28. Twenty-Seven
I couldn't sleep. The ornate ceiling of our hotel suite swam above me, patterns shifting in the dim light while my BPD brain raced through every possible worst-case scenario. Ash's solid warmth beside me should have been comforting, but even his steady presence couldn't quiet the chaos in my head. The weight of our failed mission, of Viktor's blood on marble floors, of everything still to come, pressed down until I could barely breathe.
Xavier's quiet breathing from the couch served as a constant reminder of what we were about to risk. He wouldn’t even be here if I’d been able to handle everything. He’d only come to Paris because I'd failed at maintaining my cover, just like I failed at everything else.
Ash's fingers traced idle patterns on my hip, just above the lace edge of my panties, grounding me before I could spiral completely. Even half asleep, he knew exactly when I needed anchoring.
A soft buzz from his phone made us both tense. Nikolai's name glowed in the darkness like an accusation.
"Don't," I whispered, catching Ash's hand before he could reach for it. "Whatever fresh hell he's bringing can wait until morning."
But we both knew it couldn't. The Russians weren't known for their patience, especially when their carefully laid plans went sideways. And tonight's clusterfuck definitely qualified as sideways.
Ash pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair. His stubble scraped against my scalp, the slight sting a reminder that this was real. That at least for now, I was exactly where I belonged.
"When this is over," he murmured against my temple, "we're taking a vacation. Somewhere quiet. Just us."
I couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped me. "Somewhere quiet? You'd be bored in an hour."
"Try me." His fingers found that spot behind my ear that always made me shiver. "Might surprise you."
"Mmm." I pressed closer, tangling my legs with his. "Tell me more about this hypothetical vacation that's definitely not you trying to distract me."
"Private beach." His lips brushed my neck, making my breath catch. "No phones. No missions. Just you in a tiny swimsuit that covers as little as possible, showing off all those beautiful bruises."
"Careful." I tilted my head to give him better access. "Your possessive is showing again."
"Good." His teeth grazed my pulse point.
From the couch came a muffled groan. "Oh my god, will you two please shut up? Some of us are trying to sleep here."
I pressed my face into Ash's chest to muffle my snicker. "Sorry, X."
"No, you're not," Xavier muttered, but I caught the fond exasperation in his voice. Even annoyed at being kept awake by our relationship drama, he couldn't quite hide how much he cared.
Ash tugged the blankets higher, but I wasn't ready to sleep. Not with the weight of tomorrow pressing down on us. Not when this might be our last night together before everything went to hell.
I let my lips find his collarbone, tasting salt and gunpowder and that indefinable something that was purely Ash. My fingers traced the familiar landscape of scars on his chest, mapping territory I'd already memorized but couldn't get enough of.
"Daddy?" I whispered, barely a breath against his skin. "Did you mean what you said earlier? About wanting me to get pierced for you?"
His hand stilled on my hip. "Every word. If you want that, that is."
Heat pooled in my belly at his words. "Eli works at a piercing shop back home. He's really good. Could do my nipples first, then get my cock pierced once those heal."
Ash's grip tightened possessively. "Yeah? You'd do that for me, baby? Let me decorate your pretty cock with jewelry only I get to see?"
"Yes," I breathed.
His hands slid up my chest, thumbs brushing over my nipples through the thin fabric of my sleep shirt. "These will look so pretty with little silver barbells."
The promise in his voice made me shiver. "You've really thought about this."
"Every time I touch you here." He pinched one nipple lightly, making me gasp. "Imagine how sensitive they'll be once they're pierced. How pretty you'll look all decorated for me."
In one smooth movement, he rolled me beneath him, using his bulk to pin me to the mattress. His hand covered my mouth as he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Not a sound, baby. Don't want to wake your brother again."
I nodded frantically as his fingers found the hem of my shirt, tugging it up to expose my chest. His mouth replaced his fingers on my nipple, tongue tracing where the jewelry would go. The wet heat of his mouth combined with the mental image of being pierced for him made my cock throb against the lace of my panties.
"So perfect," he murmured against my skin. "Can't wait to see you all marked up for me."
His other hand slid down my stomach to trace the edge of my panties. The black lace was already damp with pre-cum where my cock strained against the delicate fabric.
"Look how wet these pretty panties are getting," he growled softly. "All for me."
I could only whimper against his palm as his fingers teased along the lace, barely touching where I needed him most. Each brush of his fingertips made the fabric drag against sensitive skin in maddening ways.
"Please," I whispered when he moved his hand from my mouth. "Need you."
He sat back on his heels, drinking in the sight of me spread out beneath him. His sleep pants did nothing to hide how hard he was, the thick outline of his cock making my mouth water.
I reached for his waistband, but he caught my wrists, pinning them above my head. "Patience, baby. I want to take my time with you."
