Chapter Sixteen
“L ouisa? I need to have a moment with you, in my study if you will.”
Trevor’s voice was so soft, Louisa wasn’t sure she’d heard him. But thankfully he knew to be quiet in the dimly lit bedroom while she rocked on the chair, humming a lullaby to help the twins settle down for the night.
She met his gaze across the room. He stood by the door opened just enough for him to peek his head inside. The expression on his face wasn’t one of displeasure. Of late, she’d come to expect this. Sighing with relief, she realized she might have actually done something right for once.
Quietly, she stood and tiptoed to the door. “The children have just fallen asleep. I fear they will awake and find me gone.”
“Mrs. Smythe will sit with them just long enough for me to speak with you.”
Louisa glanced behind Trevor at the housekeeper standing not far behind him. Louisa gave Trevor a smile and walked into the hallway as Mrs. Smythe entered the bedroom, softly closing the door behind her.
For an awkward moment, Louisa stood in front of Trevor as their gazes locked. He shifted from one foot to the other while she scratched her arm. Finally, he turned and strode toward the stairs, occasionally glancing at her over his shoulder.
Not a word was spoken between them until they entered his study and he closed the door. “Your Grace,” she broke the silence, “I want to thank you for giving me a chance to be with the twins. They are adorable children and very well behaved.”
He grinned and walked to his desk, sitting on the edge. “I have watched you today, and I’m impressed with your remarkable ability to handle them. I don’t know why I have never paid attention to the way Mrs. Jacobs cared for them before. I thank you for making me aware of her neglect.”
Louisa took a timid step closer, as she folded her arms. Happiness grew in her chest. Had she ever heard so much praise in her past? “Was this what you had wanted to discuss with me?”
“Yes, but not fully. I want to tell you how wonderful I think you are taking care of the children.”
He’d talked this way about his children before, and it made her curious. Why did he never want to refer to them as his children? They were always just the children or he called each one by name. Very odd.
“I thank you, Your Grace.”
“I wish for you to call me Trevor when we are alone.”
His voice deepened, and her heartbeat took on a different rhythm. Her palms moistened and her throat dried. More than anything she hoped he wanted to kiss her again, yet a part of her knew he shouldn’t. After all, she knew his dinner party would start within an hour and so she mustn’t do anything to distract him. “As you wish, Trevor.”
He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “I actually want to discuss a couple more things with you before my guests start arriving. First, I think you need a different wardrobe.”
Confused, she glanced down at her servant’s uniform. “Why? What’s wrong with this?” She picked at the apron.
“Louisa, my sweet, you are not a mere maid any longer. You are the children’s nurse, which means you don’t have to wear a uniform.”
“But Trevor, I have no other clothes.”
“This, I realize. So, with your permission, I would like to have a dressmaker come see you tomorrow so she can make you some frocks.”
Excitement budded inside her chest. “Indeed? Oh, Trevor. This is so unexpected. I don’t know what to say.”
He shrugged. “ Thank you would suffice.”
She moved closer and grasped his hands. “Yes. I thank you so much for your generosity. I honestly don’t deserve your kindness.”
“Oh, I believe you do.” He pulled one of his hands away and caressed her cheek.
Her face burned from his compliment, and she was certain the palm of his hand would feel the heat emanating from her skin. Yet he continued to cup the side of her face, and she couldn’t resist snuggling against him. She loved staring into his warm blue eyes, yet doing this would make her want things that were impossible to have.
“Well, thank you again. I will repay you.”
He shook his head. “Staying on as the children’s nurse is payment enough. They love you, and I… I… um, I think you shall make a very capable nursemaid for them.”
Why did she have the feeling he was going to say something else? It was probably because her heart wanted him to have the same affectionate feelings that flowed through her. “I will certainly try my hardest.”
“As I know you will.” He dropped his hand and moved away.
Disappointment sat heavily in her chest. “What was the other thing you wanted to discuss?”
Trevor sat behind his oak desk and rested his steepled fingers in front of him. “Yesterday when you rescued Amanda, you had taken my horse—”
“Oh, forgive me, Your Grace. When I saw how close the twins were to the stream, I didn’t have time to think and at that moment, the stable boy was bringing out your horse.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think—just reacted.”
He held up his hand for her to quiet. “Yes, I know this. And please, my name is Trevor.” He winked. “But if you had let me finish, you would realize I was not reprimanding you for riding my horse.”
“You weren’t?”
“No. I wanted to ask you if you remember where you learned how to ride like that.”
She blinked her wide eyes. “Pardon me?”
“When you mounted my horse and took off, you rode like an accomplished rider. Did you realize this?”
“No.”
He nodded. “Of course I didn’t think of that until earlier this evening, but most servants don’t know how to ride that way. And most women do not ride astride. I could tell you were a very accomplished rider.”
She chuckled and moved to the cushioned sofa near his desk and sat. “Once again, this is something I did out of reaction. I must have known how to ride in order to do it, but I fear I cannot remember.”
“I honestly believe that you came from a family of Quality.” He leaned his elbows on the desk, dropping his hands palms down. “But the question remains, why would a girl who came from such a family end up on the streets half starved, and… whipped?”
