Chapter Seven
Shane rapped quickly on the shabby door and waited for the yelling inside to quiet down. Randall opened the door, blurry-eyed and with a sickly tinge to his skin. It was clear the man was not well and the drink was making things worse.
“What do ye want?” he spat at Shane. “The girl’s not here.”
“I’m aware.”
He stood straighter at Shane’s comment. “If you know where she is, you’d better bring her back here. I’m seeing after her.”
“As to that, I’ve witnessed the way you saw after her. Much the way you see to your boys, from the looks of it.” The littlest boy had a blackened eye, and the eldest’s lip was split and scabbed over.
“And what business is it of yours?”
Shane bit his tongue to keep from revealing exactly who he was and why it was his business. There was another way that wouldn’t reveal his identity to the lout. “I am acquainted with the new laird and know well what he thinks of men who abuse women as you have done to your niece.”
Shane took a slow breath to calm the rage that bubbled up. He knew what he was capable of when he allowed his anger to take over. He’d not be able to stop himself from killing the frail man.
Fortunately, his threat stilled the man’s tongue. Shane decided to go further. From his father’s letters, he’d learned his brother Alec had become a formidable war chief. It was difficult for Shane to believe, remembering Alec as a gangly lad of five and ten who only came up to Shane’s nose when he’d left. But if Alec drew fear into the hearts of men, it was worth mentioning him. “Do you know of Alec, the war chief?”
The man’s eyes went wide as he muttered, “The Trow?”
Shane didn’t know of the name, but it was clear he’d managed the fear Shane had been hoping for. “Aye. I know him as well, and he will see you’re punished properly for what you’ve done.”
“Please. I’ll not hit her again. I did offer the lass marriage.”
“You mean you threatened marriage.” The idea of someone as lovely as Lindsay having to be married to such a creature… He swallowed down the bile the thought brought up.
“If she took it that way…” His words drifted off as Shane took a step closer. A warning not to put any of the blame on Lindsay. “Please,” the man begged again, which was exactly what Shane had wanted.
“Hear me. I make only one offer, and you will take it or face the castle for your crimes.” He held out a few coins. “Take this money and leave the MacPherson clan today. You’ll leave the boys with me so I might find a good home for them where they’ll be raised properly into men this clan can be proud of.”
Shane barely got the words out before the man grabbed up the coins and gave a nod. The man seemed eager enough to be done with his sons as he ran back into the cottage to grab a few things, not sparing so much as a parting word for them. What kind of a father walked away from his children without so much as a hesitation?
“I’ll be on my way, then. Thank ye.” He took off and didn’t look back.
The boys stood there watching as their da rushed off before turning to look at Shane.
He was not accustomed to being with children. There were some about the camps, but he and Maria had not been blessed with children in the year they’d been wed, so he’d never been a father himself. “When will he be back?” the older one asked, though Shane thought the lad knew the answer.
Robbie, the littlest boy, who was maybe eight, had tears in his blackened eye. Was he sad to learn the man had left them or was he afraid of what would happen to them? The man, coward that he was, was still the boys’ da.
“He will not return. I’ve sent him away for what he did to your cousin. He was facing punishment from the castle, so it was best he leave.” If the boys felt any way about that, they didn’t show it. Shane didn’t give them time to start worrying. “Doran, you’re old enough to join the guard. If it is your wish to do so, I can start your training myself.”
Doran’s eyes went wide, and he nodded excitedly. “Aye. I would like to be a warrior.” He looked down at his thin body, and the excitement waned.
“Worry not—you’re tall enough and not done growing yet. With proper food, you’ll fill out into a fine warrior. I was not much bigger than you when I was your age.”
His eyes went wide as they moved, taking in Shane’s size now.
“Very well, then. All of you gather your things and come with me.”
The smaller boys spared a second to look to Doran, who gave them a nod, which spurred them into action. They came out a minute later with small bundles of their things, then without question followed Shane deeper into the village. Shane took a breath before stepping up to the smithy’s shop. He’d already had to reach out to Bess to see Lindsay was tended to, and now he would reveal his return to another old friend.
“Munro, how have you been?” he asked the large man with huge, work-worn hands. It took only a second for Munro to recognize him. White teeth showed in the depths of his thick beard.
Shane had worked with the man in the forge as a lad, learning the skill. His father hadn’t known at first and afterward did not like having his heir working in the village. But he allowed it only so long as Shane learned how to make swords and other weapons.
Munro had lost his wife years ago in childbirth, and Shane knew his heart still burned for their loss. Shane knew that pain well himself and wondered if years from now his loss would still show in his eyes the way it showed in Munro’s.
