Herald the Night

Chapter Forty

Theo was so relieved when Elias volunteered to ferry him and the kids around on their busy appointment day. The night before had infused him with incomparable happiness and relief. The last thing he wanted was for his anxiety and panic to destroy the fragile peace in his heart. Nothing triggered his PTSD quite as bad as being out in public. He had hoped he was doing well enough keeping it under control and under wraps, but Elias had him pegged. The offer to play chauffeur and babysitter would have normally had Theo wanting to crawl under a rock, but honestly, he was too tired of keeping shit hidden to be bothered.

The kids both seemed relieved to have him along, too. After all, Elias had been more of a parent figure to them over the years than their own mother had been. What was likely to be an exhausting day was a little easier to handle when they had the closeness of his support in their struggles. Not for the first time, Theo suspected that Elias needed it just as much as they did.

The day started early with back to back therapy appointments for Anna and Toby—both separate and apart. The joint session was supposed to be a family session with their mother, but it came as no surprise to anyone when she canceled at the last minute. Anna, surprisingly, was the one to ask if they could still have the session with just her and Toby together. Theo was antsy to know what she wanted to talk about, but he knew better than to ask. Therapy was therapy. You didn”t pry into someone”s therapy journey.

With time to kill, Elias proposed refreshments. Theo teased him the entire way to the nearest McDonald”s, but gladly accepted the offer of a frappé. Once the car was tucked under a shade tree in a parking lot close to the mental health center, Elias confirmed Theo”s suspicions.

“Look, I should probably apologize about the way I handled myself with your mother. I”m sorry, Theo.” Elias pinched the spot between his eyes and scrunched his eyes closed tight. “I know you’ve been working hard with the visitations and the family counseling for Anna and Toby, but—”

“Eli, stop. I”m not mad. Not even a little bit. You did the right thing, and if the opportunity arises, I”d tell you to do it again.” Theo shifted in the passenger seat and turned his eyes elsewhere. “I just hate that it ruined your career. That”s the only negative thing I feel about it.”

“Nonsense. Theo, we were on our last legs there anyway. There”s no reason to feel like you had anything at all to do with that, I can assure you.” Elias reached over to tousle Theo’s curls. “If it weren”t a blow out over her visiting you in the hospital for PR, it would have been a blow out over how utterly terrible she is at her job. Ticking time bombs were everywhere.”

Theo turned his attention back to the driver’s seat as his curiosity got the best of him. “Do you know what you’ll do now?”

Elias shrugged, examined his drink, and took a long pull through the straw. He exhaled a surprisingly dramatic ‘ahh’ before speaking again. “Nope. Theoretically, between you and me, I don”t have to do anything. I”ll find something, though.”

Theo smothered a chuckle and took a sip of his own drink. Black coffee, it was not. The sugar definitely was a bonus though. “Yeah, I forgot you”re some secret millionaire, Uncle Warbucks.”

Elias’ laughter escaped, freer than ever as tiny lines appeared at the corners of his icy blue eyes. “Don”t ever say that again. Caleb calls me Daddy Warbucks whenever we meet with the financial planner. I have PTSD—shit, my bad. Theo, I”m so sorry.”

Theo feigned being hurt for all of two seconds before he lost control of his own laughter. He crossed his arm over the console to push at Elias’ shoulder with a grin. “You”re fine. You should hear the shit I say to my therapist. It”s like a weird compulsion to crack the man with my dark humor and nihilist commentary. If you can”t laugh about it, what”s the point?”

“Fair,” Elias ceded with a little smile. The quiet settled over them before he continued in a softer voice. “Don”t know how you do it, Theo. I”ll never fully understand how you can keep on going in spite of everything, but I”m damn proud of you for it.”

“Thanks, Eli. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I don”t think I could have done it without you and Connor and everyone. Especially you.” Theo shrugged and squinted at the mental health facility as he mulled his next words. “Never thought I”d actually be their… weird brother-father, but at least I had a weird uncle-friend-father to look up to in the process.”

They dissolved into laughter that took a long time to subside. It felt good to laugh again. It felt good to feel good. The constant thrum of his perpetual anxiety still lurked under the surface, just like it always would, but for a little while, it was manageable. He took a deep breath to savor the moment, as simple as it was. Cold drinks on a hot morning in a car outside a medical building wouldn”t be most people”s definition of a good day, but it was the simplicity of it that made it so. Two men with a metric fuck ton of worries putting them aside to enjoy one another”s company.

They exchanged small talk after the soul-bearing conversation, discussing little things like groceries and gardening and plans for Anna’s upcoming birthday. Her last birthday was a nightmare, and after the hell of the last few months, he wanted to make it special. He suspected he”d have more help than he knew what to do with this time around. The idea of planning it with his friends and family had him recalling the late-night murmurings he”d shared with Connor. It pulled another smile from his lips as butterflies took flight in his chest.

