His Country

Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Big Sky Veterinary clinic sat squat at the end of a narrow road. The sign had long since faded from the weather. Not that it mattered. Everyone knew where it was. And if they didn’t, they probably didn’t need to be there anyway.

The posts on either side of the rusted gate were crumbling, patched with tape and wire from where yahoos who had no business driving a trailer clipped it on the way in or out. Dr. Groves had stopped replacing it after the fourth or fifth time, figuring if people wanted a pristine looking clinic, they should learn how to drive their rigs.

Snow hung off the fences, white and powdery from where it had fallen earlier in the morning. Aiden’s breath fogged up the windshield as he turned Frank’s old truck into the drive. Tire tracks had already cut through the fresh snow, snow chains digging deep as whoever had driven in earlier this morning blazed a trail for the rest of them.

Numb fingers tapping on the wheel, Aiden braked just through the gate and stared down the small hill at the clinic. Beside him, Sugar whined, eager to get out of the truck. Aiden wished he felt the same. His throat was dry, and he had to resist the urge to throw the truck in reverse and peal out so fast he took the rest of the fence with him.

His foot remained planted on the brake and he took several deep, cold, breaths to try and still his stuttering pulse. It didn’t really work, but he did it again. Just to be sure.

Aiden wanted to do this. He needed to do this; he just didn’t know how, and while that might have stopped him before, it couldn’t now. Not when it was this important.

Exhaling all that cold air he’d just filled his lungs with, he lifted his foot off the pedal. The truck rolled forward, crunching through the snow as he drove toward the clinic.

Dr. Groves built the place at an indeterminate date. If you asked anyone, they’d say the clinic had always been there. Almost like Dr. Groves and Big Sky Veterinary clinic were made of the same stuff as the mountains around them. Popping up between the firs like it belonged. Maybe one day someone would scrape one of the bricks from the side of the clinic and officially date it.

Personally, Aiden liked the mystery.

There were only two cars in the small lot out front. Aiden recognized Ethan’s truck and a SUV he thought might belong to the receptionist. Easing into the space beside the SUV he threw the truck in park and sat back in the worn seat.

The clinic itself was a one-story building. Originally, it had been a small waiting room and exam room. Over the years they’d built onto it, expanding until it was a puzzle of buildings tucked into every corner.

Behind the reception area was a treatment room, a big indoor space with two stocks for the livestock and stainless-steel counters. Through a big set of double doors was a small stable where patients could wait to be seen, and then a long gravel drive to the main barn where long term patients stayed.

Aiden had been over every square inch of this place. Last year, during the slow season, he’d helped Dr. Groves out a bit. Basic stuff like cleaning stalls and bandaging. He learned a lot. Dr. Groves had once said, “The greatest injury an animal can receive is a terrible owner.”

After two days at the clinic Aiden understood why Dr. Groves was such an asshole to his clients. Most of them deserved it.

Rubbing his cold hands together, Aiden yanked opened the door and let gravity drag him out of the truck. Sugar leapt out beside him, darting off to go play in the untouched snow piled up beside the clinic.

Straightening his jacket, Aiden made to walk around the truck when something caught his eye. Beside the door hung a nameplate that said: Dr. Paul Groves, DVM. It was so old it nearly blended into the brickwork. But the sign beside it was new, stark white against the aged building.

Dr. Ethan Landry, DVM.

Aiden reached out to touch it. He traced the lines, lingering longer than he should. It was easier to look at his name than at the man himself.

Sugar popped her head around the corner, deep brown eyes blinking up at him as if to say, you’re stalling.

“I’m thinking,” he grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

She cocked her head. Chickenshit.

“Fine.” He skirted past her, ignoring the way her tail started wagging harder as she followed him to the back door.

He had no idea where Ethan would be, but he was hoping by the time he found him he’d know what to say. Why he thought that, he had no idea. Aiden had spent three days trying to figure out what to say.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know why he was here, or how he was feeling. Aiden just didn’t have any idea how to articulate it. He’d spent his whole life keeping quiet, pushing everything down so he didn’t have to feel a thing. And now he was trying to do the opposite.

The results of which remain to be seen.

He heard a shrill whinny when he stepped into the barn. The grey skies outside weren’t enough to penetrate the gloom, and he had to wait for his eyes to adjust to the darkened interior of the barn. A filly had her delicate head over the stall door, lips quivering as she watched him approach. Aiden scratched behind her fuzzy ears, snorting when she tried to chew on his jacket.

Glancing down he saw a neat line of stitches across her shoulder. He recognized the steadiness of the work.

“Silly girl,” he said gently, stroking down her neck. She pursed her lips when he scratched at her chest. “What did you get into?”

“T post.”

