Chapter 9
This was it. Her last chance to back out.
The sound of animated chatter wafted through the air.Susan drew a deep, ragged breath. On the other side of this door were people the complete opposite of her. People who’d never dream of doing even half the things she’d done.
Who was she kidding? She didn’t belong here. She’d never fit in with all these goody-two-shoes folk.
But just as her heart resolved to leave, the realization of how much she wanted to stay gripped her.
John Murphy’s words echoed in her mind.
The three of us are bound together, whether you like it or not.
Is that the way it would always be? Or could the God on the other side of the door break even that chain?
The question was, would He even want to? Surely, she was too far gone for any of the grace or mercy she’d heard people talk about on the rare occasions she had attended church back home.
Nausea surged within her at thememory of John’s hands around her throat the other day. When she’d finally regained consciousness, he hadn’t beenthere. Maybe it’d been him who hadpropped her on the sofa before he’d left, maybe it’d been her father. But for the rest of the night, Da had been the one to cajole and persuade her into agreeing to do what John Murphy wanted them to do this time.
In a moment of desperate devastation, she’d nodded. Anything to shut him up and get him to leave her alone.
She hadn’t made a sound—just barely moved her head. But she’d pledged herself to it, all the same. Andever since, she’d been trying earnestly to find a way out of what she’d agreed to. Out of his stifling web.
Surely breaking your word was a good thing when keeping it would only lead to something worse?
The door of the meeting house opened and a man bedecked in finery strolled out, nodding as he passed her.
Was everyone else insideso well dressed? She glanced down at her dress. Shewas like a shabby peasant in comparison.
What are you doing here, you mad woman? You don’t belong. You’re nothing but?—
“Miss Kelly!”
Susan stiffened at the familiar voice.She turned andlooked up, saw Ifor’s smile. Grin, really. His eyes sparkled as he observed her. Why did his attention make her even more aware of what a wretch she really was?
“Welcome! Oh, I am so glad that you were able to make it here this morning.” He looked glad. And handsome. And kind. Too kind a soul for someone like her to ever deserve to know.
She nodded, searching for words, yet failing to find any that seemed apt for the moment.
“Come in, come in.” He stood aside, gesturing with his hands for her to enter the building. As she obliged and walked past him, she drew a shaky breath. She should’ve bolted when she’d had the chance. She didn’t belong here.
He closed the door behind her and gestured again. Before her was a small, yet spacious meeting room, with rows ofwooden pews lining the center of the room and each side of it, leaving two relatively narrow aisles for folks to navigate on their way to a seat.
There were men and women—from all walks of life, smiling and chatting warmly amongst themselves.
“Ifor! Over here!”
Ifor nodded in the direction from which the cooing voice had come, then turned eagerly to Susan. “Come and meet Mrs. Gray. We still have a few moments before the service starts.”
Before she could even think to respond, he’d slipped his hand into hers and was leading her over to the right-hand rows of pews.
His hand was warm and strong. And safe. His grip wasn’t uncomfortably tight, nor unfeelingly loose. Entirely unlike others who had grabbed her hand to lead her somewhere—people like Da. Like John Murphy. She shuddered at the memories.
Ifor stopped walking and their hands gently slipped apart. An elderly woman with a brightdress and even brighter eyes smiled up at them from one of the pews.
Susan’s heart hammered. Had people noticed Ifor clutching her hand,guiding her through the room? Were they judging her, or worse—him?
“Opal, allow me tointroduce you. This isMiss Susan Kelly. Miss Kelly, this is Mrs. Opal Gray, a dear friend.”
She blinked, trying to focus on the introduction he was clearly so keen to make. But all the while, her thoughts were tormented.
“Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Gray.”
Could they hear the tremble in her voice? If so, they hadn’t shown it.
“Miss Kelly, what a delight it is to meet you. Ifor here has told me all about you.” The lady’s eyes twinkled as she spoke, and her voice carried all the delight of an exciting summer’s day.
Susan glanced at Ifor, whose cheeks were beginning to pink a little. He’d been talking about her? Telling Opal all about her?
She swallowed. Surely, it didn’t mean what she’d immediately thought it might.
What she hoped it did.
As his warm eyes met hers for a split second, shame flooded her. How could she hope the poor fellow would be interested in someone like her? She’d only pollute him. Ruin his life. She was a Kelly. Her family hadn’t earned a reputation back home for doing good things. No. If he had any sense at all, Ifor Morgan wouldn’t get mixed up with the likes of her.
“Good morning, everyone.” The booming voice startled Susan into motion, though without knowing where she ought to go, her nervous energy led her to shift her weight from one foot to the other and back again at the edge of the pew.
“Come, sit, sit.” Opal scooted down the pew and patted the wood next to her.
“After you,” Ifor said with a smile, motioning with his hand for Susan to sit next to Opal, which she promptly did. He plopped down next to her, gave her a friendly—almost wistful—smile, then turned his attention to the man at the front of the room, who was welcoming everyone to the morning’s service.
Susan glanced at Opal, whose kind smile she couldn’t help but return.
As they settled in and listened, she couldn’t help thinking two things over and over again. First, how deeply aware she was that she didn’t belong here.
And, yet, how much she wished that one day she could.