I had of her surface-level feelings has been shattered.
“And then there’s Dax,” Avery breathes, the smile evident in her voice. I don’t need to hear the rest; it’s evident in the way she speaks. In the way she sighs, “I love Dax.”
I don’t say anything; just adjust the sleeping bag around us and let the silence settle again. Her hand presses lightly against my chest, and for once, I don’t think about how awkward it is or how much I shouldn’t enjoy this moment. I just let her drift into a peaceful state, keeping watch over her in the dark. I toy with my final question for a while, unsure if I’m pushing my luck. If I really want the answer. In the end, my willingness for self-sabotage wins out.
“Dare I ask… what do you see in me?” Avery hums lightly, rousing to look up at my jaw. The movement presses her chest further into my side, the entire length of her touching some part of my body. I swallow and press forward, somewhat awkwardly. “You’re cuddling up to me, despite being here against your will. There must be a reason.”
The question lingers in the air, and for a moment, Avery doesn’t answer. Her breathing evens out, soft and steady against my neck, but I know she’s not asleep. I feel her body tense slightly, her fingers brushing absent patterns over my heart, and I wonder if she’s stalling or just doesn’t know how to frame her answer. Each second of silence feels like a weight pressing down on my chest, compressing my ribs until the quiet isn’t just uncomfortable; it’s unbearable. I regret asking, wanting to take it back.
"You really want me to answer that?" Avery asks, her voice low, almost fragile.
"Yeah," I lie, too far gone to leave it alone now. The answer can’t be good. I’m just the guy who’s trapped her here, a means to survive. The outsider. The interloper. The one who took her away from everything she cares about under the guise of protection. The Souls have her love, her trust, and her admiration.
I let the silence stretch between us again, suffocating and heavy, while Avery settles back against me. Her body fits perfectly against mine, but the space between us feels like a chasm. I clench my jaw, staring into the darkness. I have no right to be mad; I’ve done all of this to myself. But then she speaks, sending me into a spiral for the remainder of the night.
“Well… for some reason, even though I hate that I still believe it, I see potential in you, Wyatt. I can’t bring myself to think you’re beyond redeemable.”
I hold my jaw in a squared position, a numbness creeping through my face and spreading south. I might be having an epitome or a seizure, but I don’t let it show outwardly. She thinks I’m redeemable after everything I’ve done. After the hurt I’ve caused. I close my eyes, pushing the unfurling emotions aside with one single thought left in mind.
We must reach civilization tomorrow. For her, we have to.