His Secret Highland Bride

Chapter Eleven

Lindsay woke to an empty cottage. Well, empty except for Treun, who was patiently waiting by the door to be let out. She guessed Shane was already in the village working with Doran or out visiting the rock.

Memories from the night before rushed in at the thought of her husband, and her face went warm as she remembered the kisses they’d shared. It had been wonderful. So much so, she’d wanted more, but he’d stopped and left as if something were chasing him.

Likely, it was guilt.

She didn’t know what else to do for him. It would take time for him to be ready to move on, and she would need to be patient, even if she wasn’t certain how much time they had.

After finishing the cleaning of their home, she decided to go into the village to see if any of her things were still at her uncle’s cottage. She only had the one dress, and while the other dresses hadn’t been much better than the one she wore, they were better than nothing.

Her mouth pinched in anger when she thought of her maid. If she ever got her hands on the girl… The dresses were one thing, but the jewels were much harder to replace. They’d belonged to her father’s mother and were a gift from her father. One of the few times he’d seemed pleased to have a daughter to dote upon. When he learned they were lost, he would be very disappointed in her.

But surely not as disappointed as he’d be when he found out she was married to a soldier.

The cottage she’d shared with her uncle and cousins was dark and quiet for once. She threw the fabric back from the window to let the light in and took in the dusty room. The table stood in the center of the space, with a stub of a candle and knotted bundle of twine upon it. In the far corner, where she’d kept her things, she found nothing. Not even a scrap of fabric.

Feeling a familiar sense of dread, she quickly left the cottage, almost desperate to get back to the sun, where the light would scatter the ghosts of that place. Hearing the cracking of wood against wood, she found two familiar men in the field next to the village. She stopped to watch as Shane and Doran sparred, distracted by the way her husband moved out of range of Doran’s practice sword, as well as the way his brown hair curled at the ends when dampened with sweat.

At the sound of a throat clearing, she turned to a smiling woman she’d seen with the butcher.

“Good day to ye, miss. A letter arrived for Randall, but I wasn’t sure what to do with it.”

“I will take it,” Lindsay said, knowing when she spotted the seal that the letter was for her rather than her uncle anyway.

The woman nodded. “Well, then, I should be getting back.”

Lindsay thanked the woman absently as she flipped the letter over and recognized the writing as that of her father. When she was alone, she broke the seal and opened the letter.

Dear Daughter,

I will arrive after harvest to see to the matter of your marriage to the MacPherson laird. I will bring your belongings at that time.

I received your letter requesting passage back home to Riccarton, but there is no reason to make the trip. Make your way to the castle to prepare for the festivities. I will join you soon.

Until then,

DW

He’d signed the letter as he always did, with the larger-than-life D for Donald and the swooping W for Wallace. She read it again and a third time. With each pass, she realized how thoroughly trapped she was.

“What have I done?” she muttered to herself as she looked around, almost confused to find she was still where she’d been standing when it seemed everything in her life had suddenly turned upside down.

She was promised to the MacPherson laird, but she was already married to one of his warriors. What would the man do to Shane when he found out? They were only starting to know each other. She tossed the letter into a nearby fire and turned for home. She would need to tell Shane the truth and let him decide what they should do. They hadn’t consummated the marriage. It wasn’t too late to have their vows annulled.

Perhaps she could make her way to the MacKenzies. Her cousin Meaghan lived there with her new husband. But wouldn’t her father simply track her down and bring her back to face this problem? With more anger for his efforts?

She considered her options as she made her way to the path that led to her new home. She found her husband coming in from the field in which he’d been sparring with her cousin moments ago. He held out a small bouquet of flowers he must have picked as she’d stood there reading her father’s missive. With his full lips pulled up into a dashing smile, he held out his gift.

“I’m sorry for running off as I did last night,” he said. “I am trying, Lindsay. Please, give me more time.”

All thoughts of telling him what waited for her or ending their marriage drifted away as the scent of heather and daisies surrounded her. It was wrong. She didn’t belong to him because she was promised to another. What would happen if he managed to care for her only to have her taken away from him? He’d lost so much already. But she wanted to be Shane’s wife a little while longer. While it was still her choice to make, she was choosing him. Harvest was still a few months away yet. She had time.

“Are you well? You seem pale,” he said, concern pulling his brows together.

“Aye.” She nodded and then let out a sigh. “We have time.”

“What were you doing in there?” He nodded toward the shack.

“It seems my uncle must have sold the rest of my dresses. I’m afraid I only have this one.”

He tilted his head and winced. “It’s not much to speak of.”

She laughed and nodded in agreement. There was no defense of the tattered garment that showed her stocking-clad ankles. It was most indecent.

“I was off to the village to purchase cheese. Come with me so ye can pick out some fabric to make new gowns,” he said as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” she said quickly while shaking her head. It was one thing to marry a man she wouldn’t be allowed to keep; to allow him to spend his money on things for her was another matter altogether.

“Am I your husband, Lindsay?”

“Aye.” She couldn’t help the bit of sadness that colored the word. He was her husband for now.

“As your husband, it is my responsibility to keep ye fed and clothed, is it not?”

This would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him everything. Spare him from this grave mistake she’d gotten them into. Tell him he was destined to lose another wife. But when he smiled at her in that way, she was unable to speak. He had only begun to smile; she wouldn’t steal his happiness. She was weak. She was selfish. She was falling for this man.

He selected a blue fabric as well as green. “I can’t decide which will look better on you, so you’ll have them both,” he said as he paid the merchant.

