Chapter 5
5
Karen felt lost in Mark’s eyes. Then, strangely, she felt found. Seen. Understood in a way she hadn’t expected.
In the four years since losing her husband, she had been surrounded by sympathy—heartfelt words of comfort, prayers for healing, the warmth of hugs from friends and even strangers, and shared tears in a grief support group. It had all helped, each gesture a balm for the rawness of her grief. But in all that time, she had never honestly held someone’s gaze like this or felt that deep, unspoken understanding she was feeling now, standing in front of Mark.
Something about him reached straight to her soul. It wasn’t just his words—it was everything about him. During the meeting, she’d found herself noticing the most minor details. The way his fingers had curled gently around her hand when the coffee had spilled and the quiet concern in his eyes. The sound of his voice, calm and steady yet filled with passion as he spoke about the youth running program. The faint scent of pine and sandalwood lingered around him, masculine and comforting all at once. And the way his hand had rested lightly on her back as they walked out of the building, the simple touch bringing back the sweet feeling of a man walking with her.
Now, as she leaned against her vehicle, the soft glow of the streetlamp casting shadows over their faces, Karen let out a shaky breath. “I believe you do understand, Mark. And while I’m so sorry you lost your wife, I’m… I’m really glad we met. Widowhood is strange. You want to talk to someone who gets it, but at the same time, you’d never wish it on anyone else.”
Mark nodded, his expression softening. “I know exactly what you mean. Just a minute ago, I was thinking that you’re the first person around my age I’ve had a real conversation with who’s been through the same thing. Who knows what it’s like.”
There was a pause, a heaviness in the air, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Karen felt the urge to ask more about his wife, about how he’d lost her, but she held back. If something grew between them—whether a friendship or something more—the details would come in time. She knew all too well what it felt like to have someone ask too soon, to pry into wounds that weren’t ready to be shared.
Wanting to shift the mood to something lighter, Karen offered a gentle smile. “Your son’s name is Benji?”
Mark’s face brightened instantly, a broad smile breaking across his features. There was no mistaking the pride and love in his eyes. “Yeah, that’s right. His full name is Benjamin, but he’s been Benji for as long as I can remember. The name just fits him.”
The warmth in his voice, the way his entire demeanor softened at the mention of his son, made Karen’s heart squeeze. It was the same way she felt when talking about her own daughters. A shared bond. “I love that,” Karen said, her smile growing. “I bet Benji keeps you on your toes.”
Karen felt a wave of unexpected connection blossoming between them. It wasn’t just the shared experience of loss—it was the way they spoke about their children, the way they both lit up when talking about the people they loved most.
For the first time in a long time, Karen felt the possibility of something new—something she hadn’t allowed herself to think about in years. And as she stood there, under the soft light of the streetlamp, sharing quiet conversation with Mark, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something beautiful.
“What grade is he in?”
“Fifth.” Mark shook his head. “Sometimes, I can’t believe it. His last year of elementary school, and then he’ll be in middle school.”
“Tell me about it.” She groaned while rolling her eyes. “Olivia is in seventh grade, and Laura is in ninth grade at Baytown High School.” She dropped her chin and stared at her shoes for a moment. “I still can’t believe I have a daughter in high school.”
“I don’t think anyone looking at you would believe that. You don’t look old enough to have a teenager.”
She lifted her head. “It’s funny, but sometimes I feel too young, and other times, I feel so old!”
“God, I know what you mean. I used to think that someone who was forty was old, but now? I’m there and think I can’t be this age.”
She smiled, and her eyes radiated sincerity… and what he hoped was interest. He sure as hell was interested in discovering more about her. “Where were you from originally?”
“Everywhere.” She relaxed, settling into the comfortable conversation. “I was an Army brat. My brother and I were raised in Texas, North Carolina, Kansas, Germany, and South Korea. We both followed in our dad’s footsteps and joined the Army. My parents have passed, but my brother still serves, now a captain stationed at Fort Bliss.”
“So, you became an Army nurse?”
“The Army paid for my degree in nursing, and I was happy to serve once I became an RN. I was stationed in Germany when I met Jeffrey. By the time I was twenty-four, I was married and soon got pregnant with Laura. I voluntarily separated from the Army when I got pregnant with Olivia. We were Stateside, and I worked at a large hospital. After I had Olivia, I was glad to have hours that I could control even though Jeffrey was gone for weeks or months at a time. Being a civilian was best for the family.” She wrapped her arms around her middle, finally noting that her fingers were starting to ache in the chilly air, but she didn’t want the conversation to end.
