Heartbreaker (Havenbrook #3)

Chapter 44

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

MAC

I would relive this day for the rest of my life. Both the good and the bad. Finding out Ella was missing and the nerve-racking hours that followed were some of the worst in my entire life. But so many other moments throughout the day overshadowed them in their goodness.

Like seeing Rory’s face when her eyes had first landed on Ella and witnessing the pure joy and relief that had swept over her features. Or accepting bone-crushing hugs from my sister and our momma. Or getting more pats on the back than I could count, the townsfolk looking at me with something I couldn’t remember ever being on the receiving end of—pride and admiration.

“I knew you could do this, sweetheart,” Momma said, her eyes shining with something I hadn’t ever been able to put a name to before. It practically poured out of her, the same look she’d bestowed upon me throughout my life, but usually without the accompanying praise. Like at the hospital, and in our dining room when I’d agreed to take over at town hall, and dozens of other times in my life. “As soon as they told me you were leadin’ the rescue, I took my first deep breath. I knew you wouldn’t let us down. You never do.”

I huffed out a disbelieving laugh. “I… ’Course I do.”

Momma tipped her head to the side, her brows pinched. “What on earth do you mean?”

“Well, Momma…” I said, my tone matter-of-fact. This wasn’t exactly the time or the place to get into it, but my failures also weren’t a secret, especially within our family. “You don’t have to blow smoke up my butt, even if everyone’s makin’ me the hero today.”

“You are the hero today.”

I brushed off the praise and continued as if she hadn’t said a word. “You don’t have to pretend you and Daddy haven’t been disappointed in my…choices.”

“Why in the world would you think that?”

“Why—” I shook my head, fumbling with the words until they suddenly poured out of me. “Why wouldn’t I? The first Haven to fail college?—”

“Mac,” Momma said, her tone sweetly reprimanding. “You and I both know college wasn’t ever gonna hold you. You weren’t made for it.”

“Made for success, you mean?”

“Hush, now.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “Made for ordinary . All four of you are as different as each of the seasons, but you have similarities. Rory and Will thrived at college because they both flourish by seein’ their accomplishments on paper. You and Nat never had time for any of that. You’re both doers, Mac. And you’re doin’.”

I furrowed my brows, suddenly seeing my life through a whole new lens at my mother’s words. “But what about when I was spendin’ my time doin ’ while bein’ a bartender at the place Daddy never wanted here to begin with?”

Momma cocked her head to the side. “You mean while bein’ an integral part of helpin’ your future brother-in-law establish a successful business?”

That…wasn’t exactly how I saw it.

“Well, how about when I ‘ flit off,’ ” I said, air quoting a phrase my daddy loved to use, “for weeks on end and run outta town?”

Raising an eyebrow, Momma asked, “You mean when you’re helpin’ those kids who are so much less fortunate than you’ve ever been a day in your life?”

“Wha—” My jaw dropped open as I stared at my mom with wide eyes. “How’d you know about that? Did Will tell you?”

“Oh, please, like I need your sister to tell me anything. You girls never give me enough credit. There isn’t much y’all’ve done that I don’t know about—including that dent in our car when you were seventeen,” she added with a raised brow.

You could’ve blown me over with a well-timed breeze. I just stared at my mom, having no idea what to say.

Finally, I managed, “So, you mean to tell me you’re…” But I couldn’t finish the sentence, mortified to find a knot in my throat and my nose suddenly tingling.

Momma squeezed my hand, a fond smile tipping the corners of her mouth. “Proud of you? Immensely.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me into her side. “Oh, sweetheart, I had no idea how badly you needed to hear that. I thought you wouldn’t want to. I’m sorry. I might not have said it, but I’ve felt it. Every day of your life.”

I had cried enough over the past few weeks to last a lifetime, and my eyes were stinging even now. I cleared my throat and blinked fast, trying to get a handle on myself. “Thank you.”

“Momma!” Rory called from across the Square, waving our mom over.

“Always,” Momma said quietly. With a squeeze and a kiss pressed to my temple, she stepped away, almost immediately engulfed by the sea of people currently milling about.