“These are questions I would love to have answered. If only the cloud covering my memory would leave. But the more I try to delve into my past, the more my head pounds with confusion.”
“Have you recalled anything yet?”
“Yes. When I saw the twins by the stream, I remembered falling into a deep pond when I was younger, and my cloak pulling me down until I was submerged in water. I couldn’t breathe. Another girl who was slightly older than I, was the one who pulled me out.”
“Interesting.” He scratched his chin. “Do you recall where you were and who the girl was?”
She shook her head. “It was a quick memory, but I remember feeling very distraught. And although I can’t see the girl clearly, I think she was a good friend and not a sibling.”
“Have you remembered anything more—before that?”
“Not since we danced.”
“Are you talking about the memory you had of burning yourself?”
“Well that—and recalling being taught to dance when I was in my tenth year.”
His eyebrows rose. “Indeed? What did you remember?”
“I was with a boy older than me and we were both being instructed on how to dance. We were in a grand ballroom, much like yours.” She frowned. “But that’s all I remember; not any more about the instructor or even the boy who was with me. Although…” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I know I wore a pretty pink frock and had bows woven through my ringlets.”
“How extraordinary.” Trevor stood, walked around the desk and sat beside her. He took her hands in his. “Slowly your memory is returning. And, the more you remember, the more I feel you were never a servant. That is the very reason you have not been able to do the duties assigned you.”
She nodded vigorously. “Those are the thoughts I have had as well. Although”—she lost her smile again—“I don’t want to get my hopes high only to discover all of this was a dream.”
“No, Louisa dear, I don’t believe this is a dream.” He squeezed her hands. “If you don’t mind, I will ask around to see if anything tragic happened in the past several years, like a family dying or a daughter being taken from her family.”
Sighing she smiled. “Thank you, Trevor.” She pushed her fingers through his hair. “The Lord certainly blessed me when He put me in your path.”
He chuckled. “Even though I nearly killed you with my curricle?”
“Yes. Being hit by you was probably the best thing that happened in my life.”
He shook his head. “Don’t say that until your memory returns. You may end up hating me after all.”
“Never. Hate is the furthest emotion from my heart right now.”
Silence stretched between them as his gaze smoldered. She sighed. His blue orbs were so captivating. His lazy smile made her heart flip. What she wouldn’t give to have him look at her this way all the time, and for it to be right.
“What do you feel right now?” he asked softly.
She sucked in a quick breath as her heart hammered. Dare she tell him? As much as she’d like to confess her feelings, she dared not for fear he wouldn’t return them. Yet, studying his expression made her realize he might indeed feel something for her… something stronger than just an employer and his servant.
“Oh, Trevor.” She breathed heavily. “I fear that telling you what’s in my heart will be no good for I am but a servant and you, my master.”
“What if you are not a servant? What if you are an heiress or your father is titled?”
“Trevor, I don’t dare dream of such things, especially if discovering the truth will only break my heart. I cannot give my heart away and have it crumpled when my memory returns.”
Nodding, he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I understand completely.”
An awkward silence grew thick around them, only their ragged, mingled deep breaths were heard. His breath smelled like the wine he usually drank before his evening meal. As she breathed in his masculine scent, she wondered why he didn’t pull away from her. Did he want her to make the first move? She couldn’t. Being this close was too nice. So wonderful. She didn’t want it to end. Ever.
Finally he moved, but instead of pulling away, his arms slipped around her waist as he pulled her closer. At first she thought he just meant to hug her, but soon his lips brushed over her cheek, heading for her mouth.
Although she knew it was wrong, she wanted this. Wanted him.
Before his lips found hers, she turned her face and kissed him first. A moan tore from his throat as his arms tightened around her. He turned the kiss wild, slanting his head and opening his mouth for more. She answered back just as urgent, winding her arms around his neck. Breaths blended, tongues danced, and lips caressed as if they couldn’t get enough. She knew she couldn’t. She wanted more. So much more.
He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. Releasing a deep sigh, she weaved her fingers through his thick hair. Soon the kiss softened and became more meaningful. She responded with all the emotion blooming inside of her. Without a doubt, she loved him. But confessing would not be right. Not until they knew about her past.
Finally, Trevor withdrew and gazed tenderly into her eyes. A heart-warming smile graced his beautiful mouth. A pleasurable moan escaped her lips.
He drew his fingers over her cheek. “I should ask forgiveness, but—”
“None is needed.”
He placed a small kiss on her mouth. “I can’t stop myself, Louisa. Heaven knows I should, but I cannot.”
“Why do you think you should?”
“I’m much older than you—probably a good ten years.”
She shook her head. “That’s not a problem at all. I’m an adult and you are an adult. I have seen women my age marry older men all the time.”
“So true.” He chuckled and pulled away. “Unfortunately, if you don’t return to the nursery soon, Mrs. Smythe will wonder what is happening between us.”
Louisa nodded. “That, she will. And if you stay with me on the sofa like this, your guests are going to see wrinkles in your clothes and wonder why.”
He stroked her cheek. “I promise we shall discover your past. I cannot wait to make this right.”
“I hope you are correct, Trevor.”
“I am.”