Chapter 18
18
Iris pushed open the flap to her tent, her heart racing. She couldn’t believe what had just happened in the ring, what James had forced her to do, and she felt sick to her stomach at the thought.
She had hurt him. She had not only cut him to win the games but also broken his nose in the process. It was a move she had used many times over in battle when someone had underestimated her but never had she done it against someone she cared for.
Her hands shaking, Iris fell onto her cot, suddenly dizzy. It was that fool’s fault he had forced her to take drastic measures like that! If only he had fought her like a warrior would, she wouldn’t have.
What sort of person had that made her? She felt no victory in what she had done, none at all! It wasn’t what she had expected to happen.
“Iris?”
Iris looked up to find Ian standing at the doorway of the tent, concern flickering over his face.
“Wot do ye want?” she lashed out. “I did it. I won.”
He stepped inside, shutting out any onlookers, and took a seat next to her on the cot, the wood groaning under his weight.
“Aye, ye did, lass,” he said quietly, not sounding like her brother at all. “But at wot cost tae ye?”
Tears welled up in Iris’s eyes, and she brushed them away with the back of her hand, knowing that Ian would make fun of her if she cried over James.
“I dinnae want tae talk aboot it.”
“Too bad,” he countered, stretching his legs out before him as if he was going to remain there until she did speak to him.
She eyed him. “Wot happened? Did ye draw the short straw tae come in here?”
Her brother chuckled. “Aye, I did. Now, tell me wot is going on so we can quit this place.”
That is what Iris wished to do. She wanted to go home and forget that these last few days had ever happened. Her emotions couldn’t take it any longer.
“He wouldnae fight.”
“Because he cares aboot ye,” Ian finished for her, taking in her start of surprise. “Aye, lass, everyone saw it on his face before he admitted it. That fool is in love with ye. The question is, are ye in love with him?”
In love with James? Iris couldn’t be! She hadn’t known him long enough to develop those sorts of feelings for him.
But as she thought about her times with James, Iris realized that she was, in fact, in love with the bullheaded Scot. Somewhere they had found the ground that their clans couldn’t, and she had seen a man she could picture a future with.
A man she loved.
Ian let out a breath, a contemplative look crossing his expression as Iris struggled with the realization of her feelings.
“I was in love once.”
That got her attention. “Wot?” she asked her brother, her gaze narrowing. “Love?”
He nodded, a faint blush stealing across his cheeks. “Once, mind ye. I learned mah lesson that love was meant tae hurt. The lass, she didnae pick me in the end, and I left for battle, intending tae forget she ever existed.”
Iris didn’t know what to say. She would never have guessed that Ian would have found someone that he would care about that deeply.
“I’m vera sorry,” she said, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes.
“Ye see,” he finished, drawing a heavy sigh, “I didnae fight for her like Lennox is fighting for ye. I thought that with time she would see reason, that I was the better choice, but instead she turned away from me and I was left with a heart that wilnae heal.”
There were very few times in Iris’s life that she wished to embrace her brother, and after hearing the pain in his voice, she wished to do so now. He understood her hurt.
“As I see it,” Ian said after a moment, “ye have two options, Sister. Ye can pack yer things and go home with us or ye can go after Lennox. I cannae guarantee ye that in the end, there won’t be hurt, but the path ye choose has tae be the one for ye. Not for us, not for the clan, but for ye.”
Iris swallowed hard, thinking about his words. She could leave the tent and hunt down James, tell him that she loved him, and throw caution to the wind. She could believe that their love would be enough to carry them through the trials of their clans.
Yet as much as she longed for him, the very thought of leaving her family, her clan, behind on what could be a whim, a fancy at that, didn’t sit well with her. Ian had fallen in love with a lass that was of their clan. He had only his heart to lose.
Iris could lose everything that was important to her. She could lose her place amongst the warriors, her sisters, and her family. Everything.
“Nay,” she decided, pushing off the cot to face down her brother. “I want tae go home, Ian. Please, can we go home?”
Ian rose to his feet, placing his large hands on her quaking shoulders.
“Are ye certain, lass? Are ye certain ye can walk away?”
Iris set her jaw. “Aye.”
It would take some time, but if her brother could live with the pain of a broken heart, then she could do the same.
She had to do the same.
