Herald the Night

Chapter Twenty-One

Waking up beside Theo again after so long being apart from him was like winning the lottery every morning. Connor would never again take these stolen moments for granted. He”d become the quintessential creepy boyfriend—waking up early to watch his lover sleeping in his arms. Frankly, he didn”t care how creepy it made him. Just the fact that he could do this was enough to make him emotional.

To be fair, he was always emotional lately. He’d spent so long burying his emotions under anger and frustration and drinking that once they broke free, he”d become unraveled. Sometimes, he would get emotional about something for no reason, usually prompted by something completely unrelated, and have to leave the room to compose himself before he fully broke down. Theo was a godsend, giving him space and grace to work through the complicated feelings he had put off processing.

After a few days of security lockdown, life gradually returned to normal. But it was a new normal that gave Connor hope that they’d truly pull through this obstacle in their relationship. He was earnestly dedicated to making sure they never ended up in that place again. That introduction to rock bottom was something that would haunt Connor for a long time. Likely, for the rest of his life. To ensure it, he kept up with every single therapist visit, running club, and couples counseling session.

His emotions were most raw during their counseling together. To be frank, it was hard to hear how lonely, hurt, and disconnected Theo had felt in the days and months leading up to their brief separation. Connor had to admit that his inability to deal with his depression and distrust had created a canyon’s worth of distance between them.

On the other hand, it helped a lot working through his own struggles with feeling lonely and disconnected over their terrible communication skills. Again, Theo met him halfway with grace and respect, owning up to his own shortcomings in communicating his needs and concerns and expectations while still holding Connor accountable for his actions. It also helped them both a lot that their relationship wasn”t in crisis anymore. The counselor applauded them both on their dedication to working together and Connor couldn”t help but feel a bit of pride over the man”s claim that they were surprisingly self-aware for young men of their age.

For as well as things were going, it didn”t mean it was easy. Adding two kids to the mix would never make things easier. Connor had always wanted children, but this was not how he imagined it happening, nor did they really feel like his children, or even Theo’s. The sibling dynamic had always been skewed, given that Theo had long been raising them while still a child himself. Now that he was legally their guardian after a long period of separation, the relationship was shifting again. Connor didn”t know where to position himself in the complicated situation. All his therapist said was “you’ll need to discuss it with your partner” which was a given, but still difficult to navigate.

“You”re thinking so loud. It”s too early for that.” Theo wriggled closer and bit Connor”s collarbone. “Think quieter.”

“Mnn, how about I stop thinking instead?” Connor shifted his hand lower and cupped Theo’s ass. “Y’all right this morning?”

“I”m fantastic,” Theo replied with a chuckle. Yeah, despite the lingering issues, their sex life wasn”t one of them. In fact, it was better than ever. “Behave. I have to run all over the damn district today and you wrecked me last night.”

“M’sorry baby.” Connor shifted his hand even lower and kneaded the firm muscle of Theo’s ass cheek. “Want me to kiss it better?”

“Later? I”m tempted… but I also need a shower before we even think about doing anything.” Theo rolled his hips, slowly grinding his noticeably hard cock against Connor’s thigh.

“No fair.” Connor rolled them over and brought his lips to Theo”s neck. “Teasing me while saying no. Bad form, Teddy.”

Theo laughed, long and loud and carefree. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. He’d missed that laugh as much as he”d missed moments like these. He tried hard not to let guilt over his mistakes spoil the joy of having his partner back, but the feeling still crept in if he wasn”t mindful. Especially when he noticed small details like these that warmed his heart. The fact that he had come so close to losing it all was still something he struggled with.

They eventually rolled out of bed, but they were reluctant to part. Wandering hands and languid kisses accompanied them into the bathroom despite the small size of it. Eventually, they were forced to stop pawing at one another as they took turns at the toilet and sink. Theo finally chased him out before turning the shower on. They knew better than to shower together when there was a schedule to stick to.