The fastest celebration in the history of Havenbrook had been put together when news of Ella’s disappearance and subsequent rescue had spread around town. Edna and Gran had been on the phone, coordinating everything, and by the time Ella had been cleared by the EMTs, tents draped with Christmas lights already stood in the Square, heat lamps placed every twenty yards or so to ward off the early December chill.

The Willow Tree had set up a stand in front of their location, serving hot chocolate—spiked for the adults, natch, with mix-ins for the children. Next to it, in front of The Sweet Spot, was the old stand I had helped Hudson paint back in high school. One of the teenagers Lilah had hired in deference to their increased business was handing out fresh mini donuts to the crowd while Lilah was completely wrapped up in Caleb.

Her arms were around his waist as he stared into her eyes before leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. I blinked at the sight. Holy shit, I must’ve really been in my own world not to have seen that coming.

I looked away, searching out the one person I was desperate to lay eyes on, finding Hudson talking to his momma. He squeezed her tight, saying something that made her smile. They both glanced down to a doting CB, sitting at Hudson’s feet, her tail wagging at their sudden attention.

Fuck, my heart ached. There stood the only man I’d ever loved, and he was leaving. Again. And there was nothing I could do about it.

But…well…I might not have been able to do anything about that , but I could do something about him leaving without knowing I loved him. Loved him with every ounce of my being. I was filled to the brim with it—had been nearly my whole life—and it was time he knew.

Without thought, I strode toward them, taking a quick detour to offer my thanks to Caleb before I spoke to Hudson.

The new couple pulled apart as I approached, and Lilah turned to me with a smile. “You did great today, Mac. Nice job.”

“Thanks.” I forced a grin that I prayed didn’t look like a grimace. I’d been getting better at receiving the compliments that had been showered upon me all day. I hoped.

I turned my attention to Caleb. “Thanks for your help in the helicopter.”

Tipping his head in acknowledgment, he said, “Anytime.” And then he pressed a kiss to Lilah’s temple and murmured, “Find me after you two talk.”

Lilah nodded and watched him leave, a fond smile on her lips.

“So…you and Caleb, huh?”

“Me and Caleb,” Lilah confirmed with a grin.

I didn’t know the ins and outs of their relationship, but I was pretty sure it was brand-new. I thought back to when they’d come into The Willow Tree that night when Hudson and Caleb had first arrived. And while there’d been some sexual tension between them, they definitely hadn’t been a couple. So, weeks-old, then. If that. And here I’d been worried about maintaining something with Hudson when we had the foundation of a lifetime of friendship under us.

“How’re y’all gonna manage that?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

Lilah lifted a shoulder. “We’re just gonna.”

Just like that. No worry. No stress. No second-guessing.

“Won’t it be hard?”

“Of course,” Lilah answered on a laugh. “But what relationship isn’t? This is just a different kind of hard.” She lifted a single shoulder. “But it’ll be worth it if I get him out of the deal. Besides, I know more than most that life is too short. You never know when your last day is gonna be.”

The thought stopped me cold, urgency suddenly choking me. I’d been approaching this all wrong. Since the first time Hudson had left, and then when I’d cut off communication with him after his accident, I’d done it all wrong . I’d been so fucking stupid. So stupid and…scared.

Worse than Hudson being distracted by my love was if his time was up, regardless, and he didn’t even know he had it. Worse would be if I never got to tell him in the first place.

If there was one thing this day had taught me, it was that I needed to have a little more trust in myself and what I could and couldn’t do. And Hudson and I, together? There wasn’t anything we couldn’t do.

Starting a relationship with him now, minutes before he left to be gone for God knew how long, would take a leap of faith. But I’d done all the best leaps of my life with Hudson by my side. It was time to jump and know, with complete certainty, that he’d be there to fall with me.

I looked over to where Caleb and Hudson stood, their heads bent together as Marianne chatted with a customer off to the side. Without prompting, he suddenly lifted his eyes to mine, holding my gaze. My heart fluttered in my chest, my stomach flipping like it did every time I was around him. Urgency driving me forward to tell him everything I’d kept bottled up for too long.