Bonus Story #3
“And you!” Shane said, turning his fury on Hayden.
“You’re acting like I met Ilya yesterday or something.
Just because you only found out about us recently doesn’t mean our relationship is new.
It’s pretty fucking solid, even if you don’t want to believe it.
Even if you don’t want to consider the fact that we have been keeping this thing a secret for almost ten fucking years now! ”
“Shane,” Hayden sputtered. “I—”
“Do you know how scared I’ve been this whole time? Do you know how fucking terrifying it is to feel attracted to your archrival when you are eighteen and your rival also happens to be a man?”
Okay, maybe Ilya shouldn’t have refilled Shane’s wineglass as many times as he had.
“I have been so fucking scared and alone for so goddamned long and tonight was supposed to end some of that and you guys are acting like children. Fuck both of you.”
There was a loud silence that hung in the room for what felt like an hour, and then Hayden said, very quietly, “You could’ve told me, Shane.”
“What?”
This time, Hayden’s voice was stronger. “You could’ve told me. I hate that you kept it from me all this time. That you thought you needed to.”
Well, that was unexpectedly sweet.
“It hurts, y’know?” Hayden finished.
Shane’s mouth was hanging open, and Ilya was torn between speaking on his behalf, and waiting to see what Shane would say. Curiosity won out.
“I couldn’t,” Shane said finally. “We hadn’t even told each other. It took us years to figure out how we felt about each other. For me to figure out that I’m gay. But once we sorted it all out, I wanted to tell you. And I did. Eventually.”
“And,” Ilya added, because he couldn’t help himself, “you’ve taken it super well.”
Shane shot him a warning glance. Ilya looked away.
“I thought you hated him,” Hayden said. “We talked about how much we hated him all the time. For years! And then I find out not only that you don’t hate him, but you... I mean, you must love him so fucking much, right? Like, you’d have to, to go through all of this.”
The unwavering way Shane met Hayden’s eyes when he replied, simply, “Yes, I do,” took Ilya’s breath away.
“Wow,” Jackie said, reminding Ilya that she was also in the room. That there were other people on earth besides him and Shane right now.
“Yes,” Ilya murmured, unable to take his eyes off Shane’s raised, determined chin.
“I’m sorry.” Hayden sounded like all the fight had left him. “I’m making this about me, and it’s not. This dinner was a big deal for you, and I fucked it up.”
Shane didn’t look like he’d been expecting that because he opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he finally nodded and said, “All right. Thank you.”
“And,” Hayden turned to Ilya, “if Shane loves you or whatever, then I guess you can’t be such a bad guy.”
“There are good things about me, I think.”
Hayden scrubbed a hand over his face. “How the hell are you going to keep this a secret? Do you even have a plan?”
“Actually,” Shane said, “we do. Go sit down and Ilya will get the cookies I bought for dessert.” He fixed his gaze on Ilya, and Ilya nodded. “Then we’ll tell you about the Irina Foundation.”
Two hours later, Shane was closing the door behind Hayden and Jackie. Ilya placed a gentle hand on Shane’s lower back, only to have him turn on his heel and march into the kitchen.
Uh-oh.
“Shane?” he called after him, but he knew Shane wouldn’t turn back, or even acknowledge him. So he followed after his pissed-off boyfriend, and found him angrily loading the dishwasher.
“You are still mad,” Ilya observed.
In response, Shane forcefully shoved the bottom rack of the dishwasher so it hit the back of the machine with a loud clatter of plates and cutlery.
“At me?” Ilya guessed.
“Yes,” Shane ground out. “No. I don’t know.” He folded his arms across his chest and stared out the window. “I hate this.”
“The window?”
“No. All of this.” He gestured between himself and Ilya.
Ilya’s heart dropped to the floor. “You hate...us?”
Shane squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, his gaze was more miserable than angry. Ilya preferred angry. “I hate how we have to hide. I hate only getting these stolen moments with you. It’s been so many fucking years of this, and I’m tired.”
Ilya’s heart returned to his chest. He took a step toward Shane, wanting to touch him but not wanting him to stomp away again. “I know.”
“It’s not fair! Hayden and Jackie get to just, y’know, exist. The night they first got together, I watched them make out on a dance floor.”
“Pervert,” Ilya teased.
“I mean I saw them. I wasn’t watchi—shut up. The point is, they’d just met that night, and they were making out in front of the whole world without having to worry for one fucking second about anyone seeing them.”
