Heartbreaker (Havenbrook #3)

Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

HUDSON

I kept sneaking glances at Kenna out of the corner of my eye as I drove toward Havenbrook. The sun had long since set, so I only had the headlights of passing cars to illuminate her expressions. Although, it had really only been one expression since we’d left the hospital parking lot—guilt. Pure, undiluted guilt.

And I fucking hated it for her.

I’d lived with guilt, and it was exhausting. How it ate away at a person until they believed every single lie they told themselves during one of those spirals. And right now, I’d do just about anything to pull her out of it.

“You know what drivin’ this way makes me think about?” I asked, breaking the silence. I’d been trying to engage her in conversation the entirety of the ride, but she’d only given one-word answers in between staring out the window.

She turned her head toward me. “Hmm?”

I lifted my chin to the turnoff sign for Fort Ridley, Tennessee, a smile quirking my lips. “Remember when Nat and her dumb-ass friends thought it’d be a good idea to steal Philander’s tractor in retaliation for him tellin’ their parents some probably illegal thing they did?”

Her lips twitched in the corner, but it wasn’t quite the full-blown smile I’d been hoping for, so I continued. “Only the idiots drove it across state lines—because of course they did. Go big, or go home for those three, right? Except?—”

“The tractor died and stranded them in Tennessee.” She chuckled under her breath and shook her head. “It’s really a wonder they’ve only been arrested the once.”

“Lucky bastards, all of ’em.”

“Lucky and persuasive. If you and I hadn’t gone to pick ’em up and tow that thing back, they’d’ve probably been sent off to juvie.” She shook her head, a grin quirking up the side of her mouth. “You know he never did find out? I think those three will take that to their graves. And I sorta like havin’ something to hold over Nat’s head.”

“Like you’d ever tell.”

She cocked an eyebrow at me. “You don’t think so?”

“Not in a million years.”

“What makes you so sure?”

I brought our clasped hands to my mouth and kissed her knuckles, then darted my eyes to hers before focusing once again on the road. “Because you’re the most loyal person I’ve ever known, Kenna. You might wanna strangle your sisters sometimes, but you’d never give someone else ammunition to do so.”

“Loyal but not dependable, apparently,” she said so low, I was certain I wasn’t supposed to hear it.

“Hey.” I tugged her arm to get her attention. “Loyal and depend?—”

“Hud. Can we not?” she said on a sigh. “I’m so exhausted, I just wanna close my eyes for a while.”

I split glances between her and the road, trying to get a read on her expression, but without any oncoming cars, it was too dark to be able to do so. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice, though that wasn’t all I heard. There was an underlying emotion I couldn’t quite name. But it didn’t matter. If she wanted to rest, then I certainly wasn’t gonna stop her.

With a nod, I said, “Go ahead and rest, then. I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

She snapped her head to mine, her voice vehement. “No, town hall first. Momma said?—”

“Okay. All right. Town hall.” I squeezed her hand. “But then home.”

I figured she was too tired to argue—which meant she was really tired—because she hesitated only a moment before she nodded, then settled into the seat, her head turned toward the window, and went silent.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot at town hall, I wasn’t sure if she’d actually slept or had just pretended to in order to avoid talking. I’d give her some time, but I wasn’t going to let her go around carrying this unnecessary guilt on her shoulders. Not when it was absolutely unfounded.

I followed behind her into the dark building, our steps echoing in the empty corridor. It was creepy as fuck to be here at night when there wasn’t anyone else around, and the thought of her doing this without me made me uneasy as hell. I knew she could take care of herself, but try telling that to the part of me that was desperate to keep her safe.

“You don’t come here alone at night, do you?”

“Not usually, no. But I might have to start since Daddy’ll be off for a while now.”

“I’m not sure that’s?—”

“I’m gonna laugh if you’re about to say safe.” She tossed me a look over her shoulder. “It’s Havenbrook , Hud. Besides, the police station is directly across the street.”

Logically, I couldn’t argue, but the part of me that was having issues with it didn’t give a fuck about logic.

