Hawk (Ride with Me)

Chapter 12

Ruby

Sometime during the night, I fall asleep. My entire body aches from the stress I put it through. My feet are incredibly sore from the cuts, but feeling so much better after Hawk tended to them.

I slip in and out of consciousness, never really getting the rest my mind needs.

“If you don’t stop squirming around, I’m gonna fuck you,” Hawk’s voice whispers in my ear.

I freeze with my head on his shoulder and arm around his waist. I realize too late that I also have a leg thrown over him, with my knee resting comfortably against his massive erection. He has his hand hooked under my leg, making sure that I don’t move it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I try to figure out if it is still dark outside. The dirty curtain in front of the window doesn’t help at all.

Hawk moves his hand around until it rests on my hip before pushing me off him with his other one. He positions me with my knees resting on each side of him while my hands rest on his chest.

“Are you feeling better?”

It takes me a second to process his words. When I finally do, I just nod at him. Hawk smirks and reaches to the crappy nightstand where I see he has a box of condoms. He grabs one and gives it to me.

“Ride me,” he instructs, leaving me no room to argue.

Without saying a word, I get off him for just long enough to take my sweats off. Then, I undo his jeans and tear the wrapper off before sliding the condom slowly onto his cock.

I hop back on the bed, knees framing his hips. I let out a small whimper when he reaches his fingers in between my legs. I am wet, but not like I would be if I had a little more foreplay. Actually, any foreplay, period. Him giving me a condom and telling me to ride him does not count.

“You got this,” he encourages me while sliding two fingers in and out of me.

A couple of pumps later, and he pats my leg in signal to lift myself over him. As soon as I do so, he lifts his hips and pushes right into me. He grunts while doing so, encouraging me to take control of the situation.

He feels a lot tighter than the norm since I am still trying to accommodate his girth. This is not the first time I am having sex without much, if any, prep, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all. But my heart breaks just a little at the realization that even though we’ve been having sex for weeks now, he still sees me just as an available hole, nothing special.

I haven’t accepted any appointments for private sessions since Hawk started booking me. I almost forgot about my life before him, especially once he stopped seeing me outside the club. I ignored the fat envelope full of cash he would leave next to me after each encounter. Once he left, I would take it and add it to my stash under the floorboards.

Now, as my hips undulate over him, real panic takes over. I have all that cash hidden in my apartment. There is no way I will not go back there, and he is crazy if he thinks I won’t. At the same time, I doubt he cares about what I do.

As if he can sense how distracted I am, he pulls me off him, knocking the breath out of me. Before I know it, I find myself on my hands and knees on the rickety bed in the motel room.

Hawk slams back into me with no ceremony, pushing me up on the mattress. My arms buckle and I fall on my face, while my ass is up in the air, with him pushing and pulling to the point of madness.

Under normal circumstances, I would enjoy this. I’d even be close to coming. But I can’t. I just want him to finish and leave me alone for a minute.

All sorts of thoughts enter my mind. I wonder how I can get into my apartment without anyone seeing me. I want to get all my money. I also have a few pieces of clothing that I wouldn’t mind saving.

I’m not sure how long I keep on going in circles in my head, coming up with ways to sneak in, wondering if I need to cancel my lease or if it gets canceled automatically when I stop paying, thinking where I could go next. While I’d been planning on moving to Louisiana, I was not ready yet. But it’ll have to do, just like when I moved down here.

I wonder if I am destined to be forever on the run.

Hawk’s body tenses behind me, and, before long, his movements become more aggressive, like he’s coming.

I remain with my head resting on my arms, eyes closed as I dissociate from the entire experience. This is the worst sex I’ve ever had, and I’m pretty sure it is only because I have feelings for him while he treats me like a hooker. Which, I suppose I am, considering I do have sex with men in exchange for money.

My eyes fill with tears, and sobs threaten to shake my body when he is done and pulls out of me. He gets off the bed and takes care of the condom as I remain on the mattress just as he left me.

I jump in surprise when he suddenly touches my bare skin, running his fingers gently up and down my thigh in a hypnotic move. I never lift my head up or attempt to get off the bed when he reaches my center. The tips of his fingers feel rough against me, making me shiver in a mix of emotions.

“No,” I try to squirm away when his lips make contact.

I’ve never been fond of oral, and it’s never been on the list of things I like to do with clients. In fact, other than my high school boyfriend, I never allowed it. It’s been a hard limit for me as just the mere thought of it would trigger all sorts of emotions inside of me.

Now, as Hawk’s tongue licks at my most intimate part of me, I’m not sure how to react. It is the last thing I thought he’d do once he was done with me. He has never shown any interest in performing oral on me despite the fact that I’ve done it plenty of times on him. Kissing on the mouth has also been off limits with him.

Right from the beginning, he drew a line that neither one of us dared to cross. Until this moment.

I remain immobile on the bed, chest almost flat to the bed and ass up in the air, with a man in whose hands my life is right now licking me clean.

