His Other Life

Chapter 33

THIRTY-THREE

ISLA

Present day

“‘ Seattle, March 22, 1954 ,’” Isla read. “‘ Dear Cass, I must have started writing this letter half a dozen times by now, but whatever words I come up with sound too trite to reflect the truth and then I give up. But I know I owe you an explanation, so since time is running out, here goes .’”

Cass? Isla flipped over the envelope she was holding and found it to be addressed to Miss Embeth Cassidy. Nana’s maiden name rang a faint bell, so she’d probably heard it at some point and then forgotten.

“Sorry, I had to check. I never knew her to go by that nickname,” Isla said to Mav and Rowan, who were as intent on her as she was on the letter. “Where was I?”

She found the spot and continued.

“‘ I want you to know that I did get both of your last letters. Pretending otherwise would be downright false, and I have never lied to you. Even during our last days together over the holidays, I meant every word I said. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. ’” Isla swallowed. She hadn’t expected the content to be so personal. So… raw.

“‘ But things have not exactly been going my way. That job at Bon Marche I had high hopes for? Well, it didn’t pan out. And since I got the boot from trucking back in February, I’ve been scraping by on odd jobs, hoping for a break. I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed. Still am if I’m honest. And I only tell you now so you might understand what my situation was like when you wrote to tell me your news. ’”

What news ? Isla thought. A cold pit deepened in her stomach.

“‘ At first, I planned to turn things around before responding. With your old man already thinking poorly of me, it felt like the right thing to do. And when that didn’t happen, I didn’t know what to say. But the truth is over the past few months, reality has swept our grand dreams aside leaving nothing but wishful thinking. I can’t support you (or a child for that matter) on love alone, and if we tried, I fear you’d be trapped in a sorry state with me. I couldn’t do that to you when you deserve so much better. ’”

Isla looked up when she reached the bottom of the page, the implications of the words settling in. Her poor nana.

“You should continue,” Mav said, clasping his hands in his lap.

Isla nodded and turned the page.

“‘ So as much as it hurts, this has to be the end of the line for us. When I said I’m out of time, it is because I’ve signed on as a seaman on a freight ship that will set out tomorrow for Japan. After that, who knows where they’ll send me, when or if I’ll be back. The best thing you can do is forget about me. ’”

“Oh no.” Isla let out a heavy sigh. “‘ I have included the last of my paycheck here. For what it’s worth, I am truly sorry. Though I don’t expect it, I hope one day you will forgive me. Sincerely… ” Her eyes snagged on the final word on the page, and her head jerked up. “What? ‘ Sincerely, Maverick ?’ Is this a joke?” Her gaze cut from Mav to Rowan and back. When neither of them spoke right away, Isla scanned the last paragraph of the letter again. The writer had gone to sea. The writer whose name was Maverick.

Isla stood up abruptly and paced away from the table before spinning back. She must be missing something. “Why is there a letter from you to my grandmother in this box? That makes no sense.”

Mav leaned forward in his chair, his complexion ghostly. “I can explain,” he said. “I want to explain. I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. Would you sit down?”

“Did one of you tamper with the box? This is a practical joke, right?” Isla could hear her voice rising in pitch, but she had no control over it. It was following the tension surging within her.

“Want me to leave?” Rowan asked Mav.

“No, no. Stay.”

“You’re both in on it?” Isla grabbed the backrest of her chair and locked them both in her sights. “It’s not funny.”

“Could you sit?” Mav asked again.

“I don’t know. Can I?” Isla shifted from one foot to the other.

Mav placed both palms on the table, his hands trembling. “Please?”

Isla’s mind had gone blank because what had Mav said a moment ago? That he didn’t mean for her to find out “like this”? That meant there was something to find out. It wasn’t a joke.

“Did you send her this letter?” she asked after sitting back down, stabbing at the paper with her index finger.

“I did.” Mav’s shoulders slumped. “And I’m guessing the others in that stack may well be from me too.”

“But… how? Why? You knew her?”

“We met in Korea.”

Isla sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re telling me Nana fought in the Korean War? She was a social worker.”

“She was a nurse first. And a damn fine one. She saved my life.”

Isla’s jaws snapped closed. The nurse who’d convinced the surgeon to give Mav a chance was Nana?

“And I—” Mav’s voice broke. “I loved her.”

Rowan put a hand on Mav’s shoulder.

Mav patted it. “No, I’m fine.” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at his eyes and nose. Then he addressed Isla again. “I told you I’ve made many mistakes. Well, here is the biggest one.” He gestured to the letter. “I was a coward and a loser, and it’s haunted me my whole life.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Isla tried to get him to look at her, but he was intent on the stack of letters. “When you realized who I was and…”

“I knew.” He nodded slowly to himself a few times before finally facing her. “I knew when I moved to Port Townsend. It’s why I moved there. I signed up for the meal service because I knew you volunteered. I couldn’t control your routes though, but I was perhaps a little ornerier with the other delivery girl, hoping that would eventually lead you to me. The fact that you got my account so quickly was a fortuitous turn of events. If you believe in such a thing.”

