Heartless Legacy (Heartless Heirs of Canyon Falls #4)

36. Thea

Chapter 36

Thea

I knew it would happen, eventually. I’ve been preparing myself for this moment, and yet I feel wholly unprepared for coming face-to-face with Holden for the first time. Pax is easy to ignore, as are Finn’s puppy dog eyes that follow me, begging me to give him another chance.

But it’s the quiet intensity on Holden’s face that says what I’m sure the other two are thinking and too timid to say. Fuck my feelings . If they don’t align with what he wants, he’s happy to trample all over them.

Holden’s always been upfront with me. The best course of action is for me to do the same with him. I stand in place, waiting for him to approach me. Then hold out my hand, making sure he stays an arm’s length away. His gaze flicks over my outstretched arm before returning to my face. I can see he doesn’t like that I’ve stopped him, but he doesn’t come any closer.

He speaks first, “Welcome back.”

I jerk my head in a nod. I’m sure some would say it’s good to be back, but it’s not. I don’t feel welcome and I don’t feel good. I don’t feel anything. I’m just here. Numb is good because that means I’m not feeling those phantom jolts of electricity on my skin.

“They locked down your room this year, but I’ll work on getting you reassigned to Vale Tower by the end of the week.”

“Don’t bother.”

“It’s not a bother. You belong with us.”

See. Fuck my feelings. I just need to get out what I have to say, and he can relay everything to Finn. “When I say don’t bother, I mean I don’t want to live in Vale Tower, and I think we can both agree that given the shift in dynamics, it’s better if I stay as far away from that building as I can.”

“You mean because Pax is with Eloise?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“Pax’s arrangement has nothing to do with us. They didn’t include me and Finn in their contract.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I know the three of you wanted to… I know that maintaining an equal power dynamic was important and your decision to share a companion was supposed to help with that.”

“Only one party to that agreement has backed out. There are still two of us who will be moving forward.”

“Oh. Good.” I nod. “Good for you. And Finn. Good luck on your search.”

“We already found someone.” He says, shifting closer. My senses go on high alert and I slowly take a step away.

“Even better. I’m glad we’re on the same page moving forward.”

“Are we?” He asks, his lips turning up at the corner in a barely there amused smirk.

“Yup. You and Finn are going to share a companion. Pax is tied to the hellbitch, and I’m enjoying my freedom.”

The last part of that statement feels like ash on my tongue. I’m not enjoying shit because I don’t feel free. I feel like I’m one step away from being taken away again. Why the fuck did I think it was so important for me to come back here, and why did Wolfe and Alexz agree? Clearly, I can’t be trusted to make good decisions right now. Other than this one. Addressing the end of our relationship with Holden is the best decision.

Anyone affiliated with Malcolm can’t be trusted. I can’t even look at Holden without seeing the other two. Without seeing The League. He’ll never go against them, which makes us enemies. “If you’re about to say that I’m your candidate, don’t bother. Whatever dreams you had of us reuniting is your issue, not mine. I didn’t have warm, fluttery dreams about you while I was gone, and I won’t pretend I did to save your fragile ego.”

He looks for the lie on my face. He won’t find it. Every word I speak is the truth. I didn’t have good dreams in the scarce moments sleep claimed me. Nightmares await me every time I close my eyes, and there’s no way to go back and undo what’s happened to me. I’ve changed. Just like when I woke up in Palisades Shores last year, another layer of my soul’s been shaved off.

Holden looks like he’s thirty seconds away from grabbing me. I can’t let that happen, so I throw out a hasty, “I’ve gotta go,” and hurry away from him, my back stiff, ears straining to hear if he follows me.

He doesn’t, but I don’t feel like I breathe again until I make it back to my dorm.

It’s Tuesday, the second day of classes. Today and Thursday are my busiest days. I have three classes on each of these days and only one on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The last week and a half on campus was uneventful. I got up, had a protein bar and water for breakfast, went over the syllabi for my classes, talked to LJ and Deacon, and tried to nap, with a chair wedged under the handle of my bedroom door. Sometimes, I went to LJ’s dorm. Rinse and repeat. Yesterday, I was done with class by ten in the morning and back in my dorm before campus got really busy. Today I’ll encounter way more people.

My steps falter when I enter the classroom. Without a class roster, there’s just no way to prepare for who’s gonna be in them. My eyes flick over the seats. It’s pretty empty, because I’m one of the first students to arrive, but I still note who is already here and the location of the other door and windows. I’m on the second floor of the building. Jumping out of one isn’t off the table.

