Chapter Nineteen
It was clear from the way Alec held his shoulders as he entered the study that he did not bear the good news Shane hoped for.
Tory went to the door to order a maid to bring food and ale for Alec. “What word do you bring from the MacLeods, brother?”
“I wish I could tell you the ship has been sold and my saddlebags are filled with coin, but in truth I don’t think it could be so far the opposite.”
“What do you mean?” Tory asked.
“When I arrived, the MacLeods welcomed me graciously, but I soon learned it was because he expected me to have the next payment for the ship that sits half constructed in their harbor. When he found out our plans to sell the ship and reclaim the funds for the vessel, he was mightily unhappy.”
Shane rubbed his temples, feeling an ache coming.
“You’re saying we can’t sell the ship to make the money back because first, it is not completed, and second, we still owe money for it?”
“Aye. That is the truth of it. I’m sorry, brother.”
“I’ll go see about your meal,” Tory said as she left the room, probably expecting Shane to launch into a fit of yelling as their father would have.
But Shane didn’t yell. To do so would take more energy than he had. He was fairly numb by this point, and yelling would get him nowhere.
“That’s it, then. There’s nothing to be done. The dowry is gone.” Shane went to the window to look out across the lands that belonged to his clan. He could almost envision the Wallace army moving on the castle.
“I’m sorry, brother. But it looks like you’ll have to put all the women aside and do your duty.”
Had Shane thought he didn’t have the energy to yell? “There are not women. There is only one woman, and she is my wife.”
Alec’s shock was evident. He quickly apologized. “I didn’t realize. You didn’t say.”
No. He hadn’t. “I wasn’t ready to have to give her up. I don’t think I can do it. But I must for the clan.”
“Mayhap she could—”
Shane cut off his brother’s comment before he could finish. He might not have been close to Alec for many years, but he knew the man well enough to know what he was about to suggest. That Shane could keep Lindsay as a mistress while he married the Wallace lass.
He would never disrespect Lindsay in that way.
But to let her go… How could he? He’d known he didn’t deserve to be happy, but he had believed Lindsay when she’d claimed him innocent. Now he was being punished yet again. It seemed he’d found his heart in time to have it shattered once more.
…
Something was wrong; Lindsay was certain. It wasn’t uncommon for Shane to arrive home from the castle after she’d gone to bed. But it was unlike him to apologize when she tried to raise his ardor by placing her hands on him in a way that would normally stoke him to action.
“What is it?” she asked, giving up on her plan to seduce him. If she couldn’t make him feel better physically, she would be supportive and allow him to talk about his troubles. “You had a bad day?” She rubbed his tight shoulders where he sat on the edge of the bed with his head hanging.
“Aye. The worst kind of day.”
She didn’t know all that he did for the laird, but she knew he was seeing to the ledgers.
“Did something not come out right?”
He shook his head and pressed his lips together. “No. Actually, the books are in such a mess, and I don’t know how I’ll ever fix them.”
“Surely the laird doesn’t blame you for what happened before you returned. If the books are a mess, it can only be his fault.” Once again, she pictured the war chief’s snarled face when she thought of the MacPherson laird—her intended. Was he as horrible as she thought him to be? She almost asked Shane about him but didn’t want to know.
“It is the fault of Deirdre MacPherson, who has stolen from the clan and ran off to God knows where.”
“Then you must find her and have whatever she’s stolen returned.” Lindsay wondered how far a woman could get alone in the Highlands.
Shane nodded. “It sounds easy but has proven impossible thus far. No one knows where she went.”
“Did you check with the stablemaster?” She would have needed a horse or better yet a carriage.
“Aye.”
“The kitchens? The women like to talk.” She recalled the women at Riccarton and the gossip they shared while working. They knew all that went on in the castle.
“Aye. They don’t know, either.”
“Hmm…” She continued to rub the tension from his shoulders as she thought through the situation. She paused. “If she stole something from the clan, she wouldn’t want anyone to find her so she’d have to give it back.”
He didn’t speak. He simply rubbed his temples as if he’d measured every option. But she went on, hoping her words would inspire an idea.
“She wouldn’t go to an ally of Clan MacPherson because they wouldn’t stand with her if faced with losing the alliance. Which means she would have done the opposite. She would have gone to an enemy of the clan instead. Then, if you came to claim her, they could use her protection as a reason for war.”
He blinked. Slowly first. Then a few rapid blinks as if he’d just woken from a deep sleep. He turned to stare at her. His eyes grew wider as he considered her words.
“She went to side with an enemy,” he whispered. “That makes perfect sense. I’d thought she would stay clear of an enemy, as she only has a few feckless young men with her. But she has nothing to fear. She’s the widow of the MacPherson clan. She is no longer one of us. She can be one of them.”
“One of who?” Lindsay asked, having lost the trail of his thoughts.
“A bloody MacColl.”
Lindsay gasped. She’d heard horrible tales of the MacColl clan. If that’s where the laird’s stepmother ran, the laird would have a difficult time swaying them to give back what was taken. Not without a fight.
Lindsay wrapped her arms around her husband and kissed his shoulder. If the MacPhersons went to war with the MacColls, Shane would be called to join the army. She wished she could hold on to him forever and keep him there with her, where he’d be safe. But she could not. She would be forced to watch him leave and hope he came back.
…
Shane barely slept the night before. Not just because he was desperate to think of a way to get Deirdre and the money back without having to fight with the MacColls. But also because Lindsay was restless.
Not only had she slept so close to him he could barely move, but when she did drift off, she began thrashing about, calling his name, and crying. She’d apologized but refused to tell him what her nightmares had been about. He didn’t need her to tell him to guess she was worried he would be caught up in a war with the MacColls. But she didn’t know how caught up he would be.