It took them one week to reach the border of their lands, longer than it would have if not for the bounty of gold that had been bestowed on Iris for winning the gathering games. The host laird had declared to her that she was by far the most intriguing lass he had ever met, especially one who would have her opponent confess his feelings for her and she still win the games.
“I’ve never been entertained more!” he had chuckled, placing the gold circlet on her head. “Iris Wallace, mah dear girl, ye are welcome on mah land anytime.”
She had flushed, and they had left shortly afterward, not bothering to look for James. Iris was embarrassed by her actions in the ring, the circlet feeling more like a shameful crown than what it should have represented.
Still, the closer they drew to their keep, the lighter her heart started to feel. She loved her clan and her family. It was the reason she would choose them over anyone every time.
Ian said nothing more to her about their conversation, but Iris couldn’t help but look at her brother in a different light now. Ian had sacrificed for what he thought was his future, and it had been handed back to him. What else didn’t she know about her brothers?
Her father had also remained far away from the subject of what had happened, and gradually Iris grew less concerned that someone was going to bring it to her attention.
It was over. She didn’t know what would happen to James by his own clan or if she would see him again, but the next time, she would be the same Iris that had left for the games and not the one he had attempted to bring out.
Still, Iris didn’t feel the same way inside. At night, when the camp was quieted, she found herself drifting back to the moments between them that had her blood on fire, the way he had gently showed her how he had felt. They were stolen moments, moments she would keep tucked close to her heart for years to come.
Finally, on the seventh day of their journey, Iris spied the familiar sight of their keep in the distance, the sound of the goings-on in their village drifting to their ears.
“’Tis good tae be home,” her father sighed as he spurred his horse forward.
Iris didn’t suppress her smile as she followed him, accepting the cheers of the villagers as they lined the path welcoming them home. Once they reached the courtyard, Iris was the first to dismount, gathering her laughing sisters in her arms the moment she did.
“Ye’re back!” Gretna shouted, hugging her close.
“Aye,” Iris laughed, the worry of the past weeks melting off her shoulders.
“And ye were the victor!” Lena squeaked out, hugging her tightly. “Ye won!”
Iris forced back the sudden rush of tears as she pulled away from them, taking their hands in hers.
“It doesnae matter if I won or not. ’Tis good tae be home.”
Later, after a warm bath and a change of clothing, Gretna knocked on Iris’s chamber door.
“Enter,” she called out to her sister, turning her attention back to polishing her blade. It had been hard not to picture the thin well of blood that had been there from her match with James, and Iris had shed more than one tear as she had polished it off the steel.
Gretna picked up the circlet from the chest at the foot of Iris’s bed where it rested, tracing the etchings.
“Are ye going tae tell me wot happened?”
Iris sighed as she laid her sword on the table before her.
“Nay, I dinnae think I will.”
Gretna set the circlet down and joined her sister at the table.
“Ye know I am willing tae listen.”
“Ian sent ye, didnae he?”
Gretna nodded, and Iris pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, warding off the pounding of her head.
“I only wish tae forget it all, Gretna, and go back tae the way things were.” Her life was far simpler then.
“Alright,” her sister said after a moment, giving her a small smile. “But dinnae expect it tae fade quickly, Iris. If wot Ian said is tae be true, a love like that is for a lifetime.”
When her sister left her chamber, Iris rose and crossed her room to look out of the window, out over the lands she loved so dearly. Her sister was right. She could look for another to warm her bed, she supposed, to make her laugh and be happy, but the happiness would dull in comparison to the fleeting moments she had with James.
She wasn’t ready to share the experience with anyone, Iris realized as she hugged herself. If she closed her eyes, Iris could still feel the brush of his lips over hers, the way his hands wandered over her skin as if he had been touching her forever.
Those were the moments she would remember and how she felt at that time. Those would be the ones that no one would share with her, nor would she share them with anyone else.
Drawing a breath, Iris forced her thoughts aside for now. She was home. Her sisters were safe. Her life, as it was right now, would be all that she had hoped for it to be. In the eyes of her father, her brothers, and her clan, she had been a victor in the games and represented their clan well.
But in her eyes, she was a failure. She had chosen a path for herself, the one that was supposed to be the right one, but right now the path seemed to be clouded with thorns that pricked her heart open all over again.
It would get easier with time, but Iris doubted it would ever be better than what she had walked away from.