34. Thea
Chapter 34
Thea
D eacon’s been surly from the moment we passed the sign announcing our arrival in Riverside County. Spending two weeks in jail was easy. It’s the streets of Canyon Falls, and what comes next that makes me want to call Alexz and tell him I’ve changed my mind.
I choose Moira as the first person I contact after my release, because her office number is easier to find. It also gives me more time before I have to hear Scott’s voice. I’ll have to look him in the face and pretend I didn’t just spend three months having dinners and meetings with his dad. I understand why I need to keep this from him, but I still feel like shit. Not because I want to facilitate a relationship between them, but because I want to tell him how much he and his father are alike. They both walked away from their children “to protect them.”
I tell myself what I need to do, what I have to do, is forget that familial connection exists. Nikolaos Constantin doesn’t exist. Not to the outside world. Not anymore. The person running the Phoenix Foundation isn’t a man. He’s a menace. A vigilante. A fixer. A hero. A myth. A legend. Operations . His family are the agents and assets who work for him. His concern is for righting injustices in the world. So as much as I want to be better than the adults in my life, as much as I want to be honest and tell everyone the truth, I want to protect the Phoenix Foundation’s employees and mission even more.
So, I stuff down all the snark I feel. I swallow the sarcasm, and yes , the lingering anger and disdain I feel about the men in my family never thinking of anything past their immediate circumstances when making decisions. I bury all of that in the same box where I keep all my other trauma, and commit myself to what I have to do.
Luckily, the words I’m about to say are true. The lie comes from omitting the other things that have happened to me since I’ve been gone. I won’t speak about it. I can’t speak about it. Not now. I don’t know if I ever will. Wolfe and Alexz know the basics. I don’t want to delve any deeper than that.
“Moira Hughes.” I say, when the person asks where to transfer my call. I stop my thoughts from spiraling and concentrate on this phone call. Blowing out a breath, I say the words that will toss me back into the Lion’s Den. “Moira. Hi. It’s Thea.”
In the week since I got out of prison, I’ve sat through interview after interview, recounting my story more times than I care to think about. My story changed slightly each time I’ve told it. Not the details. Just the words I’ve used and the way I recount what happened. I got more and more frustrated each time I rehashed it, which is another way to sell a lie.
Our emotions dictate how we relay a story. When we’re in the middle of processing a traumatic event, we might be cold, clinical, detached. But as that experience settles into us, and the shock wears off, our true emotions bleed into how we tell the story next time, and each time after that.
By the time I sat for my last interview, I let my annoyance show through. I was annoyed people kept asking, and annoyed about how much time I lost, being wrongly accused and incarcerated. The council said they’d review my statement and contact me when they’ve reached a decision. I’m not expecting to hear from them until after the New Year, because they’ll be spending time with their families over the Christmas holiday.
The twinkling lights on the tree mock me as I stare at the presents on the floor underneath it. I’m not in the mood for Christmas or festive cheer, but Moira, Scott, and Van insisted we celebrate my return. I didn’t want to ruin their Christmas joy, so I helped decorate the tree, but passed on attending the holiday party at the hotel.
I’m not ready to go out into the world just yet, but there is one other person I want to give an advanced warning about my return. She’ll be here soon.
“Thea!” LJ calls out as she rushes into the living room. She collapses onto the couch beside me. I brace for her embrace, but it doesn’t come. She stops short of touching me. I exhale, glad that she did, and slowly reach my hand out for hers. She grabs it, holding it between both of hers and squeezes.
“I’ve missed you so much.” She whispers. Her voice breaks, tears pool in her eyes.
I shift closer, allowing our shoulders to touch, to offer her a bit of comfort. “I missed you too, LJ. So much.”
“I thought you’d run away. If I would’ve known you were arrested…” Her voice trails off. “Are you suing the police department?”
“For?”
“Unlawful detention and violation of your civil rights.”
With a shake of my head, I tell her, “I actually hadn’t thought about that. My focus has been on adjusting to being back here.” I settle back onto the couch, draping a blanket over my legs. “I’d rather not think about what happened and where I’ve been any more. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”
I let her chatter wash over me, forcing myself to comment in the appropriate places as she tells me what’s been going on in her life. She’s spent most of the time I’ve been gone fulfilling family obligations. There’s a note of sadness in her voice, which I chalk up to her feelings about what’s happened to me.
When she runs out of things to talk about, we turn on a movie. It’s just background noise. My mind races over all the things that I need to do in the next few weeks. To Alexz’s great disapproval and Wolfe’s, I’ve chosen to return to school, so I’ll need to re-enroll and register for classes.
Carla brings us a snack, and at some point, LJ drifts off to sleep. I stay with her on the couch, a knife under the cushion at my back, trying not to react to every sound or flash of light.
Mrs. Mercer walks into the living room, and flicks on a lamp, then sets a tablet on the coffee table in front of me. “There was a rash of disturbances in the neighborhood in your absence, so the security system has been upgraded. Now, all you have to do is say your distress code and help will come.”
“What’s my distress code?”
She rolls her eyes and says, “I didn’t pick it and it’s ridiculous if you ask me, but Carla thought it might be relevant. Phoenix. Your distress code is Phoenix.”
“Huh?”
“As I said, Carla picked it. I see no such similarity to a magical bird of fire, but I suppose it’s easy to remember.” Her words are blunt, but they don’t match the momentary flash of emotion on her face. “So if we’re ever attacked here at home, you yell Phoenix.”
LJ and I talked almost every day over the break, even when she was on the slopes in Denver with her family for New Year’s. She’s slowly gotten me caught up on what I’ve missed and helped me move into the dorms this morning.
