18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Wulfric
The sun rises over the village, and the time has come.
Hand in hand with Kieran, I walk the streets. Memories haunt me. Everywhere I look, I see a place where Anders and I used to play or sit together and laugh. I know I’m doing the right thing. This rivalry between Anders and me ceased to be a squabble between siblings the moment he ordered an attack against the man I love.
My people have gathered in the square, forming a circle. Helga stands by Gunnar, her eyes wide with worry as she looks my way. Lyall stands alone, his arms wrapped tight around himself. “Hold a moment.” I drop Kieran’s hand and go to Lyall’s side. “Are you well?”
Lyall nods at the ground, blond hair swaying around his cheeks. “Anders has had this coming.”
“He’s still your twin. You’re allowed to wish things could be different.”
Lyall grits his teeth, eyes narrowing. It’s rare to see him without a smile. “I don’t wish things were different. I wish he weren’t such a gods-damned asshole.”
That’s the same thing, but I don’t correct him.
Scowling, my brother tugs a hand through his hair, eyes bright with anger. “How could he try and tear our family apart like this? Why is he such a selfish prick?”
“I don’t know.” I’m aware he isn’t expecting an answer, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I could give him one. I wish I could fix this. “If I’d been a better alpha…”
But Lyall shakes his head wildly. “No. You’ve been an amazing leader. End this, brother. Just…” His throat works hard as he swallows. “Will you have to kill him?”
A shiver goes through me. “If he surrenders, no. But if he doesn’t, then I will do what I have to in order to keep our pack safe.”
My brother looks away, his arms squeezing his middle. He doesn’t speak. My fingers twitch, longing to reach out, but what good would that do? Turning my back, I go to Kieran and put an arm around his narrow shoulders. The crowd parts for us, revealing Anders in the middle of the throng of people. Claws sharp at his sides, he paces like a caged beast waiting to be set free. Black war paint smears around his eyes like a mask.
Kieran grips my hand. “Be careful.”
Turning to him, I fold my mate into my arms. “I will. The gods won’t fail me now.”
“You’re sure about that?” He squeezes me tight.
“Aye. I trust in them. How can I not? They brought you to me.”
“Hey. Don’t you get sappy on me. I need you tough. Strong. Pissed.” He yanks me back by the shoulders and glowers at me. “Take this seriously.”
Bumping my forehead against his, I say, “Worried for me?”
He clenches his jaw. “No. I think this is stupid, and that you’re stupid, and—”
I silence his ramblings with a kiss, sighing my approval when his arms fly around me. “I’m fighting for you, little rabbit. Keep your eyes on me, and I won’t lose.”
Kieran parts his lips, eyes wide and full of fear. “I will.”
Words rise from the depths of my heart, three words I’ve never told anyone, but I keep them locked inside. I won’t tell him now. Later. After I’ve won. He must know how I feel about him, and I will fight even harder so I can tell him once the battle is through.
“Enough!” Anders bellows. “Face me, Wulfric. I will prove who is the rightful alpha after I’ve snapped your neck between my jaws.”
I hate him for making me raise a claw against my own flesh and blood. “Your cowardly attack against my mate has only proven how unworthy you truly are. You will never be Alpha.”
“That is for the gods to decide, here and now!” Face to the skies, Anders howls, “Odin, Thor, Fenrir—bear witness to Ulfheim’s true Alpha!” He drops before me, furs writhing as they cover his body. When he looks up, it’s through the eyes and face of a snarling wolf that prowls toward me.
Throwing up my furs, I let the shift possess me. My paws slam the ground, my lips rolling back from my fangs as my brother advances on me. Ulfhednar can heal all but the most lethal of wounds in seconds. I will have to bite deep, down to the bone, and often enough that his body won’t be able to heal one wound before another opens. If he expends too much energy healing, he’ll weaken and be easier to bring down.
Gods. This is how I would fight an enemy, not my brother, but Anders has left me little choice. How I hate him for that.
“Do not hold back,” I growl into his mind. “I will send you to Valhalla with honor, brother.”
