His Other Life

Chapter 38

THIRTY-EIGHT

ISLA

Present day

On Mom’s insistence, Isla picked up more shifts at Meals on Wheels that week.

“You’re distressing Ulysses wandering about the house like a restless spirit at all hours,” she said. “It’ll be good for him to have some space.”

What she really meant was, “Get over yourself and be a productive human being already,” and Isla couldn’t fault her. Even she was getting tired of her own behavior. March was coming to an end, and spring was around the corner, so while Isla still woke up most nights with her mind already mid-hypothetical argument with Mav, or Rowan, or even Jonah, she didn’t put much effort into protesting Mom’s firm “guidance.”

She had yet to have any contact with Mav, but after she finished her rounds that Thursday, she had three missed calls from Rowan. He’d texted her a couple of times to check in, to which she hadn’t responded, but this was the first time he’d called her.

She was about to listen to his voicemail when he called again. Whatever was going on, it must be urgent.

“Finally,” he said when she answered. “Why didn’t you pick up?”

“Why didn’t I…” Isla huffed. “Maybe because I’m still upset with you. I was also working if you must know. Why did Mav cancel his service?”

“He did? He didn’t tell me that.”

Isla frowned. She’d assumed Rowan had taken over meals. “How is he getting food then?”

“Grocery delivery maybe, I don’t know. But can we talk about this later? As glad as I am that you’re not hanging up on me, I have an actual reason for reaching out. Mav is in the hospital again.”

Isla had been on her way to get into Mom’s car, which she was borrowing on the regular these days, but now she froze in the open doorway instead. “Is he okay?”

“He fainted again, and he needs blood, but he’s stable. Do you know what blood type you are?”

“Is he conscious? Or is it worse this time?”

“About the same. Did you hear my question?”

“Yeah, B I think. Why?”

“B positive or negative?”

“I don’t remember. Does it matter?”

“Mav is B negative. The hospital doesn’t have much stock of that. But you’re related…”

A gust of wind forced its way into Isla’s collar, making her shiver. She tugged it closed with her free hand. He wanted her to go donate blood to Mav because on paper she was his granddaughter? That felt made up.

“Not that I’m against donating, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how blood types work. They always have O negative and that’s a universal donor. I know because I needed some after the accident.”

“Yes, but it’s better with an exact match. Look, you don’t have to see him. I mean, he wants to, but he’d never force you. I know you’re mad and rightly so. We didn’t tell you the truth, and maybe we should have.”

“Maybe?”

“Okay, we should have. But can’t you try to see it from Mav’s point of view? Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, leaving your grandmother was a big one, but it’s not like he moved on and forgot all about it. It’s never left him. And he’s not expecting your forgiveness. All he wanted was to do something kind for you in Embeth’s place, and if you ask me, it takes a lot of courage to wade back into what he did and face its consequences.”

“Me being the consequence?”

“I think you know what I mean.” Rowan was silent for a beat then added, “He’s really old, Isla, and despite appearances not very well. Please come.”

The way he said her name made his voice reach deep. She did know what he meant. And somewhere beneath the hurt, she missed Mav. In the flowerbed next to the parking lot, a tiny crocus had broken though the dirt. The yellow petals settled something within Isla. Flowers meant new life—Nana had taught her that. She tilted her head back and inhaled through her nose. “Okay,” she said.

“Really? Okay, great. We’re at Jefferson. I’ll text you the floor. How soon can you be here?”

“I might not be a match though.”

“It won’t matter to him. He’ll just be happy to see you.” The hope in his voice was contagious.

“I’m leaving work now. Give me thirty minutes.”

Rowan met her at the hospital entrance. “Easier this way,” he said. “Didn’t want you to get lost.”

“Or chicken out?” She glanced at him as they walked.

“Are you kidding? You’re the bravest person I’ve met.”

“Right.”

Rowan stopped in front of the elevators. “No, I’m serious. The stuff you confronted in Bend—that takes a lot of guts. Most people would be happy to forget, but not you. You crave truth no matter if it’s good or bad.”

Isla blushed. She’d never heard that compliment before. She’d also never thought of it that way.

He pressed the button, and they waited in silence. Once inside, Rowan turned to her. “Will you let them test you? In case you’re a match I mean.”

Isla nodded. “I want to see Mav first though.”

“Of course.”

Rowan led her through a corridor to a different set of elevators, and then finally they were on the right floor. “It’s possible he’s sleeping. He’s very tired.”

“And a transfusion will help?”

“Yeah. For a bit at least.”

But Mav wasn’t sleeping. He was sitting up in his bed, his skin the same color as the sheets, eyes locked on the door. “Isla,” he said when she entered. “You came.”

“You didn’t believe me?” Rowan asked, pulling a chair up to the bedside for Isla like he had in Portland.

