Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
EMERY
If there was a heaven, this was all I wanted.
Eve cradled against me, her head on my shoulder. My arms wrapped around her, keeping her close.
We sat on the floor by the fireplace watching the little flames and the red embers. It didn’t take much to light using wood from one of the broken pews below. Already the room was a few degrees warmer, enough to make my Evee comfortable. I’d set a blanket down and pulled the curtain over the window so anyone passing by would think this place was still empty. Eve had her water and bowl of popcorn next to her and every time I saw her smile and look content, it made me feel like a giddy puppy. I think I pinched myself a dozen times already to make sure this was real.
I could stay like this forever. I wanted to. I wanted to freeze us in time just for a little while. And erase the ugly shit-filled past.
This was no beach but it was enough. More than enough.
Still, I was a greedy bastard and I wanted that too.
I had her back. She was mine and I knew I’d kill anyone who tried to separate us again. I wanted to kill those who took her from me, that rage still simmering like the fire before me.
No. I didn’t want to feel that anger again, that pain. I had to be better for my girl. If I wanted to keep her.
Eve laid quiet against me as we watched the fire. I could tell there was something on her mind, but I didn’t want to pry. I could imagine all the things she was thinking. But I didn’t want her to worry. Whatever it was, whatever that ghost in her head was saying, I'd make her better, I’d make her fears disappear. I’d do whatever I had to, to keep her smiling.
She’ll never recover. She’s broken like you, whispered my sister in the corner of the room. I had successfully ignored her for the time Eve and I had been together but I knew I couldn’t forever. Still, I knew she was fading slowly day by day. She knew it. She was trying to fight her way in my head, but I fought back.
She still looks nervous. She’s hiding something. And she won’t let you in . She laughed.
Leave it to Nina to get under my skin and ruin a good thing. Making me doubt.
I tightened my hold around Eve, tilting my head down to bite her shoulder. “You okay, sweetheart?” I said softly, needing that reassurance that Nina was wrong.
Her eyes shifted from the fire as she turned her head to look at me. I saw the worry in her eyes even as she smiled. Damn.
“I’m okay,” she said.
I could only wonder. And I had a feeling I might know.
“Are you worried about…this?” My hand trailed down to her stomach. Both of us had a hard time saying the P word, as if saying it was a bad word and saying it made it true. Even if we couldn’t know yet.
“You guessed it too?”
I thought over my words carefully and said, “When I learned what they were doing at Severfalls and that you were a part of it, it was hard not to put two and two together.”
She took a deep breath and turned back to the fire. “Yes. I’m worried about that. Among other things.”
“I should have taken better care. There’s no excuse, even being in the moment…”
“It was my decision too,” she said. “I don’t blame you.”
“Andrea can help,” I said reassuringly. “She can test and see. And I’ll be right there with you.”
She squeezed my arm. “I know I shouldn’t ignore it but…thinking about it reminds me of what they did. And I’m scared it’s true. I’m scared of so many things.”
“Like what? Talk to me.” I wanted to wipe away her every fear. If it was in my power to do so, I would.
She shifted in my arms, bowing her head. I could tell she was thinking it over and I let her be until she was ready. She finally said, “That we are going to get separated again.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I said firmly.
I felt her hand shaking on my arm. “I’m scared that…” She shook her head. “You’ll change your mind.”
I didn’t know what she meant. “Change my mind about what?” She shook her head, and I could feel her trembling. “Evee, it’s okay, you can tell me.”
“Do you still want that dream? The one we were trying to make happen? Do you still want it?”
“You mean disappearing to that sunny place? Then yes, I want it more than anything,” I said, without a doubt. “And when this is all over. When we make those fuckers who hurt us pay, we are going to finish what we started. We’ll find another boat, or a car, or I’ll hijack a damn plane to get us there.”
“No matter what?”
I tensed. “Nothing will change that.”
She was doubting. And I wondered how much of that was because of my doppelganger in her mind. I wished I could hop inside of her head and beat the shit out of him, quieting him for good.
He was scaring my Evee, and he needed to pay.
I laughed a little at how crazy that was, and Eve gave me a funny look. I cleared my throat.
“Your demons are still there too,” she said, studying me. “How much does it take you to fight them?”
I locked my gaze with hers. “The smiling woman and Nina…are one and the same now.”
Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting that response. “That must be awful. Does it make things worse now…that she…”
I shook my head. “Sometimes. But I’m fighting her day by day.”
That seemed to relax her, if only a little. “How did you keep yourself from breaking completely?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. But I know when you came to me, tried to help me at St. Agnes, it was the first time I wanted to try to be better.”
She curled closer to me, her body pressing against mine. Closing her eyes, she turned her head and buried her face in the curve of my neck. “I hope…I can get better too.”
“You will, sweetheart. We’ll crawl out of the dark if we have to until we're playing in the sun. And we can forget.”
She hummed and, before I knew it, she fell asleep. I imagined we were outside of time and space where the bad shit could never find us. Where we were safe and free.