Chapter Nineteen
Halloween
The club’s annual Halloween party is in full swing. Everyone’s here, even a few people that shouldn’t be, including Hyde, who’s sitting in the corner throwing back beers like he’s not number one on our hit list.
“How you doing, Phantom?” Drac asks, sliding into the chair next to him.
Phantom grasps at his chest, his voice tight and a bit wheezy. “Better. Still healing though.”
Drac nods. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, but that’s not what I was referring to, Brother.”
Phantom takes a swig from his beer; his eyes lost in a hundred-yard stare that can’t be broken—the kind where you’re lost deep in a thought you can’t run away from.
“Horrible, actually. I’ve called her every damn day, and she refuses to answer my calls. Does it get any easier?”
Drac smirks. “The longing?”
“Yeah, man. It feels like my fucking soul has been ripped away and trampled on. What I did to her… God, I fucking can’t take that back. I don’t even know how to explain how it happened; it just did.”
“And you swear it was Eve who did it?”
He nods. “I know it was her. I saw her face for the briefest second, the same face that came through to tell me about the bomb in the house. She’s my savior and my demon all at the same time.”
My heart, if it was still beating, clenches, his words more powerful than he could ever understand.
“Falling in love isn’t easy, Phantom.”
“That’s the scary part, Drac. I didn’t even know what true love was until Autumn came into my life.
I loved Eve, but not like I do Autumn. I don’t fucking long for Eve like I do Autumn.
It’s fucking crazy. I only met the girl a month ago, and she’s already devastated me to the point of wanting to eat a bullet. ”
“Please don’t do that,” Drac begs. “We already lost one brother to that; I can’t lose another.
“I won’t, Prez. I promise. I’m just so lost without her. I know Eve’s probably fuming over there because she’s hearing this, but I love Autumn, probably more than I ever did her.”
A tear escapes down my cheek just as Damien comes up behind me, placing a comforting arm around my shoulder.
“He doesn’t mean it, Dollface.”
“Yes, he does!” I yell, but instead of getting angry, I bury my face in his chest, allowing his cut to wrap around me like a comfort blanket. “He hates me now. I saved his life and he still fucking hates me.”
Autumn picks that moment to enter the clubhouse, dressed in a sexy little angel costume that has the men drooling.
Her eyes dart around the building, then stop on Phantom, tears already misting in her eyes.
Amber is with her, along with her son, who excitedly runs towards his dad, throwing himself in his arms. “Hi, Daddy!”
The way Drac holds him is endearing, he loves that damn kid, you can see it in the way his eyes light up the longer he hugs him.
“I thought you didn’t want him around the clubhouse?” Drac questions, giving Amber a deep kiss when she and Autumn stop at the table.
“He wanted to show you his costume.”
“Show me your costume, buddy.”
He places Giovanni down, then the kid poses, showing off his little leather jacket and his long-clawed gloves.
He’s wearing a red and green striped shirt beneath, and a black fedora on his head.
There are a couple of fake bruises on his cheeks, and he grins.
“I’m an Elm Street Rider, just like you, Daddy.
Mommy says that the scary guy was the first Elm Street Rider, but I made her get me the leather jacket too. ”
Drac chuckles. “You look amazing. My little Giovanni Krueger.”
“Hey, isn’t that what you call my grandpa?”
Drac nods. “It is. That was his nickname.”
Giovanni beams. “Mommy, did you hear that? I got the same name as Grandpa Krueger.”
“We’re gonna go out trick-or-treating for a bit. I just wanted to bring him by before we head out.”
Drac grins. “You sure you don’t want to stick around? I could take advantage of that little devil costume you’re wearing.”
She giggles when he tickles her side. “Maybe later. You have fun here with your club.” She gives Phantom a painful smile. “I hope you’re feeling better, Phantom.”
Autumn doesn’t say a word, just blinks at him, shifting uncomfortably.
“You could do something good here, Eve,” Krueger encourages.
She’s vulnerable right now. Halloween weakens her too. It’s enough to leave the door cracked enough for me to speak to her.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hating the way Blake’s looking at her.
