Chapter 8
8
That evening, Mark fixed dinner while watching Benji play in the backyard. When he bought the house, he was surprised he’d found exactly what he needed. He’d told the real estate agent that he was sure he’d have to purchase land and build a home but hated the idea of renting for a year while the house was being built. The agent worked hard to find just the right place.
At that thought, he inwardly grimaced. She was attractive, divorced, and had no children, and she made it evident that she was all in to become involved with him. And while he appreciated her finding the house he purchased, he finally had to let her know in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t interested.
But the house was perfect. The main house was a large, two-story farmhouse. The living room and dining room were in the front, with a hall that split down the middle next to the stairs that led to the second floor. The back held a family room and eat-in kitchen. Upstairs were four bedrooms. There was a Jack and Jill bathroom between two smaller bedrooms, a hall bathroom next to the other smaller bedroom, and a master bedroom with an en suite. A laundry room off the kitchen was the entrance to the two-car garage.
He knew the house had more room than he and Benji needed, but Mark liked the idea of a large home that gave them more than enough room. The extra first-floor bedroom with en suite bathroom gave his dad a sense of his own space.
“Dad!” Benji yelled.
Mark looked out the window over the sink and waved.
“Come play with me!”
“You go on, Son,” Richard urged.
Mark glanced down at the meatloaf, ready to go into the pan. “You sure, Dad?”
“Hell, boy, all I gotta do is stick it in the oven after I douse a little barbecue sauce on top.”
Mark chuckled and nodded. “You’re right. I figure you can handle a lot more than that.” He washed and dried his hands before heading out the back door. When Benji saw him on the patio, his son raced toward him.
“Can you pitch to me?”
Baseball wasn’t Benji’s favorite sport, but belonging on one of the AL baseball teams, Benji always wanted to practice. “Sure.”
Benji ran to grab his bat, and Mark grinned. It surprised him how much Benji was such a miniature version of himself. When Benji had something to do, he gave it his all.
It wasn’t long before Richard called them in. Once Benji ran over to him, he ruffled his son’s hair. “Good job tonight.”
“I’m getting better, aren’t I?”
“Absolutely. I’m impressed by your determination to practice so much.”
Benji looked up, scrunching his nose. “It’s still not my favorite, you know. I really like running, but it seems like everyone I know plays baseball.” He shrugged as he dropped his ball, glove, and bat into the basket next to the back door. “I figure I might as well practice so I can be as good as anyone else.”
They sat at the table and plated the barbecue meatloaf, homemade mashed potatoes, and peas. Mark had a hard time getting Benji to eat green vegetables—green beans, asparagus, and broccoli were a hard no . English peas ended up on the menu several times a week, and if potatoes accompanied them, Benji was happy.
“How was school today?” Mark asked.
“The fifth graders are going to have a geography bee this year.”
“What’s a geography bee?” Richard asked.
“It’s like a spelling bee, only they ask us geography questions. Like what country a certain mountain range or river is in. Or maybe what’s the capital of a country. They can even ask about the population or whether it’s forest, jungle, or mountainous terrain. We’ll study this year, and then we’ll start taking practice tests.”
Richard’s bushy eyebrows lifted. “In my day, we just had spelling bees. All we had to do was figure out how to spell a word.”
Benji grinned at his grandfather. “They still do that, but there’s going to be a statewide geography bee, and our principal hopes that if our school has students who do well enough, we can move up.”
“Sounds good,” Mark said. “Why do I have a feeling you’re gonna work extra hard?”
Benji grinned even wider. His son had a competitive streak, and Mark knew Benji was already aiming to go to the state competition.
After another mouthful of meatloaf, Benji piped up, bouncing to another topic. “You know Paul? The one in my class?”
“Yeah. I think he’s joining the running club.”
“That’s him. Did you know he’s getting a new dad?”
Shaking his head, he replied, “A new dad?”