He couldn’t shake the feeling he had brought all of this on himself, with his betrayal of Maria and his deceit with Lindsay. This tragedy was nothing he didn’t deserve for his sins. He’d had the good fortune to marry two wonderful women and had found a way to ruin both of them.
All night he’d considered what to do to save his clan, to save his marriage, and he was still thinking about it when he kissed her and left for the castle that morning. He’d come up with no solution that would not end in heartbreak. In his study, he sent a lad to find his brother and send him in.
“What is it?” Alec asked in his normal, unhappy tone.
“I believe Deirdre has gone to the MacColls.”
“Why do you think she would have done such a thing? They hate the MacPher— Ah.”
“Yes. It’s perfect, don’t you see? They will offer her protection, and they will give it hoping to draw us to war, where they will most likely win.”
“What will we do?”
Shane appreciated that his brother had said “we” instead of “you.” It made him feel less alone in this mess. But in the end, it would be Shane’s decision. And Shane’s success or failure. He couldn’t fail. To do so would be to lose his entire clan. The MacColls didn’t take prisoners. And they didn’t take innocents into their clan—even if they pledged fealty to the MacColls, the MacPhersons would be slaughtered.
“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted to his brother.
“Is it too much to hope the MacColls will grow weary of Deirdre and simply send her back to us with the things she’s stolen from us?”
Shane only lifted his brow. They both knew that wouldn’t happen. As much as Deirdre annoyed them, she was a skilled temptress. She was beautiful and knew how to use her gifts to earn loyalty from any man with a working cock. At least those who weren’t related to her.
Having called her “mother” for over a decade, Shane, Tory, and Alec knew the real Deirdre. The selfish witch who didn’t care who she hurt so long as she got what she wanted.
It would be just like the woman to have the clan embroiled in war so she could keep her useless baubles. No matter how many lives were lost. Meanwhile, if the Wallace laird found out Shane had breached the agreement his father made to marry the man’s daughter, Shane could be facing two possible battles with shabby weapons and lazy warriors.
“I have brought my misfortune down on the clan,” he said and went on to tell Alec about Maria and how he had been responsible for her death. Alec, like Lindsay and Tory, disagreed. But he knew this was his punishment: to be forced to give up Lindsay because he’d walked away from Maria when she needed him.
“We still have the Grants,” Alec reminded him. “Ronan is laird now. He would bring his men and fight with us.”
“I’d rather not put our brother at risk.”
“Ye may not have a choice.”
Shane nodded. He now had more to think about, not less. He accompanied Alec back to the bailey to help with training the men. If they were facing war, it wouldn’t do to have the men unprepared. They were a motley bunch, some too thin and small, others too soft and slow. He pushed them hard and taught them how to make quick work of an opponent so they could move on to the next and the next.
Fighting helped to clear his mind of everything but the sound of blade on blade and the sweat on his body. It gave him the opportunity to focus on one thing at a time. He was jumping ahead to thoughts of war. But there was a step to take before that happened. “I must bring charges against Deirdre and request the MacColls return her to us with what she stole to see justice served.”
Alec’s laughter cut short when Shane didn’t laugh. “You’re serious?”
“I am. I need to give them the chance to do the right thing before I escalate the matter to the king.”
His brother’s eyes went wide. “And what do you think he’ll do about it?”
“I served as a captain in his army for the last five years. I hope that earns me some regard.”
Alec only made a noise to indicate his feelings on the king’s regard.
“Just because the MacColls go outside of the law doesn’t mean I’ll do the same. I’ll do things properly so we can stand on the side of right.”
“I doubt any of us will be standing at all when this is done.” With that, Alec went back to the men. He would rather have had his war chief in agreement with his plans, but he knew Alec would do what was asked of him.
Still, Shane worried if this was the right thing. As he had come to do when he was unsure of a decision, he went looking for Lindsay after he’d stopped at the river to wash first. He found her in the cottage, playing with a knotted piece of fabric with the dog. The smile on her face creased with worry, and Shane hated that he relied on her so much. But she gave him hope and peace when he needed it most. She came to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“What has happened?”
He told her the truth. “Nothing, yet.”
She nodded. “I’ve made a mutton pie, and there is ale. Let’s first get you something to eat.”
He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until she mentioned the food. He nodded and sat at their small table as she brought their meal.
“Go on.” She encouraged him to dig in, which he did gladly.
After dinner, Lindsay seemed surprised when Shane led her outside toward the river. Tre ran off to find her own entertainments while Shane clasped Lindsay’s hand in his own. He needed air and space and the feel of his wife’s hand in his to bring him peace. But as they made their way to the side of the river, Shane realized he wanted more than the touch of her palm against his.
He wanted to feel her body and hear her pant his name as he took her to the edge of pleasure and tipped her over. He’d realized in his plans that he may not be able to get out of the arrangement with the Wallaces. Not knowing how much longer he might be able to call her his wife, he didn’t want to waste a moment of the time they had left.
He removed his plaid and spread it out on the soft grass. Their coupling came on quickly and almost rough with the need they both felt. She took control by straddling his body and rocking them both to perfect completion.
“Now, what is on your mind?” she asked as he lay in the thick grass, catching his breath. She knew him too well, but at the same time, not at all.
He chuckled and turned his head to face her. “Right this moment? Nothing is on my mind. It is completely blank, and I thank ye for it.”
She snuggled closer, and he wrapped her in his arms and tucked his plaid up around her before kissing her forehead.
They lay like that for a while, just relaxing and breathing. No sounds around them but for the birds in the trees who had regained their song after their moans of pleasure had scattered them.
Eventually, his temporary peace faded away.
He spoke his plans quickly and waited to hear her response.