He shifted his stance, his body now blocking the slight breeze. “I was Army. Military police. I was in for eight years. When I got out, I was a police officer for a number of years. After my wife died, I wanted to come back to the shore so Benji could be raised close to my parents.” His gaze dropped to her clasped hands, and a frown tugged the corners of his mouth down. “You’re cold. I shouldn’t have kept you out here so long.”
“No,” she protested. “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. It’s… well, it’s nice.” Rolling her eyes, she laughed. “ Nice. That’s an innocuous word that means practically nothing. Let me rephrase, Mark. Talking to you tonight has made me feel connected to someone. Thank you for that.”
“I like your honesty, Karen.” He smiled. “I’d love to ask you?—”
The phone buzzing in her purse halted his words. She dug it out and pursed her lips as she read the text.
He pushed away from where he was leaning. “What’s wrong?”
She looked up and shook her head. “Nothing that I can’t fix easily.” She typed out a return text and looked up to see his concern. “It was my youngest. She had completed her homework, then realized everyone was supposed to bring graph paper to school tomorrow.” Shaking her head again, she scoffed. “Graph paper… parents buy a whole pack, they only use a few sheets, and then it gets stuck somewhere. I know where it is, but I really should get home to ensure the girls have everything ready for school tomorrow.”
“You’re right. You need to make sure Laura and Olivia are all right. I need to get home to Benji and Dad.”
His gaze held hers, and something warm curled around her heart. “You remembered their names.”
“Of course, I remembered.”
Her breath caught in her throat as she stared up at Mark’s face. The angles appeared sharp in the bare light and dark shadows. His voice was firm yet soft. His lips curved slightly, and at that moment, she realized Mark Robbins didn’t smile unless he had something to smile about. He didn’t flirt… throw out insignificant comments… or pretend interest. And that warm feeling burned brighter.
“Thank you, Mark, for sitting with me in the meeting. It’s always a bit intimidating to feel like the new person in the room. And thank you for walking me to my car. And for our conversations. I hope we can… well, thank you.”
He reached out both hands and gathered hers in his. “It’s been a pleasure, Karen. Perhaps we can… would you be interested in…” He fumbled his words, then shook his head. “I haven’t asked anyone out in a while. I’m afraid I’m messing this up?—”
“Not at all,” she rushed to assure. “We’re both out of practice. One more thing we have in common. But if you’re asking me out, the answer is yes.”
His hands squeezed hers, and a broad smile graced his face, taking her breath away. “May I have your phone number?”
“Absolutely.”
He let go of her hands and reached into his pocket. When he was ready, she rattled off her phone number and felt her phone vibrate when he sent a text.
Smiling, he said, “Now you have mine.”
Karen hated the thought of losing the warmth of her hands in his, but she needed to get home. If she stayed any longer, the temptation to step closer, to feel the press of her body against his, would be too much to resist. And then she’d wonder if his lips were as soft as his voice. With a reluctant sigh, she stepped back, her hand fumbling for the fob as she unlocked her car. Mark reached out and, in one smooth motion, opened the door for her.
"Karen..." His low voice was intimate, pulling her attention like a magnet.
She paused halfway into the car, turning to look up at him. Her breath hitched as he leaned down, his presence filling the space between them. For a split second, the world around them seemed to freeze. She could feel the warmth of his breath, the nearness of him making her heart race. And just when she thought he might kiss her, he angled slightly to the side, his lips brushing the air by her ear as he whispered, "Drive safely."
Then, so softly, his lips grazed her cheek, sending a ripple of heat down her spine before he pulled back, standing tall again. Her thoughts were a whirlwind, her mind struggling to catch up with what had just happened. But the warmth blooming in her chest spread through her entire body, leaving her feeling lightheaded and alive.
She barely managed to whisper, "You, too," her voice catching on the words. He closed her door, and somehow, through the haze of emotion, she managed to start the car and drive away. As she pulled away, her eyes flicked repeatedly to the rearview mirror, watching as his figure grew smaller until she turned the corner, and he disappeared.