“Uh oh, I know that look.”

Theo’s eyes darted toward Elias with a squint. “What look?”

“Theo, that”s the exact same blushing smile you used to walk around wearing when you were flirting with your not-so-secret boyfriend. What”s he done now?”

“Oh my God,” Theo groused, rolling his eyes. “You”re ridiculous.”

“And I”m right. Dish it.” Elias slurped the last of his drink through the straw.

“It was just a stupid joke Connor made last night. I know he didn”t mean anything by it, but he called me Mr. O’Brien and well…” Theo trailed off with a half-shrug.

“Theo, you have quite a lot of audacity brushing that off like that. Bold of you to assume the man didn”t mean anything by it. He is not a man that says things he doesn”t mean.” Elias leaned forward until he could catch Theo”s eye. “Also let me take this opportunity to go on the record and say, ‘called it.’ I take full credit for talking you off the ledge and toward the golden retriever you’ll soon be calling your fiancé.”

Once again, their levity echoed around the interior of the car. It was a good day. A great one, even. The only thing that would make it better was getting back home. The fact that home was a person and not a place made him smile even wider.

Connor was napping by the time they got back to Luke’s house, and the kids promptly ran off to the yard with the dog, much to the Secret Service agents’ chagrin. He imagined it was probably brutal to do outdoor activities in those suits and vests. Avoiding the sunshine like the cave-dwelling techie he was, he took advantage of the opportunity to find his friend. He didn”t have to look too far. His feet clattered down the wooden steps leading to the basement and he smirked to himself over how right he had been.

“Sup, Taz.”

“Hey, fucker.”

Taz was seated in front of a bank of computer screens in a hoodie and what Theo suspected were a pair of Luke’s athletic shorts. The whirr of a dehumidifier combined with a freestanding AC and the multiple computer towers to create a soul-soothing electronic buzz that did wonderful things for Theo’s nerves.

“Whatcha up to?” Theo crossed the room and leaned over Taz’ shoulder to peer at the screens.

“Chasing bad guys.” His hands flew over the keyboard in front of him with a rhythmic clatter.

“For work or pleasure?” Theo caught the gist of what Taz was working on and pulled up a second chair to help.

“This work is pleasure, dingle.” Taz slid a smirk his way and went back to his screen.

“Fair.” Despite the years and change in their dynamic, they fell into the same familiar rhythms that had always existed when it came to working together. Files would bounce back and forth without a single word spoken aloud. Scripts would get streamlined. Data would be combed and organized. They were a well-oiled tech machine.

Theo found comfort in the familiar. He always felt most confident behind a computer screen, and the fact that he could do it with the quiet company of a trusted friend made it even more soothing. They”d speak only when they needed to, but otherwise avoided any unnecessary chitchat. Except when there was something important to discuss.

“So hey, dumb question—”

“Color me surprised, shit for brains.”

“Fuck you,” Theo retorted in a monotone. It was just the way Taz talked. This wasn”t the first time he said something exceptionally rude. It wouldn”t be the last. It was known he never actually meant it.

“Ask your dumb question so I can do the laughing part and you can shut it.” Taz pulled his hands from the keyboard and slouched backward in his chair. A bag of gummy worms appeared by sleight of hand, breaching the distance between them in silent invitation. Theo stole his favorite colors as he mirrored Taz’ position.

“Remember when we were together and we talked about… I guess about the future and shit. We made up all those elaborate plans and details?” Theo pivoted the chair back and forth with his heels, zoning out on the nearest screen as it continued to fill with text.

“Oh, fuck. Yeah. Don”t get all weird and nostalgic with me. I”ll get hives.” Taz picked through the candy and crinkled his nose. “Bitch ass, you stole all the orange ones.”

“Not nostalgic. I wanted to ask you,” Theo mumbled, tossing the last orange gummy back at Taz. “Would it be weird if I, uh… fuck it. I know you and Luke are end game. We talked about, you know… color schemes and tuxes and shit. How married to those ideas are you, for lack of a better phrase.”

“Fuck me sideways and call it foreplay. Theodore Moreau, are you gonna ask the dumb jock to marry you?” Taz eyed him with a slow smirk. “Fuck man, that”s the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Congrats.”

“Maybe. I don”t know. I”ve just been thinking, mostly. Sorta.” Theo pushed his fingers into his hair with a sigh.

“All of that is Theo-speak for: yes, you absolutely want to ask him to marry you and you”re already planning the wedding in your head.” Taz nudged his foot and grinned. “And your dream wedding hasn”t changed a bit, has it?”

Theo felt the tell-tale radiant warmth in his cheeks that meant he was blushing. “Maybe.”

“And you think we’re gonna… what? Fight over the details and who gets what like a weird as fuck wedding custody exchange? Bitch, please. Have it. Don”t want it.”

“Wait, you don”t want to marry Luke?” Theo cocked his head as a crease formed between his brows.

