Haunted by Secrets (Shadowed Souls #3)

Chapter Thirty Nine

My Dearest Avery,

You’ve probably already figured out that I never intended to take you with me. That the promises I made to you were false, and that I knew any chance of a future for us was a myth. We are victims. Brought together by fate and torn apart by circumstance. I take the blame for pushing you away yet pulling you close. For holding you to a standard that I wasn’t able to match. Among it all, something is blaring clear. We never stood a chance.

Through the years, I’ve penned hundreds of these letters, written thousands of words never meant to reach your eyes. But none of them matter more than the paper you now hold in your hands. I owe you so many apologies, and it’s long overdue that you received them.

I’m sorry for loving you. None of this would have happened if I hadn't. I could have stayed at the manor all these years; I could have been a protector and a companion to you. I could have spoken with Cathy more, understood her secrets, and prevented her death. I could have reasoned with Nixon on how best to keep both you and Meg safe. If it hadn’t been for avoiding these feelings I have never dealt with, everything would have been so much easier.

I’m sorry for all of the shit I’ve put you through, for the friendships I’ve severed, and for putting Meg at risk. It’s no consolation, but at least in the very end, I did try to put things right. I needed a plan that didn’t involve you putting yourself in danger. I had to know that you were strong enough to hold the Souls together. I’ve spent my time with each one of them, ensuring they are the best versions of themselves for you, just like you wanted. It’s the least you deserve after a life of neglect and heartache.

Lastly, I’m sorry for failing you this one last time. I looked into your big, beautiful eyes, knowing this is how it was always going to end. Whatever short time we had, I am a better man for it. I’ve learned not to hide from affection, not to shy away from the difficult feelings I’d usually suppress. I now understand the difference between love and sacrifice.

And I know I’ve lost all hopes of you loving me back.

Although I have no right to ask, and I know you will not listen, I beg you not to follow me. Stay with the Souls, give them the love they need. Take my place as their leader. You will do a much better job than I ever did. People depend on you now. Being reckless with your life will have an irreparable impact on everyone around you. There are many things in life that they can survive, but losing you is not one of them.

I will love you forever, so much that it hurts. I will hold you and the fragments of our relationship I allowed myself to enjoy in my heart. And I will do whatever it takes to bring Meg back to you. Consider it my parting gift.

Always yours,

Mr. XO.