Havoc’s Path (Sweet Chaos #2)

On The Bed

Greer

My hands shake as I try to open the box. I’m only going to be disappointed. After eight years and hundreds of tests, I’ve never gotten one positive.

Accept the impossible. You’re never going to get pregnant. This is your last round of IVF.

The last round. I sink to the ground in front of my bathroom cabinet.

For eight years, it’s been an endless circle of hope, hormonal peaks and crashes, and disappointments.

You can’t get pregnant. This is a complete waste of time and emotional distress.

Darrel has finally accepted it. He’s the one who said we’re done. Why can’t I let it go?

Because Darrel only ever asked for a son from me. He gave me the world…The very first home I’ve ever had. Safety. Security. Unending support and love.

Why am I so broken? Women have babies all the time.

What’s wrong with me?

Just get it over with. Take the last test, then move on.

Pee on the stick…

This is it. Our lives change forever in two minutes. Darrel will never be a father. I will have failed him forever.

It’s okay. We’ll have each other.

He told me that’s all that matters…but his eyes, they showed his pain. The loss he’s feeling because of my failure.

Why?

Why me?

Women get pregnant all the time, so many of them don’t even want a baby, and I want one so badly.

Why does two minutes take so long?

These are always the worst two of my life. They’re worse than my entire childhood combined. At least I had my best friends once I hit middle school.

They will forever be my friends. Winnie offered to carry our baby…

Darrel hates Winnie, and Winnie hates Darrel. The two haven’t ever bothered to try to pretend to be civil. They can tolerate each other for short periods of time in large groups.

How can I ask Winnie to have our baby?

But she’s our only chance of having a baby of our own…sort of.

Why is my body failing me?

The timer goes off, echoing through the bathroom. Until it rang, the only sound was my tears dropping on the marble floor. I need to move. I need to look, but every part of me is paralyzed with fear.

Knowing will crush me.

As long as I don’t look, there’s hope…false hope and pipe dreams.

Never in my life have I felt like such a coward, yet I know absolutely that this entire journey has shown me just how strong I am.

Get it over and done with and start the next part of your life.

I can’t do it.

Not alone.

The whole point of taking the test was to spare Darrel the anguish of seeing another failure.

Winnie…I can call Winnie. She’ll support but won’t let me hide from the answer.

She picks up on the first ring. “Hey, G. What’s up?”

“I’m crying on the bathroom floor.”

“He hit you. I knew that creep was going to hit you eventually. I’ll be there in twenty. Your building has a helicopter landing pad, right? If it doesn’t, it’s about to.”

What? “No, Darrel didn’t hit me.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“I took a test.”

“Oh, G. You knew it would be negative. That’s why I went in for testing to be your surrogate.”

We all know. “I’m too afraid to look at it. This is the last one I’ll ever take.”

“G.”

“Why can’t I accept that it’s over?”

“Because we naturally reject change. And this will be a big one. You’ve been fighting so hard for so long.”

“I just really wanted to give Darrel his baby.” My hands shake even though the floors are heated.

Winnie takes a deep breath. “I’m going to let that one go for right now because of how stressed you are. How long have you been sitting there?”

Too long. I glance down at my phone. “Thirty minutes.”

“Oh, G. Do you want me to come there and sit with you?”

Yes. “No. I want you to help me get up the strength to look.”

Winnie laughs. “You’re the strongest woman I know. All you need is someone to be there to support you. So either way, I’m there for you. Go ahead and look. Are you doing diapers in nine months? Or are you going with me to OB. appointments?”

How did she know what to say? I pick up the test.

No. It slips from my fingers, clattering on the floor.

“G, are you okay?”

Words…I can’t. Instead, I aim the camera at the fallen test.

“Whoa.”

Exactly.

“Maybe it’s wrong. You should take another one.”

Another one…There are six sitting on my counter. One by one, I lift them up to the phone and drop them all on the floor.

“How are you?”

In shock. Complete and utter shock.

“Okay then. I’ll give you a second to process that. But it’s as conclusive as you can get without a blood test or an ultrasound. Would you like me to call my family doctor? He’s on retainer, so he could be there within the hour.”