When he notices that I don’t react much to what he’s doing to me, he brings his fingers to my entrance. He runs the tips around the opening, in slow circles that are starting to get to me. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to picture his face as he does all this to me, especially when he drops to his back behind me, then pulls my hips down. This causes me to land on his mouth.

“Oh my god,” I whimper into the mattress.

Memories that are best left forgotten invade my brain, refusing to go away. I want to beg Hawk to stop what he’s doing. At the same time, it feels too good to pass up. My body is tight, and I need the release.

His tongue goes in and out, every so often moving to my clit where he nips with his teeth just enough to make my hips move faster. He goes back to my opening, slurping at my juices that flow freely. I hate that I can’t control any of it.

I can’t stop the moans coming out of my mouth either when he shoves two fingers inside of me at the same time, then he sucks my clit into his mouth. His other hand clenches onto my butt cheek so hard, it almost goes numb.

“Hawk,” I cry out over and over when he doesn’t stop touching me.

His fingers twist inside of me until he touches the sensitive spot on my front wall. He starts massaging it gently while his lips and tongue give my clit all the attention it never got before.

I come, and I come hard. My vision goes blank, to the point where I think I may have blacked out. My hips continue moving of their own volition, and sobs rip from my chest.

Everything hits me all at once. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. There has been not one thing going well for me for my entire existence. It’s as if someone put a curse on me before I was even born. My parents never expected me to survive the pregnancy, and every year after that was a complete shock to them. They were so into their own lives, drugs and booze, they couldn’t handle taking care of a small child.

Leaving my hometown was the best thing to happen to me, but the events leading to it were traumatic. They threw me out like the trash they considered me to be. That’s how I still see myself despite all the money that I’ve been making.

Sometimes, I think this life is not worth living. What is it for anyway? I am almost twenty-two but feel like I could be sixty-two. I am tired. No one will ever love me. I will never have any children. What am living for?

“Shh, you’re okay now.”

I yelp in surprise at hearing Hawk’s soft murmur in my ear. I never felt him moving from under me. My face is still against the mattress, with my body in the same position as before.

My shoulders shake from the sobs wrecking my body. I don’t want to look at him. It’s all too much. Besides, I’m positive I won’t like anything he’ll tell me. My guess is that he will either turn me in to the people looking for me, or he’ll just skip town and leave me to fend for myself.

Either way, my life as I knew it is over. Any sweet words he now wants to whisper in my ear are useless, and we both know they’re fake.

“Ruby…”

He runs his hand up and down my back, but I recoil from his touch. I can’t deal with it right now. I need a minute to recover and go back to acting like nothing ever bothers me.

Deep down, I’ve always known that I am nothing. The last four years have given me a false sense of security. They tricked my brain into thinking that I have a chance at a better life, that the money I’ve been saving and investing will give me the freedom to get away from it all.

I listen to Hawk as he walks to the adjacent bathroom. It sounds like he’s emptying his bladder before turning the water on and doing whatever else in there.

I take this time to wipe my face and turn over in bed, wincing when I notice the sweatpants in a ball down on the floor, with the tank top laying over them. I feel embarrassed by it all. One would think I’ve never been seen in public with no clothes on.

“Better?” Hawk appears next to the bed.

I shrug but don’t meet his eyes. “There was nothing to feel better from.”

Hawk chuckles and shakes his head before nudging me to move to the side. Since he’s not giving me much choice, I accommodate him. The bed is narrow and there’s not much space for him even after I press myself against the wall on the other side.

He sits down next to me, stretching his legs on the bed. He then, lifts his arm and wraps it around my shoulders before pulling me into him. I fall against his chest, feeling awkward now that the sex part is over.

“I can’t remember the last time I licked pussy,” he says out of nowhere. The tone of his voice is casual, like we’re discussing the weather. “It tasted better than I was remembering.”

I swallow hard just as my eyes fill with sudden tears. It’s humiliating sitting here and listening to him talking about this, but I have no choice but to take it like a chump.

Clearing my voice a couple of times, I try to sound as casual when I speak.

“Glad to hear it didn’t disappoint.”

Hawk starts laughing. He almost sounds unhinged when he does so, and it scares me. At this point, he is as much of a threat as the two men who chased me hours ago.

Adrenaline rushes through my body. I don’t even realize when I start shaking uncontrollably. Everything he does or says gets to me, messes with my head even more.

As if in a dream, I hear Hawk.

“Fuck.”

He pulls me into his arms, tucking me against him and resting his head over mine. Under normal circumstances, I’d think this is the sweetest thing he could do for me. But these are not normal circumstances. He’s already told me under no certain terms that my life is over.

“I have to leave town,” he tells me. The sound vibrates from his chest and into my body. I don’t think he expect me to say anything, so I remain quiet.

“I am needed at home,” he continues. “For personal reasons.”

He then reaches to the side to grab something. A few moments later, I hear him using the lighter, then the smell of smoke from his cigarette fills the room. It is oddly comforting.

“You should probably come with me.”

My body tenses at hearing that. I am scared that I didn’t hear him right.

“Might as well get to meet my mother,” he adds.

If this is a joke, it is a cruel one.