His Secret Highland Bride

Chapter Thirteen

Lindsay’s body was tired and sore from being with Shane multiple times the night before as well as the three nights before that, but as early-morning light came through the window, she couldn’t deny she wanted him yet again.

She worried that perhaps something had broken inside of her. That all she could think of was being naked with her husband in the bed they shared. But as he kissed her neck and caressed her hip, she found she didn’t mind at all.

If she was to spend the rest of her days just like this, she would gladly embrace her future.

She never wanted to leave his side. She still worried about her fate, as she had before—as far as what might happen when her father arrived and she was not waiting at the castle to wed the laird—but as for that, she’d come up with a plan.

Or rather no plan at all. She would stay right where she was as Shane’s wife. She hadn’t written back to her father to tell him of her nuptials. Lindsay Wallace was no more. When her father showed up at the castle, the MacPherson laird would report she’d never arrived. Any investigation at the village would yield the news that Randall MacPherson had moved on, and as for his niece… It would be an easy thing to simply disappear. At least until the laird married someone else and she was safe.

The plan wasn’t perfect, nor was it without a fair amount of guilt, but it would allow her to keep her husband.

Now that her husband was fully awake, he pulled her on top of him and smiled up at her as his hands on her hips encouraged her movements.

She found she enjoyed this position. Actually, she enjoyed every position so far, but perhaps this one a little more because she was in control and there was nothing more beautiful in the world than seeing the look on Shane’s face when he begged her to move faster. She’d never thought she would hold enough power to make such a formidable man beg. But she loved it.

His body pressed up from the bed to get deeper, something she wanted as much as he. He called out her name seconds before he stilled and the warmth from his body pulsed into hers, tipping her over the edge into her own pleasure.

A few moments later, she opened her eyes to see she had collapsed on Shane’s chest and his warm arms had wrapped around her body. From the direction of the light, she realized it must have been longer than a few moments. Only the dog snuffling at the door roused her enough to get up. If Tre wasn’t let in, she’d start barking, and that would wake her sleeping husband.

“Shh,” she told the little dog as she pulled on her new gown and went about starting the fire to make everyone their morning meal. “Let us check the snares while he rests.”

Outside, she breathed in the cooler morning air and smiled up at the sunshine coming through the trees, casting everything in a greenish tint. Had the world always looked so lovely and she hadn’t noticed? She hummed as she walked along the path behind the cottage. As was normal, Tre ran off to do her own investigating.

Not paying attention, she paused when she saw she’d come across the stone bearing Maria’s name. Beloved wife and friend. The first night they’d lain together, she’d wondered if Shane had been in pain. She’d asked, and he’d simply smiled at her and said he was fine. She’d searched his eyes for any sign he was keeping the truth from her but found only joy where guilt and pain had been.

She’d never wish for him to forget Maria, but Lindsay was glad he’d found happiness. She was lost in her thoughts until she heard the low timber of voices close by. Her first instinct was to seek out the visitors and greet them, but she kept quiet as she moved behind a tree.

“I was sure I’d seen her go this way. I’m telling you, it’s the same lass we caught a few weeks ago.”

“The one ye let get away.”

“I took a blade to the shoulder, and it still hasna healed right. You were the one who left me there to get bashed in the skull.”

These were the men who had attacked her the first time she met Shane, when he’d come to her call.

Her heart pounded, and her palms went slick with fear. She had no weapon save the small knife she carried to clean the rabbits they’d caught. She gripped it tight, feeling it slip against her damp skin.

They were looking for her.

Knowing that kept her frozen against the base of the tree until they had passed and she could no longer hear their bickering. It wasn’t until Tre came back and she could hear Shane yelling her name that she finally moved.

“I’m here!” she said when he was close. She saw the relief on his face as he came to help her to her feet.

“Are you well? I’ve been calling for you for some time. I grew worried when you didn’t return.”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine.” She held up the rabbits, but her attempt to brush off her fear didn’t work, as the game quivered in her shaking hands.

“What has happened?”

“The men from that first day saw me. But I hid and they didn’t find me. It startled me is all.” For her it was a brief scare, but for Shane and the horror he’d lived through, he was more than shaken.

