Heartless Legacy (Heartless Heirs of Canyon Falls #4)

40. Thea

Chapter 40

Thea

I slide my backpack to the side, and my hand brushes the knife in my pocket as a shadow passes over me, blocking out the sun. “Tink.”

“Saint.” I don’t even pretend to muster up any enthusiasm over seeing him. Saint’s very good at spotting someone trying to bullshit him.

“Interesting place you picked for people watching.” He says as he sits beside me.

“It reminds me of the high rise.”

“I can see that.” Leaning back on his elbows, he asks, “Are you here for the same reason you used to go to the high rise?”

I swing my gaze towards him. “Are you asking if I came here for sentimental reasons?”

“Would that be so bad?”

I bark out a humorless laugh, shocked that he, of all people, would ask me that. “Sentiment doesn’t have any place in my life. It never did. You taught me that.”

“I taught you a lot of things, Tink. Most you never listened to.”

“I listened to the important things.”

After a beat of silence he says, “So if you’re not up here because you miss the gritty life of Nags Creek, what wild hair crawled up your ass to make today the day you trespass in Skulls territory?”

I’m trying to escape my present. I expected to feel like I’d accomplished something after the tribunal ruling. They gave me the outcome I wanted, but instead of relief, I feel numbness and regret for even starting along this path. There’s a heaviness on my shoulders from the weight of their decision and what that means for me. I jerk my chin. “Down there are all these responsibilities and expectations. Up here…”

“You always said the higher up you went, the better your sense of perspective. But I have to ask again, why are you in Skullz territory looking for clarity?”

I answer honestly. “Because this is what I know, Saint. This is where I feel most like myself. This life, dodging the Inferno Skullz, avoiding giving allegiance to anyone but myself, it’s in my bones.”

“Allegiance isn’t a bad word, Tink, and yours has never been just to yourself. You might not have joined up with any of the gangs in Nags Creek, but you always had a code you lived by, and loyalty to people you trusted. You didn’t care what anyone else thought or expected from you. It’s infuriating as fuck, but that’s who you are at your core.”

“I don’t think I’m that girl anymore. This place has made me someone different.”

He stands and tosses a rock off the roof. “Is it making you different, or are you choosing to be different as a survival mechanism?”

I give him a look that I’m sure shows just how fucking dumbfounded I feel. Saint getting philosophical on me, isn’t on my motorcycle club bingo card this month. He continues, “We all have to adapt to our environment. Survival is all you know.”

“You make it sound like I’m wishy-washy, flitting from one decision to the next with no purpose or truth.”

“I don’t see choosing survival as a weakness. Your ability to adapt and survive is one of the first things I noticed about you. You’ve been through a lot of shit, Tink. I’d be disappointed as hell if you didn’t turn everything you’ve done, learned, or endured into an asset.” He gestures toward the ground. “And if this isn’t a place where you’re growing, or moving towards that better life you always talked about, then walk away. I’d hate to see the secrets this town cloaks itself with, devour you like it’s doing everyone else. ”

I consider his words. It has been a lifetime of shit, and until now, I’ve used everything to my advantage. But since coming to Canyon Falls, I’m always on defense. Reactive. Letting the bullshit slowly chip away at me and define me. I’m angry at everyone and everything. All the rage I’ve built up over the years, the pain I’ve endured. I just bury those emotions over and over again so no one will think I’m weak or easy to take advantage of. I had to craft that shell, that persona to survive in Nags Creek. To keep myself out of Saint’s world.

I’ve never been a follower. Have never submitted to anyone’s rules. I’ve always made my own rules and demanded respect for it. The gangs didn’t like it, and they kept trying to get me to cave, but I forced them to deal with it. Even knowing my behavior wasn’t making any friends.

Ignoring things, and riding out my time here, in silence, isn’t sustainable. Not for me. Even before my captivity, a life of turning a blind eye to the shit that goes on would have chipped away at what’s left of my soul.

Saints right. I have a choice about the type of person I am and who I want to be. I want my life back. My life, and my freedom to choose how I live it, but I’m just so tired of fighting.

