Chapter 22~
Alittle over a week has now passed since I heard from E. And it”s been three weeks since I last saw Stu, since the last time I tried to be intimate, since the last time I was sort of happy. And every single day feels like darkness crowds my heart and shadows my soul.
And, frankly, I’m done.
Tonight, I stayed logged on much longer than usual so I could complete two weeks of lesson plans and get every assignment my students have done updated in the gradebook. Then, I sent a letter of resignation to my boss. I wiped the laptop drive, boxed it up, and put a return label on it. I’ll drop it off with the letter I wrote to Stu at the post office in the morning.
Now, I’m working on my own laptop. I update my will, leaving everything to Stu. I may hate him right now, but I know from the few times we traded personal details that he didn’t have a great upbringing. And, honestly, I don’t know anyone else; lucky him.
Sending off the final pieces to my lawyer, I wipe this laptop and tuck it away on my bookshelf. Clicking my phone open, I pair it to my speaker and click on my ‘Just Let Me Be in My Feelings’ playlist. Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo begins to play through the room and my heart lurches for the first time in days. Ignoring the familiar tingle of pain, I set my phone down and head out of the living room.
Ready to do some deep cleaning, I stride into the kitchen and begin clearing out the meager contents. I haven’t been very hungry so there’s not much to go through. I pluck the cardboard box I had saved in the garage and begin filling it with non-perishable items to donate tomorrow. Everything else gets tossed.
As the song reaches its crescendo, I feel the burn of tears accumulating in my eyes. My throat clogs with emotions trying to make their way out, but I quickly shut that crap down.
I make quick work of spraying down the shelves and cleaning them; followed by all the little nooks and crannies. Then, I start on the freezer. After trashing all of the contents and wiping down the interior, I briefly debate throwing out the Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Deciding to finish it later, I put it back in the freezer, with a confirming nod, and shut the door. Then, I give the pantry the same treatment; putting anything non-perishable in the donation box and tossing everything else out.
I”m a little sweaty and irritated that I”m nowhere near finished. Looking down, I notice the trash bag is overflowing and bulging on every side. Mumbling under my breath, I tie it up, heft it out, and toss it in the large trash bin outside.
When I re-enter the house, my phone pings with a notification. Which, conveniently, reminds me that I need to wipe my phone tomorrow, too.
Grabbing the final book in the series I”ve been reading, and my phone, I ditch the cleaning effort and decide to use my last bath bomb. Might as well, right? Besides, I need to find out if Annie gets her happily ever after.
Five minutes later, I’m chest-deep in a scalding lavender soak. It’s sheer perfection. I can hear the music wafting through the living room, into my bedroom, and quietly filtering into the bathroom. Steam fills the air and mingles with the lyrics of Tired by Labrinth and Zendaya. The song melds perfectly with my soul and I realize just how much I currently identify with it.
Another notification pings on my phone, bringing me out of my silent reverie. Swiping the screen, I see that E has contacted me in the app. I worry my lip between my teeth as I hesitate to open it. We had such a great conversation, and then, poof, he was gone. It didn’t hurt. It shouldn’t hurt. But it stung. A little.
Remembering my plan for Sunday night, I choose to respond to him. I should at least tell him…something. Just to make sure he doesn’t try to reach out again.
E:Sorry about last week. My roommate came home and needed help unpacking. Then work got crazy and... yeah. I”m so sorry.
E:Anyways, I was reaching out to see what you thought about making your fantasy come true?
I feel myself frown in confusion. What the heck is he talking about?
E:So, I don’t know if I told you this before, but I have a boyfriend. We”ve actually shared women before, and our two best friends have frequently joined us.
E:Not the other guys with my boyfriend and me, but the four of us with a woman.
E:I know that may sound strange or whatever but it works for us. Well, I mean, it has the few times we”ve tried it in the past.
E:Anyways, I can’t stop thinking about you and I’d really like to give you everything.
E:Not everything, everything but, you know. This one thing. Then, who knows. But, at least you can cross it off your bucket list. wink emoji>
A giggle escapes me. He’s usually so confident but he’s clearly getting flustered. It’s kind of cute. What the heck? No, no, no. Stop it. Remember the plan.
I chew my lip momentarily as the warm, heavenly bath works its magic on my body. Images of our last encounter move through my mind and goosebumps scatter across my flesh.
One more meeting couldn’t hurt. One more fling. One more time to maybe feel something. And, living out my fantasy may be the perfect way to end the weekend.
Before, I end it all.