80. Pax
Chapter 80
Pax
I should’ve known it would come to this. How many times have I helped Finn grab someone after weeks of him toying with them? He always gives them a chance to let their guard down. Makes them think he’s forgotten the most random question ever asked by a man. He lets them think they’ve gotten away with lying to him. Lets them go on their merry little way with their happy little lives. Then he strikes.
We’ve been coexisting, working together, and like an idiot, I thought things were getting back to normal. I should have known better. Hell, I did know better. But I let my emotions get the best of me and took Thea to the cabin. I didn’t consider the risk or think someone might follow me. Then, once I had her in my arms… I thought I could have a few honest moments with her. I didn’t mean to say what I did about my father, and when questioned about it, I pretended it didn’t mean anything. Deacon was right. Thea’s not safe with me.
The look on Holden’s face says he thinks he’s found an angle to exploit. We’ve played this game in our wilderness training. They know I won’t crack. That I won’t make it easy on myself or attempt to save myself.
We’re all taught the same thing. If kidnapped, or arrested, divulge no secrets. The only thing that matters is those left behind. The rest of my group who need to make it to safety. The League of the Daggered Raven needs to continue operating in secrecy.
We’re expected to sacrifice one for the many. It is my duty, my honor, my oath. Forged in fire. Bonds that cannot be broken until death. I’m strong enough to withstand the hits, the cuts. I’m trained not to break; and yet, I didn’t do what I needed to do to keep from winding up in this position. Why wasn’t I better prepared for this?
There’s only one answer. One I should be ashamed of, but I’m not. I didn’t put up enough of a fight. I allowed myself to get caught. I’m here, because I wanted to be here. Holden jabs a needle into my arm. My hand flexes as the solution burns as it enters my veins.
They’re going all out with this. I’ll get no reprieve. I look Holden right in the eye, because I know that I’ll find no pity or mercy there. I don’t want any. I hold his gaze, communicating that I don’t need any. I don’t deserve mercy. His question echoes inside my mind. So soft, yet so loud. “Do you have anything to say?” I have so much to say, but I can’t.
My stomach spasms as I wretch bile. The smell of my vomit makes me heave again. “You don’t really want to marry Eloise.” Holden’s fist connects with my stomach again.
Did I tell him that? I don’t remember. I don’t remember a lot of shit right now.
Finn says, “Maybe he does. They love conspiring together. It’s not that far a stretch that they’d love fucking each other, too.”
Elo- fucking -uise. She’s like a goddamn chaos demon, leaving destruction all over the place. But I can’t say that. I can’t tell them how I really feel. Holden strikes again, but I don’t feel it. The beta blocker he gave me numbs the pain. “You were fucking her while you were with Thea. I hope you used protection.”
“I would never fu-” My mouth clamps shut, seconds before Holden slams his fit into it.
“What did you do the day Thea disappeared?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing.” Finn repeats. “Finally, an answer that makes sense. I guess nothing includes not going to the lawyer’s office like you said you would.” He lashes out, dragging his blade across my side.
Holden looks at me with so much contempt. “You know how this works, Pax. You lie, you get punished.”
I haven’t lied. I haven’t answered any of their questions at all. Reading me like only he can, Holden says, “You lied when you said nothing. We know you went to the lawyer’s office that day. Did you forget we talked before you went up for your meeting?”
Yes, I forgot. I’ve intentionally blocked out the beginning of that day, not wanting to think about all the hope and promise it held, right up until the time my father waltzed into the conference room.
“I’ll ask again. What did you do the day Thea disappeared?”
My tongue feels thick, and I taste blood in the back of my throat. “Noth-thing.” I rasp out. “I didn’t do anything .”
Finn fists my hair, forcing my head back. He lets out a curse, then releases his grip. My head drops forward. “We’re not getting anywhere with him.”
Holden doesn’t seem to care. “Who did you see at the lawyer’s office?”
“The lawyer.”
“Whose lawyer?” He asks, ramming another fist into my stomach.
“Not my lawyer.” I mumble.
The next hit is directly across my temple. My head snaps around. Holden’s voice drifts in and out. I can barely make out his latest question. “Who else did you see that day?”
Who did I see? I saw the devil.
“Nem!” I twist my head, frantically trying to pull my arms free from the men holding me. “Nem!”
My body jerks around, but I can’t get free. Slowly, the grip of the nightmare recedes and my vision clears as I remember where I am. It’s not men holding me, it’s the chains wrapped around my wrists, suspending me from the ceiling. My toes barely touch the floor. And Thea’s not here. This isn’t Rockridge, although I’m in a similar kind of hell. I’m in the bunker under the watchful eyes of my friends who are torturing me for answers.
My chest and ribs ache with each breath I take. How long have I been out? How many days have I been here? One day is a day too long. I have to be free. I have to watch Thea to make sure he doesn’t get his hands on her.