He leaves me alone with my thoughts and I stare out at the street below me, well past the time the sun sets, trying to come up with answers to questions I’m too afraid to ask.

“Hello?” I answer the phone instead of letting it go to voicemail like it’s been doing all day.

“You’re back?”

“Did I go somewhere?”

“I figured so, since you’ve been sending me to voicemail all afternoon and didn’t check in with me before you left.”

“I went for a drive to clear my head. I didn’t know I needed your permission to do that.” I’m snapping at Wolfe, because my emotions are still raw after my talk with Saint. Fuck him for making me confront the decisions I made. Like the one that brought me to Canyon Falls even though Saint tried to talk me out of it, and the decision to come back to town even though Wolfe didn’t think it was a good idea. I should have listened to him, and I’m pissed that he didn’t push harder to make me listen.

“You don’t need my permission, Thea, but we have an agreement that you won’t go MIA.”

I disconnect the call as I enter his office, scowling at him. “Is there a reason you were blowing up my phone?”

He studies my face, jaw clenching at whatever he sees. “Yes, the council sent me a message this afternoon. You’re back on the roster for challenges and might get one any day now.”

“Yay, me.”

“What’s going on with you, LaReaux?”

“Do you even care?”

“About?”

“Me! How could you let me do this? I was free. I was safe, and you just drove me right back into this shit show.” I blurt out, even though I know it’s unfair to pin this on him.

Leaning his hands on his desk, he says, “We talked about this and you chose to come back, against my advice. You agreed with Alexz and thought his argument was more persuasive than mine.”

“I didn’t think he was more persuasive. I wanted to prove a point. Now, I don’t even know what it was.”

“I know what it was. I know why you initially joined the league and those reasons haven’t changed. You wanted to protect the people you care about. Those reasons still exist. You’re just having trouble tapping into that feeling.”

“The electric shock therapy zapped feelings right out of me. Serves me right, since I never should have experienced them in the first place. Growing up in Nags Creek taught me the pitfalls of caring. If I would’ve just stuck to that, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“I know you think so, but that’s not true. Inevitably, you were gonna be tied up with The League in one way or another.”

“That’s because they like toying with everyone’s lives, but I’m over playing these games with them.” I pin him with my glare. “And their little lapdogs.”

The calm on his face morphs into one of derision and spite. His voice is calm. Cold. Rational. It’s the voice he uses when he’s in Sadistic Coach mode. “I don’t give two shits about this little pity party you’re throwing yourself, or about what you think you want or don’t want to do. You decided to come back to town, and reinsert yourself in The League. So you’re gonna show up to every goddamn challenge and do what the fuck they tell you to do.”

He must read something on my face that gives away my internal thoughts. “And don’t even think about failing so that they’ll kick you out.”

“ Aaaawe . Are you afraid if I keep pissing them off, they’ll send me back to Nevada and you won’t get your dick sucked any more?”

His taunting smile sends shivers down my spine. The wrong kind of shivers. The kind that’s a warning that precedes the little voice in your ear saying, run. I’ve felt it with Holden. But it’s amped up in this tiny office with Wolfe. Maybe it’s because it takes a lot to get under his skin, and to see the detached look in his eye, focusing on me outside of class, just feels wrong.

He rises from his chair and walks towards me. “Getting tossed out wn’t change things between us, Thea. Here. Nevada, Alaska, the Sahara. You could invent a time machine and go back to before you knew anything about The League and The Trium, and it still wouldn’t matter, because my dick in your mouth was inevitable.”

“In case you need further clarification…” He yanks me against his body, his lips hovering inches away from mine. “I saw you first. I had you first. You’d still be mine.”

He releases me so quickly I don’t have time to panic about him grabbing me to begin with.

“I can’t force you to do this, Thea. It’s dangerous and if you’re not completely committed, you’ll get yourself or someone else hurt or killed. Take some time to think about it. Really think about the consequences of choosing to walk away, and if it’s a risk you’re willing to take, I’ll support you.”

He drops a quick kiss against my cheek before leaving me standing here, gaping at his back as he walks out of the office.