With a furious snarl, Anders charges at me. Our bodies crash into each other, the collision winding me, but there’s no time to recover before Anders drives his fangs deep into the side of my throat. My dense coat protects me, and my brother rips away a clump of hair and flesh. Stinging pain makes me yelp and retaliate with a claw across his snout. My claws skin away the flesh, narrowly missing one glowing green eye.
He stumbles back, pawing his eye, and I’m upon him. My fangs burrow into his coat and latch onto the back of his neck. Anders is strong, but I’ve always been the biggest of my brothers. Lifting him by the scruff, I hurl him into a tree. He yowls as his spine cracks against the bark. Pawing blood from my eye, I wait for him to rise.
Whining, Anders tries to force himself to his feet. “What… are you waiting for? Don’t you dare hold back on me!” The fury inside him surges through the tenuous thread that still binds us.
“I won’t attack you when you’re down. Unlike you, I still have honor.”
The furious snarl that escapes him tells me I hit a nerve. He’s on his feet, shaking himself free of the pain. “That self-righteous attitude makes me gods-damned sick! All our lives, you’ve looked down on me. Father never saw my potential! No matter how hard I tried, no matter how strong or fast or smart I was, I was never good enough! No, all he cared about was his precious Alpha-heir!”
I take a step back, shocked. “That’s… that isn’t true. Is that really how you saw our childhood?” All I remember is Father taking him into the woods every morning to teach him how to hunt. Helga telling him stories by the firelight when he was unable to sleep at night after a night terror. He was as loved as any of us. Wasn’t he? Did I really steal our father’s attention from my brothers? If I did, then it’s no wonder Anders hates me.
“It wasn’t enough, was it?” Anders lunges toward me. He slams his body into me and when I fall, his jaws crunch around my ankle. The world spins around me as I fly backward, slamming into a tree. Snow rains down on me, blinding my vision. “Being Alpha, commanding Father’s attention. You had to steal Mother from me, too!”
The fight goes out of me, shocked and appalled by his accusations.
“I never got to know her.” Pain tears across the bond that ties us, such pain it’s almost too much to bear. “Because she died bringing you into this world. I was too young. I barely remember her face, her scent. You robbed me of our parents! You killed them both!”
He tears through my defenses with his words, then hurls himself upon me. I have no time to react. He bowls me off my paws and bites down, tearing into me again and again while I thrash to try and free myself.
“I didn’t!” Kicking out, I claw him in the belly, raking into his flesh. Blood rains from his fur and spatters the snow crimson. Anders stumbles off me and I leap at him, slamming my paws into his side. He tumbles over, spraying snow, and then I pounce.
“You should be the one who died on that beach!” Anders struggles beneath me as I fasten my jaws into his neck. My teeth dimple his windpipe, and his ragged pants become choked. “You robbed me of my father and mother! I hate you. I will always despise you for that!”
“I know it should have been me!” I roar through the bonds, and then his fangs find my throat. We pant and snarl, knowing that the wrong move will result in both our throats being torn out. “I wish every day I had died in Father’s stead. It should have been me. I know.”
Frozen, all we can do is catch our breath, bleeding out into the snow from the cuts to our bodies and souls. I remember him then. My big brother, lifting me up on his shoulders so I could pick an apple from the tree. How I delighted in the stories he told me of the gods and their golden apples of immortality. All this time, he hated me. All these years, I hurt him simply by existing.
“Why?” If a wolf could cry, there would be tears in Anders’s blazing eyes. “Why wasn’t I given more time with them? It isn’t bloody fair.”
He’s right. It isn’t fair. He deserved more time with his mother and father, but so did all of us. He can’t see beyond his own pain to the pain of others.
“I want them back.” Anders’s voice shakes. He lets go of my throat and collapses into the snow. I stand over his quivering body, at a loss for what to say or do. “I thought challenging you would make it all go away. That your death would silence the grief, the guilt, the rage that consumes me. And I just feel nothing. Because of you, I’ll drown in these feelings for the rest of my damn life. So just kill me. Put an end to it.”