Shane didn’t mean to take advantage of the man’s loneliness, but these boys needed someone to help mold them into good men. And only a good man could do that.
“It’s nice to see you whole and hearty. It looks as if you brought everything back with ye from France.” The man patted his arms.
“Aye. I did.” Except for his heart, which was buried in Spain with his wife.
“What can I do for ye?”
“Two things. If we may speak in private.” Shane nodded toward the door to one of the bigger houses in the village.
Munro waved for him to come into his home as Shane turned to the boys.
“Stay right here. I’ll be back shortly.”
Inside, Munro offered him some ale, which Shane took as he sat at the scarred wooden table. Shane spared a look around the clean cottage. The loft above the bed would be large enough for the boys.
“What’s on your mind?”
“The lads out there need a home. Their mother passed a month or so ago, and their father left this morning.” Shane hesitated to mention the reason he’d left but thought it might help Munro in dealing with the skittish children.
“I told him to go. He had taken his fists to them and spends his money on whisky instead of seeing them fed properly.”
Munro’s bushy eyebrows pulled together. He wasn’t one who would stand by while a child was mistreated.
“They are strong from working in the peat fields, but we both know that work does not bring much challenge of mind. Doran, the older boy, will be training with me to become a warrior, but when he’s not with me, I’d like the boys to stay with you. To learn your trade and, more importantly, learn to be honorable men.”
Munro snorted and looked away.
“If it’s the expense, I can assist—”
“It isn’t the expense. I can feed three scrawny lads on my own,” the man snapped.
“If you don’t want to do it, say so. I just thought they would have a better chance with you. The path they’re on now, they will see nothing but the end of a rope or drowning in drink like their da.”
Munro ran a palm over his beard. He was considering it. Shane felt the need to disclose all the information he knew. “They aren’t afraid of work, but they have a strong mouth on them for not being taught differently. They’ve been wronged by nearly everyone who’s cared for them, so it might take some time to earn their trust.”
“I’ve never shied away from a tough job, and you know it.”
“You’ll do it?”
“Aye, I’ll take them in. What is your second request?”
Shane leaned closer to look him in the eye. “I’ve not told anyone at the castle I’ve returned. I’d like you to keep it to yourself that you’ve seen me.”
Munro chuckled at that. “You’re still hiding in the village from your duties in the castle as you did when you were a lad.”
Shane laughed. It seemed that was indeed true. “Perhaps. It won’t be for long. I do know I need to take on the title of laird eventually.” With his father gone, he guessed Alec was seeing to the running of things in the castle. It was good for him to see how it was done. If anything ever happened to Shane, it would fall to Alec as Shane’s heir. This would be good practice.
“As with anything, it’s always better to make a choice to do something rather than it being forced upon ye.”
Shane nodded, for this man understood many things. Shane’s brows pulled together as he considered the man’s words. “You do not feel I have forced the boys upon you, do you?”
“Nay. Ye gave me a choice. And I’ll allow you to make the choice as to when you claim your birthright. I’ll not tell anyone I’ve seen the new MacPherson laird in my shop. And not just because they wouldn’t believe it.”
They shared a laugh and rose to go back to the boys. Shane turned to them, thinking about what Munro had said about making a choice to do something rather than it being forced upon you.
“I have arranged for the three of you to stay here with Munro. He can teach you his trade in the forge. You won’t have to work in the peat fields anymore. But you would need to mind what he says. He’ll see your bellies don’t go hungry. Is that agreeable to you?”
They shared a silent conversation between glances, and finally Doran answered for the lot with a nod and an “Aye.”
Shane figured the offer of food and an honorable trade was too good to pass up.
“Good. I’ll check in on you. And, Doran, I’ll come for you soon to start your training.” He turned back to Munro, who set to his new duties straightaway.
“How about we go inside for some bannocks with honey and get to know one another better?” he suggested, and the smaller boys rushed forward at the offer of food.
Doran looked back to Shane.
“You have a choice to be a better man than your da. This is your chance. Munro is a good man. He’ll not raise a hand to any of ye—you have my word on that.”
Doran nodded and went inside. Shane didn’t expect gratitude or excitement. This was a big change for them and a scary one. Shane also faced a big change. Marriage. The thought stirred his stomach to knots.
In the year since Maria had died, he’d not once thought of ever marrying again. But here he was, planning to take on another wife, even if for some kind of convenience. He’d give her his name, but she could never have his heart.
…
Rather than marry Lindsay in the village near the castle, where someone might question his name or recognize him, he took them to the next village to find a priest.
