Chapter 33
33
AVA
“ W hat are you doing here?” Bram lowers the doll, his eyes widening with surprise.
I wait, my heart in my throat. It’s been over a week. Does he still remember me?
“Ava.” He sounds distressed, but it’s the fact that he recognizes me that has relief sweeping over my body.
I raise a brow at the limp doll in his hand. What am I doing here? That is an excellent question. After my afternoon of running into my dad and Jamie having a cozy chat, digging through crispy house parts, and feeling wrecked by everything that’s happened to me and Bram, I drove all the way back to my apartment. I sat in my car warring with myself. Part of me wanted to crawl under my covers and another part of me wanted to go out into the woods and scream at the sky. I didn’t do either one, but drove around listening to the same song on repeat forty times.
Somehow, I ended up at Bram’s house. He seems surprised to see me here. My car is literally parked in his driveway, so I don’t know how he missed it. I guess he’s distracted.
“I wanted to talk.”
Bram’s aura isn’t just swirling with shadows but is almost completely black. The dark energy pours off him and nearly chokes me with anger and bitterness. “What happened?”
His shirt is half off. His cheeks are red, but he’s sweaty. He must have just come in from a run. I don’t know what possessed me to come here. I should have kept my pride tucked away and left him alone. There are plenty of shows to watch on Netflix, more than enough bottles of wine to drink. I could have drowned my sorrows alone.
Fine, my brother would have been there to annoy me, but same difference.
Yet, after I put on the dress earlier, all I could think about was being in Bram’s arms as we slowly moved our bodies together on the dance floor. That image has been replaying through my mind ever since. After going to his burned-down house, all I want is to talk, to clear the air, maybe have hot make-up sex.
That’s a terrible idea.
I didn’t expect Bram to be so angry. He still has the stupid doll that’s been making the rounds between my place and his in his hand. His fingers are wrapped so tightly around its neck I wonder if the head is about to pop off.
Bram shoves the doll at me. “Take it and leave. I don’t want to play any more childish games. I don’t want to see you.” His words sting, even though he’s said as much before. I thought he would have calmed down by now. Or maybe I knew he’d be like this and I’m a glutton for punishment.
“Did something happen?” I’m tucked into a chair in the corner and Bram is standing in the middle of the room, but there might as well be an entire ocean between us.
Bram stares at me, the darkness in his aura swirling angrily. He takes a deep breath and the darkness fades. He’s still agitated, but it’s not as bad as when he walked into the room.
“I had a conversation with my father.”
“Those are always fun.”
Bram sinks down to the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh. “He basically said it’s my mother’s fault that I have a curse.”
“That’s bullshit.” I stay in my seat in the corner. Bram is bristling. I’m afraid if I make any sudden movements, he’ll tell me to leave. I shouldn’t even be here. I should have more self-restraint, but I don’t. I’ve missed him. Every single day.
“Yeah, well, everything he said was a lie. He basically admitted to doing the ritual, but then said there’s no such thing as the ritual. I don’t know what happened with my mother and maybe I’ll never find out. It’s easy for him to blame everything on her when she’s not around to defend herself.” The darkness swirls in his aura.
“I found out my dad has been bribing Jamie to get back together with me.” My voice wavers. It has nothing to do with Jamie. That man could be lost in the middle of the ocean for an eternity and I wouldn’t give a shit. It’s the fact that I’m being used as a pawn. I’m no more important than what Jamie can get from a relationship with me. Or that I hold the key to the Vandenberg family curse not rebounding back onto my father. As much as I hate Ivan Vandenberg, it still hurts.
Bram’s gaze snaps over to me, the darkness in his shadows bulging around him. “You’re upset.”
“Just really tired of being shit on. I’m tired of other people manipulating me and thinking they can maneuver me around to obey their will.”
“You’re too strong for that,” Bram states as if it’s a fact.
I wish I believed that. “You have a lot more confidence in me than I have in myself.”
There’s a lost look in Bram’s eyes as he stares at me. “I almost killed my father tonight.”
My pulse skips a beat and fear for Bram shoots straight down my spine. “What? How? What happened?”
Bram drops his head into his hands. “My curse is getting worse. The rage was so consuming, I couldn’t control myself.” The doll tumbles to the floor. I’m off the chair and at his side in the next second. I run my fingers through his hair, and he leans into my touch with a heavy exhale. His aura lightens, some of the darkness drifting away.
“You always make me feel better,” he murmurs so softly I barely hear it.
His hands snake around my waist, and he pulls me in for a hug, his head resting on my chest. He’s holding me so tight I can barely breathe, but I would rather die than ask him to let me go.
“These always make me feel better too.” He nuzzles his face between my breasts.
“So fucking predictable.” I chuckle, but I don’t stop raking my fingers through his hair.
Bram tips his head back, and there’s a long moment of silence between us. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind, but my heart is aching. The conflict in his eyes, the way he’s holding me so tightly. The fact that I get to touch him like this, as if I have the right. With his arms around me, everything is quiet. Complete for the first time in a week. I shouldn’t do it, but I lower my head and kiss him. It’s soft and slow and achingly intimate. Bram’s fingers clutch at my back, pulling me in as close as physically possible.