He startled, spooking the little filly. Aiden apologized to her, petting her nose before looking up.

Ethan was standing at the back of the barn, arms crossed. Aiden pulled his arm from the stall and tried to take a step towards Ethan, but his knees locked. His entire body went taut like a coil, pulled in two directions—Ethan’s and the open door behind him. They both tugged on him, and he knew a snap was inevitable. He just didn’t know which one would give first.

“What do you want?” Ethan asked, voice harder than Aiden had ever heard it before. “I’m busy.”

He was wearing jeans and a fleece pull over. His stethoscope hung over his neck and there were empty syringes hanging out of his pockets.

Aiden fidgeted in place, looking down at his feet. “I’m here, ain’t I?”

Ethan’s eyebrows rose. “For how long?” he asked, incredulous. “That’s the problem, Aiden. You’re always here but you never stay.”

That was fair. Didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Swallowing, he forced himself to raise his head. The dark bags under his eyes were nearly the same color as his eyes. Fine wrinkles pinched at the corners. He looked pale, more than the usual, like he hadn’t been sleeping or eating.

Ethan had been hurting, maybe as much as Aiden, and that was wrong. Someone like Ethan, so confident and assured in the space he took up, shouldn’t be second guessing himself. Shrinking so he didn’t take up as much space.

And Aiden had done that. By keeping one foot out the door because he was too scared to close it fully. To put his baggage down long enough to grow roots on ground he wasn’t sure wouldn’t be ripped out from under him.

But he didn’t need unsteady ground. Not when he had Ethan. Solid, steady Ethan. Who came when Aiden needed him and stayed even when Aiden didn’t give him a reason to.

And now he wanted to give him a reason. Wanted to give him all of him and let Ethan love it.

Ethan said he loved him.

Aiden isn’t sure he can say it back. The words feel too big. He can’t unhinge his jaw wide enough. They stutter at the back of his tongue. He wants to say it, but he can’t. He isn’t sure how.

But there was a little mean streak inside him that rebelled. A tiny part, the part that was born and bred to live on a land that would never give an inch. Permanently etched into his soul, thriving no matter how hard he tried to destroy it.

He used to think if he was smart, he’d leave. If he was weak, he’d die. And if he was stubborn, he’d survive.

Aiden had always been stubborn.

But he was ready to do so much more than survive. He wanted to live.

He grit his jaw, planted his feet, squared his shoulders, and lifted his eyes. It seared. Looking into Ethan’s brown eyes, ones that with a simple look could tear his flesh from his bones to see the bruised heart beneath. Eyes that had their own atmosphere, able to draw him in by just fluttering his lashes. Eyes that he longed to see blinking in the bleary morning haze, shade in the brutal afternoon sun, and watch close with a soft sigh when he kissed him in the evening.

Eyes he so badly wanted to see himself smiling in.

Tears beaded up on his lashes and he let them fall as he used all his strength to crack open his heart. Cut through all the scar tissue so that it could bleed freely, bright red healthy blood spilling so that his heart could start again. New and untouched.

“I love you.” Aiden wrenched the hat off his head and crushed it between his hands. He looked up without the brim to hide behind. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ran, I’m sorry that I pushed you away and didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I hurt you…I love you, and I don’t know how. I’m not even sure I deserve to, but I do. God, I do. I love you and it hurts and its terrifying and it’s everything.” His voice shook.

Swiping the tears from his eyes, he continued. “When I’m with you it’s like I was made right. My pieces fit together.” He swallowed, unsure what he was saying, letting his heart move his lips without his mind to interfere.

“You saved my life. Not just with your hands. With those late nights we looked up at the sky. With the way you kissed the breath into my lungs and brushed your pinky against mine. You taught me to fight so that even when I lost I could still like my reflection.” He took a step forward.

“You told me I could want more, and shit Ethan, I do. I want more. I want to have more than what’s between my feet. I want a future. I want you. I-I…just want.”

Ethan closed the distance between them, catching Aiden just as he was beginning to lose his footing. He pulled him close to his chest so that Aiden breathe in that ineffable scent that was so Ethan that he nearly laughed with relief.

“I-I’m gay.” he didn’t say so much as drag it out. Reach into his cracked chest and wrestle it from where it had embedded itself so deeply. Wrench it forward into the light so he could stare it down.

Kissing the top of his head, Ethan nodded, hugging him tight enough to put all the pieces Aiden had just broken off back together in such a way that the cracks between them were smaller.

“I love you, Aiden,” Ethan said, his lips pressed to Aiden’s temple. “I loved you from the moment I saw you, and I’m sorry too. I didn’t—I should have talked to you more. Shouldn’t have just left you a note when I knew that was your first time.” He pulled back so he could look at Aiden, using his thumbs to swipe the tears from his eyes. “I should have taken better care of you. I know that now and I promise, I promise, I will.”

