Chapter 29
LILA
Anger was my predominant feeling when I left, but by the time I get to my place, my emotions are a rioting mess. The day was going so well and I didn’t see any of this coming.
Sutton is in love with me. I can’t even describe the way I felt when he screamed those words at Amos. They stopped my outrage in its tracks. The little grin on his face as he told me I shouldn’t be so shocked. Maybe I shouldn’t be. The truth is we were in a relationship long before we defined it.
We’ve spent every evening and most weekends together. Ate dinner together, spent countless hours cuddled on the couch, and screwed each other’s brains out most nights. I admitted that I was catching feelings for him. Well, now they’re caught. I’m in love with him too.
It’s late, but I know I won’t be able to fall asleep anytime soon so I bundle up to sit on my little balcony.
The street is empty and faintly illuminated by a streetlight.
This should be a happy time. The equipment I ordered is being delivered tomorrow.
I can have this place open in two weeks.
I should be excited, and I am, but it’s dulled by everything else whirling around my head.
I remember the day Amos got arrested. Mom was devastated. How was her baby supposed to survive being locked up? If she could’ve sent me instead, I don’t doubt she would have. She came up with every excuse in the book for his behavior and swore there was no way it could be his fault.
For once, she was right. I’m not sure if I’m more surprised that Amos would voluntarily take the blame for his friend or that Sutton would let him.
And lie about it for so long. There must be good in Amos for him to have done that.
Sutton must’ve felt bad since he’s spent all these years making it up to him.
I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, especially when I was a teenager. I love Sutton and he loves me. Am I really going to throw all that away for something that happened nearly ten years ago? Something that was between him and my brother?
My head begins to thump. The answer isn’t going to come to me tonight, and I need to be up early for a long day tomorrow. Crawling into my bed alone feels wrong. I already miss him. It feels like forever before I finally doze off.
I’ve only been awake long enough to have a cup of coffee when Sutton texts me.
Sutton
I’m sorry. Can we talk?
With a sigh, I set the phone down. He was my first thought when I woke. It looks like I was his too. I’m not sure what I want to do or say yet and I need to focus on getting some work done today.
Me
Tonight if you want.
Sutton
Okay. Your place or mine?
I’d rather have the option to leave if things don’t go well.
Me
I’ll come to yours. Did Amos leave?
Sutton
Yes, I’m taking my last load to my house now.
Me
I’ll see you tonight.
It’s a strange feeling, knowing I won’t be staying another night in the trailer after living there for over seven years.
I was a terrified eighteen year old when I moved in and despite how crazy the place can be, it became my home faster than I ever imagined.
Maren moved there right after I did, then Cara moved in as my roommate a few years later.
My friends and neighbors became family. One that wanted and cared about me instead of only wanting something from me.
A text from Julian wanting to check if the last room he painted needs any final touchups gets me moving.
Maren is stopping by later to discuss the Christmas party too.
There’s lots to be done today. Despite the trouble with Sutton, the excitement of everything takes over and puts a smile on my face as I go downstairs to get things started.
He stays on my mind throughout the day though. When I take pictures of the huge challenge course being installed, he’s the one I want to send them to.
Maren can tell something is wrong when she joins me.
She listens as I explain everything that went down last night.
Some sex details are left out but I tell her Amos walked in with Sutton tied naked to the bed.
“Oh my god!” A giggle slips out of her and she slaps her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny.”
For the first time, thinking back on the moment makes me chuckle. “It’s okay. I guess it is kind of funny, but it was awful in the moment.”
“Did they fight?”
“No, but it turned into a huge argument where I found out some stuff.” Her eyebrows inch up while I explain how things went down years ago.
She’s as stunned as I am and for the same reason. “Why did Amos take the blame?”
“Sutton said it was because Amos knew he wouldn’t get in as much trouble, being a minor.”
“I mean, yeah, that’s true, but I can’t see Amos…sacrificing himself like that.”
“I know. Something else happened. Sutton told me he’s in love with me.”
Maren’s sits up straight. “Really? Do you feel the same way about him?”
My silent nod puts a beaming smile on her face. “That’s fantastic! Did you tell him?”
“No, I was upset and angry. I came here to stay last night.”
“Oh Lila, I get it, but don’t let this screw things up between you. Yeah, it was wrong to let Amos take the blame and everything but they were teenagers.”
“It feels like I’m choosing between loyalty to my family and a relationship with Sutton. Because Amos will see it as me taking Sutton’s side and Mom is going to go nuclear when she finds out. She’ll see it as a betrayal.”
Maren reaches over and puts her hand on mine. “Lila, your mom is only loyal to your brother and he’s not loyal to anyone. I’m sorry, but you know that’s the truth. You have to be loyal to you for once. What do you really want?”
Tears well in my eyes as I confess. “Right now, I just want them to leave me alone. I want to enjoy this new life. With Sutton.”
“And that’s what you deserve. I know your mom has convinced you that Amos’s welfare comes first, but it’s not true. You aren’t doing anything wrong by ending that toxic ass arrangement.”
“I know that, logically. But it’s hard.”
“Of course it is.”
“I’m going to talk to Sutton tonight. I won’t end things over something that happened ten years ago, but I want to know if there’s anything else he’s keeping from me.”
“Good. And if it turns out he’s also an asshole, call me and I’ll come over and personally fuck him up.”
Our laughter echoes around my apartment as I wipe my eyes. I’ve made a decision. “Alright. Do you want to help me test these inflatables?”
“Hell yes. I want to try that slide.”
I feel much better as we air up the inflatables. All the rooms are finished now. I’ve really managed it. Maren and I spend about twenty minutes testing everything out. We jump in the bounce house, go down the slides, and laugh like little kids.
“I can never thank you and Cooper enough,” I tell her as we lie back on one of the soft surfaces. “I couldn’t have done this without your help.”
“I’m as excited about this as you are.”
She is and my family should be too. The two people who haven’t even asked to see the place. Sutton has been counting down the days with me. Cara and Holly ask me all the time how things are going and are eager to be here on opening day. That’s family.
That’s where my loyalty belongs.