“I missed you.” His words are raw, vulnerable. I have no time to react before he kisses me again.
“I missed you too,” I whisper when we pull apart for a breath.
As if those words are the only permission we need, we set aside all the messiness between us. We make short work of our clothes, peeling them off without hurry, as if we have all the time in the world. His hands and mouth trace every inch of my skin. He murmurs my name when I touch his shoulders, his back. We fall into the bed, and it’s like a fever dream. Everything is languid and slow.
His eyes lock on mine as he pushes inside me. I shake from the stretching pleasure and the intimacy of his gaze. He kisses me once, twice, a dozen times, each one as slow and drugging as the rocking of his hips.
“You’re too good for me.” Bram drops his forehead to mine, his pace never faltering.
“I’m just right.” I gasp and moan when he grinds against me. I wrap my legs around his waist, needing him closer.
“Never felt anything so right,” Bram groans, reaching between our bodies to find my clit. He’s so deep, hitting every perfect angle, but when his thumb brushes over my clit, I implode. My body jerks and shudders and I hold tight to Bram’s shoulders, afraid I’ll float away and never come back down to earth if I let go.
“Fucking perfect,” Bram grunts, and then, with one last thrust, comes deep inside me.
We lay there, limp and sated, while we catch our breath. I feel it the moment tension creeps back into Bram’s shoulders. He pulls out of me with a suddenness that makes me gasp, and rolls over to the edge of the bed. He snatches his pants up off the ground and shoves his legs in them.
“You shouldn’t have come.” Bram’s back is to me as he throws that grenade.
I can’t have this conversation naked. I’d really like to scamper off to the bathroom to clean up, but apparently, we’re going to have this discussion again. Minutes ago, I was splayed out beneath Bram without one ounce of self-consciousness, but now my nakedness is a vulnerability. I hurriedly get dressed, my irritation and sadness growing with each piece of clothing I put back on.
“You don’t have to let this curse rule your life.”
Bram finally turns to look at me again. “What about you? You’re so afraid of being forgotten that you never buck the rules, never push back. Maybe some people deserve to be cut out of your life. It wouldn’t be your loss; it would be theirs.” His words bite, but I’m not sure if he’s chastising me or angry at the people who have treated me like crap. They hit too close to home, though.
If no one remembers you, if you have no impact on someone’s life, then what’s the point? I yank my sweatshirt over my head and jab my finger in the air as I get close to him.
“And maybe you use this curse as an excuse to keep everyone at a distance. You’re cursed, Bram. Well, so am I. Big fucking deal. Should we just hole up in our houses and ignore the rest of the world? I’ll hide until the world forgets I exist and any last pieces of you disappear into a darkness until you’re unrecognizable?” I shake my head, frustrated and heartbroken.
Bram backs up, like he’s afraid of me. When he’s a foot taller and who knows how many pounds heavier.
“You don’t want to admit you’re afraid. Well, welcome to the club. Guess what. We’re all scared of this shit. It’s hard and makes you feel exposed. But the other option is worse. Never having someone understand you, be there to support you, or laugh at your dumb jokes.”
“I don’t laugh at your jokes.” Bram’s words drip with sadness.
“You think I’m hilarious,” I huff out with a sad laugh. I feel like I’m fighting with myself. That I’m trying to convince him that he’s worth the effort. That even if he has darkness in him, he should enjoy life while he can.
Bram searches my face, and sadness and regret lashes at my chest. His emotions. He leans down, his forehead touching mine and my stomach flips. Did I get through to him?
“My curse is a darkness that means I’m losing my humanity. I’m fading. The person I used to be is slowly being pulled into quicksand. The darkness clings like an invasive vine, slowly blocking out all light, and I can’t break free. More and more of them tangle around me until sometimes I feel like it’s squeezing the life out of me.” He’s short of breath, his gray eyes full of anguish.
I slide my hand up his cheek, his skin warm and rough with a shadow of a beard. “Let me be a lifeline. I’ll keep you from getting sucked down.”
Bram lifts his head. I feel the ghost of his lips over my forehead before he steps away. My hand falls from his face and the distance grows between us.
“Or be pulled down with me.” He sighs heavily. “Whatever this was is over. I’m done. Go. Get out of here.” He stares at a point on the wall behind me. “Leave. Go on.”
“Are you trying to Benji me?” I joke, even though my heart is breaking.
“What?” His head snaps up, and he looks at me, confusion wrinkling his forehead.
“You know when you send the dog away for their own good.”
He almost laughs, but then his jaw hardens, and he takes another step back. “See, here’s the thing. Why would you say nice things to me? Try to make me laugh. You think it’s funny that I’m treating you like a dog. You need a little self-respect.” The darkness is back in his aura, and he refuses to look me in the eyes.
I sigh and nod. “Right. Hey, no need for me to come in for any more planning for the party. Everything should be ready to go. We can go back to being strangers after this shit is over. You won’t even have to try to forget about me. The curse will take care of that for you.”
He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something but then he seems to think better of it. “You were really great with the planning. When everything goes off without a hitch, it’ll all be because of you.” There’s something so sad when Bram looks at me, but I doubt he ever realizes.
I leave him behind, standing over that damn doll.