By the time she reached home, her pulse had steadied, though the lingering heat of his touch and the soft brush of his lips stayed with her like a cherished memory. Pulling into the single-car garage, Karen hurried inside with a soft smile. The door had barely closed behind her when her daughters greeted her, their familiar voices pulling her back into the rhythm of home. But beneath the surface, the warmth of Mark’s presence lingered, a quiet, pleasant echo she wasn’t ready to let go of.
“I found it, Mom. The graph paper. I remembered that I needed some last year,” Laura said. “So, I looked in the bottom of my desk drawer and found enough for Olivia’s class.”
Throwing her arms out, she hugged Laura, then pulled back but continued to hold her eldest daughter’s shoulders. “Thank you, sweetheart.” Barely turning before Olivia came in for a hug, she embraced her younger daughter. Looking over their shoulders, she spied a spotless kitchen. “Wow, you girls have been busy!”
The girls shared a look, and she leaned back, waiting to see what they had to say.
“It’s just that you never go out, Mom,” Laura began. “You’re always working or with us. And we talked about how nice it was that you went to the American Legion meeting tonight. We want to make sure you’re making friends here like we have.”
“Oh, my goodness, girls. You don’t have to worry about me! I’m fine! I have a great job and wonderful coworkers, and I’ve met some of your friends' parents. I’m fine… honestly, I’m fine.” As soon as the word fine left her lips for the third time, she was reminded of her earlier thoughts concerning the benign description. “I’m more than fine,” she emphasized.
“Well, we just wanted to put away the dinner dishes so you wouldn’t come home to a mess,” Olivia said, her smile wide and eyes bright, bouncing slightly.
Karen took in her daughters, noting that Laura could now look straight into her eyes and wondered if she would grow taller. Olivia wasn’t far behind, with her preteen growth spurt just starting. They were the light of her life, but Olivia jumped back before she could slide down that mental and emotional path and said, “Will you look over my English essay? Laura read it and thought it was okay, but I really want your opinion, too.”
The next hour was spent finalizing homework, preparing clothes and backpacks for the next day, and taking showers. As she walked into Olivia’s room to tuck her in, her daughter looked up and laid her book on her lap.
“Hey, Mom,” Olivia said softly.
“Hey, baby,” she replied, just as softly. She sat on the edge of the bed and allowed her gaze to roam over her youngest’s face. The child was morphing into a young woman right before her eyes. Sometimes Olivia bounced with excitement, seeming more like a child. Other times, Karen caught sight of Olivia standing in front of a mirror, gazing at her reflection with an eagle-eyed stare as she tried on clothes. Karen remembered those days… both with herself and with Laura. When you were on the cusp of womanhood and wondered how society’s standards would judge you.
Karen prayed she was guiding them the right way while acknowledging that not having a father during these formative years made the pressure on her all the more painful.
“Did you have a good time at your meeting tonight?”
“I did. I got to see Ginny and Brogan?—”
“Ooh, we need to go back to the Pub soon.”
Karen laughed and nodded. “Maybe this weekend.” She looked down at the book Olivia was reading. It was an age-appropriate teen mystery book. “Is it a good story?”
“Yes!” Her daughter’s eyes were bright as she continued, “There’s even a little romance.”
“Romance?”
“Yeah! The main girl has paired up with a guy she likes in high school, and they’re looking for clues together.” Olivia’s shoulders slumped as she wrinkled her nose. “I jumped to the back of the book to see if they get together or kissed… but it seems they’re just friends.” She perked up and quickly said, “But maybe they’ll be together in the next book.”
“You know it’s okay if they only stay friends, right?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Of course, I know that, Mom. Friendships are good, but romance should happen for everyone. We all need a happily ever after. I want that someday… just like you and Dad.”
Her heart pounded as the image of Mark moved through her mind. Blowing out a long, slow breath, she smiled as she nodded. “I did have that with your father.”
“Do you think you’ll find that again, Mom?”
Karen’s head swung around, and she spied Laura leaning against the doorframe. Her long-legged oldest was wearing sleep shorts and a T-shirt. Her stance appeared casual, but her expression held an emotion that Karen couldn’t define but felt to her bones was significant. Strangely, Mark moved through her mind again. She pushed it back, reminding herself that she barely knew the man. She didn’t know his own marital or widower story. Yet… his face remained.
“I… I don’t know, sweetheart.”