“I hoped, but I’m also aware I’m not owed anything.” He patted the side of his bed. “Thank you for seeing me. Please sit.”

Isla did, and on instinct, she took Mav’s hand. It was cool and the skin paper-thin, but he gripped hers right back. “How are you?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I?—”

“No, I’m sorry.” As frail as his figure was, his eyes were no less piercing than they’d been the first day they’d met. “I know it doesn’t mean much, but you were right. I should have told you upfront no matter how uncomfortable that would have been.”

Isla forced herself to not look away. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve been… working through some feelings about it.”

“As you should. It means Nancy and Delwyn raised you right.”

Delwyn, his son. Isla pulled her hand away but did so gently. “I have questions,” she said. “If you don’t mind?”

“I’ll tell you anything.”

Reading Nana’s letters had sparked so much curiosity, but where would she start? After a moment’s hesitation, she let the first one that came to mind spill out. “Did you know she kept the baby?” Out the corner of her eye, she noted Rowan stirring from his phone.

“Not right away. But it was the fifties, so one could assume.”

“And that didn’t bother you?”

Something flashed dark behind his blue irises. “Of course it did,” he said with emphasis. “To walk away from your flesh and blood? You and Jonah may have never had the chance to fulfil your dream of having a child, but I think you can imagine it.”

Isla nodded, but then her movement stalled as what he’d said sank in. Your dream of a child. How did Mav know about that?

“I didn’t make much,” he continued before she could ask, “but that first year away, whenever I had a few extra dollars, I sent them to her.”

Isla pushed away the disconcerting hum inside her sparked by his stray comment. “That’s something at least,” she said. Maybe he’d guessed about the baby plans.

“Yeah. But the third time, the letter came back marked ‘return to sender.’ It could have been her or it could have been her father—that I’ll never know. I still thought of her wherever I was. Of them. Imagining. Was it a boy or a girl? Were they healthy? Did her parents forgive her?”

Mav fixated on something out the window past Isla while his fingers worried the blanket. He was lost somewhere else, and not until Isla touched the back of his hand did he come back.

“Oops, sorry about that. Sometimes, it’s as if I can hear her again. ‘In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong.’ Charles Dickens— Great Expectations . She always saw me clearer than I did myself.” His fingers went to the faded hummingbird tattoo on his neck. “I didn’t return to Seattle for four years. My mother took ill, so I was granted leave for the summer, and I decided it was a sign I was meant to set things right. I wasn’t the same person anymore, and I knew I’d have no peace until I did right by my Cass. Or Embeth I mean.”

Isla leaned forward, hanging on his words. “What happened?”

“I went to her parents’ house. Her father answered the door, and harsh words were spoken that don’t need repeating. I didn’t even get a chance to ask about her before he closed it in my face, which”—Mav pinched the bridge of his nose, his features scrunched together in self-deprecation—“I can’t say I blame him for. After that, I went to the hospital where she’d worked, and as I sat in the park outside building myself up, lo and behold, there she was, on the other side of the park. I almost missed her. I’d pictured her in her nurse’s uniform, but she was in a green dress with a white belt. I remember it clear as day. She was illuminated through the branches above like the sun had made her its purpose. Except… she wasn’t alone.”

“She was with Pop-Pop.”

Mav nodded. “Yes, she was walking with Neil and a little boy of about the right age. She was happy.” He closed his eyes. “I got close enough to hear her laugh, and that was all I needed. I had no right to ask for more. I’d told her to forget about me, and she had.”

“Or so you thought.” Isla pulled a leg up under her in the chair. “Did you ever see her again?”

“No. But I became very good at my job. Rose in the ranks. Life at sea was a good distraction. And then I met Lorraine.”

“Did she know?”

“No.” Mav looked at Rowan. “No one did until I told him.”

Isla smoothed out a crease in the sheet. “And now I know. And my mom.”

“What did Nancy say?”

Isla let out a small chuckle. “Let’s just say she’s more pragmatic than me. She thinks I’m overreacting. That it was a long time ago.”

A knock fell on the door, and a nurse came inside. After exchanging greetings, she spoke to Isla. “Are you the granddaughter?”

It was odd to hear the word in someone else’s mouth. “I guess so. Yes.”

“We’re ready for you, if you want to come with me.”

To her surprise, the urge to stay in the room was stronger than not to, but still, Isla got up.

“You’ll be back?” Mav asked.

Isla promised, and then she followed the nurse out of the room.

“Have you donated blood before?” she asked. Her nametag said Jessica.

“No.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“Yes.”

“Jump up here.” She indicated a chair.

“You’re not going to see if I’m a match first?”

Jessica paused. “Did you only want to donate to your grandfather? Because even if you’re not a match for him, we always need blood. There’s a national shortage.”

Isla considered this, but it wasn’t a difficult decision. “Sure, I’ll donate either way.”

Jessica lit up. “Great. I have some paperwork for you to fill out while I get things ready.”

