Chapter 16
16
The next morning, Ida stepped from the cottage and made her way into the keep, where the heavy scent of burning fire and meat clung to the air. Instead of turning into the great hall, Ida hurried through the people that were already gathering and made her way to the second landing, where she knew that she could find her friend.
Iris was waiting for her, giving her a small smile as Ida stepped inside the chamber. “Thank God,” she breathed, thrusting a squirming Hope toward Ida. “Ye are right on time as always.”
Ida took the small lass and breathed in her scent, tickling her until the young girl giggled. “Ye should have let mah know. I would have come sooner.”
Iris fell back into the chair behind the desk, rubbing her temples wearily. “I wasna expecting James tae be called away at the last moment or I would have. “ She motioned to the mound of papers on her desk. “I have tae answer all of this correspondence for the laird today.”
Hope tugged on Ida’s braid and she sat down with the young girl on the blanket spread on the floor in front of the fire. “I will keep her occupied while ye work.”
“Thank ye,” Iris replied with a tired smile.
The two women went back to their work and Ida stacked wooden blocks with the small lass, laughing as Hope knocked them down repeatedly. “Ye are a little bugger aren’t ye?” she accused her with a laugh.
Hope just gave her a toothy smile and Ida smiled, thinking about how she wouldn’t have imagined herself with a child of her own until that searing kiss the day before.
Drawing in a breath, Ida worked through the pain in her chest, wishing she could stop thinking about Ian. He had occupied her thoughts, consumed her dreams, and even made her blush as she had entered the stables this morn, thinking about how he had pressed her up against the wall and gave Ida her first kiss.
What a kiss it was and likely would be her last, for some time at least.
“Wot are ye thinking aboot?”
Ida looked up sharply to see Iris staring at her, a small smile playing on her lips. “Wot do ye mean?”
Iris pointed her pen in Ida’s direction. “Yer cheeks are red Ida. Wotever ye are thinking aboot is something good.”
Ida wasn’t so sure it was all good, not now. Ian hated her, hated that she had chosen her uncle over him but what could she do? She couldn’t just abandon him. She was his main caregiver and without her, he wouldn’t last a week.
“Out with it,” Iris prodded.
Ida drew in a breath and proceeded to tell Iris about Ian’s proposal, leaving out the part about the kiss. That was her own memory she didn’t want to share with anyone.
When she was finished, her chest was heaving and her mouth dry. “I didna wish tae hurt him,” Ida said softly, fiddling with one of the blocks. “But mah uncle needs mah.”
“Perhaps,” Iris replied evenly. “But are ye willing tae give up yer own happiness for the sake of him? I donna wish tae anger ye Ida. I like ye verra much and I believe that ye are good for mah brother. He needs someone who is going tae challenge him, make him stay on his toes.” Iris gave her a smile. “He needs someone that is a great deal like his sister.”
Ida burst into laughter. She was nothing like the strong woman before her. Iris had gone against all the odds, falling in love with someone who was her enemy and then made the move to a clan that hadn’t welcomed her warmly. Iris had fought her way to continue to be the ambassador for Ida’s uncle, something that Ida could never see herself doing. “I’m not, ye are.”
“Och Ida ye are far stronger than ye think,” Iris stated. “Just look at ye! Everything that ye have gone through with yer uncle, with yer parents, tis more than some would be willing tae suffer through yet here ye are.”
While Ida blushed under Iris’s praise, she felt like her life wasn’t that important. She had done what she needed to do to help her uncle survive, giving up any chance to have a life within the keep because she loved her uncle so.
Now she was giving up any sort of happy future with Ian for him as well. “I wish it was that easy,” she stated, clearing her throat.
Hope crawled into Ida’s lap and Ida smoothed a hand over the young girl’s curls, her heart-wrenching in her chest. She could almost imagine a child with Ian, a dream that would not come to light.