She opened her mouth to protest, but he pressed his finger to her lips.

“Unless the words out of your mouth are a simple thank-you, you’d do better to keep them to yourself. I’ll not argue with you again over this.”

“Very well. Thank you.”

He bought them a bit of cheese and led them back to the cottage. She set the beautiful fabric on the chair where she would start working on the gowns after the evening meal.

“I planned to see about catching us some fish for supper. Would you like to go with me?”

“You don’t wish to be alone to visit the stone?” she asked in surprise. He’d gone every day since she’d painted it.

He shook his head. “Not today.”

She fairly beamed at him. It was silly to think he had chosen her over Maria, but she couldn’t help but feel she had won some precious gift. Every second she spent with him made it easier to forget about her future. The letter was gone as if it had never existed. She wished the butcher’s wife hadn’t found her to deliver it. She would’ve been free to go on not knowing what fate awaited her.

She smiled at her husband. “Aye. I would like to join you.”

Tre followed along and hopped up on a log with her as they looked out at the river. Shane caught three trout, and she went about fixing them after he cleaned them.

What they didn’t finish became a nice meal for the dog after she’d made sure there were no bones. She began working on her gowns, cutting the first pieces of fabric and sewing them together. Shane read from the book while she worked, and though it was a nice way to spend the evening, she knew what waited for her at bedtime. Or rather what did not.

He’d said nothing else about the kisses they’d shared. He’d apologized for leaving so abruptly. She knew he must feel a great amount of guilt in being able to move on when his wife could not. While Lindsay didn’t agree that he was to blame for what happened, his opinion was what mattered.

He’d asked her for time, and for as long as she could, she’d give it to him. She did hope it wouldn’t take too long, for she wanted whatever happened after kissing.

Sometime later, Lindsay blinked hard, trying to get her tired eyes to focus on the small stitches, but she could barely keep her eyes open. “I believe I’m done for tonight. I should be able to finish tomorrow,” she announced as she stood and stretched her stiff back.

“Aye. We shouldn’t do such things in the low light.” He stood as well, and as they moved to pass each other, they ended up getting in each other’s way instead. They laughed and moved only to find their paths blocked once again.

“I’ll just go this way.” She announced her plan to end their bumbling. But this time he stood in her way with intent green eyes studying her face. She reached up as he bent to kiss her, and like the night before, he placed his hands on her hips, guiding her body toward his.

They kissed for what felt like hours before he set her away from him.

“Pardon me.” And with that, he moved around her toward the door. “I must take the dog out,” he said.

When the door shut, she turned to the little dog by her feet. Treun looked up at her, blinking.

“It seems he forgot ye in his mad dash to escape me.”

The door opened again.

“Treun! Come!” When the dog was through the door, it shut once more.

Lindsay sighed. She didn’t know how much time they had together, but she hoped it was enough.

…

Shane frowned at the little dog, though it wasn’t her fault he’d made such a fool of himself in his hurry to get out of the house. Away from his wife, to where he was safe from temptation.

“She certainly isn’t making it easy for me,” he said to his furry companion. “And I don’t have the strength to fight my own passions and hers as well.”

But giving in before he felt comfortable would only bring more guilt and regret. He didn’t know if he could bear even more guilt heaped upon his shoulders.

Tre looked up at him but offered no suggestion on what to do. But that was the crux of the problem. It wasn’t necessarily the wrong thing, was it? They were married before God and the church. It was expected of him to take his wife to his bed. One might even say it was his duty as her husband. But they hadn’t planned to have a real marriage. He’d given her his name to protect her—and to ease some of his guilt by helping a woman who needed him.

He liked Lindsay more each day he was with her, which was why he’d run away from her kisses yet again. He’d first avoided being with her because he didn’t think it would be fair to her to do so while thinking about Maria. But now…now he feared the guilt he’d feel if he didn’t think of Maria at all.

Anyone hearing his worries would no doubt think him mad, the way his thoughts flipped back and forth. Fear he wouldn’t be able to care for Lindsay, guilt when he did.

“I only promised protection. Nothing else,” he said to no one, for the dog had run off, leaving him to his fretting.

When the sky opened up and poured down upon him, Treun made a run for shelter back at the house. He’d faced lines of French muskets and the worst pain a person could endure; he shouldn’t be afraid of one Scottish lass. With a sigh, he turned to head back to the cottage. It was best to have this conversation and get everything out in the open.

“You sure picked a bad time for a walk,” Lindsay said with a smile as he came in and shook the rain from his hair.

“Aye. I wouldn’t say I picked it. But I’m back now, and I think we should see to straightening some things between us.”

She nodded, and as he watched, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth, nervously calling attention to the soft flesh he still remembered vividly against his mouth.

“I am trying to do the right thing,” he said. “And you…”

Are too tempting by half.

Will be the death of me.

Make me want to carry you off to my bed and keep you there for days.

Bring me joy when I don’t deserve to be happy.

He didn’t say any of those things. He waited for her to join in the conversation, but she remained silent.

“And you’re making it difficult for me to know what is right.” As soon as the words were out, he felt like an arse. Was he blaming her? He tried again. “I don’t mean to make it sound like you’ve done anything wrong. You certainly haven’t. I’m just not…ready.”

She nodded. “I’ll be here when you are, however long that may take.” She looked away from him. He was no stranger to guilt, which might be why he saw it so easily in Lindsay’s eyes. He didn’t know which part of her statement was untrue, but he was sure she’d just lied to him.