He looked toward the path that led to the river with pure rage. She placed her hand on his arm to stay him from going off to look for the men. She didn’t need more trouble with that lot. “I’m fine.”

“You shouldn’t have gone out without me. It’s my duty to protect you.” She knew how seriously he took that duty and what had happened when he had not fulfilled it. But it was time he knew he was not at fault for what happened to Maria.

“You can’t protect me every moment against everything, Shane.”

“It’s my duty,” he repeated as if it were a spell.

She shook her head. “Nay. I don’t expect it. And I’m certain Maria didn’t, either.”

“Don’t speak of her,” he snapped, but she reached up and touched the hard edge of his jaw as it jerked.

“I will speak of her. And you need to speak of her as well. This guilt has twisted your grief so it won’t allow you to think of her with joy. You need to forgive yourself for what happened.”

“I left her. I shouldn’t have.”

“And what if you hadn’t left? What if you’d been there when the French raided the camp? Could you have fought them all and saved her, or would you have been struck down as well?”

He didn’t answer.

“Things happen to people we love—horrible things. But we can’t stop that sometimes. And turning it upon yourself in this way means she doesn’t get the honor she’s due.”

He looked startled at this but said nothing yet again.

“Maria deserves to be remembered with a smile and love. Not as a way to punish yourself.”

He pressed his lips together, and she waited for him to yell at her for overstepping.

It took a few more minutes for him to finally nod and let out a breath. “You’re right. I need to do better.” He ran both hands through his hair, clenching and pulling slightly before he seemed to release the tension she’d come to expect. “Let’s go home.” He took the rabbits from her, and with his arm around her shoulders, he guided her back to the cottage.

When she looked up at him, he smiled down at her.

“Thank ye,” he said.

She leaned her head against his wide chest and allowed him to hold her close. She understood his need to protect her. To make amends for the wife he’d lost. But it was too much for him to continue to carry.

She’d been afraid today when she encountered the men. Now, she realized she’d never felt so safe as she did in his arms. This clan might not be one she wished to join, and she hadn’t wanted to make a home here. But this man was different. She could trust him. Even if he couldn’t trust her in return.

…

Shane wanted nothing more than to tuck his wife away in the cottage so he could track down the men who’d frightened her, but as he kissed her trembling hand, he knew he needed to stay with her. Going off to fight had been the wrong choice before. He’d not make the same mistake again.

It was in that moment when giving up what he wanted in exchange for what she needed that he realized how dear she’d come to be to him. He’d thought only to provide tangible things like food, clothing, and a safe place to rest her head. Now he felt more than just a duty. Things he wouldn’t have thought he had left to give again. When she called upon him, he’d been there for her rather than give in to rage and guilt.

Marriage, he had learned, was not to be one-sided. Growing up like he did, with his father fawning over Deirdre’s every whim, dressing her in the latest fashions, and gifting her with gems they couldn’t afford, he’d expected to give everything and get little in return. But he’d been lucky both times. Even now, he could tell Lindsay wanted him as much as he wanted her. Though he was surprised to see the fierceness of her need after the events of the morning. He would have expected that after being frightened, she wouldn’t want any man’s touch.

He’d been wrong. Her hands still trembled as she reached for the belt at his waist, but he didn’t consider stopping her. There’d been times in France after a particularly close call that he’d needed to know he was alive. Lindsay had done that for him after a year of feeling dead inside.

“I need ye,” she whispered against his bare chest after he’d pulled off his shirt.

He kissed her. “I’ll make sure you have everything you need.”

She smiled back and then slid down to her knees to take him into her warm mouth, shocking him enough to pull away.

“Where the devil did you learn such a thing?” he asked his innocent wife. He’d known she’d been innocent, had seen the evidence of it on their linens. But this was not a skill of a virgin bride.

“You don’t like it?” She tilted her head to the side. “I once saw a maid doing it to a man in the stables, and he seemed to like it. But if you don’t…”

He blinked himself back into his right mind. Had he just stopped her? “Bloody hell,” he murmured under his breath before attempting to fix the mess he’d made. “I do like it. I didn’t think it was something a wife did—more that it was done by…” He couldn’t very well say the word “whore” in front of his wife, especially not implying she was doing the act of one. That would be no way to ever have her do it again.