“Can I tell ye something aboot mah brother?” Iris asked a moment later. “He would be verra upset if I told ye this.”
“Of course,” Ida murmured, far too curious to stop the other woman from doing so. “I willna breathe a word.”
Iris pursed her lips, her work forgotten for now. “Mah brother fell in love with a lass from our clan years ago. Being the heir tae the laird, he knew that one day he would be forced tae leave the battlefield tae take over mah da’s seat.” She drew in a breath. “I willna lie tae ye. Mah brothers enjoyed the battlefield as did I. Tae think that Ian wouldna be by our side, leading us into battle wasna something that I thought I could get used tae.” A hard look crossed Iris’s face. “Mah brother wished tae find a wife before we went into battle and he found a lass he fell hard for. When he went tae tell her how he felt, she told him that she couldna wait for him tae settle down. She couldna stand for him tae be away from her and told him she had already promised herself tae another.”
Ida felt the pain for Ian and the rejection he had suffered at the hands of the young lass whom he had fallen for. “Mah brother is different now,” Iris continued. “He’s been forced tae step into a role that he wasna ready for but he’s done the best he could. He constantly worries that he isna good enough for anything or anyone as all we knew was the battlefield before our da passed on.”
Ida understood what Iris was telling her. She had seen the warring emotions in Ian’s eyes more than once, having told him that he could do what he had set out to accomplish. “He’s not one tae give up.”
Iris shook her head. “Nay he’s not but he willna come after ye lass. He’s made up his mind that ye have chosen yer uncle over him and he canna stand tae think that he’s lost yet another lass tae someone else.”
Ida glanced at the woman. “He told mah tis was for political means that he wished tae wed mah.”
Iris arched a brow. “Do ye really believe his words? We aren’t a family that has been touched by love often, Ida. We donna know how tae show our feelings readily.” She gave a little shrug. “Ian isna one tae know wot words tae say and whatever he told ye was because he’s frightened at his feelings for ye.” She eyed Ida. “Do ye have feelings for mah brother Ida?”
Ida swallowed, thinking of how Ian had made her feel from the first time they had met. She had felt special in his eyes. “I, I do.”
“Then please, donna throw this chance away,” Iris begged. “If ye donna care for him, then stay away from mah brother but if ye do, donna be stubborn. Wot is holding ye back will work out in the end, I promise ye.”
Could it though? Ida couldn’t be as positive as Iris was right now. She had to think about her uncle and his intense hatred for the Scot that she was falling in love with. How would she get around that part of her life?
The thought was still with her as she bid Iris farewell a few hours later and walked out of the chamber, her heart heavy. It wouldn’t be long before Ian would be leaving and when he did, Ida had to make a decision on whether or not she cared. Nay that wasn’t the concern. She did care, perhaps too much right now.
It was as if she was willing to turn her back on her family and follow him to a future that she desperately wished for.
Turning the corner, Ida ran into a hard wall that smelled of pine, hands gripping her upper arms to keep her on her feet. “Ida.”
Oh no. Ida looked up to find Ian’s piercing gaze meeting hers, the hurt lingering in their depths. “Ian.”
They stared at each other, both fighting the words that were left unsaid between them. “I apologize,” she finally forced out, stepping out of his warm grip. “I wasna paying attention.”
Ian didn’t respond, his jaw clenching and Ida almost fell against him, begging him to forgive her words from the day prior. She didn’t want to hurt him. She wanted to love him but her heart was torn at what she should do.
“Forgive mah,” he finally said, his voice flat and devoid of emotion before moving around her and walking away. Ida hung her head, tears burning in the backs of her eyes before she hurried down the stairs and out of the keep, where the cold air dried whatever tears had escaped. Seeing him, feeling him touch her so, threatened to crumble the resolve she had desperately tried to hold onto.
Was this really what her future was going to be like or was there another path that she was destined to take?
Was Ida willing to do what she wished and throw caution to the wind?