She hears me. I can see it in the way her eyes widen, but she doesn’t acknowledge me.
“He would’ve never hurt you like that if it wasn’t for me.”
Her hand awkwardly covers her throat, a faded mark still lingering. That night still haunts her, much like it does him.
“He’s lost without you,” I continue, even though each word is painful and damaging.
“Let him be lost,” she whispers, so I can hear her.
“Autumn, please. I’ve never seen him like this before. He needs you in his life. You…” The words stall in my throat, burning my esophagus like I just drank battery acid. “You’re his person.”
Her eyes widen, and her gaze slowly moves to him, who hasn’t stopped looking at her since she entered the room.
“I can’t, Eve. Not after what you showed me.”
“What I showed you was a memory, Autumn. What he has with you… fuck… he never fucking had that with me.” The words fucking sting, much like the tears in my eyes.
“Please, you gotta forgive him. He loves you.”
That’s when everything in me crumbles, and if it weren’t for Damien standing right there next to me, I would’ve fallen through the floor and buried myself.
“I got you, Dollface. I won’t let you fall.”
“I can’t,” Autumn whispers. “I just can’t.”
She turns to flee, but Phantom’s already on his feet, grasping her hand until she pauses mid-step, lip trembling.
“Can we talk?” he asks, hoping for something I’m not sure she can give.
She blinks, shooting a look at Amber, who only smiles encouragingly. “We can wait a few minutes. It’s okay.”
Autumn reluctantly allows Phantom to take her hand, leading her toward his bedroom.
Trying to be a good ghost, I stay where I am, but the second they turn the corner, I’m flung in their direction, our cable still tethered and tied.
She stops a few inches from his bed and frowns. “What do you want, Phantom?”
“Stop being nervous, you dummy. Just tell her what she needs to hear.”
Autumn smirks just a little. She heard me loud and clear, but she’s waiting for him to speak.
“I want you,” he whispers, his eyes slowly lifting to meet hers.
“I know it sounds crazy, but in this short amount of time that I’ve met you, I’ve grown very fond of you.
Too fond. And it’s made me realize that everything I had in the past, what I thought was real even though it was chaotic and toxic, was nothing compared to what you and I have with each other. ”
She hugs herself as he takes a step forward.
“That first time I kissed you, I felt it in my bones.” He moves close enough to feather his fingers in her curls.
“And the first time I saw your face, I melted like soft chocolate over an open flame. There’s something about you, Autumn, that I can’t run away from.
Something raw and real. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and as much as it scares me to say it out loud, I don’t want to fucking lose it or you. ”
She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I feel it too. But that night, you scared me, Blake. Who you were with her…”
“Was unhealthy. It should’ve never leeched through to you. I already told her how much I hate her for it, but I know she’s still here—still hanging on.”
Autumn nods. “She is. But she’s keeping her distance.”
“Good, the more distance she gives me. The better.”
Another painful word. Another invisible tear he can’t see. The tether is unraveling, and the closer he gets to her, the further he gets away from me.
“She’s breaking apart right now,” Autumn whispers. “She can feel you detaching from her.”
Blake sighs. “I was detaching from her long before you ever came around, Autumn, she was just too stubborn to see it.”
He’s right. I was too stubborn to see it. But I see it now, through the frayed edges of a string that barely keeps us together.
“She needs to let me go,” he breathes. “So she can move on. So we can move on.”
He kisses her lips, and she melts against him, her little angel wings crinkling as he pulls her close.
“I’ll do anything to prove how much you mean to me, Autumn. Even help you get rid of Eve.”
A sob clogs my throat, the world spinning around me until I feel off kilter and disoriented.
“She has to want to leave on her own, Blake. Forcing her out will only cause her to spiral again.”
He presses his forehead against hers. “I know, but I never want her to come between us like that again. The next time I have you, I just want it to be me and you.”
She sniffs, tears breaking over her eyes like tiny currents.
“I want that too, more than you’ll ever know.”