“You—”

“Can take care of myself. Now, drop it. You’re not winnin’ this one.”

“Maybe not, but you wouldn’t turn down a bet, would you?”

She stopped dead in her tracks and slid her eyes to mine on an exhale. “Terms?”

“Bet you can’t get out of a choke hold within thirty seconds.”

“I can get out in fifteen. And the prize you’re never gonna win?” she asked, her eyebrows raised.

“You don’t come here by yourself at night.”

“Mhmm, and when I win, you’ll shut the hell up about this and allow me to go on as I’ve been doin’ for the past almost twenty-eight years?” Her tone was drier than a desert.

“I guess so.”

“Fine.” She stopped in her tracks and spun around to face away from me. “Let’s go.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now. I’d like you to get over the notion that I’m incompetent as soon as fucking possible.”

“I never said?—”

“ As soon as fucking possible .”

I chuckled under my breath, loving that she’d finally gotten some of her fire back, if nothing else. Stepping up behind her, I stopped just before our bodies touched, and that last millimeter of space was killing me.

I dropped my head so my lips were directly next to her ear. Quietly, I said, “Some might say you have an unfair advantage since you know the attack is comin’.”

She shrugged as if she were unaffected by our proximity, but the shiver that stole over her shoulders proved otherwise. “And some might do anything to excuse their failure.”

“Love you feisty…” I murmured in her ear right before I locked my arms around her.

One minute I had her in a standard choke hold and the next, my arm was twisted behind my back and she was pushing it to just this side of pain.

She stood on tiptoes and nipped my ear. “Feisty enough for you?”

Then, without another word, she dropped my arm and raised her eyebrows. I was surprised she didn’t actually bow.

Goddamn, I wanted to bend her over the nearest desk and fuck her until we both saw stars. Kenna under normal circumstances had me half out of my mind, but a Kenna who could take care of herself and bested me by doing so? Christ .

I didn’t even try to hide the rasp in my voice when I asked, “Where’d you learn how to do that?”

She shrugged and continued down the hall. “Took self-defense classes years ago. Loved it so much, I started teachin’ it down at St. Mary’s a few times a year. Taught it to Nat, too, before she went off globe-trottin’ by herself.”

No matter how much I knew of Kenna, it seemed like there was always something new to unearth. Some facet of her I’d missed out on in the time I’d been gone.

It didn’t surprise me in the least that she’d taken it upon herself to become well versed in self-defense and then to teach it to her sister. That was Kenna, through and through.

She flipped on the lights in the mayor’s office. The desk was much less cluttered than I’d have guessed it’d be, but one look at the smaller desk in the outer office—no doubt for the mayor’s assistant—revealed why. Piles upon piles of paperwork were just hanging out, as if waiting for someone else to do it.

“Looks like the assistant’s more backed up than your daddy.”

Kenna huffed out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, except the last assistant quit— again —and with all the commotion of everything, we haven’t hired anyone else. So, I’m playin’ mayor and mayor’s assistant, and I don’t exactly know how to do either one.”

As she sat down, a note fluttered off the desk and onto the ground in front of me. I snatched it up while Kenna busied herself behind the desk.

Mac,

Don’t worry about any of this! I’m gonna come in early tomorrow and take care of it. Go home and get some rest. I MEAN IT.

Avery

“Hey, Kenna?” I asked, holding up the note between two fingers.

“Hmm?” she answered distractedly.

“This note from Avery says you’re not supposed to work on any of this and just go home. She’s gonna take care of it tomorrow.”

She scoffed. “There’s way more here than she can take care of in an extra hour tomorrow. I’m not leavin’ until I tackle some of it.”

“I don’t know…she seems pretty adamant. She wrote ‘I mean it’ in all caps.”

A fond smile quirked up the side of her mouth, but she didn’t lift her eyes to mine. “That’s just Avery.”