“It’s wrong?” she asked, hurt clear on her face.

He couldn’t shake his head enough. He feared it would pop off from his neck. “Nay. Nothing is wrong between us. So long as we both agree to it and it makes us happy, it is allowed.”

“Did…?” She stopped speaking and bit her lip, but he didn’t need her to finish her thought to know where it had been. Had Maria done such a thing? He’d been doing a fair job of not thinking of his late wife while in bed with his present one, but it seemed Lindsay still worried.

“What we do together is between us alone. Do you understand? It must be that way.”

She nodded. “Did what I was doing a moment ago make you happy?”

Christ, the lass would kill him. “It made me very happy. So long as it makes you happy, we could…” He gestured dumbly with his hand at his groin.

“We could stop discussing it and get back to it?” she said with a saucy smile on her swollen lips.

“Aye,” he answered, but she had already knelt in front of him again and began where she’d left off. As she eagerly brought on his release, he could only think of how this didn’t feel wrong like he’d imagined. And how glad he was for that.

Over the next week, they found the perfect balance of seeing to the duties of their home and giving in to their passions. After he’d seen how pleased she was to take him by surprise, he did his best to surprise her with different positions and varying places. His little vixen embraced each one, especially the ones in which she was in control.

He was more than happy to surrender.

He glanced over at the bonny woman sleeping next to him. He couldn’t believe this was his life. He was almost afraid to blink for fear she would be gone if he looked away. The familiar fear gripped him, bringing a cool sweat to his spine. He’d felt this way before, and it had caused him a pain so severe he’d barely survived. If he lost Lindsay…

Nay. He’d protect her. He’d not let her fall to the same fate as Maria. But as he tried to calm his pounding heart, he remembered a threat that remained. Something no amount of protection would be able to save them from. His duty as laird.

What would happen when he told her the truth and they moved to the castle? Would she hate him for forcing her into such a life? One she wasn’t prepared for. When her eyes opened and a smile pulled across her beautiful lips, he made love to her slowly and purposefully, telling her all the things he couldn’t say out loud.

Please forgive me. Please don’t leave me.

When he’d claimed her climax and took his own release, they sprawled lazily across the bed until the dog began whining at the door for her morning meal. Lindsay covered her stomach when it growled as well. “I must feed my women,” he said with a laugh.

They got dressed, and he smiled when she pulled on the blue dress. He found her beautiful in both gowns, but the blue was his favorite. He went for water at the river while she checked the traps.

“I’m going into the village to trade these two rabbits for a bit of ham. Do ye need anything?” she asked.

“Do ye wish for me to go with you?” He didn’t like when she went off alone, especially in the village, where those men from the guard might see her. But he knew he couldn’t smother her, either.

“I’ll be fine. You don’t need to go to the trouble.”

“You are worth a great amount of trouble to me, so make sure ye come back as you are now,” he said, unable to help the way his voice cracked.

She frowned and squeezed his hand to reassure him. “I will be back soon.” She leaned up on her tiptoes as he bent to kiss her. As with most of their kisses, a sweet peck to say goodbye turned to something a bit more heated. His arms wound around her waist to pull her closer, and his body began to stir.

His moan was met with a laugh, which was not what he was hoping for.

“I must go now, or we’ll waste away from all the activity and no food.”

“I will just eat you up instead.” With that, he nipped at her neck.

“When I return, I shall allow you to feast upon me to your heart’s content.”

With a sigh of disappointment, he dropped his arms and allowed her to escape. “Very well. Hurry back.” He turned to put more wood on the fire and was pleased to hear footsteps coming closer. “Did ye change your mind?” he asked as he turned to see someone standing in the doorway who was not his wife. Not even close. “What are ye doing here?”

It took him longer than it should have to recognize the man before him. But to his credit, he had been no more than a scraggly lad when last they spoke. Alec, his younger brother and war chief, crossed his arms and raised a brow.

“Hello, my laird. You don’t seem pleased to see me.”

It seemed his simple, happy life had come to an end.