"His mom is getting remarried. His parents are divorced, and he doesn't see his real dad much," Benji explained between bites of his dinner, his nose scrunching in thought. "But his mom met somebody, and they've been dating. Anyway, Paul says the guy is really nice. So, when they get married, Paul gets a new dad."
Mark nodded, making a vague noise of acknowledgment, his attention only half on the conversation. Benji had a way of steering their dinner discussions in unpredictable directions, and Mark had learned to just go along with it. To a ten-year-old, the idea of getting a new dad was a big deal, and he figured Benji was just working through that in his head.
"It got me wondering..." Benji shoveled another forkful of potatoes into his mouth.
Mark’s brows lowered, and he glanced at his dad, receiving a shrug in silent response. They both turned their attention back to Benji. “What are you wondering?” Mark asked, already bracing.
“Well… if Paul’s mom was dating someone, and now he gets a new dad, why don’t you date someone, and I can get a new mom?”
Mark’s fork stopped midair as he stared first at Benji and then at his dad, whose expression was a mirror image of his own—wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Once again, Richard just looked at Mark and offered a silent shrug. Thanks, Dad, Mark thought ruefully.
Clearing his throat, he set his fork down carefully and tried to find the right words. "Well, Benji," he began slowly, "if I did date someone, that doesn’t mean I would marry them."
Benji’s brow furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"
"Uh… because dating doesn’t always end in marriage," Mark explained, trying to keep his tone light while mentally scrambling for how to handle this. "When people date, it’s to get to know each other and see if they want to be together long-term. I’d want to date someone who’s a good person and fits into our lives. But since I work long hours and want to spend as much time as possible with you and your granddad, I haven’t really looked for anyone to date."
Mark held his breath, wondering if his somewhat of a rambling explanation would satisfy Benji’s curious mind. For a moment, Benji just stared at him, his expression thoughtful. Then, with a nod, he grinned and asked, "Can we have dessert now?"
Mark released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and gave a small, relieved chuckle. "Sure, bud. Let’s get dessert."
Mark’s mind wandered back to Benji’s innocent question as they finished their meal and moved on to dessert. The thought of dating hadn’t crossed his mind in a while until he’d met Karen. Now, with Benji’s simple observation hanging in the air, the image of Karen was firmly planted in his mind. A good person... a mom... beautiful... Jesus , he thought, his heart suddenly pounding . We haven’t even had a date yet.
After dinner, Mark cleaned the kitchen while Richard watched the news, and Benji headed upstairs to take a shower. “Soap and shampoo, bub. Not just water,” he reminded.
“I know, I know!” Benji yelled down the stairs.
Mark knew Benji would read in bed for a while, but he enjoyed their bedtime chats, even if he was no longer reading a story to his son. Sometimes, he missed those days of a younger Benji curled up next to him while he read. Walking into his son’s room, he grinned at Benji with pillows behind him, his bedside lamp on, and his face buried in a book.
“Dad,” Benji began, looking up.
Mark held his breath, wondering if he would be grilled more about dating someone. He settled on the side of the bed and gave his son his full attention.
Benji hesitated momentarily, then asked, “Do you think if Mom hadn’t died, she would be proud of me?”
Mark sucked in a quick breath through his nose, then let it out slowly, allowing the sucker punch to his gut to subside. Benji was only four when Sue passed away, and while most of Benji’s memories came from looking at photographs, he wondered how much Benji truly remembered of her. Benji didn’t ask about his mom often, but Mark always talked about her when Benji had questions. His gaze moved to the framed photograph of the three of them standing on Benji’s nightstand.
Looking back at the seriousness on Benji’s face, he wanted to choose the right words carefully. “Did you know your mom knew you were a boy before they officially told us?”
Benji’s eyes widened. “How?”
“Neither of us cared if you were a boy or a girl as long as you were healthy. But your mom had a sixth sense when it came to you. She said she dreamed about you and had already picked the name Benjamin. I wondered if she would be disappointed if you turned out to be a girl, but as soon as the doctor confirmed you were a boy, she just laughed and said she felt it all along.”