I wanted to ask her about her friendship with someone who must’ve been a transplant since I’d never met her. I wanted to ask her a thousand questions just to get the details of everything I’d missed out on, but she didn’t give me the opportunity to do so. Without another word, she sat behind the desk and started sorting through the piles, her head down and brow furrowed.

Blowing out a resigned sigh, I settled into one of the guest chairs as Kenna flitted from the desk to the filing cabinets to the copy machine to her daddy’s desk, and I sent a group text to Caleb and Lilah.

Group text with Hudson, Caleb, and Lilah

8:02 p.m.

Hudson:

How’d CB do?

Lilah:

She was sweet as all get-out. We took her to see Atticus, though. Her scent left a little something to be desired.

I grinned, my thumbs poised to type a response when a text from Caleb popped up.

Caleb:

What your sister means is CB smelled like she found a field of manure and rolled around in every inch of it she could find. Then found a skunk and made pals. Then found its shit and rolled around in that. And then ate something dead, shit it out, and then rolled around in it.

This time, I laughed outright. That might have been more than Caleb had ever said at one time in his whole life.

“What’s so funny?” Kenna asked distractedly.

“Caleb’s really enjoyin’ CB’s scent.”

At the mention of the dog, Kenna glanced up, a soft smile on her lips. “She behaved herself?”

“I think so. I’m still gettin’ the full story.”

Kenna nodded before ducking her head, her brows drawn in as she focused once again on the stack of papers in front of her.

I brought my attention back to my phone and typed out a response.

Hudson:

Basically what you’re saying is she smelled like shit?

Caleb:

Yes.

Lilah:

No!

Caleb:

Your sister just punched me and told me to apologize to the dog. So that’s where we’re at.

My sister was a lot of things, but a delicate petal wasn’t one of them. If anyone could hold their own with my XO, it was her.

Hudson:

Sounds about right.

Lilah:

What Caleb MEANT to say was that she’s an angel and we love having her.

Wait, we? The two of them had been together when I’d dropped CB off that morning, but I’d assumed since Lilah was on duty at The Sweet Spot, Caleb would take the dog to the cabin with him while he continued working on the place.

I only managed to feel a tinge of guilt at the fact that my buddy had been doing as much—if not more—work on the cabin than I’d been doing myself. But then I reminded myself that this was exactly what Caleb had needed and why he’d come home with me in the first place instead of going to his empty apartment.

Hudson:

We?

I sent the text and then waited for several minutes before a reply came in—the dancing dots would appear and then disappear before reappearing again. Someone was working up quite a story.

Lilah:

I went to the cabin with Caleb so he could finish up the shingles like y’all talked about. Nash had to repair damage from a leaky pipe, so I needed to be gone anyway.

And yet she didn’t just keep CB at her apartment…

Like the freaky little sister she was, it was as if she had heard my thoughts, because it took only a couple seconds for another text to come in from her.

Lilah:

The noise has been driving me crazy, so I needed a little peace.

Something was going on, and I would bet my pocketknife collection it had to do with my partner and my baby sister getting together right under my nose.

I poised my phone to begin typing out a response to ask just that when Kenna blew through the outer office where the assistant’s desk sat, a stack of papers in her hand and her hair all askew.

We’d spent two days in the wilderness and then half a day stuck in a hospital, and yet her hair hadn’t looked crazier than it did right then.

“Everything all right?” I asked, standing and slipping my phone into my back pocket.

She barked out a humorless laugh. “No. No, everything is absolutely not all right. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doin’, Hud, but I still have to do it, right? I still have to figure out what the hell is needed because I’m the only one here to do it, and everyone’s countin’ on me.” Her voice rose with each word until she was really on a roll, yelling into the room empty save for the two of us. “Doesn’t matter that me doin’ this job was a complete afterthought—it’s not like I’m not used to that. And besides, it’s the least I can do since I so epically failed at bein’ a good daughter by runnin’ off to a freakin’ mountain while my family went through hell.”