I can’t move. I can’t do it.
Pulling myself from my shift, I kneel in the snow before him. “It doesn’t have to be this way between us. We can start over and move past this.”
A growl rumbles from the black wolf curled at my feet. “Either you kill me now or someday I will kill you. I will not lose anyone else I love because of you.”
I barely avoid flinching at his words. “I can’t kill you.” Even though I know I should. I still look at him and see the boy I grew up with. I can’t separate the broken man at my feet and the boy who carried me on his shoulders through the woods.
There is only one option left and for many ulfhednar, it is a fate worse than death itself.
When I open my eyes, Anders is a man. Blood and sweat streak his face as he glares up at me. Rising to my feet, I speak loud enough for the crowd to hear.
“Anders, son of Erik and Matilda, I sentence you to exile. From this moment on, you are no longer a part of this pack.”
Wide green eyes gaze up at me, blazing with hatred and fear.
Lone wolves never last long, and packs never take in exiled wolves. Death by my fangs would have been kinder.
With a strangled snarl, Anders turns his face into the snow and refuses to meet my gaze.
Closing my eyes tight, I hold fast against the guilt that tries to drag me under.
I’ll never know if this was the right choice, but what’s done is done.
From this moment on, my brother is dead to me.
“Are you okay?” Kieran asks softly.
We wait at the outskirts of the village for Anders to be escorted to us. The sun touches the horizon, staining the forest red and orange.
“I do not know,” I answer.
Any moment now, Anders will come to us. The sword he named Wolf’s Tooth when he was a lad will have been taken from him. He will have a sack with enough provisions to keep him full until he arrives at his destination. “I’ll never see him again.” I blink fast against a sudden rush of sorrow.
“He won’t be able to challenge you anymore, or threaten me or anyone else in the pack,” Kieran says, coming to stand beside me so he can rub my shoulder.
“I know.” Grinding my teeth to anchor me, I hold on fast to the memories of all the times he hurt me with his words and with his actions. “It is a relief, but… it also pains me.” I feel foolish admitting it out loud, but Kieran just leans his head against my shoulder.
“Yeah, I get that. He’s your brother. You’re allowed to be upset he couldn’t be who you wanted, even if it’s good he’s gone.”
I want to pull him into my arms, but my pack emerges from the trees. Gunnar and Lyall walk on either side of Anders. Without his weapons, Anders looks smaller than before. He still has his furs. He will need them if he is to survive. A sack swings from his shoulder, loaded with everything he’ll need. Hopefully, it is enough. I will never know.
Without a word to any of my kin, I turn and lead the way to the beach. The grass turns to stones that crunch beneath my boots. Waves lap at the shore before they’re drawn away. A single rowboat awaits, moored on land. Anders stops before the boat, jaw tightly clenched.
Blinking fast, Lyall puts a hand on Anders’s shoulder and pushes. The pain in my brother’s eyes makes me look away toward the horizon. This is the second time Lyall has had to exile someone so important to him. Anders sinks into the boat without a word. I know what happens next without having to look: Gunnar and Lyall will take each hand and tie them to the oars, and then I will push the boat into the water. My heart is heavy in my chest.
Eyes on the horizon, I come to stand behind the boat. Anders doesn’t speak or acknowledge me, just stares toward the setting sun with me. “Farewell, brother. May the Father Wolf guide your path.” As the tide comes rushing in, I push the boat toward the ocean. The tide carries the vessel out to sea.
Helga steps forth, unwrapping a cloth in her hands. A branch of Yggdrasil rests within the fabric. As she holds the branch to the skies, the wind picks up, billowing around us. A bright light flashes on the horizon. Beside me, Kieran gasps. Squinting through the light, I can make out Anders’s silhouette as he rows toward the portal. The light burns my eyes, but I can’t look away, desperate for one final look at my brother.
Before I’m ready, the light fades along with the setting sun as it disappears beyond the ocean.
Anders is gone.
If I didn’t have the scars upon my soul to tell me otherwise, I’d have thought he’d never existed at all.