Connor found himself in the kitchen staring at the printed version of the calendar on the fridge as the coffee pot hissed and gurgled and popped on the counter. Theo’s day was absolutely jam-packed. The whole week was, but the schedule for today made Connor wince in sympathy. Especially since he had the day off after pulling two different security details the day before. He cocked his head and squinted at the back-to-back appointments and exhausting to-do list beside them. He had an inkling that something was missing. Something particularly “job” shaped. Another pang of guilt hit him square in the chest. No wonder Theo had been at his wit’s end.

Just as the pot finished brewing, Theo appeared in the kitchen. Freshly showered and wearing a baggy crop top that showed off his lean, lithe body, he was utterly irresistible. Saliva pooled in Connor”s mouth as he caught the scent of Theo’s body wash and shampoo. Judging by the slow smirk developing on Theo’s face, he could read Connor’s thoughts clear as day.

“Don”t. You look damn near predatory and I really have to leave in…” Theo pulled his phone from the back pocket of his skinny jeans. “Fuck. Fifteen minutes.”

“Baby, do what you gotta. I”ll make your coffee. And leave me that grocery list. I”ll handle it. I ain”t got nothin’ on today.” Connor turned Theo back toward the doorway to the hall and swatted his ass. The swat turned into more of a grope, but he couldn”t be blamed for that. Theo knew how to accentuate his assets. The delectable peach in his skinny jeans was one of them.

“You sure?” Theo hesitated at the door with a waver to his voice. It cut a lot deeper than Connor wanted to admit. They both remembered all too keenly what happened the last time Connor offered to do the shopping.

“Teddy Bear, I promise you. Shopping, cleaning. Hell, if’n you know what time you’ll be home, I”ll even fix dinner up.” Connor pulled Theo back against his chest and hugged him tight. “I mean it. I”ve got this. I”m all in, remember?”

“Right. Sorry. I”m sorry. It”s not that I doubt you, it’s just…” Theo trailed off as he sank into Connor”s embrace.

“You should. I ain”t proven myself yet. I get it. But you gotta let me try, eh?” Connor pressed his lips to Theo’s neck and squeezed him tighter. “Go wrangle up the kids. I”ll have your coffee ready for you.”

Despite the nagging voice in his head calling him a failure, Connor made good on his first promise. Theo’s travel mug was ready to go when he returned to the kitchen ten minutes later. Even better, Connor had managed to whip up buttered toast with cinnamon sugar for all three of them. It was such a small thing in the grand scheme of it, but the stunned expression on Theo’s face, followed by a slow, subtle smile made it feel like a monumental win. That was a reward in and of itself. The searing kiss Theo ravaged him with was icing on the cake.

The response to such a small gesture was a huge motivator. The unnatural quiet of having the house to himself was also a reason to keep himself busy. At least there was no one around to complain about his music tastes. He connected his phone to the speaker on the counter and let himself indulge in the country music he only ever got to play when he was on his own in his car. By the time he was an hour deep into his liked list, the entire kitchen and living room were spotless and he was feeling a lot better than he had been.

With that off the list, he got proper dressed and headed off for the grocery store. He had always ordered ahead for curbside pickup at a store that provided it, but this time, he had an indescribable need to see the experience through Theo’s eyes. His partner had taken on the onus of the errands during Connor’s stint with the night shift. He wanted to see exactly what Theo was dealing with while Connor had been checked out dealing with his own issues.

He hated himself even more the second he stepped through the door and grabbed a buggy. The store was busy enough to give him anxiety and he didn”t have a diagnosed panic disorder. He could only imagine how much worse it would be with two kids and a team of Secret Service agents to worry about. As he wandered the aisles and added his own selections to the items on the list, he found himself wondering about the logistics. Did Theo shop while the kids were at appointments? Practice? Did they stay in the car? Were all of them in the store along with the agents charged with protecting them?