Taz shrugged and plucked the orange gummy from where it had landed on his chest. “Never said that. I just don”t want the whole… spectacle. If he wants it, it”s whatever I guess. You know that was like… your thing. Which is valid and totally fair. My thing was more ‘courthouse and Denny”s with a sidebar at a donut shop,’ also completely valid.”

“Shit, man. I didn”t mean to sound all—”

“Heteronormative? Engagement, big wedding, lemme guess, kids and a white picket fence? You do you.” Taz leaned forward and tugged a curl of Theo’s hair. “It”s great if you want that and I”m totally behind you. It”s just not the only way. But if you want to take back the pretty little daydreams of olive, sage, and ivory colors, be my fucking guest.”

Theo swatted Taz’ hand away with a laugh. “Dude, I was sixteen. Don”t judge me, okay?”

“Connor would look fine as fuck in olive though, on some real shit.” Taz tossed his gummies aside and turned back to the computer screen. “You”d look like a fucking forest elf on the other hand. Navy, my man. Charcoal maybe. Embrace the emo. If you pick brown, I”ll shit in your shoes.”

“You”re absolutely ridiculous.”

“Yep. And you loved me once, so I think that says more about you than me.”

“Eh, still do. Don”t be self-deprecating dick about it.” Theo likewise returned to the work on the screens.

“Yeah, same.” They went quiet for a while, working side by side in companionable silence as Theo lost himself in the soothing, focused world of the task in front of him. A long while later, Taz abruptly broke the silence.

“So, you gonna ask him?”

“Yeah. I think so. I mean, I know so. I just want to plan it properly.”

“Don”t fucking overthink it. You love him, he loves you, and you”re gonna twist my arm like Cay did and I need time to prepare because I”d like to make sure I win the speech contest this time. Again, fuck you for that heart-rending leading act that made me look like a dim-witted tool.”

“Asshole, best man speeches are not a competition.” Theo cackled despite his protests.

“Newsflash, Princess. Everything’s a competition. Hey, Connor. You can stop eavesdropping now. I”m bored with this game.” Not once did Taz look away from his computer screen. His words had Theo pivoting his chair so fast, he nearly fell over. Sure as shit, he looked up toward the basement stairs and found a brightly blushing Connor seated on the topmost step.

“Connor Donovan O’Brien, you little shit.” Theo shook his head with a huff. “I can”t believe how ridiculous you are.”

“Lil shit? Didja forge’ who the grumpy… lil shi’ is in this relationship?” Connor shifted to his feet and carefully descended the stairs, mindful to keep one hand against the wall for balance.

“Well, I”m even grumpier now. Both of you… I”m disappointed in both of you.” Theo muttered to himself and worked through a few keystrokes before sitting back with a smug smile. Three seconds later, all the screens went black.

“You fucking trog. God, I hope you get… thrush. Hoof and mouth disease. Both.” Taz flailed his hands and spun toward them with a murderous glare. “Out before I bleed you dry with a stylus!”

Theo and Connor escaped with a rumble of shared laughter as they took the stairs at a faster clip. Only once they reached the top and had the door closed behind them did they stop to catch their breath and regain their composure. Theo was just about to turn and continue further down the narrow hall when he was suddenly caged against the wall by Connor’s forearms.

“Oh,” he gasped softly, his hands magnetically finding purchase on Connor’s hips. “Hello there.”

“Hi.” Connor grinned and nipped at Theo”s jaw.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you. More.”

“About downstairs… I don”t know how much you heard—”

Connor silenced him with a rough, demanding kiss before pulling back only enough to whisper against Theo’s lips. “Ye reckon y’gonna ask me? Wha’ if’n I wanna ask?”

“Mmn… maybe we’ll have to wait and see who does it first?” Theo mirrored the curve of Connor’s smile against his lips as he eased his hands up under Connor’s shirt. “And who does it better.”

“Everything’s a com—compet—”

“Everything”s a competition, but you have an unfair advantage, Mr. QB.” Theo ducked his head to press a kiss to Connor’s pulse before they could get too carried away.

“Eh, mayhaps. But you”re stubborn as me.”

“I like the idea of this game. The prize is pretty damn nice.” Theo gently pushed against Connor”s hips to put some much needed breathing room between them.

“An’ we both win in th’end.” His smile was radiant. Theo stopped breathing in the face of its brilliance.

“Yeah, we really do.”

“Love ye, Teddy.”

“God, I love you Connor.”

He leaned close, closer, as close as possible and Theo’s lips parted in anticipation of their kiss. At the last second, Connor nipped his lower lip and darted backward.

“M’gonna win, though.”

“Oh my God, you”re ridiculous!” Theo gave chase as his boyfriend, his future fiancé, his everything disappeared down the hall toward the back door. There was laughter, roughhousing, and a whole lot of groping, but most of all, there was joy and hope. So, so much joy, and even more hope.