The fabric of his pants brushed against my inner thighs as he settled between my legs. I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to pull him closer, but his grip on my wrists never wavered.
"Such a needy little thing," he murmured, grinding against me through our clothes. The friction of lace against my cock had me biting my lip to stay quiet.
"Please," I whispered against his lips, need making my voice crack. "Need you inside me."
He pulled back slightly, studying my face in the dim light. "Baby, your brother's right there."
"Don't care," I breathed. "Please, Ash."
Something dark and hungry flashed in his eyes at my words. Understanding dawned in his expression. This wasn't about pleasure. This was about grounding, about belonging, about erasing the chaos of the day with the surest thing we had.
"Okay," he murmured, reaching for the lube. "But you've got to be quiet, baby."
Finally, blessedly, he released my wrists to hook his fingers in my panties. The fabric whispered down my legs as he stripped them off, leaving me completely exposed while he remained frustratingly clothed.
"Please," I breathed, reaching for him again. This time he let me tug at his pants until his cock sprang free, hot and heavy against my thigh.
He had to get up briefly to kick the pants off completely, and I mourned the loss of his warmth. But then he was back, pressing me into the mattress as he reached for the lube.
His fingers worked me open with torturous patience while his mouth left marks all over my chest. By the time he finally pushed inside me, I was trembling with need.
The stretch of him filling me felt like coming home. Like everything in the universe clicking into place. Like belonging. His hand covered my mouth again as he set a slow, deep rhythm that had me seeing stars.
"Mine," he growled softly, grinding deep. "All mine."
I nodded frantically against his palm, my nails leaving crescents in his shoulders as I fought to stay quiet. But Ash seemed determined to make me break.
He shifted the angle slightly, hitting the perfect spot inside me. A whimper escaped before I could stop it.
"Now, now," he whispered, stilling completely. "What did I say about being quiet?"
I glared up at him, trying to move my hips against his iron grip. The smug bastard just held me still, watching me squirm.
"Something to say, baby?" he asked innocently, grinding deep but not giving me the friction I needed.
I shook my head frantically, but my body betrayed me, clenching around him in a silent plea. He rewarded me with a slow drag out and an equally slow push in that had my eyes rolling back.
The sound that escaped me was barely audible, but in the quiet room, it might as well have been a shout. His hand pressed harder against my mouth, but I caught his smirk in the dim light.
"Tsk tsk. And you were doing so well."
If my mouth wasn't covered, I would have told him exactly where he could shove his smug attitude. But my body was a traitor, clenching tight around him as he resumed that torturously slow pace.
He kept me like that, suspended between pleasure and frustration, watching me fight to stay quiet even as he did his best to break my control. Each thrust was calculated to drive me crazy, to push me closer to the edge without letting me fall.
When my thighs started trembling around his waist, he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Come for me, baby. Nice and quiet."
His words sent me over the edge, my whole body seizing up as pleasure crashed through me. I felt more than heard his groan as he followed me over, filling me with his release.
When I could think again, I found him watching me with that soft expression that made my BPD brain want to simultaneously run away and never let go.
"You're an asshole," I whispered as he removed his hand from my mouth.
"Mm." He kissed me softly. "But I'm your asshole."
He eased out carefully, both of us wincing at the loss. A quick glance confirmed Xavier was still sleeping, or at least doing a damn good impression of it.
Ash slipped carefully from the bed, pulling his sleep pants back on before padding to the bathroom. He returned with a warm washcloth, his touch reverent as he cleaned me.
"You're staring," I murmured, unable to keep the smile from my face.
"Can't help it." He tossed the washcloth aside and pulled me against his chest. "You're beautiful like this."
"Like what? Thoroughly fucked?"
"Mine," he corrected, running his fingers through my hair. "Completely and utterly mine."
"Always," I whispered against his skin, already drifting toward sleep.
"Are you two finally done fucking?" Xavier's voice shattered the moment, making us both freeze. "Jesus Christ, I thought that would never end."
I buried my face in Ash's chest, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. "You were awake the whole time?"
"Unfortunately." Xavier's dramatic sigh could probably be heard in the next room. "You two aren't nearly as quiet as you think you are. And Ash? Maybe ease up on the 'mine' stuff. We get it."
I felt Ash tense slightly, but I just laughed harder. "Aw, is someone jealous?"
"Of your weird possessive daddy kink? Hard pass." The eye roll was audible in Xavier's voice. "Now please, for the love of god, go to sleep. Some of us have to deal with your horny asses in the morning."
I pressed my face into Ash's neck, still giggling. After everything that had happened today, the simple normalcy of Xavier's exasperation felt like a lifeline.
Tomorrow would bring new dangers, new challenges. But for now, wrapped in Ash's arms with my brother's fond irritation washing over us, I felt something dangerously close to peace.
Even if it might be the last time.