He’d known all along? “You sought me out? And also you owe Serene an apology.”

“Fair. But as we’ve established, I’m old.” Mav’s shoulders slumped. “I never stopped thinking about Cass and your dad, and I didn’t want to go into the hereafter without atonement. But since Delwyn had passed…” Mav dabbed his nose again. “Oh, I was too late for him.”

“Dad?” Isla shook her head. “What…?”

Mav reached for the letter. “May I?”

Isla pushed it toward him.

He held the paper carefully as if afraid it would crumble in his hands. “Oof,” he sighed. “Such youthful folly.”

Isla waited, her mind still churning to try and make sense of what was unfolding.

“Cass and I had spent the holidays together,” Mav said. “I’d been doing lumber hauls in Eastern Washington that fall, but I missed her something terrible, so I came home and tried to make it work with a different job and such without much luck. I went back to trucking while pursuing a few other leads, but when she wrote me to say she was expecting, I had just been let go from that job too. I was across the state, had only a few dollars to my name, and was barely turned twenty-one. I wanted it to work out. Trust me, I did. But it wasn’t to be.”

Isla didn’t want to believe her ears. “You abandoned her? She was alone and pregnant, and your answer was to leave the country?”

“Not alone. She had friends and her family, who didn’t like me by the way.”

Isla scoffed. “I wonder why?”

“Hey now.” Rowan got Isla’s attention. “It was a long time ago.”

Isla glared at him. “You don’t seem very surprised by this. You knew too?”

The muscles in Rowan’s jaw tightened. “He asked for my help to find out where you’d gone after Bellingham.”

“But why?”

“Because you’re my granddaughter,” Mav said, dropping one hand on the table with a thwack . The sound rang out into an otherwise silent room. “That’s what I’ve been trying to explain. Delwyn may have grown up thinking Neil was his father, but the dates don’t lie.” He pointed to the heading on the letter. “If I’m not mistaken, your dad was born in September of this same year, no?”

September 20 to be exact . Isla leaned her head into her hands and closed her eyes. Neil wasn’t her real grandpa? Nana had been pregnant already when they married? Mav was her grandfather?

“How long have you known about me?” she asked after a while.

“Since you were born, my dear. Like I said, your family was never far from my mind.”

“And were you ever planning on telling me?”

Mav hesitated. “I hadn’t decided. I always aimed to be of help somehow. To make up for what I did.”

“Unbelievable,” Isla muttered. “As if driving me to Bend would absolve you of that. For all I know, you couldn’t care less about what I’m actually trying to do here.”

Rowan cocked his head. “Come on, Isla—you don’t believe that.”

“Of course I care,” Mav said, putting more force behind his words. “I care deeply. From the moment you stepped into my apartment, I could feel a kinship. Even before you said your name and confirmed that my eyes weren’t lying to me. We’ve both loved and lost, we’ve both been at death’s door, and we both have ghosts haunting the hallways of our past. I can’t help but think Cass wanted us to meet.”

“No!” Isla let her objection echo against the walls, then she started putting the items spread on the table back in the box. “You were a coward back then, and you’re still a coward now. And a liar. I thought I could trust you. Both of you.” She got up and hoisted the box under her arm. “And her name was Embeth.”

With that, she stormed out into the hallway where she paused only to get her bearings before jogging to the other end of the floor and her room.

Mav and Rowan had conspired against her. They’d gotten close, had let Isla think she’d found good people who were on her side, had listened to Isla share the most personal part of her life, and all the while they’d kept this secret like a shield between them.

Angry tears stung her eyes as she slumped down on her bed.

As soon as she’d stepped into Mav’s apartment that first day, he should have told her the truth, but instead he’d inserted himself into her life to appease his own guilt. How lucky for him that she’d been so broken. He’d made her mystery his mission but not for her sake—for his own—and he’d probably thanked his lucky stars for her misery every day since. What had he been thinking? That he could sweep in and save the day? That she’d be grateful?

Well, he could rethink that. She didn’t ever want to see him again.

Isla wiped her cheeks on her sleeve, and as she did, she spotted Mav’s car keys on the TV bench. Her bag was still on the floor, unopened. Two seconds later, she’d made her decision and was out the door. There was no way she was going to spend two hours or even fifteen minutes in the same car as either of them tomorrow, and it wasn’t that late. Now that she was driving again, she might as well get this last leg over with.

The thought of home, of Mom, of her own bed spurred her on through the dark parking lot past slumbering sedans and SUVs. She’d text Rowan when she got there and let him know. He could come get the truck when they returned. Not that she wanted to see him either—he’d lied too. But some small concession in her mind allowed for the fact that Mav employed him, which gave him less of a choice. Plus, as far as she knew, he’d never abandoned a pregnant girlfriend, which made him marginally better.

There was a moment, right as Isla started the car, when a small voice in her head piped up to point out that this here—her in the driver’s seat—couldn’t have happened without Mav. It made her tip her forehead against the wheel and let the rumble of the engine transfer to her scalp and neck. Then she glanced at the hotel with its lit-up windows, sucked in a breath, and put the truck in reverse.