Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
DEAN
H ow obsessed am I with Juliette? Enough to be creeping in the hallway while she puts our son to bed. I can’t have her out of my sight for more than a few minutes. My skin gets itchy, and I feel like I can’t breathe when she’s not around. Maybe it’s the product of living an eternity without her.
A sliver of light shines through the cracked door. Standing in it, I see Juliette sitting on the side of PJ’s bed, her back to me. The lamp casts a glow over her hair, every lengthy strand shimmering. I no longer have to imagine what it looks like splayed across my pillows. I’ve seen that sight every night since we became a thing again, and I’ll see it every night for years to come.
“Do you love Dean?” PJ’s question catches my attention. I’ve been respecting their privacy and trying hard not to listen in. But if he’s asking about me, that means I have a right to the answer. That’s what I’m going with anyway.
Juliette laughs softly. Worry gnaws at my gut. Is the idea of loving me funny? I want to know why. I thought she was in love with me. She said as much.
“Why are you asking?” she replies.
“You’ve been smiling a lot more since we’ve been here.”
And just like that, all my worries vanish. PJ is right—kid is more perceptive than I realized. We’ve been staying at my grandparents’ house for a week now. It’s been the best week of my life. Quiet, like the three of us are stuck in our own little world, and the rest of it can’t touch us. It’s been so nice that I’ve managed to keep the fear of my looming court date at bay. Francine has called to check on her every day, but she never mentions the drama we left behind.
“I guess that’s true,” Juliette says.
The smile I hear in her voice makes me smile.
“Do you love him?” PJ asks again.
“Yeah, I do. I’ve always loved your dad, PJ.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
I can’t tell if the tremor in his voice is excitement or terror.
Juliette sighs. “I don’t know, PJ. Doubtful.”
Doubtful? Did she really just say that? Doubtful. What the hell?
“Why?”
“We’re not even dating, PJ.”
Her statement stuns me. How can she say that? How can she think it? I was perfectly clear, wasn’t I? My heart starts to race. Has she been thinking this was temporary the entire time? Is that what she wants?
“You aren’t supposed to kiss people you’re not dating, Mom.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Juliette says, tickling him until giggles fill the room. “You’re such a rule stickler, kiddo.”
PJ quiets down. “Mom, if a bad guy pretends to follow all the rules, how are the good guys supposed to know?”
“Sometimes they don’t. Not until the bad guy makes a mistake.”
“Do you think Arnie was a bad guy the whole time, or did we make him that way?”
“He was a bad guy the whole time,” Juliette admits. “We didn’t make him that way. Arnie made his own choices, and he has to live with the consequences. None of what happened is our fault, PJ.”
“Is he going to stay in jail?”
“For a long, long time.”
His relieved exhale sounds like a scream in the silent room. My hands ball into fists. I’ve been trying to get the cops to let me have a few minutes alone with Arnie, but those assholes won’t. I even tried to bribe them. Arnie has to pay for what he did to Juliette and my son. I don’t know how or when, but I’ll make sure he does.
“Get some sleep, kiddo. You want your lamp on or off?”
“On, please.”
Juliette rises from the bed, her profile shrouded in shadows.
“Mom,” PJ says, “What if a good guy has to break a rule to help someone?”
“Sometimes, that happens,” Juliette replies. “As long as it’s for the right reasons, it’s okay. Sleep now.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Juliette kisses his forehead, her hair falling as she bends down and pulls the covers up over him. “Sweet dreams. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Shrinking into the darkest part of the hallway, I watch Juliette flip the light switch. The room remains bathed in the dim glow of PJ’s bedside lamp. Her sweet scent drifts toward me as she slips out of the room. Juliette doesn’t see me as she starts to back away from the door—just what I was aiming for.
I push off the wall, colliding with her in the middle of the hallway.
Juliette gasps, her wide eyes turning toward me. “Dean?”
“We need to talk.”
My voice is rough, grated with frustration and fear. The blue of her eyes darkens with worry. I don’t like it, but I can’t stand the thought of her thinking we’re temporary. Can’t stand the thought that she might want that, despite what she said back at the hotel.
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t answer her. Grabbing her wrist, I pull her out of the hallway.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I command.
We move quickly. With my hand wrapped around her wrist, I yank her up the stairs with a sense of urgency that matches the determination flowing through my veins. This time, I’ll make sure there’s no question or doubt in her mind about us.