“I’ll wreck your body, Aiden. Leave it covered in bruises and bites. Dirty you in ways you can’t even imagine.” He kissed his temple, then between his eyes. “But I will never, ever hurt you. This heart of yours,” Ethan bent to kiss his chest, lips warm and healing. “This heart of yours is precious. It’s strong, vibrant, stubborn, and mine.”

Aiden nodded. “And you always finish what you start?”

Ethan’s grin was blinding. “Always.”

They crashed into the stall, too enraptured in kissing each other to notice. Soft, filthy, and everything in between. It was like Ethan was determined to find all the little cracks in Aiden he’d never noticed before and soothe them over. Kiss them better, until there was nothing left but pink, healing skin.

Aiden supposed there was some kind of irony in a broken man kissing one who spent his life learning how to heal. Maybe that’s why Ethan was so good with Aiden. He was used to healing those who couldn’t talk to him.

Ethan’s cold fingers stroked down his neck, sending shivers in the wake. Behind them, the little filly snorted. When they parted, Aiden found her staring at them with ears perked and dark eyes wide.

“Probably shouldn’t be doing this in front of a minor,” Ethan said, a little breathlessly, Aiden was pleased to note.

Smiling wryly, he turned back to Ethan. “We should probably stop making out in barns.”

Ethan raised a lecherous eyebrow. “Oh,” he teased as he kissed behind Aiden’s ear, nibbling on the soft skin until Aiden was wriggling, hands holding him by the hips to keep him still. “Or we make out in every barn in the county. Make it even.”

Aiden swallowed, desperate to keep his blood in the northern half of his body. “That’s a lot of barns.”

“We should get started,” Ethan chuckled darkly.

They kissed instead, softer this time, less frantic. Ethan seemed to be enjoying himself, taking his time to kiss every inch of skin he could find and then kiss it again. Last time they did this, by the fire on Christmas day, it was like a race to the finish. This was different. Not as awkward as a first date but maybe a third, where you already know enough about someone to be comfortable but not enough that you’re bored.

Ethan made the cutest little noise when Aiden sucked on his lip, whined if he ducked away from his kisses. And if he had to chase him, he kissed him hard enough to bruise. As if that was a punishment.

He learned a lot about himself, too. He liked it when Ethan slipped his hands under his shirt and splayed them across his ribs, holding him close. He liked unsettling Ethan, making him guess what he was going to do next. When he rolled his half hard cock against Ethan’s thigh, the man’s knees nearly buckled. He nipped at Aiden’s neck when he laughed at him, leaving behind a mark Aiden couldn’t wait to see.

Kissing Ethan had always been intoxicating. But it had been a wild ride full of hills and valleys Aiden couldn’t see. He had no idea if one moment he would be enjoying a high and the next a drop so severe he wouldn’t be able to make the next climb.

But now he had something he didn’t before. Freedom. Aiden thought it had to come from someone else, but that’s not real freedom. That’s permission. True freedom had to come from himself.

And now that he had allowed himself, Aiden could feel the chains he’d locked himself in begin to fall. They rattled to his feet with every breath he shared with Ethan. Every kiss was like turning a key in a lock he didn’t think could be opened.

With fingers in his belt, Ethan tugged him back through his office door. Aiden didn’t even know it was there until they were through, and he was being pushed against a wide wooden desk. Whatever was on the desk skittered to the floor. A pen dug into his thigh and the computer wobbled dangerously but Ethan didn’t care. He kissed him so hard Aiden nearly fell over backward.

“I wanted to let you go,” Ethan said against his lips. “Told myself it was for the best. That you were a runner, and I didn’t need that in my life.”

Aiden reached up to grab Ethan’s stethoscope on either side of his neck. “Thought I was a possum.”

“Goddammit,” Ethan swore with a smile, touching his forehead to Aiden’s. “You’re a pain in the ass is what you are.”

“If anything, you’re a pain in my?—”

Ethan kissed him, hard. “You’re such a brat.”

Aiden laughed, his grip tightening on the stethoscope to keep Ethan close. He caught Ethan’s eye. “I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine.”

Those brown irises sparkled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aiden said firmly. “I don’t….I don’t know how to do that. Or if I’m ready for the whole world t-to know that I’m gay.” He tried not to stutter but the word still felt poignant. Full of meaning Aiden didn’t quite understand.

“Hey,” Ethan stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “I don’t need you to come out to anyone but yourself.”

“I’m not…it’s not you.”

“I get it,” Ethan kissed his cheek. “What we have, this right here, this is between us. No one else gets an opinion. It’s just you and I.”