“Hey…” I gently took the stack of papers out of her arms—a stack she’d managed to wrangle into an orderly pile, I noted—and set them on the already cluttered desk. Then I propped my ass against the edge and tugged her between my spread knees. “You’re not a failure because you were gone, Kenna. I mean, what’s your solution to that? Never leave town? Walk around wearin’ a walkie-talkie so you’re available 24/7/365?”

“So what if I do?”

“C’mon, you know that’s not realistic.”

“What do you know about it, anyway?” she snapped, yanking her hand out of my grasp. “You weren’t here when your family went through their own hell while your momma was in the hospital. You didn’t see what happened to them. But I did, and now I’m doin’ the same damn thing to my family.”

Ouch. Her words were meant to cut deep, and they did, though I tried not to take it personally. I knew the only reason she was lashing out at me—had ever lashed out at me—was because she felt so comfortable with me. More comfortable than with her family. She felt secure in our relationship, and that was something at least.

It took a lot for Kenna to get to this stage, but I’d borne the brunt of her wrath a time or two during our twenty-year friendship. Like when Will had started dating Finn back in high school and pulled away from Kenna, leaving her behind without a second thought.

Instead of getting defensive—because, really, she was right. What did I know about it? She’d seen whatever devastation had happened to my family because I’d been a continent away—I gripped her hips and tugged her even closer. Squeezed her a little tighter, just to remind her I wasn’t going anywhere.

At least not tonight.

“I wanna tell you a story.”

“Now’s not the time, Hud.”

“Now’s the perfect time.” Without giving her a chance to argue again, I said, “You remember when I got injured?”

She stilled and settled a hand on my chest, her eyes searching mine. Swallowing audibly, she nodded. “Yeah.”

Yeah. Of course she did. It was the catalyst for our separation. The reason she’d pointed to that proved I didn’t have my head one hundred percent in the game, and that she was a distraction I couldn’t afford.

“When I was in recovery at the medical treatment facility, my team went on a mission without me. And not all of them came home.”

“Hud…” Kenna said, regret and sympathy seeping into her tone.

“I blamed myself for that for a long time.”

“Well, that’s stupid—it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t even there.”

I shrugged. “That’s what people told me, but it didn’t matter. I still thought if I’d been there, it all could’ve been avoided. At that time, I was a cocky kid who didn’t really even know his head from his ass, so I don’t know what the fuck I thought I could’ve done differently. But logic doesn’t come into play when you start down that spiral, does it?”

I looked to her, but she didn’t respond, her lip caught between her teeth as she darted her gaze over my face.

“You know what my mentor beat into my head a hundred times until I finally listened?”

“What?”

“Who’s to say if I had been there that things wouldn’t have been even worse? I beat myself up for a long time over the woulda-shoulda-couldas, but I finally realized I’d go crazy if I continued on that path. So, I let that shit go.”

“So, what you’re tellin’ me is I should let that shit go.”

“No, what I’m tellin’ you is it’s not your fault. Whatever happened with your daddy was gonna happen whether you were here or not.”

“But what if?—”

“We could play the what-if game all day, Kenna. But sometimes, you just have to take it for what it is and move on.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but instead slumped against me as she gave me a slight nod.

I knew her well enough to know this wasn’t over. I may have won the battle, but I certainly hadn’t won the war. I had more work to do…I just hoped I could get it done in the little time I had left in Havenbrook.

The thought of leaving her in eight days sent a wave of adrenaline through me, making my hands tingle with the need for action. It was the same feeling I got on a mission. It was what allowed me to settle in and do exactly what I needed to do with a single-minded focus.

The only problem was, I had no idea what I needed to do in this situation, because my responsibilities were at war with my wants.

I wanted to stay with Kenna. Build a life with her here in Havenbrook, but I couldn’t do that yet. I still had a responsibility to my country. Still had a responsibility to my late father, too.

When Kenna’s eyes fluttered closed as I tugged her to me, I got lost in the feel of her lips under mine, her tongue slipping into my mouth, her throaty groans as I took the kiss further and deeper. In that moment, I was desperate to act on the responsibility I felt toward her and nothing else.