32. Thea
Chapter 32
Thea
I ’m hiding. That’s how Sasha so bluntly put it when we talked last night. Alexz’s opinion that I need to stay here longer to heal is inconsequential to her assessment, and she’s right. I’m letting him cocoon me in the bubble wrap of his protection, when I wouldn’t have before. Physically, I’m as healed as I’m going to be. Mentally, I need more work than I did before. I won’t admit that to anyone but myself. My head is all fucked up, but I can’t hide out here, ignoring the world forever. It’s time to get my life back, even if I don’t know what that life looks like.
“What are you thinking?” Wolfe asks, coming to join me on the couch. Out of the corner of my eyes, I watch him tip his water bottle to his mouth.
“I need to go back.”
“I think your grandfather may take issue with that.”
“It’s not his choice. Or yours.”
“I’m not stupid enough to try to talk you out of it, Thea, but you’ll need a plan.”
I already have one. “My plan is to rock up to Malcolm’s door and slit his throat.”
“Efficient kill. I like it, but you’ll have to get through his guardians first, and then there’s the little matter of you killing a league member in cold blood. They’ll come after you.”
Sucking my teeth, I ask, “What’s worse than what I’ve already experienced?”
“I’m not interested in you finding out. So we come up with a plan for going back, keeping you safe, and getting your revenge.”
Revenge? It’s not as simple as revenge. I’m going back because I need to remove or neutralize the threats permanently. Otherwise, I’ll spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I can feel him watching me, and ask, “What else is on your mind?”
“The Trium. We’ll need a plan on how to deal with them, too.”
“They’re with The League. Loyal to their oath. The plan for them is the same as the plan for anyone else who’s fucked me over.”
“You have feelings for those guys, Thea. It won’t be as easy as you’re making it seem.”
“I had feelings for them. Those were beaten, shocked, and drugged out of me while I was trapped in a league sanctioned hell.”
I don’t care if the facility was off-books, and the doctor was working for Lazarro. The only reason they could get their hands on me in the first place is because Malcolm Cox Jr, a mid-level council member, orchestrated my disappearance. Sure, he was shortsighted and power tripping, so he never even considered that anyone he was working with would double cross him, but he’s the catalyst for everything that happened since my arrest in Palm Springs.
Wolfe says, “There’s something else you should know. Two days after your disappearance, Eloise and Pax started showing up around town together.”
The strawberry I’m eating lodges in my throat. I swallow, trying to get it to go down. “They’re together, or together ?”
He pauses before saying, “They’re engaged.”
My laugh is caustic and loud. I haven’t laughed since I was taken and the one that’s happening now isn’t a happy, carefree sounding one. It’s dark and bitter. “They deserve each other, but what does that have to do with why you’re against me going back to Canyon Falls?”
“You were Pax’s companion. People are saying he betrayed you and you couldn’t take it, which is supposedly the reason you left.”
I turn that over in my head. “They’re saying I ran off to lick my wounds and mope?” He never answered me before when I asked why LJ was so convinced I took off. Now I get it. She thinks I was heartbroken.
“Given your history with Pax and The Trium, it’s a pretty solid theory that this was the event that broke you.”
It is, but not the way they think. “ God. ” I draw out the word. “It’s like they don’t know me at all. I wouldn’t run off to cry into my soup about getting played. If I was that hurt, I’d get even.” I shove another berry in my mouth and chew, before saying, “I’m more of a cut your dick off and use it to fuck yourself kind of girl, don’t you think?”
His lips turn up into a half smile. “Yes, Thea. I think.”
My toes curl in my shoes. It’s been a while since the last time he called me sweetness. I’ve missed hearing him say it. Glancing up at him, I lean forward. He does the same. Heat rushes through me as his lips press against mine.
The kiss heats up quickly. His hand grips my waist, then he’s pushing me into the sofa, deepening our kiss as he settles his hips between my legs. The warm feeling fades quickly into a phantom shock on my skin. I ignore it, pushing through the discomfort as his tongue dips into my mouth, and his hands push under my shirt.
“God, I’ve missed you.” Wolfe murmurs against my mouth before going back to kissing me again. He grinds against me, his erection tenting his pants.