Aiden’s eyes were wet again, and he had to resist the urge to hide them. Old habits die hard, and letting himself cry was something new. He wasn’t sure he liked it yet, but it made the look in Ethan’s eye go soft and sweet. He definitely liked that.

A small whine cut through their moment following by nails scratching on the door behind them.

“And Sugar,” Ethan amended with a smile, pulling away to open the office door so she could trot in. She gave them both a withering look. Aiden was going to have to give her so much bacon to apologize.

Ethan had patients the rest of the day, something Aiden hadn’t considered when he drove over. Truthfully, he hadn’t allowed himself to consider anything beyond just showing up. He’d called Frank from Ethan’s office and told him he was taking a few days off. Isaac could handle the farm for a few days.

Frank hadn’t said anything except, “If I have to find a new veterinarian, I’m going to make you sleep with the goats.” Which Aiden took to be his explicit permission.

At the back of Ethan’s office was a set of tight, spiral stairs that led up to an apartment. Dr. Groves used it for help during the busy season, but when he retired Ethan had moved in rather than get a place off property.

The studio apartment was furnished with an eclectic mix of bargain finds from estate sales and used furniture lots. With a narrow kitchen at one end and a bed tucked at the other, it wasn’t anything fancy. But there was warmth there that had nothing to do with the heating. A dog-eared paperback was tossed on the couch and a veterinary magazine open on the counter. Slippers peeked out from under a robe that had fallen off the hook. There were even a few photos taped up to the stucco walls.

It looked lived in, permanent, in a way that Aiden hadn’t seen in a long time. There were signs of life, of Ethan, in every nook and cranny. Even the cobwebs in the corners were knocked off at the height Ethan could reach. For some reason that made Aiden smile.

Even Sugar liked it. Once she got over the snub of being locked out, she made herself comfortable, hopping up onto Ethan’s couch with a look like what? He said to make ourselves at home.

For the rest of the afternoon Aiden puttered around the space and tried not to freak out about how he wasn’t freaking out. He kept waiting for it, his breath bated, but it never came. The parts of his mind that once held the guilt and shame were quiet, filled only with the ashes from the pyre he’d burned them on.

In their place was a room ready for whatever came next. As Aiden plopped down on the couch, one hand on Sugar and the other draped over the arm rest, he kind of hoped it would be something like home.

Aiden must have drifted off. He woke with a start when the front door slammed. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked up to see Ethan leaning against the door, lips quirked in a smile. He looked a little tired, his jeans dirty and a stain that looked a lot like slobber running up one of his arms. He lifted up Aiden’s hat—picked up off the stable floor where he’d dropped it—and hung it on a hook by the door.

Pushing himself up, Aiden licked his dry lips and waited for his brain to reboot. “Is everything okay?” he asked as he checked to make sure he’d removed his shoes before dropping his feet on the coffee table. He had, but his old socks probably weren’t any better.

“Yeah,” Ethan said as he moved into the apartment, kicking his shoes off. He padded toward Aiden, crowding him against the back of the couch with a hand on either side of his hips. “It’s nice to come home to someone.” He kissed him soft, there and gone before Aiden even had a chance to enjoy it. He chuckled when Aiden chased his lips.

Flopping beside him, Ethan sighed. He scooted down so he could comfortably rest his head on Aiden’s shoulder. “I had so many silly little fantasies about coming home and seeing you here. All sleepy with your socks on and—” he stopped himself as he looked down at Aiden’s dingy socks. Reaching forward, he tugged the sock over so one of the holes slipped over his big toe. “It’s just nice.”

Aiden wriggled his toe. He tried to imagine Ethan sitting here, feet up and a paperback open on his lap as he got lost in silly little fantasies about Aiden. It was enough to make him choke up.

“I’ve never really…I don’t think I allowed myself to think about this. Fantasize about what life could be like.”

Ethan just nodded, like he understood. Or maybe like he didn’t, but he accepted it. Accepted Aiden, and his broken, backwards way of getting here. To a place he should have been all along.

“Well,” Ethan said as he sat up, squeezing Aiden’s thigh. “How about I make dinner? Making memories is a whole lot better than fantasizing.”

Aiden couldn’t argue with that, so he followed Ethan to the kitchen. He hadn’t spent any time learning how to cook anything more than the basics, enough to keep himself fed. His mother would probably have had a fit if she saw how often he used a microwave, but Aiden was beginning to think she didn’t really have much of a leg to stand on when it came to him.

They chatted while Ethan made hamburgers. Between lamenting that it was too cold to grill and teasing each other on their preferred beer, Aiden noticed a fancy envelope on the counter. Feeling nosy, he pulled it closer to see embossed cardstock. The foil glinted in the kitchen light; script so elegant it took Aiden a moment to read it.