His thoughts drifted through every scenario and none of them were easy. Hell, he was struggling to focus on his list and he had nothing else to worry about. It was a sobering experience. It was even more chilling when he got to the checkout and saw the final total. In taking on the burden of most of the grocery shopping, Theo had also taken on the expense. Connor primarily handled the recurring bills and splurges, along with some of the utilities. The realization that he hadn”t contributed a single cent during their split left him feeling nauseated as he slid his credit card into the machine. Especially when he compounded that thought with the earlier revelation of how little time Theo had left in his day for work.

His troubled thoughts followed him all the way back home before he finally gave in and sought help. As soon as all the bags were brought in from the car, he dropped everything to call the only other person in the world who could offer him some cold hard truth. His Mama’s voice on the other end of the phone eased some of the anxiety the minute she crooned his name.

“Mama… on a scale of one to ten, how hard is it being a single parent?”

“Oh, my. And here I was thinkin’ you called your mama for a nice chat, Connie Boy.” His mom chuckled at her own joke before continuing. “It ain”t easy at all, but it”s worth it. Why such a big question? You and my Theo still goin’ on all right?”

“Yeah, we”re okay. We’re getting there. I reckon I just… I didn”t even think about how much he got goin’ on. It”s like I forgot that he was parenting since the kids are his siblings, y’know?” Connor tucked the phone between his shoulder and his ear to start unpacking all the groceries. “Tell me what my Pa did wrong so I can do it right.”

“Oh, goodness gracious.” His mother sputtered and mumbled before coming back on the line. “Warn an ole gal before you pull out the big guns!”

“Yeah, yeah. I”m bein’ serious, Mama.” Connor pulled a chair to the counter and climbed up it to squirrel away some of the snacks he’d picked out specifically for him and Theo on the highest shelves. The kids had a habit of sweeping through all the best stuff in just a few days” time.

“Look, baby. Your Pa just wasn”t ready for that kind of life, and I weren”t gonna fight to keep him ”round when he wasn”t ready to be. That”s where you”re already doin’ better. You want to be there. Look how hard you been workin’ at it.”

“Right, but help me do better. Tell me what”s one thing you would want if’n you could do it over?” Connor hopped from the chair with a grunt and slid it back toward the table. “Also, ‘fore I forget… what”s the seasonings you used on them cornbreads Theo loved last Christmas?”

“Oh, Connie Baby,” Mama sniffled softly on the other end of the call. “That’s it right there. That”s all anyone ever really needs when they building a life together. Someone who pays attention and makes the ordinary every ole day special.”

“What d’ye mean?” Connor double-checked the counters to make sure everything was tidied up before relaxing against the sink and switching the phone to the opposite ear.

“Young love is extraordinary. Everything feels new and special and larger’n life.” She paused briefly before continuing. “Lasting love is not that. Lasting love is a whole lotta routine that ain”t any fun. The key to making lasting love special is making the ordinary extraordinary. You keep showing our Teddy how special you think he is, and you’ll find that. Many small moments of quiet love are worth more’n occasional grand gestures, my boy.”

Connor let her words sink in as a smile spread over his face. A plan began to take shape as he pondered her wisdom. “I reckon that’s why you”re smarter than me, ole gal.”

“Ah, don”t get cute with me. Go be the boy I raised you to be, Connor Donovan O’Brien. I”m too old for any more heartache and I”m expecting y’all to let me spoil them grandbabies of mine for a long time still. I”ll send you my cornbread recipe when we hang up.”

“Thanks, Mama.” Connor smiled even wider at her mention of the kids as her grandbabies. He”d never thought about it that way before. He couldn”t stop thinking about it that way now. “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” She hung up and seconds later, his phone buzzed with her text. The familiar handwriting on the recipe card had him a little homesick, but the promise of surprising his boyfriend with his Mama”s signature cornbread eased the ache. Small gestures of thoughtfulness and care he could do. The thrill of it propelled him into action with a beaming smile on his face as he turned his music back on and sang the afternoon away.