“I’m not imagining things, am I? Because I’ve dreamed of seeing that so many times, I’m sure it isn’t real.” This is just a horrible nightmare that I’m going to wake up screaming from.

“You’re not dreaming.”

It has to be a dream. “Winnie, it can’t be.”

“But it is. Are we happy about this or are we sad?”

How do I feel? “I don’t know.”

“That’s a valid feeling. You’ve been through a lot.

Take a moment to just let yourself process everything.

If you want, I can come over, and we can have lunch.

Talking about it might help…or we can talk about everything else.

Like our upcoming trip.” Winnie babbles on for a while. She isn’t one to babble.

This is her trying to give me a chance to calm down. “I’m not ready to tell everyone else yet.”

“That’s fine. We can keep it quiet until you’re ready.”

Winnie will bring a secret with her to her grave. “How’s your sister?”

“Amazing. I’m going to visit her for a few weeks right after our group trip.”

Winnie’s taking two vacations? “How are you going to handle not working for that long?”

“Who said anything about not working? I’m going to work remotely. My staff can keep the day-to-day going without me micromanaging them.” That’s so Winnie. We have to pry her away from her computer during every trip.

“Greer, are you in there?” Darrel shouts.

“He’s home. What do I do?” I whisper into the phone.

“What do you want to do?” Winnie asks.

Sit here on the floor for a few more hours…maybe weeks, and wait for life to make sense. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t need to tell him right now.”

“Greer?” Darrel sounds tense.

“Gotta go.”

“Call me back and tell me what happens.”

“Will do…And thank you, Winnie.”

“Anytime.”

As I stand up, I take one of the tests with me, holding it behind my back. “You’re home early.”

Where is he? And why is his suitcase on the bed? “There wasn’t a business trip on your calendar.”

Darrel steps out with a handful of suits and a garment bag. “That’s because I don’t have one scheduled.”

“Then why are you packing?”

He stops and stares at me for a long moment. “I’m leaving you, Greer. You might as well hear it from me first. I’m marrying Sophia.”

What? But we’re married. “Your intern?”

“She’s very mature for her age.” Darrel stuffs the suits in the bag and then moves to his dressers.

How can anyone be mature at eighteen?

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. We didn’t work out. You couldn’t give me the son that I wanted…And Sophia’s pregnant.” He dumps a pile of neatly folded and ironed underwear into his bag.

Pregnant. “With your child?”

“Who else’s would it be?”

Literally anyone else’s but my husband’s.

“Yes, Greer, it’s mine. That’s why we’re getting married.

I always knew you were a little simple. Look, everything is taken care of.

The paperwork is on the bed. Sign it, and we’re divorced.

I was generous with you even though I didn’t need to be because of our prenup.

I even signed away all rights to the embryos that we have frozen, if you want to try again.

Though it’s pointless. You’re barren, and you need to accept that.

” He drops another armload of clothes into the bag.

“You thought of everything.” My brain feels like it’s spinning. All I can keep thinking about is if she’s going to iron his clothes for him.

“That’s what I do. That’s why I make the big money. My father told me I shouldn’t marry you. But all I saw was your family connections and money. It didn’t hurt that you were hot. He was right, though, you were a waste of time and energy. I needed someone younger to give me children.”

We were fresh out of college when we got married. How young did you want? A child, obviously.

“Are you going to give me any hassles?” Darrel zips the bag, closing the book on our marriage.

Though it was closed a long time ago. I just didn’t know it. “No.” Why would I want to stay a moment longer with a man like you? “Go marry your intern. Be happy.” Far away from me.

“You’ve always been an accommodating woman. No hard feelings.”

If I could feel anything, I would ask Winnie to take care of you. But you’re not worth it. “No, no hard feelings.”

Darrel hefts the overly full bags onto his thin shoulders and almost topples over. “Bye, Greer.” He walks out of the penthouse.

“Bye, Darrel. By the way, I’m pregnant.” I drop the test on the bed next to the divorce papers.