“Or their weird friend watching them.”
Shane pressed his lips together, and Ilya knew he was trying not to smile. He counted that as a victory.
“They started dating, and then a few months later they were engaged and everyone on the team was congratulating Hayden. They had a big wedding and no one was, like, baffled and horrified that they were together.” He exhaled. “What is that even like?”
“Probably like when you were dating Rose Landry.”
Shane groaned. “Oh my god, Ilya. That was like two years ago. Let it go.”
Ilya loved to tease him about Rose Landry, so, no. He would not be letting it go. Rose had since become one of Shane’s closest friends, and was one of the few people who knew about Shane and Ilya. Ilya liked Rose a lot, actually.
“I wanted to feel normal tonight,” Shane sighed.
“You want a normal relationship?” Ilya hoped not because that was something he could definitely never offer Shane, as much as he wished he could.
“It isn’t fair. That’s all. Hayden has been criticizing the hell out of you, and my relationship with you, as if it’s all some ridiculous joke. And you don’t do anything to help. I mean, I want people to understand why I love you, but you are so fucking terrible at showing them.”
Oh.
“You want me to be different?” Ilya asked.
Shane let his arms fall to his sides. “I want you to not be a dick all the time.”
“I’m sorry,” Ilya said, and he hoped his words sounded as sincere as he meant them.
Shane snorted and turned toward the sink. He banged a couple of pots around, obviously pretending to be busy, until Ilya stilled him by resting a hand on his arm.
“Do you know what I was thinking all night?” Ilya asked gently. “When I was being a dick?”
Shane’s shoulders tightened. “What?”
“I was thinking,” Ilya moved closer, lining his body up with Shane’s. Letting his chest brush against Shane’s back. “About how much I loved this. Being at home with you. Even having friends over. Being a couple.”
Shane’s shoulders relaxed as he exhaled loudly. “I love it too. I just wish we could have more of it.” He turned to face Ilya, and his eyes were much too sad.
Ilya placed a hand on the side of Shane’s face, brushing a thumb over his freckles. “Maybe I don’t think about how it is unfair because...” He paused a moment, trying to choose his English words carefully. “I feel lucky. This is more than I have ever had.”
Shane’s face scrunched up in confusion. Definitely one of Ilya’s top three Shane Hollander expressions. “More what?”
Ilya shrugged. “Love. Family. All that stuff.”
Shane’s face descrunched. For a moment, Ilya could swear he saw a tremor in his lip, but then Shane thunked his forehead against Ilya’s chest.
“Why are you like this?” Shane moaned into Ilya’s shirt. “Can’t you let me be annoyed with you? Do you have to ruin it by saying romantic shit like that?”
“Romantic? I thought it was more pathetic.”
Shane shook his head against Ilya’s chest, and Ilya wrapped his arms around him.
“I love you,” Shane murmured.
Ilya kissed the top of his head. It never got old, hearing Shane say that.
Nothing had grown stale between them, even though it had been over a year since they had first said those life-changing words to each other.
Maybe it was because their time together was always short, and precious.
Maybe one day, when they were old and retired and making dinner together for the millionth time, Ilya’s blood wouldn’t heat at the sound of Shane’s voice.
That day was not today, though.
Ilya tangled his fingers into Shane’s hair and lightly tugged, pulling his face away from Ilya’s chest and tilting it up to meet his gaze.
“Don’t you have something to say to me?” Shane asked wryly.
Ilya’s lips quirked up, and instead of saying the words back, he leaned down and kissed him, slowly.
Adoringly. The kind of unhurried, careful kiss that Ilya knew Shane wouldn’t put up with for long.
As expected, within a minute Shane let out a growl and took control.
He kissed Ilya hungrily, wrapping one ankle around the back of Ilya’s leg and pulling their bodies tight together.
This was the man that Ilya loved. Right here.
Sexy and challenging and unabashedly on fire for Ilya.
Without even looking at what might be in the way, Ilya hoisted Shane up and sat him on the counter.
Something clattered into the sink, and something else fell to the floor, but neither man reacted.
They kept kissing and yanking each other’s shirts out of their pants.
Shane shoved Ilya’s shirt up, bunching it under his armpits, then slid his palms over Ilya’s chest. Over the grizzly bear tattoo that covered most of Ilya’s left pec.
Ilya could admit to himself now that the tattoo was a bit much, but he’d been eighteen when he’d gotten it, and it gave Shane something to tease him about, so he couldn’t hate it.