She rode with him on Hades, and he took things slow so as not to jostle her injuries. It had been two days since he’d proposed marriage, and she insisted she was fine. Still, he didn’t so much as rest his hand on her for fear he might press on something that would cause her pain. Instead, he sat behind her, breathing in the smell of sunshine and lavender in her hair and wishing he could touch every part of her. Not that he would. He was marrying her to protect her and would do so no matter what he or his body might wish.
They crossed over a sparkling river, and he shared stories of fishing there when he was a lad. When they broke through the dense grove of trees, he shared that this had been the field where he’d been blooded. “I took my first life here at the age of six and ten, and I thought I’d lose my stomach all over the body. My da was proud, and I tried to be as well, but mostly I remember how easy it was. How warm the man’s blood was when it ran over my hand. I thought I was ready. I’d heard many stories. But the stories don’t allow you to feel it like doing it. The smells and sounds…” He shook his head. “I tried to think of ways to never have to do it again.” He smirked at the thought.
He, a soldier, who had been paid to end lives every day for the last five years.
“I assume it didn’t work, as you ended up in France.”
“Nay. It didn’t. And it became easier after that first one. Knowing what it would be like helped with the fear. I’d never say it has become easy, for I do still claim a soul. But every life I’ve taken was to protect my own or someone else’s. I would never kill for the sake of it.”
Death was common enough at war, and Shane had become almost numb to the sight. Except for one death that still haunted him with every breath he took. He may not have drawn the sword that ended Maria’s life, but he’d abandoned her when he should have stayed and protected her. His wife’s blood was on his hands.
“I have never killed a man,” Lindsay said. “But after those two mongrels attacked me, had I sword instead of a stick, I think I would have done what was needed.”
“I shall hope you never need to know. I will protect you, always.”
Heaven help anyone who thought to hurt her now. They would know his wrath. It was one thing to make sure she didn’t come to harm. He would do the same for any in his clan. But he would defend Lindsay as he wished he’d protected Maria.
The blue sky faded to gray as they rode into the village just across the border with the Gordons.
When the cleric saw the bruises on Lindsay’s face, he frowned, but Lindsay explained the situation and why she wanted to marry as soon as possible.
Shane barely heard the words they spoke as he did his best to keep the memories of his first wedding at bay. He may not be able to love Lindsay as he should, but he could at least honor her by not thinking of another as they took their vows. He watched her, almost expecting her to change her mind at any moment. Instead, she smiled up at him as best she could with her swollen lip.
His chest clenched. He managed to smile back through the pain and guilt coursing through his body. This was wrong. This wasn’t the woman he’d pledged to love and honor the rest of his life. But he stood his ground and swallowed back the memories. It wasn’t fair to Lindsay. This woman thought she was marrying a whole man, and she’d soon find out she’d gotten only pieces. And the parts that were left were shattered and broken.
He realized how selfish his act of selflessness was. He pretended he married her for protection, but he knew as he stood there looking into her dark eyes that it wasn’t true. He’d wanted her soothing calmness to take some of his pain away. He’d not wanted to bear this hurt alone. He’d wanted to make amends by saving the woman he hadn’t saved.
He had offered marriage for him, and she didn’t even know who he was. She wasn’t marrying the MacPherson laird. She was marrying a soldier who had been kind to her. He realized when the priest looked at him expectantly that he didn’t even have a ring for her. He’d carried his mother’s ring in his sporran and had beamed with pride as he’d slid it on Maria’s finger. She’d been buried with it still in place.
“I’m sorry. I should have thought of a ring.”
Lindsay shook her head. “It’s of no matter.”
After they signed the register, the strangers he’d paid to be witnesses did likewise and the deed was done. He was married to another woman. It was as if his marriage to Maria had never happened.
…
He and Lindsay shared a meal at the local tavern before riding back home.
“You can ride a little faster. I’ll not break,” she said.
“You are already broken. I don’t wish to do more damage.”
“I may be a little raw, but I am not broken. That man doesn’t have the power to do so.”
He leaned closer so she could hear him when he whispered, “I know you are strong, and these injuries will heal and be easily forgotten. But for my part, I don’t want to cause you even the tiniest amount of pain, so we will continue on at this pace.”
“It will take forever for us to get home.”
Her last word struck him in the chest. Home. It may be their home for now, but at some point, he would need to move to the castle and do his duty for his clan. To accept his birthright as laird, whether he wished to or not. Would she gladly move to the castle and call that her home?
As she continued to fuss about his slowness, she unintentionally shifted against him in an enticing way. He knew she hadn’t meant to, but his body didn’t care what she’d meant and what she didn’t. All his body knew was that there was a warm, soft woman in his lap where there had not been for many, many long months. He searched for the feelings that should have accompanied the physical urge and found nothing but emptiness.
He had made a terrible mistake.