“They finally set a date?” he asked, gesturing to the invitation.

Ethan’s face fell as he glanced from Aiden to the invite. “Yeah. Summer. Hoping to avoid the rain.”

Nodding he slipped the invite back into its fancy textured envelope. “Billy always liked the wildflowers. Should be pretty—good for photos, I guess.” He pursed his lips. “Never been to a wedding but Isaac likes watching the wedding dress shows. They’re always talking about pictures.”

After a moment of poking at the meat, Ethan relaxed. Like he was afraid seeing the invite would set Aiden off. Which was fair. Honestly, Aiden was surprised it didn’t. But when he looked at the fancy invitation with it’s impossible to read writing and filigree, all he felt was ambivalent. He was happy that Everett and Billy were getting married. But what did it matter? They belonged to each other body, mind, and soul the moment they locked eyes over a summer bonfire. Far as Aiden was concerned, they’ve been married for a long time.

But it’s what they wanted, and he was glad they could have it. Aiden shoved the envelope away, leaning on his elbows so he could rest his chin in his hands. Ethan looked at him over his shoulder, making a face at him when he noticed he was staring. He’d washed his hands, but he was still wearing his stained pull over and his hair was messy from where he’d been wearing a headlamp.

For once, Aiden was happy right where he was.

They sat on the couch to eat. Ethan turned his TV on to some reality show about a veterinarian that just seemed to make him angry.

“Well, no shit, I could give people massive discounts if I had an entire TV show subsidizing my clinic,” he groused as he ripped pieces of his burger off to feed to Sugar. “Like, I’m not hating on the guy, but people see this and think veterinarians who can’t do that are money grubbing assholes.”

Aiden side eyed him. “You have a spit stain on your shirt and live in a one-bedroom apartment above the clinic. No one thinks you’re doing this for the money.” He chewed his burger, laughing as Ethan glanced down at his shirt as if he just now noticed. “Besides, you spend your free time at the Rolling J starting a mutiny against low level government officials.”

Ethan shrugged. “That was mostly to impress some cute farm hand.”

“Did it work?”

He waggled his eyebrows. “You tell me.” He lowered his plate for Sugar to lick clean. “Besides, that’s all wrapped up in red tape. They haven’t officially told us to go fuck ourselves, but they haven’t not either.”

“You said it could take months.”

Ethan shrugged. “By then the resort will be built.” He set the clean plate on the table and sighed.

Aiden joined him. “You should be proud of the work you did. Maybe it won’t work, but at least you know you tried.” He elbowed him lightly. “And besides, if official channels don’t work, there’s always arson.”

“Who are you?” he asked, incredulously. “What? First step: coming out. Second: felony?”

“Third: world domination. Obviously.”

Ethan laughed, head tossed back and hands holding his stomach. He looked good like that. With his eyes scrunched up so tightly they disappeared and his hair falling messily over his face. His lips were parted, canine teeth looking sharp in the glow from the TV. Aiden found himself transfixed. He knew Ethan was handsome, but seeing him like this? Carefree, in his element, after feeding him and his dog? It made him want so fiercely that for a moment his chest ached.

With a start he realized he didn’t have to hurt. He could do more than want. He could have. All he had to do was just…take it. With both hands, no hesitation. Reach out and take what was being offered.

Ethan stopped laughing when Aiden crawled into his lap, hands looping around his neck. Ethan’s hands settled on Aiden’s hips, eyes wet from laughter. Aiden played with the soft baby hairs at the nape of his neck.

“I haven’t allowed myself to fantasize or explore what I like and don’t like,” he began. Ethan nodded, eyes flicking to his lips and back to his eyes, like it was difficult to focus on what he was saying when his lips were right there for the kissing.

“I’d like to start figuring that out,” Aiden said firmly. “Right now.”

Ethan kissed him. In a way he hadn’t kissed him before. Firm and precise, like an artist carving something out of marble. Fallible, but shaping his desires into something so hard and unforgiving. Something old and shapeless, a hunk of rock the test of time hadn’t been able to shear off and yet here he was, with two lips and a patient heart, shaping Aiden into someone new.

And Aiden gave. He softened under Ethan’s touch and let him. It sounds so simple, to give in, and now that he’s done it, he had to wonder why he’d fought so hard against it.

They kissed until their shirts stuck to their skin from sweat and their hair stuck out at odd angles. Until the pressure in their pants was so urgent the slight friction they could find from grinding hips was more maddening than satisfying.

Ethan ripped off his pullover as they stumbled to their feet, wordlessly in agreement that they needed to get somewhere horizontal. And fast. Aiden worked on his shirt, yelping when Ethan’s fingers dug into his jeans. They fell to his knees, nearly tripping him as he flopped onto the bed. Ethan laughed, the bastard, as he extricated Aiden from his clothes.