I can do this. My hands rest stiffly against his shoulders as he palms my breasts. My nipples are hard, my eyes clenched shut as I try to reclaim that feeling of arousal that abandoned me the minute he grabbed me and pushed me down.
Wolfe
I’m rock hard, aching for Thea, but something’s wrong. As much as I love being between her thighs, and my hands on her body, I can tell she’s not into it. I pull back, removing my hands from under her shirt and smooth the fabric back down over her stomach, before pushing myself to a sitting position. She peels her eyes open and asks, “Why are you stopping?”
“You’re shaking, Thea. You don’t want this.”
She shifts to a sitting position, resting her back against the armrest. Her voice is soft, and a bit pained when she says, “I do want this. I want to be with you, Wolfe.” She insists, awkwardly rubbing her hands up and down my thigh. “Don’t you want me?”
“Of course I do. So goddamn much, but I know you and I know your body. You’re trying to force intimacy between us because you think you have to, and I don’t want you doing that.”
I swipe at the tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. “I’m not rejecting you, Thea. We don’t need to rush into this. We’ll resume our sex life when you’re ready.”
Her fingers dig into my leg. “I want this but-”
“But what?”
“I can’t deal with being manhandled right now. Or having any weight on top of me. I can’t be confined, so maybe, don’t lie on top of me.”
I settle into my corner of the couch. “You’re in control here, and we can do or not do whatever you want.”
The first thing she does is shift closer and crawl into my lap. “Can you just touch me? Over the top of my clothes. I don’t like skin to skin contact. It reminds me of the hands brushing over me when they attached the electrodes, and grabbing me triggers my fight response.”
Holding my hands up, I say, “How about you put my hands where you want them, and control the pressure? Show me how you want to be touched.”
She places my hands on her hips and says, “I just want to kiss you.”
“Kiss away, Sweetness.”
She does. Small tentative pecks. I tamp down the urge to take control, letting her set the pace and intensity. It’s in stark contrast to the way she used to kiss me. Like she’s new at it. It’s hot, letting her discover what she can handle and working through what feels right.
She tastes like strawberries and the whipped cream she drenched them in. The slightest hint of caramel flavored coffee on her breath. Her hands move to the top of my shoulders, then slowly around my neck as she toys with the ends of my hair. I adjust my legs, spreading them wider, and she settles deeper into my lap.
“Can you get yourself off on me like this? Just kissing me and rubbing against my cock? Because all I want right now is to hear and watch you cum.”
She shifts against me. I groan as her ass brushes against my erection. I’ve been so focused on finding her all these months that I haven’t bothered trying to find relief. What good would fantasizing about her, and reminding myself of what I was missing have done me? But now, everything is fighting for recognition. My body vibrates with need. Craving her touch.
She breaks our kiss, eyes open, watching me. “That’s it. Look at me. Stay grounded in this moment with me. I’m here. I’m here and you are doing so damn good.”
Her hold on my hair increases as she rocks against me. She’s pulling hard enough to make my scalp sting. “You can’t see it, Thea, but my tip is leaking. I can barely hold back from cumming like an inexperienced teenager. That’s what you’re doing to me. Making me feel like it’s my first time with a woman.”
She grunts and kisses me again, sucking my tongue into her mouth. I swallow her next moan and the next. I want to thrust up against her, but I don’t, and I keep my hands where she put them. Thea needs control right now, and I’m happy to give it to her.
She pulls away again, panting, and slowly climbs off my lap. “You okay?”
“I think. I think that’s enough. I’m sorry, I can’t. I really want to, but there’s a block in my brain and I can’t get around it.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Thea. There’s no rush.” I climb to my feet, grabbing my key off the table.
“You’re leaving?”
“I don’t want to sit here with you side-eyeing my hard cock and feeling like you’ve disappointed me when you haven’t. So, I’m going for a long walk around the neighborhood, then for a workout in the gym, followed by an ice bath. By the time I’m done, I’ll be too tired and cold to be horny.”
“Wolfe.”
“I promise I’m not upset with you. I would never be upset about this. We can try again, any time you want.” I lean down and kiss her cheek. “I’ll see you later.”