Chapter Twenty-Six #2
“Mom. Dad. I... I think we should talk.”
“We forgot to buy dishwasher tablets,” Dad said. He sounded shell shocked. “I just wanted to see if I could borrow some. I didn’t know you had...company.”
“Dad, it’s okay. I’m sorry. You...shouldn’t have found out that way.”
“Found out what, exactly?” Mom asked. Her eyes were locked on Ilya, just over Shane’s shoulder.
“Well, I... I’m gay. Which I was going to tell you. Soon. I just...sorry. I wish I’d told you.”
His parents didn’t say anything. They were both looking at Ilya like he was a mountain lion that was about to attack.
“Um, and this is... Ilya. Rozanov. You probably know that.”
“Hi,” Ilya said.
“And he’s been...visiting. He’s...we’re, um...”
What were they, exactly? It occurred to Shane that he and Ilya hadn’t even figured out what label they were comfortable with.
“Lovers,” Ilya offered.
Fuck, way to choose the grossest possible word, Ilya.
Well, there was no going back from that word. Shane could only wait for the aftermath.
“But...you hate him,” Mom said.
“No, I... I don’t. I mean. Sometimes I do, kinda. But mostly I...love him. Actually.”
“You...what?”
Shane’s heart was racing. “Can we just...sit, maybe? I’m sorry. I know this is a lot at once. I didn’t want this to be how I told you. At all.”
No one said anything for a moment, then his father nodded and gestured to the living room furniture. His parents sat together on the couch. Shane and Ilya sat in separate chairs facing them.
“Shane...” Mom began. “I think we both...suspected...that you might be...gay.”
“You did?” Shane had not been expecting that.
“Yes, well. We didn’t know for certain, obviously. We just thought it might be a possibility.”
“Geez. I had no idea you thought that.”
“We know you pretty well,” Mom said. She gave him a small smile, and that one tiny gesture made Shane want to weep with relief.
“What we did not suspect,” Dad added, “was that you were...friendly...with Mr. Rozanov here.”
“Ilya,” said Ilya.
“Ilya, then.”
“It’s...a long story. And it doesn’t even make sense to us,” Shane said.
“None,” Ilya agreed.
“When did this happen?” Mom asked. “Wait, was it the All-Star Game? You were on the same team—”
“No,” Shane said. “It was...already going on then.”
His father blew out a breath. “You sure fooled us. And...everyone else.”
“So when?” Mom asked. She seemed desperate to figure out the timeline of this thing. Shane could see her mentally replaying the past several seasons in her head.
“Since, um, our rookie year,” Shane mumbled.
He didn’t think his parents could possibly look more shocked than they already had, but they definitely looked more shocked at this news.
“You can’t have been...since your rookie season?” his mother gasped.
“No,” Ilya said. “That’s not right. Was before that.”
Not helping, Ilya.
“Before that?” Mom asked.
“A little before,” Ilya clarified. “Summer before.”
“You’ve been...in love this whole time?”
“No!” Shane said.
“God no,” Ilya said at the same time.
“But then...” Mom started. “Oh,” she said. And blushed. “I see.”
“Anyway,” Shane said. He was blushing even more than his mom. “The point is, we’re...together. Sort of. Or we’d like to be. If it wasn’t basically impossible.”
For the first time, the looks of shock left his parents’ faces and shifted to something like sympathy.
“I just don’t understand,” his mother said. “How could this have even happened between you? Weren’t there any nice men in Montreal, Shane?”
“Probably,” Shane muttered.
“Do your teammates know about...this?” Dad asked.
“No! No, no one does. No one. This is top secret, all right?”
His father stood up. “Would anyone like a beer? I could use a beer.”
“Yes,” said Ilya.
“Definitely,” said Shane.
“Is that the strongest thing we have?” asked his mom.
Shane took the break in the conversation as an opportunity to look at Ilya. He seemed to sense Shane’s eyes on him, and immediately turned to give him a questioning look.
How do you think this is going so far?
Not bad, right?
Not bad.
His father wordlessly handed each of them a can of Sleeman beer. He lingered in front of Ilya, but returned to his place on the couch without saying anything.
“I just...” Mom said. “I just can’t believe any of this is real.”
“I know,” Shane said.
“All this time,” Dad said quietly, almost to himself. “You’ve been holding this secret inside. The whole time.”
“You didn’t ever...” His mom sounded suddenly horrified. “You didn’t ever let him win, did you, Shane?”
“God, Mom! No!”
Ilya laughed. “He does not need to let me win.”
“I would never,” Shane said quickly. “The team comes first. Always. And besides, I like beating him.”
Mom was frowning at him, not quite believing his words.
“When you and Dad play Yahtzee, do you let him win?” Shane asked desperately.