“Cute,” he smirked.

“Fuck off.”

“And bitey.” Ethan kissed his navel. “Just my type.”

Aiden groaned, ready to kick him, but Ethan artfully dodged, sucking a bruise into his inner thigh that had his entire body contracting. Unlike last time, Ethan’s hands couldn’t stay still. They blazed a trail across Aiden’s skin, twisting and touching, scraping his nails just so he could kiss the little pink lines they left behind.

He looked like a wet dream, hovering over Aiden with his muscles taut. Long and lean, he covered him in the best way, jeans low in his hips to show off just a hint of wiry hair.

His tattoo contrasting against his skin, shifting with his muscles like a light show. Aiden’s mouth went dry when he saw it, the sudden urge to touch it, to touch all of Ethan, so strong that he grabbed the man by his biceps.

Hooking his legs around the vet, he flipped him like a steer. They ended up a little too close to the edge of the bed, but he got his knees on either side of Ethan’s hips and his hands splayed on his chest. He was unprepared for how vulnerable he felt, perched on Ethan’s legs naked except for his grey boxer briefs. Which did nothing to hide his erection straining against the fabric or the wet spot pooling at the front.

Rallying, Aiden fought the urge to curl in on himself until he saw the look on Ethan’s face. His eyes were bright, pupils so blown out he couldn’t see where the brown started and the black ended. A muscle worked in his jaw in a show of self-restraint.

Aiden did that.

Licking his lips, he leaned down. “You like that?” he kissed Ethan’s jaw, right over the twitching muscle. “Maybe next time I should bring some rope? Tie you. Think you could last more than six seconds?”

Ethan’s cock jumped under Aiden, fingers digging into his hips like claws. He groaned as Aiden nipped at the base of his throat and took his time exploring. Last time had been rushed, heady and in the moment. Aiden didn’t regret it. But this time he was determined to do more. To touch, find what he liked, brand his fingers into Ethan’s skin so he would always know where he belonged.

A smattering of chest hair tickled his lips as he kissed across Ethan’s chest. Not too thick, but patchy like it was growing more the older he got. Aiden liked that. His fingers traced along Ethan’s ribs, smiling against his skin as he gasped, hips jittering up against him.

His kisses had a goal, and as he made his way toward the destination, he found himself growing nervous. He’d never done this before. But he wanted to. More than he realized, he needed to put his mouth on Ethan’s cock.

Butterflies with razors on their wings fluttered in his stomach as he freed his cock from its denim prison. Heavy with desire, the ruddy tip curved toward Ethan’s navel. A bead of precum pooled on the tip. There was a thick vein running along his shaft, and Aiden remembered wanting to lick it before.

Swallowing, he breathed deeply, inhaling that musk that was just familiar enough to remind him of sex and his cock twitched in reflex. He was already so wet, dick mashed against him and staining his boxer briefs.

Sure fingers threaded their way through his hair, nails scraping along his skull just enough to ground him. Looking up, he caught Ethan’s eyes. Aiden wasn’t sure what to call the look on his face except for fond arousal but whatever it was, it worked for him.

Wetting his lips, he tentatively licked at the shaft. It tasted the way it smelled, warm and rigid against his tongue. Experimentally, he twisted his head to try and find the best way to wrap his tongue around it. He knew he did something Ethan liked when those fingers tightened in his hair, guiding him like hands on the reins.

By the time he’d mapped every inch of his shaft, and the thick vein that Aiden loved to feel pulsing under his tongue, Ethan was breathless. His grunts punctuated the gasps and exhales, a symphony of pleasure and willpower. Aiden’s tongue curled around the spongy head, lips caressing the weeping slit. He lapped at the pre-cum, liking the way it clung to the back of his throat. He searched for more, wrapping his lips around it and sucking his cock down until it hit the back of his throat.

He coughed and spluttered but didn’t give up his hard-won treat. Determined, he clung to Ethan’s thighs, feeling the tickle of his leg hairs on his palm, as he slowly began figuring out the act of cock sucking.

Aiden wasn’t very good at it. But he liked it.

Even when tears clung to his lashes and he had to pause to breathe, he loved the heavy weight on his tongue. The way he would occasionally taste the pre cum dribbling from the tip. But mostly he loved the way Ethan cursed, his thighs shuddering under Aiden’s palms, or toes curled in the quilt.

It was probably too much to ask to get his lips all the way to the base. He could get close enough for the tips of wiry dark hair to tickle his lips before it was too much, he’d have to back off, cheeks hollowed and tongue swirling.