I take a deep breath, calming my nerves, and find a seat in the last row. With shaky hands, I take out my laptop and notebook. My phone buzzes on the desk. I snatch it up, putting it to my ear, to listen to the voice message Wolfe sent me.

Wolfe

Morning. I wish I could have seen you before classes, but I had an early morning training session at Wolfe Pack and my own first day of school to get to.

I know you’re on edge. I am too, and will be taking my frustrations out on the newbies. Don’t you do that. There are way too many eyes on you.

I’ll call you later.

My lips pull into a faint smile and my racing heart settles a little. His day will be just as busy as mine, but he still made time to let me hear his voice. I don’t deserve him. I’m keeping him . There’s no way I’m letting someone else have him. But I don’t deserve him.

I’m in a calm, almost optimistic mood right up until the time the professor enters the classroom. It’s not him that ruins it, not his presence that sucks the air out of my chest. It’s the person walking through the door behind him commanding attention, swaggering through the rows of seats like he owns the space.

What is Pax doing here? He’s looking at his phone as he takes a seat near the middle, leaving me to stare at the back of his head, and the ink peaking out of the collar of his shirt. This is considered a history class, but I don’t think Greek Archaeology is required for his degree path. Is it?

It’s a lower level course, but I’m behind by a semester, so maybe that’s why I don’t recognize anyone else. I registered for this class instead of the more popular Roman Archaeology because I assumed the class sizes would be smaller, and I wanted to learn more about the place where I was born.

I put thoughts of Pax out of my mind. I knew I’d see him and the other two around campus, but hoped it would be from a distance far enough away that I had to squint to make out their features.

It takes a while, but I’m finally able to move air in and out of my lungs without feeling like each breath is full of needles, and my grip loosens on my phone. It’s a classroom. I’m surrounded by people. Not that I trust them, but it’s unlikely that something will happen to me here. I hope.

Pax is standing outside my dorm when I get back from Moira and Scott’s. I went to their place to pick up more of the snacks that Cora keeps on hand for me and stayed for dinner since I’m relatively sure they’re not trying to poison me.

It’s late and visiting hours are over, but that doesn’t stop me from wondering why nobody let Pax inside the building. He’s an entitled bastard and uses his position and reputation to go where he wants whenever he wants. Does the front desk enforce the visitor policy here? None of the others do. Or maybe this dorm didn’t before either. Them doing so now could be a new security measure put in place last semester.

I glance around, looking for others. He seems to be alone, and there’s enough space between him and the door for me to enter. The tightness in my chest eases a little, but if he tries to get in my way, he’ll be sporting a bruise for everyone to see.

“Are you just gonna walk by like you don’t see me here? Like I don’t exist.” He yells at my back.

“You don’t exist. Not to me.”

“Nem-”

I spin around, letting my knife loose. “Don’t call me that.”

He ducks in just enough time to avoid getting impaled through his shoulder. The knife hits the ground with a ting.

“Are you fucking crazy?”

“Don’t call me Nem. You don’t get to call me anything. In fact, pretend like I’m not even here. Act like I don’t exist.”

“I can’t do that.” Taking a step forward, he says, “You are here.”

“I’m here, but I’m dead to you, and so is your little scheme to get shares in Joshua’s company.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

“I know, Pax. I know, so you can stop pretending. I heard you and your mother talking about me and the twenty-five percent clause, and how you were only being nice to me to make me more compliant for the next unlucky person I matched with.” She claps. “Bravo, on your acting skills, by the way. You had me fooled enough to think it was real. I was such an idiot. I even ignored the truth when it was right in front of my face. You were fucking Eloise the whole time.”

His jaw works as he bites back whatever he really wants to say. Since when does he let me get the last word? The smell of roses reaches my nose. I twist my head to see Eloise hurrying down the path towards us.

“Hey, baby. It’s funny running into you here.” She gushes as she stops beside him.

Funny? He’s way on the other side of campus, away from anything either of them would be doing, and they both happen to be here. But sure . Let’s go with funny. It’s so funny they need a comedy special.

“Oh. Hey, Thea. I didn’t see you.” Rubbing Pax’s arm, she asks, “Did she fake an emergency to get you over here?” Addressing me, she says, “I’m sure Pax was too nice to tell you, so I will. You’re no longer a resident of Vale Tower, so any residence hall issues you have need to go through your dorm liaison. The Trium doesn’t deal with petty roommate squabbles for the campus.”

I blink at her as her arm wraps tighter around him and she leans into him. I see through her game. She’s waiting for a reaction. I want to wipe the condescending smile off her face, but I simply retrieve my knife from where it landed, salute them with it, and swipe my badge to get into the building.