He nods once, then huskily whispers, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Autumn.
We can take things slow. We can do this right.
I know after what happened, we’ll have to wait a while before it can happen again, but I’ll wait for you.
Even if this angel costume brings me to my goddamn knees. ”
She smirks, kissing his lips until his tongue is invited in.
She only breaks it long enough for her gaze to darken, and say, “If you think I don’t want you right now, Blake, then you haven’t gotten to know me very well.
I’m mainly worried about Eve. I don’t think she’s doing well right now. I feel her weakening.”
He frowns. “And I hate that for her, but I’m tired of her ruining this for me. She needs to move on. She needs to let me go,” he murmurs, kissing her neck as his words roll over me like a Big Wheel.
My soul shifts. Our tether barely hanging on by a thread.
He moves her towards the bed, gently taking off her wings so he can lay her on top of it. Then he’s shucking off his cut and shirt, pressing his chest against hers as he moves over the top of her, and his hands begin to explore every inch of bare skin she has.
My heart breaks the more I watch them together. I can’t keep doing this to myself. Standing here like a loser, watching them fall in love while he forgets my existence.
Normal Eve would’ve intervened, but this time she’s too vulnerable and weak to fight. So, I do something I know I’ll regret later. I call for him.
“Damien, I need you.”
He’s there before I have the chance to blink, glancing from my face covered in invisible tears to the couple on the bed, losing themselves in each other.
He frowns, instantly moving forward. “Don’t watch, Dollface.
” His arms come around me, holding me close, my tears soaking into his cut as her moans fill the room.
He covers my ears so I can’t hear them, then kisses me hard.
I know it’s wrong to accept the kiss, but I can’t help myself.
I need him right now. I need him to distract me.
“I’m losing it, Damien. I don’t know how much longer I can do this without crumbling.”
He shushes me. “I know, Dollface. Come on. You shouldn’t be in here.”
He pulls me out of the room seconds before Phantom slides into her the first time without me intervening. A first thrust that hits my soul like poison. I crumple to the floor, unable to breathe, even though I stopped breathing months ago.
But this is the closest to a panic attack a ghost can get.
“It’s okay,” he says, doing his best to soothe me.
“I’m never going to get him back, am I? I’m just going to stop existing, and he’s going to forget me. I’ll be forced to wander this earth like the girl in 45B, never remembering why I’m here.”
His fingers curl into my hair. “Then maybe it’s time to let go, Eve? Allow him to find the peace he could never find with you.”
The words slice me open, and a howling wail escapes my lips, one so loud, that a club member sticks his head out the door, shivering when he sees no one in the hallway.
Damien takes a step back, suddenly afraid. “Um, Dollface. You just wailed, and he heard you.”
My eyes blink back a few tears. “And?”
“And it means you’re getting stronger, just like Krueger predicted.” His gaze shoots over to the dark corner where one of the Dark Ones studies us.
“I’m just broken, Damien. Phantom’s broken me.”
My spirit flickers a few times before settling. “All I wanted was for Phantom to love me.” My arms tighten around myself. “But now I’m starting to wonder if he ever really did. He never looked at me the way he does her. It’s different… it’s…”
“Love…” Damien finishes.
Nodding, I hide my head in my knees, letting out another muffled sob, one that echoes off the walls. “I’m losing him, Damien. I can feel it. The farther he pulls away, the weaker I get. I didn’t even have it in me to throw anything at them. I’m just too weak.”
He drops down to his knees, covering my ears when their cries of passion filter out through the space beneath his door, killing me more.
“Don’t listen, Dollface. I got you. I got you.”
And he does. Damien sits there holding my ears for a good hour, just letting me cry, my sobs manifesting so the livings can hear them.
He doesn’t chastise me for being emotional, or tell me it’s wrong. He just helps me work through it, keeping me grounded even though I’m spiraling and I can feel the Dark Ones lurking.
And for the first time since my death, I just let myself cry, realizing for the first time that I’ve grown closer to Damien and am falling further away from Phantom.