“Jesus fuck, Aiden, you’ve gotta—” Ethan yanked at his hair, pulling Aiden off with a pop. Aiden opened his eyes, not having realized he’d closed them. Ethan was staring at his face, mouth parted.

“Baby,” he breathed, hand dropping to caress cheeks sticky with spit and tears. “Do you like sucking dick that much?”

Aiden swallowed, voice hoarse. “I like sucking your dick.”

Ethan cursed, head dropping back onto the pillow. “You can’t just say—I’m going to blow my load like a teenager, and you don’t even—” hooking his hands under Aiden’s armpits, he hauled him up to not so much kiss him as to lick his lips. Aiden reveled in their combined taste, sharing his hard work with Ethan who seemed to be teetering on a precipice.

A thigh brushed against Aiden’s dick, and he whimpered, chasing it for another touch of that delicious friction.

Ethan growled as he shoved Aiden off him, chasing him across the bed so he could hover over him. “Flip over.”

It wasn’t a request, and a small part of Aiden wanted to say something about that, but he was too fuzzy. All of his blood was in his dick and his dick really thought they should be listening to Ethan right now.

Clumsily, he managed to twist onto his belly only for Ethan to jerk him up to his knees, chest against the quilt. Ethan’s nails raked against his skin as he pulled his boxer briefs down to his knees, too impatient to let him kick them off. He grabbed Aiden by his thighs, spreading them.

Before Aiden could ask what he was doing he felt the hot curl of breath on his ass. He yelped, trying to wriggle around, but Ethan was strong. Holding Aiden in place with an iron grip.

“Nuh-uh,” he scolded, gripping the globes of Aiden’s ass. “You don’t get to try and suck my soul out through my dick without some payback. Sit still while I open you up.”

Aiden didn’t really understand. Surely Ethan wasn’t going to?—

He shouted, jerking forward when something hot, wet, and insistent slid across his asshole. A sense of disbelief crashed over Aiden as he realized Ethan was licking his asshole. Fingers digging into the sheets, he buried his face in his elbow. Embarrassment washed over him in waves. There was no way this was happening. Biting his lip, he tried to remind himself that he trusted Ethan. That he was a grown man who could do whatever he wanted.

Ethan hummed, the vibration rolling across nerves that had never seen the light of day, and Aiden’s brain, and all its confusion, was silenced by the overwhelming pleasure.

He’d never spent much time considering his ass, or if it was appealing or not, but Ethan certainly seemed to think so. He groped his cheeks, spreading them apart so he could lick all the way from Aiden’s balls to the furl of his hole, pressing and wriggling like he was possessed.

Aiden’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head, body shaking as he tried to process all the things he was feeling. Sensation crawled up his back. And just as he got used to Ethan’s skilled tongue teasing across the tight muscle, he licked past the rim. Pointed like a spear, he began to slowly work Aiden open. And he was so gone.

Back arching, he spread his knees as far as the elastic in his briefs would let him, cock rock hard and leaking like a faucet onto the bed. He reached for the headboard, fingers skittering along the cool metal as he searched for a hand hold.

Just when he thought he was too far gone, brain hot and fuzzy, Ethan jerked his dick. Shouting, he threw his head back, desperate for oxygen.

“You’re so wet,” Ethan said in wonder. “I thought that was just a one time thing but damn. Look at you.” He teased Aiden’s tip, slicking up his fingers. Just when Aiden leaned into the pleasure, chasing the crest that he knew would hit like a tidal wave, Ethan retreated.

Groaning in frustration, he felt the tip of Ethan’s fingers join his tongue. Aiden lost track of what was spit, his pre, tongue, or fingers. He tipped over into the fugue of pleasure, humping the air when Ethan’s fingers curled and hit that little button that made Aiden’s entire body shake.

There was a wet spot on the sheets under his face. He could barely catch his breath, the tingling in his thighs getting more intense as his body careened back and forth, getting so close only to fall short when Ethan changed course.

“Ethan, goddammit, I’m ready. Just…” he trailed off as Ethan stubbed his fingers into his prostate again, other hand trailing against the sensitive skin behind his balls.

“Just what, baby?”

Aiden wailed. “Fuckmefuckmefuckme.”

Slick fingers soothed down his sides, rubbing his flank as Ethan pressed kisses to the back of his shoulder blades and neck. “I’ve got you, you only ever had to ask. I’m going to take care of you.”

The side drawer opened and slammed shut. Aiden briefly registered the snick of a cap before he felt lube drizzled across his oversensitive hole. He shuddered, nearly collapsing, when two strong arms wrapped around him, and he felt the blunt head of Ethan’s cock press against him.