Isla took the clipboard she was handed and scribbled her information, but at the bottom of the last page, she stopped. “Thank you for saving lives,” it said.

For so long she’d thought of herself as doing the opposite that the words looked foreign. “Saving lives,” she mumbled. It was a new possibility.

“What was that?” Jessica returned with her equipment.

“Nothing.” Isla rolled up her left sleeve.

“Left it is,” Jessica said with a smile. “Sit back and relax. It’ll be ten minutes at most.” She inserted the needle and checked the line. “Good flow. You’re a natural.” She nodded, satisfied. “You should do this more often. We need it. It saves lives.”

There it was again.

Isla hummed something noncommittal before she closed her eyes and said a prayer she’d be a match for Mav.

After a cup of orange juice and a snack bar, Isla was allowed to return to Mav’s room. He was sleeping, but Rowan was still in his chair on his phone.

“How is he doing?” Isla asked.

“Okay. He’s glad you came.”

“How long will they keep him?”

“We’ll see in the morning.”

Isla took in Mav’s still form. “Let me know?”

Rowan’s eyebrow arched, but if he was surprised, he didn’t say so. “Of course.” He stood up and tucked his phone in his pocket. “Actually, if you’re heading out, would you be able to give me a ride home? I went with him in the ambulance, and I need to get him a few things for the night.”

Isla agreed, and after Rowan instructed the nurse to tell Mav where he’d gone, they left.

When they’d driven for a few minutes, Rowan turned to her. “Now that we’re talking again—can I ask what happened with Gemma? Did you find her?”

A week had passed since Louise’s futile visit to the dentist’s office, but it still hurt Isla to have had that door closed in her face, and she must have grimaced at his question because he apologized immediately.

“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to. It’s just been on my mind.” The restless bay behind him framed his face with brooding waters.

“No, it’s fine.” Isla slowed behind a truck turning into the ferry terminal. “It wasn’t her.”

“Oh damn.”

“I know. I had high hopes.”

After a moment, Rowan asked the question Isla knew was bound to follow. “What’s the next step?”

Isla lifted one shoulder and let it drop. “I’m not sure there is one.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I didn’t say that.” She made a left into a quaint neighborhood lined with older homes. “I don’t know. Maybe I have to reconcile the fact that I’ll never know for sure, but I…” The suspicions she’d carried since finding the note solidified into a single thesis as she spoke them out loud. “I think he had an affair. That’s what makes the most sense. The year before the accident had been a little rocky with quarantine and everything, and I’ve remembered enough to know something was weighing on him. But how, or if, that’s linked to the accident, I have no idea.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Rowan was quiet for a bit. “I just think it’s so weird. As someone who’s been married—when things got rocky with us, I would have never even thought of making future plans as if nothing was amiss.”

“What do you mean?”

“Weren’t you guys trying for a baby? I would say that speaks against him cheating.”

Him too? The disquiet raised earlier by Mav’s comment bobbed back up to the surface.

“We were going to, but”—Isla squinted as the road signs blurred ahead—“how do you know that?”

“You probably told me.”

Had she? She searched her mind. “No, I definitely didn’t. It’s not something I talk about.”

“Hm…” Rowan’s fingers tapped against his seatbelt, then he lifted his elbow up against the door. “Oh, I know—I think Louise mentioned it when we were at the hotel. You know—when you went for a walk? Yeah, that was it. Sorry. Was I not supposed to know?”

No one was supposed to know . She and Jonah had only had a few tentative conversations about it, and while they’d both decided it was something they wanted to pursue, they’d agreed not to tell anyone. Make it a surprise. It had brought them closer.

This made no sense. Louise and Isla had never even talked about babies, so there was no reason she’d have guessed it and presented it as fact to Mav and Rowan. But if Isla hadn’t told anyone—and she was certain that she hadn’t—then how did Louise know? Unless…

The passing sidewalk rippled like the waves on the bay, and Isla clutched the steering wheel tighter.

Louise couldn’t know unless Jonah had told her.

“Hey,” Rowan said next to her.

Images of Louise spun like a kaleidoscope before Isla’s eyes. How they’d met, how she’d listened, how she seemed to understand Isla’s grief so well. The way she’d volunteered to help on the ground in Bend and with—Isla gasped—locating Gemma.

“Hey, watch where you’re…”

Rowan’s voice came from somewhere far away, but Isla blocked it out as the truth hit her upside the head. Louise had known Jonah. She’d known him and kept it a secret. Louise hadn’t gone to see Gemma that day. Louise was Gemma.

“Isla, for fuck’s sake. Stop!” Rowan grabbed the steering wheel, jerking them back into their lane, away from the pedestrians they’d been heading toward.

And with that one jolting move, Rowan turned into Jonah, doing the exact same thing but in a different time and place, and Isla’s memories came flooding back.