“Welcome back.” Finn says, stepping from the shadows to my left. “Our preliminary round of questioning is over. Now we get to the good part.” He smiles up at me. “I’m very excited for this part, but Holden, he’s reluctant about subjecting you to it. He feels like this is taking away your free will or something, which is bonkers, considering he stalks Thea and slips into her bed, doing all kinds of freaky shit to her when she’s unconscious.” Finn shrugs. “But whatever. He’s worried about you. I guess your bond with him has always been stronger than the one we have.”
That’s not true, and I hate to think he believes that it is.
He says, “I used to be jealous of how close you were. I used to think I’d never fully belong and tried to figure out ways to make up for it. To show that I belonged next to the two of you.” He sighs. “I know my propensity for cutting people has made everyone wary of me. I know the high council thinks I’m a wild card and I’ve tried to rein it in.”
He looks pensive. Almost sad as he says it. Then his face brightens. “But you know what? You know who doesn’t flinch? Who never bats an eye at what I do? You know who totally accepts me? Thea . She doesn’t care that I’m a stab first, second, and third and ask questions, never kind of guy. She doesn’t care that I break into her room or prowl around rooftops, following her. She doesn’t have to force herself not to move or be scared. Her first reaction isn’t fear. It’s never fear. It’s amusement. She likes me just the way I am, and that means I don’t need your approval anymore, Pax. I don’t need to fit in. I have her, so I. Don’t. Need. You. ”
He’s never needed me and I never knew he felt like he had something to prove to me.
“I don’t even give a shit about whatever secrets and plans to rule your fucked up little kingdom you and Eloise have. I just need to make sure they don’t include hurting my girl.” He pats my cheek with the flat end of his blade.
“I- I would never hurt. Thea.”
“You’ve said that before, and yet you’re prancing around campus with Eloise. The person whose sole existence in her miserable life is finding ways to hurt her, either directly or indirectly. You betrayed us, your Trium, for Thea’s number one rival.”
I turn my head to the right, bringing Holden into focus. Once again, he’s sitting on the floor, his back to the wall. My gaze bounces between him and Finn. “Guys, you gotta know I never wanted it to be like this. I never meant to betray you, but, but things happened. I didn’t have a choice.”
Finn taps my cheek with his blade again. “We always have a choice.” This time, he jabs the needle straight into my neck. “And you chose this.”
We’ve moved on to another level of questioning. Finn douses me with water after placing electrodes on my exposed chest. I don’t dare look at it. I’m sure it’s a mottled mixture of cuts and bruises. The nerve blocker is wearing off, and there’s a tightness in my chest and side. I’m pretty sure Holden cracked a rib.
I know what this is. I know what happens next. We use Thiopental all the time. The point of this test is to get to the truth.
Finn does a couple of practice shocks, testing the voltage. I flinch on the third round and he smiles, happy to have found a setting that gets a reaction out of me. He gives Holden a thumbs up and me another slice for the hell of it.
Then the questions start all over again.
What did you do the day Thea disappeared? Who was at the lawyer’s office? Then a new set of questions. Why did you submit a contract to marry Eloise instead of the one we discussed?
I bite down on my tongue so hard I think I might sever it in two. I’d rather swallow it than risk answering with the truth.
Finn's phone rings, and Holden scowls. “You’re not supposed to have that on.”
“I know. I forgot to turn it off. Let me…” He shoots a smile Holden’s way, then answers it. “Pet? Do you miss me?” His smile slips. “What’s wrong? Thea. Thea!”
Holden gets to his feet and stalks over to us. “What’s going on? Is she okay?”
Finn’s staring at his phone, a look of complete horror on his face. “She said.” He swallows thickly. “She said the cops are there. They’ve refiled the arrest warrant.”
No. No. That’s impossible. That can’t be happening. Michael Pearse isn’t around to tell anyone what happened. Not again . Fuck!! The last time nobody knew it was happening. I didn’t even know until after it happened. I can save her this time. They can save her this time. “You have to go. They can’t arrest her. Not again. They can’t.”
“They can,” Holden says with a sigh. “They didn’t try her for the crime the first time, so yes, they can.”
He doesn’t understand. How could he? “No! She’s not being arrested. She’s being taken. He’s taking her again.”
“Who? The cops? That’s their job.” Finn says, putting his phone to his ear. “I’ll get my dad’s lawyer to meet her down there.”
Why aren’t they more upset about this? God, we’re gonna be too late if we wait for lawyers. “It’s not the fucking cops. It’s my father!” I rasp out. My chest seizes. Am I having a fucking heart attack? It would be fitting. “It’s Malcom. He’s behind this just like he was the last time.”
My voice cracks. “Please. Please. Don’t let him take her. Don’t let him lock her away in Rockridge again.”