Once, Ethan said slow is smooth, smooth is fast when he was working on something, and that seemed to apply to sex. He pressed until the flared head of his cock popped through Aiden’s softened rim, and then he was bottoming out in one smooth motion.

There was no hesitation in Ethan’s movements, but he could feel the tremors in those big hands splayed as he gave Aiden time to adjust.

Ethan had been so thorough in prepping him it didn’t take long. Skin buzzing, Aiden held his breath when he felt Ethan begin to shift. And that was it.

Any sense of restraint Ethan had been clinging to was gone. His thrusts were so hard that Aiden bumped up against the headboard, hips slapping so loud it echoed through the apartment. Almost as loud as Aiden himself. He didn’t have to tell Aiden to let his voice out this time. He couldn’t keep it in if he tried. Between Ethan’s cock hitting all the most delicious parts of him, his hands holding his hips still, and the words spilling from between Ethan’s lips, Aiden was lost.

With every drive Aiden’s rigid cock bounced against his stomach. So hard it hurt, he knew the simplest of touches would send him over the edge. Ethan must have read his mind or maybe Aiden muttered something about it, because he reached under him and loosely fisted his cock.

“C’mon baby, take it. Take your orgasm. You can do it.”

There was such a difference between what he said and how he said it that Aiden lost it. Humping his hand, a tinge of embarrassment mixed in with the overwhelming pleasure, that he finally came. So hard his vision blacked out, the pleasure swarm up from the depths and washed over him in an electric wave. Warm, sticky cum splashed against his belly as his knees gave out, face burying into the sheets and only Ethan’s grip on his hips keeping them up.

Ethan dropped forward, kissing the back of Aiden’s neck as he slammed his hips two more times, gasping as he came. His entire body trembled across Aiden’s oversensitive back, hands digging into his skin so hard they were sure to leave little halfmoon indents.

Aiden slowly dropped until he was lying face down on the bed, his belly sticky with cum. Ethan lay across him, face buried on the back of his neck where he kissed him lazily. His breath came out in little huffs strong enough to ruffle the back of Aiden’s sweaty hair.

They trembled together as Aiden’s body came back online. Like a grid powering up, he began to feel his toes, legs, and arms in sequence. Between the sticky warmth along his back and the weight in his eyelids, he didn’t want to wake up. He was pleasantly sated, body worn out and mind quiet. Even his heart was full. That was so new he didn’t know he was missing it. But now that he’d had it, he didn’t want to lose it.

Ethan let him stay floating, pulling away from him with a huff of oversensitivity before disappearing. He came back with a wet rag, hastily cleaning them off. When he crawled back into bed, pulling the stained quilt over them, Aiden turned to bury his head into his neck.

“Was that okay?” Ethan asked softly, voice rough. “I didn’t…I know sometimes I can be a little aggressive.”

Aiden snorted. He didn’t think it was possible for Ethan to be insecure. Lifting his head, he looked up through his lashes. “I haven’t had a chance to confer with my colleague yet?—”

“Your colleague being your dick?”

“Yes. But preliminary reports all indicate a positive—” Aiden didn’t get to finish before Ethan was smothering him in kisses, even biting his cheek when Aiden had the audacity to laugh at him.

They ended up tangled together, so close it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. Ethan glanced over Aiden’s shoulder to look at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

“Oh hey,” he said, plopping down on the pillow. “Happy New Year’s.”

Aiden had forgotten what day it was. “You too.”

“You got any plans?”

“Nope. Told Frank I was taking a couple of days. As long as Isaac doesn’t burn down the farm, I’m all yours. If you want me.”

Ethan settled his arm over Aiden’s hip, fingers tracing lazy circles on his heated skin. “I’ve got a few ideas.” He leaned in to kiss him again when they felt the bed dip.

Sugar had her front paws on the bed, glaring at them as if to ask if they were done being gross. Ethan laughed, patting the bed until she jumped up to curl up at the end with a dramatic huff.

“Happy New Year’s to you too, Sugar,” he called to her, but she was already asleep.

Aiden closed his eyes. Between Ethan’s steady breaths and the familiar weight at his feet, he couldn’t think of a single resolution he wanted to make. He already had more than he’d ever thought he could have.

Opening his eyes, he traced the lines of Ethan’s face. The way the light from the TV flickered across the slopes and valleys, and how his lips arced up in a perfect little bow. He’d never noticed that before. Aiden hoped he’d never stop noticing new things about Ethan.

“I’ve never kissed anyone for New Years,” he admitted, so softly he wasn’t sure if Ethan heard him.

Ethan hummed softly, tugging Aiden closer. “I never want to kiss anyone else.”

Somewhere there were probably fireworks popping. Bright colors exploding against a dark sky as the rest of the world celebrated a new year. Aiden was glad he was missing them.