“You’re scaring me,” Juliette says as we reach the top of the stairs.
I pull her into my room, the door clicking shut behind us. The soft light from the lamp casts a shadow over her face. Her brows are pulled together, concern etched across her beautiful features.
Our toes touch as we stand, staring at each other. She’s worried about what I’m going to say, and I’m trying to find the words to tell her I fucking love her.
“I heard what you said,” I croak, my throat dry. “To PJ.”
“You were listening?”
Juliette cracks an eyebrow. She’s so cute when she’s annoyed.
“I don’t care if you’re mad,” I reply. “I’m glad I eavesdropped because otherwise, I wouldn’t have known you don’t love me.”
“What?”
Her face scrunches. She looks just like PJ when he thinks something is suspicious right now.
“You told PJ we weren’t together.”
“Because we aren’t.”
“How can you think that? You sleep in my bed. Every single night.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. The V-neck shirt she’s wearing hangs a little lower, showing off her cleavage.
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Doesn’t mean anything?”
I turn away from her, my hands plunging into my hair as I pull at each strand to stay calm.
“Are you saying that you don’t want to be with me?”
“No,” she whispers. “I want to be with you, Dean. I do. But what happens to me and PJ if you decide you’re done with us?”
Her words feel like an arctic wind slapping against my skin. They stir a whirlwind of emotions in my chest—regret, anger, and everything in between.
“Done with you?” I spin around to face her. “Done with you?”
“You know what I mean,” she replies. “What happens if you change your mind?”
“How could you think I’d do that? I told you?—”
“I know what you said,” Juliette interrupts, nervous but resolute. “But what happens if what you said turns out to be a lie, Dean? I’ve been thinking about it ever since the other day at the gym when your grandpa asked me if we were together. I didn’t know how to answer. I still don’t.”
“Of course we’re together,” I snap.
“It’s not that simple. I need to know I can count on you, Dean. I need to know that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I’m not.”
“I need more than words.” She sighs. “I’m sorry, but I need more than that. I already know you can break your word.”
Fucking ouch. She might as well rip my heart out and drag it over broken glass.
“What can I do?”
She shrugs. “That’s the thing. I don’t know, and I know that’s not fair.”
“I don’t give a fuck about fair,” I growl.
My tone is angry, but I’m not mad at her. I’m pissed that I put us here. In some weird way, all the ass-kicking I’ve received in the last few weeks would probably equate to the one I would give myself if I could.
Pacing back and forth, I sift through a dozen ideas but can only come up with one acceptable plan.
“Marry me.”
Juliette’s face changes, and not in a good way.
“Okay, no. If I won’t date you because I can’t trust you, what the fuck makes you think I’ll marry you?”
“How else can I prove I’m in this for the long run? Think about it. It’s the perfect solution.”
“No,” she says, giving me a look that promises death.
I raise my hands, admitting defeat. “Okay, okay.”
I don’t tell her that one day she’s going to marry me. Whether she likes it or not. I’ll forge her damn signature if I have to.
“I’ll cut off my leg.”
“What?” Her question is more of a screech. “Is your head broken? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Shrugging, I stare at her. “At least I’m offering solutions.”
“How is cutting your leg off a solution?”
“If I can’t walk, you know I can’t run away again.”
Her laugh fills the room around us. “You’re fucking psychotic, you know that, right?”
“It’s possible.”
“Not a possibility, it’s a reality.”
“Depends on who you ask,” I reply, taking a step toward her.
“You’re not cutting off your leg, and we’re not getting married.”
“So what do you suggest?”
“That we co-parent and be orgasm buddies.”
“An orgasm buddy? What the hell is that?”
“A fun way to say fuck buddy.”
“Well, I think it’s a shitty way to say husband. I’m not taking no for an answer, Juliette. You and I are together. We’ll forever be together. You are not single.”
With every word, I take another step toward her, and she takes one back—until she’s right where I want her. Her knees hit the edge of my bed, causing her to fall onto the mattress. My cock turns to cement as her round, blue eyes look up at me. Lust dances in the oceanic depths. She likes this.
Leaning over her, I put us face to face, our lips so close I can feel her panting breath. “Do I make myself clear?”
Juliette doesn’t respond. Her lips are whining to be kissed, just pleading for me to put them out of their misery. What’s a guy like me to do? Say no? I would never. Besides, I have a new plan to prove how serious I am. To prove that I’m never going to leave her again.
I’m going to put another baby in her.