“Never,” Mom smiled, maybe understanding. She seemed to relax.
“Is your plan to just keep doing this? Keeping this a secret? Until you retire? Forever?” Dad asked.
“Maybe. I mean, yes. Probably.”
“Oh, Shane.” His mother looked so sad.
Dad shook his head. “Honestly? I don’t see another way. I wish I did.”
“I know,” Shane said miserably. “We know. It’s not something we can announce.”
“I have to say,” Dad said, “I’m surprised about you, Ilya. You’ve always had such a reputation as a, you know, a ladies’ man.”
“Is not untrue,” Ilya said.
“Ilya likes both,” Shane said.
“Oh,” Mom said. His parents exchanged a concerned look. Shane was about to change the subject—because this was way too uncomfortable—when Ilya spoke.
“I have been with lots of women. That was not...fake. But...” He looked at Shane, and Shane held his breath. “I have only been in love with one person.”
And suddenly Ilya looked very blurry through Shane’s eyes. Shane swallowed down the urge to cry, and said, “Me too. Just one.”
Shane’s mother covered her mouth with her hand. She tapped her fingertips against her upper lip, and Shane knew she was about to go full Yuna Hollander on this situation.
Sure enough, a moment later she clapped her hands together and jumped up from her chair. “All right, so what’s the plan?” she said. “We’ve got a problem, let’s solve it.”
Shane glanced at a bewildered-looking Ilya. He gave him a small smile. They had Yuna on their side now, and Shane couldn’t imagine a better ally.
“First of all,” Yuna said, “have you talked to Scott Hunter?” She said the name like it physically pained her to speak of the evil man who had stolen Olympic gold from her beloved son.
“I have,” Ilya said. “But not about...us.”
“I emailed him,” Shane added. “I just, y’know, said I appreciated his bravery, or whatever. I didn’t tell him about me. Or about Ilya.”
Yuna was tapping her lip again. “He probably couldn’t help. Not with this situation.”
“He would probably be very confused about us,” Ilya said.
“Confused is a word for it,” Dad said. His shock seemed to have ebbed completely, replaced by something that looked a lot like amusement.
“I will say that, what Scott did, when he, um, kissed his boyfriend?” Shane couldn’t believe he was saying this. He hadn’t even told Ilya this. “That changed something inside me. It was...huge. It made me...want to try. Made me want to be braver, and to let myself try to be happy.”
He looked at the floor until he couldn’t bear it anymore, and then he glanced over at Ilya. Ilya’s eyes were softer than he’d ever seen them.
“Yes,” Ilya said. “Me too.”
Shane cleared his throat. “We have one idea.” He told his parents the Ottawa/Montreal plan he’d outlined for Ilya the night before.
“That,” Dad said, considering, “isn’t bad.”
“You would leave Boston?” Mom asked, stunned. “For Shane?”
Ilya didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
She frowned, as if she couldn’t believe anything he was saying was real.
“Oh my god!” Shane exclaimed. “You’re actually conflicted, aren’t you, Mom?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re bothered by his lack of loyalty to his team!”
“Well!” Mom said, as if that was a perfectly reasonable way to react to the fact that Ilya was so madly in love with her son that he was willing to throw his whole life into upheaval.
Shane turned to Ilya. “My mom, by the way, cares about hockey a little too much.”
Ilya snorted. “Now I know where you get it.”
Shane was about to flip him off, but remembered his parents. And then it all kind of hit him: his parents were here. With Ilya. The secret was out and they were all talking about Shane and Ilya as a couple.
And Shane suddenly felt a little light-headed.
It was all happening so fast: their confessions of love, being discovered by his parents, making plans for the future...
Oh god oh god oh god.
“Shane?” It was Ilya’s voice, all concern. Shane felt a hand on his shoulder, and then he realized that he had his head between his knees. “Are you okay?”
Shane inhaled and exhaled slowly, keeping his head down.
Ilya’s hand moved to Shane’s knee as he crouched beside him, seeking his eyes. “Shane?”
“I’m okay,” Shane said weakly. “I’m just...freaking out. Don’t worry about me.”
Ilya took his hands and rubbed his thumbs soothingly over the backs of them. “We are good here, yes?” he said. “Your family is here. And your boyfriend. And we are okay here.”
Shane raised his head slightly. “Boyfriend?”
Such a ridiculous word. Such a ridiculous, wonderful word.
Ilya shrugged and grinned. “I think, yes?”
“Yes.”
It was really too bad they were in his parents’ living room, and that his parents were definitely staring at them, because Shane wanted to jump into Ilya’s lap and kiss him into the floor.
“Since their rookie season,” Shane heard his mother say. “I can’t believe it.”
“Looking at them now, I kind of can,” his father said.