Thankfully, re-enrolling in school wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I finished my last semester with passing marks, and they couldn’t reject my enrollment based on their felony policy since the charges were dropped and I was never actually convicted of anything. I felt an enormous sense of relief when they told me my housing assignment changed. The fourth bedroom in Vale Tower is out of circulation again. I’m sure plenty of people will be happy that I’m not living there this year. My new dorm is close to LJ’s. I’d hoped to at least be in her building, but as a late enrollee, there weren’t any spots left. The dorm isn’t bad. It’s also not very secure, which has thrown Wolfe into overprotective mode.
“They’re engaged,” LJ says, as she stares across the street. “Nobody really mentions it, because the paperwork is still being drafted, but my mother overheard Eloise’s mother telling someone.”
I tilt my head back, cracking my neck, and taking a minute to enjoy the feeling of the air and sun on my face. “Lemme know when they post their registry. I’ll send a gift.”
“I’m sorry, Thea.”
My head drops as I return my attention forward. “For what?” I force myself not to stiffen when she touches me.
“This literally happened the day you left. They must’ve been messing around behind you and Finn’s backs.”
She rubs my shoulder, trying to console me over the fact that Pax moved on while I was locked up. I haven’t told her what I overheard at the party. Pax never gave a shit about me to begin with. I was merely an inroad to a deal. I wonder how much of Eloise’s daddy’s business he’s getting.
Turning to face her, I take in the pinch of her brow and the tight set of her mouth. I suspect the look on her face is about more than just me and my life. She’s quieter than she ever was before and changes the subject when I ask about these frequent family trips and events she’s attending. I completely understand compartmentalizing and fixating on other things to avoid facing your problems. I’ll give her all the time she needs to open up to me.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, LJ. Finn’s the one who needs sympathy. His best friend was sneaking around with the girl promised to him since infancy. Now that’s some foul shit. Or maybe they were sharing her all along.” I shrug. “Either way, I’m not a victim and I’m happy to have survived being forced to spend time with any of them.”
The Hellspawn and his queen are walking towards us. Their ears must’ve been burning. Coming to the annex today was intentional. In the movies, I love a big reveal, and I get to act one out now. We’re sitting at an outside table having lunch, because I want as many people to see me as possible and get the rumor mill going. The more people who spread word that I’m back following a stint in jail, the better. They’re welcome to pull up my mugshot and pass it around.
Pax and Eloise are closer now. There’s no way they don’t see me. They might pretend not to, but I know they do. I stare them down, refusing to avert my gaze. I want them all uncomfortable when they see me. Choking on their hypocrisy.
I’m supposed to be one of them. A first year prospect, and none of them looked for me . They immediately labeled me a traitor and never even considered foul play could’ve been involved. Or maybe they were hoping I was dead. I would have died eventually. Either in that place or with whoever I ended up with. Their oath of loyalty is such a joke.
Eloise reacts first. Her eyes widen, then narrow as one corner of her mouth tips up in a snarl. I take note of her tucking herself tighter against Pax’s side, then she leans up to kiss him. Oh wow. Is that supposed to bother me? Her need to stake her claim is so pitiful that I snort out a laugh.
A whole school year and she hasn’t learned pissing on her man is not the deterrent she expects it to be? She didn’t need to go through the trouble. I want nothing to do with the asshole she’s currently attached to. The sight of him rolls my stomach and makes my fingers itch to bury my knife in him.
Pax stares at me. He’s worth even less of my time than she is. I shift in my seat, giving them both my back, while LJ veers off to another topic.
Pax
She’s here? Thea’s here. Eloise and I are in the middle of another one of our mandatory outings. I was already in a pissy mood, but now my skin feels tight across my bones.
My girl is back. Did she agree to my father’s terms? Is that why she’s free? It must be. Why didn’t he mention it to me? I answer my own question. Because of what just happened. He’d want me caught by surprise. My gaze flicks to Eloise. Did she know? Is that why she picked today for our outing? Thea doesn’t even flinch when Eloise kisses me. She laughs like it’s funny. Like she doesn’t care. I hate the sound of that laugh.
As much as I want to go to her, I don’t, because if my father gets wind of me interacting with her, he might hide her away again or go after Finn and Holden to teach me a lesson. I don’t want any of those things to happen, so I endure Eloise’s clammy hands, and bright red lipstick kiss on my cheek.
I barely get a look at Thea before Eloise is rushing me off to finish our shopping. I play my part for the rest of our outing, perpetuating the lie that I’m happy with her. I smile and dote on her, pretending that for me, no other woman exists.
Thea and LJ are gone when we make our way back through the annex towards my car. If I could, I’d leave Eloise to find her own way home. I tamp down the urge to drive off, gripping the steering wheel while she piles her bags into the trunk and settles into the passenger seat.
I turn the radio up, preventing any conversation, until she and her packages are out of my presence. When the door to her parent’s home closes behind her, I turn the volume down, so I can hear any police or emergency sirens as I speed along the roads leading to campus as if I can out-drive my thoughts.
When I reach my room, I exhale, willing the tension to seep from my neck and shoulders, and allow myself to think about her . My glimpse of Thea was too brief, but she’s alive. And here. She wasn’t trafficked, which has been my fear since Parker stood in chambers and announced they were looking into the disappearance of the Rockridge patients.
Relief. That’s all I feel. She’s here. I know there are so many still missing, yet I’m so fucking happy Thea’s not amongst them. Does that make me a bad person?
Probably, but when have I ever claimed to be good?