Laura pushed off the doorframe, walked into Olivia’s room, and sat on the opposite side of the bed. Karen now stared at her daughters, wondering what was on their minds. They had loved their father with all their hearts, as he had loved them. The first few years after he died were the worst… each mired in their own grief. She’d made sure they had individual and family counseling to learn how to understand their despair and how to function as a new family of three. Pictures of Jeffrey were in the house, but now there were photographs of just them as they are now. They comfortably talked about him, but the references were fewer.
Laura and Olivia shared another look, then Olivia said, “It’s just that we were talking while you were at your meeting, and we… um…”
Laura picked up where her sister left off. “We just wanted you to know that it’s okay if you find another romance. We don’t want you to worry about us.” She shrugged. “You know… like if you meet someone you like and feel that you can’t… you know… have that because of us.”
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes as she stared at the most precious things in her world. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she nodded, fighting to get past the desire to sob. Finally, she sucked in a deep breath and forced out a smile. “I’m not looking for romance, girls. But I promise that if someone comes along who is the right person… and they’d have to be the right person for all of us… then I’d be open to love again.”
She had no idea what to expect, but the relief on both girls’ faces struck her, and she was surprised she didn’t double over from the emotion. In unison, they fell forward into her arms, and she hugged them tightly again. Their familiar scent of shower gel and shampoo filled her as she buried her face against their heads. Opening her eyes, she spied the framed family picture of the last Christmas Jeffrey was alive, sitting on Olivia’s nightstand. Blinking back the tears, she silently thanked him for giving her such amazing daughters.
“Okay, babes, we’ve got to get some sleep. Tomorrow will come, and you need to be ready for school,” she announced as they pulled away. “By the way, I met someone tonight at the meeting who talked about the American Legion youth running clubs. I thought you?—”
“Running clubs?” Laura asked, her eyes wide with interest. “That could help me prepare for track and cross country.”
“I want to do that, too!” Olivia joined in. She hated soccer but loved to run, hoping to join her sister someday on the high school teams.
“Okay, I’ll find out from Mark when the run practices are, and we’ll get you signed up.”
“Mark?” Laura asked, her head tilted as she lifted a brow.
“Yes. Mark Robbins. He’s a detective for the county and one of the sponsors for the running program.”
Kissing Olivia good night, she stood and walked out of the room with Laura. They walked into Laura’s room, and before she could say good night, Laura turned and asked, “Is Mark a friend of yours?”
“I’m just getting to know him. Why?”
“I really want to be in the running group and thought maybe you could put in a good word.”
Karen recognized her eldest’s worrying nature. “Honey, it’s open to anyone. You won’t need any special help from me.”
Laura sighed and smiled. “Oh. Okay. Good.” She climbed into bed and opened her arms as Karen bent to kiss her good night. Just before Karen turned out the light, Laura said, “You know, Mom… Olivia and I were telling you the truth when we said we wanted you to find romance. You deserve that.”
“I know, baby,” she whispered and flipped off the light.
Walking across the hall, she entered her own bedroom and looked around. When they’d moved in a year ago, she’d spent so much time making sure the girls’ rooms were just as they wanted and the communal living spaces warm and comfortable. But this room was simple and almost bare. Other than the same pictures on the nightstand that were in both girls’ rooms. She sat on the bed and picked up the frame, her gaze running lovingly over their expressions of holiday joy all those years ago. Sighing, she placed it back on the nightstand.
Moving to the bathroom, she stared at her reflection. She didn’t look the same as Jeffrey’s bride fifteen years before. She didn’t look like the same young mother she’d been when she left the Army. She noticed the lines emanating from her eyes and scoffed. They sure as hell weren’t all laugh lines. Grief had a way of etching itself into the very cells of her body.
She tried to think of what Mark saw when he looked at her tonight. She was thirty-nine yet sometimes looked in her early thirties. And sometimes I feel like a hundred and thirty! Standing straight, she refocused. Good genes had given her smooth skin, and her blond hair was styled for ease but also looked healthy. She had baby weight that had never left her hips or tummy, but that was life.
The idea of dating someone at this stage of her life was daunting. She was no longer the young, starry-eyed lieutenant nurse who’d fallen for the dashing Army captain. She was older. Wiser. But still able to have her breath taken away by looking into the intense gaze of Mark Robbins. A smile spread over her face, and the butterflies in her stomach took flight.