Benji was still staring intently but now had a smile playing about his lips.
“She loved you before you were born. And when you were placed in her arms, I’ve never seen a look like that in my life. It was pure love. It was the same feeling that I felt when I looked at you. And every day, she loved you.” He sighed heavily. “It broke my heart to lose your mom, but she had given me the greatest gift in the world, and that was you. Believe me, she’s looking down at you right now, grinning because you are everything she knew you could be. So yes, she would be and is so proud of you.”
Benji continued to smile, but a little sigh left his lips. “Good. I can see and hear you, Dad, so I know you’re proud of me. I just wanted to make sure that Mom would be, too.”
As his son threw his arms around Mark's neck, he held him close, breathing him in. “Never doubt that… not my love or hers.”
When they separated, Benji seemed satisfied, and Mark stood and walked to the door. “Lights out in fifteen minutes, kiddo.”
Gaining Benji’s nod, Mark headed downstairs. Richard took one look at his face and flipped off the TV. Mark sat on the sofa, then scrubbed his hand over his beard.
Richard chuckled. “You okay, Son? Or did Benji catch you so off guard you don’t know what to think?”
Mark shook his head. “He goes from baseball to talking about me dating and him getting a new mom, and then upstairs, he asked if his mom would be proud of him.”
Richard’s brows lifted at that, and he peered at Mark over the rims of his eyeglasses. “Wow… I never know what’s gonna come out of his mouth. He’s so smart, and he thinks things through. But I gotta tell you, I’m glad he’s asking you those questions instead of me. I’d probably start bawling like a baby!”
Mark snorted. “I almost did.”
The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment, and then Mark looked over. “What would you say if I told you I’ve met someone… and… I want to ask her out?”
“Damn, if this isn’t a night for surprises, I don’t know what is!”
Mark nodded. “Her name is Karen. She’s a home health nurse. She’s a widow with two daughters a little older than Benji.” His dad just nodded, so he continued. “I just met her a couple of weeks ago at Brad’s place. She was checking on Bess.” He shook his head. “It was weird, Dad. As soon as I met her, I felt something awaken in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since…”
“Not since you met Sue,” his dad finished for him.
Nodding, Mark sighed. “Yeah. Then we met at the AL meeting and spent a long time talking afterward.”
“You know we’ve talked about grief before… You’ll never get over Sue’s death, just like I won’t ever get over your mom’s passing. But, Son, I’m glad to hear you’ve met someone. She must be a wonderful woman for you to want to take her on a date.”
A smile slipped over Mark’s face, and he shook his head slowly. “It’s just a date, and God knows if it would ever become more. With all I have in my life and all she has in hers? I don’t have a clue how any of this works. Sue and I met when I was out of the military and just starting to work as a police officer. Meeting… dating… that all seemed easier in my twenties, not at almost forty!”
“Maybe life was easier back then. You were fortunate to find a good woman, have a good marriage, and have a beautiful child. But that doesn't mean your future has to be based on what you had. You have a lot more life to live, Son. And I’d like to see you live it to your fullest. If that’s alone raising Benji, then that’ll be more than enough. But if someone out there… another good woman… needs you as much as you need her… then that’ll be a good thing, too.”
The two sat silently for a moment as Mark allowed his dad’s words to penetrate. Finally, his dad said, “I’m going to head to bed now.”
“Good night, Dad.”
Richard nodded and smiled, then started down the hall. He stopped and looked at one of the family pictures hanging on the wall. Turning back, he said, “Remember, Mark. Part of being a good parent to Benji is taking care of yourself. Find what makes you happy, and Benji will remember and emulate that as he grows into a man. Many of the greatest lessons he’ll ever learn from you won’t be the words you speak, but the actions you take.”
With that, he lumbered down the hall. Mark stood, his lungs filling with air before letting out a long breath. Smiling, he pulled out his phone.