Chapter Nineteen Ellie
“Come here.”
That was all he had to say to get me to relinquish the stranglehold I had on my anger. What was left felt worse.
Like a horrible combination of confusion, desperation, disbelief, embarrassment, and hope.
I kept telling myself I’d proposed to Andres out of desperation.
Not because I liked him.
Or wanted him.
Or felt an off the charts powerful attraction to him.
Being a realist, I knew I needed help, and I knew he had connections.
He was just the sort of weapon a girl like me needed in her arsenal.
Someone lethal, ambitious, and determined, who oozed masculine prowess and protective vibes.
I knew a little bit about Andres. Like the fact he didn’t come from money. He earned his fortune through his own brilliance and hard work.
I admired that. Respected him for it. Just like I admired how readily he’d taken to my son.
Those protective vibes I was talking about before were amplified a zillion times when it came to Sammy. Just the idea of Andres as a dad, even a stepdad, was enough to make my ovaries go off like fireworks.
Oh my.
It might sound crazy, but in those few minutes when he held me inside of the commercial-grade kitchen, it was like time stopped.
Like the connection between actual time and my brain had short-circuited.
The man was dangerous.
Andres was like no one I’d ever met. When I said I was sheltered growing up, I meant it.
And as he held me, a typhoon of memories came flooding into my befuddled brain.
Maybe it was his big, powerful body wrapped around mine that did it. Or that crazy sexy scent that seemed to cling to his bronzed skin.
I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I just held on and tried to keep up while my mind raced.
Andres was so smart. Well-educated. A genius at the company, I’d heard the wives and even their husbands praise him.
Would he care that I rarely attended actual school? That I preferred reading smut to reading the Wall Street Journal?
Shit. I felt so damn inadequate sometimes, but Andres seemed to instinctively feel my self-doubt growing, and he hugged me tighter.
I closed my eyes and saw images of my Dad. He was so much older than me.
He was a gruff man. Rarely smiled. And he preferred I stayed home.
I had nannies and tutors, stuff like that. I did attend a private school for a bit. Got to experience high school, went to prom.
But I only went to college for a semester. Didn’t even finish.
I went back and was just as happy to stay home as my father was to keep me there.
I didn’t realize what it was doing to me. What I was doing to myself. How it would hurt me in the end.
Inexperience and ignorance were the real enemies.
I was green as grass when I met Gary. I didn’t know what he was or recognize the signs.
Maybe I was broken.
And this next part was hard to admit, but my therapist helped me get there, and Andres made me feel brave enough to face it. So, hate the past or not, I had to own mine.
I didn’t know a damn thing about life when I married Gary. I traded the gilded cage my father built me for a crude one forged by a man who had no depth of feelings for anything other than himself.
Gary had some money, but most of it was loans. Stuff he owed. We used my trust fund to buy the condo where we lived after our wedding.
Where he still lived.
And I allowed it. I thought sure, I can pay, why not? We were married. It was okay. I hardly flinched when he insisted on things being a certain way.
Gary had a lot of quirks. Like how his laundry was to be put away and such, but thankfully, he wanted a service to do all that.
Still, I could have fought. Could have argued. But I didn’t. I just thought that was how things were in a marriage.
No, I did not blame myself for Gary’s abuse. But I could have been more proactive about protecting myself.
And I could have started when I was younger and under my father’s thumb.
The thing about it was I didn’t realize I was being manipulated by the men in my life who should have been supporting me to become all I could be.
Of course, now I knew better. With therapy, I learned to let go of what I couldn’t change, and to embrace my future. The future I chose.
With Andres and Sammy.
Leaving my horrible marriage and the relative security of Gary’s home was a rude, rough awakening for me. Moving into St. E’s, while much appreciated, was a lot different from the places I’d lived.
They had an outstanding staff, and with Meredith taking over and Josef’s company providing security, well, it was safer and better than ever.
But those first few weeks had been difficult.
Wrapping my head around the fact that I’d been hurt by the man who swore to love and honor me was stunning.
It was unbelievable.
I didn’t mourn Gary or my marriage. On the contrary, I rejoiced at my newfound freedom, and that was maybe the thing that made me feel the guiltiest.
I should have left long before he raised his hands.
I didn’t love him.
I didn’t want him.
I didn’t even like him.
So what the hell was I doing with him?
I guess I thought it was expected of me. He was the father of my child, and I’d made a vow, right?
But sometimes life wasn’t so cut and dry.
Sometimes it was messy and complicated.
Gary was a douchebag—admitting that part was easy.
He deserved to rot for what he did. And I knew I wasn’t to blame. Nothing I’d ever done in my whole life warranted him putting hands on me.
As for what he’d tried to do to my son? What he was still trying to do?
Get visitation. Fight me for custody.
Those were things I would never allow to happen.
Over my dead body.
“You okay?” Andres asked, and I nodded, still too raw to speak.
I guessed he accepted my response because he said nothing else. Just hugged me and rubbed my back while inside my brain I spiraled.
Gary had never shown an interest in Sammy. He spent no time whatsoever with my sweet boy.
He hardly even acknowledged him. I was sure Gary was just using this as an excuse. A pitiful attempt to hurt me.
This was just him throwing a temper tantrum because his plans to get my father’s company backfired.
Gary was a fucking pig, and he deserved to drop dead.
Maybe that made me a bad person, but I was fine with it.
I was worried, yes, but I trusted Andres to find a solution.
That sonofabitch Gary only wanted to use Sammy as a pawn, I was sure of it.
But I didn’t really understand how it all tied together with my father’s company.
I mean, I knew I inherited the lion’s share, but I also knew there were stipulations that would force a sale.
My father didn’t ever want me running Maxwell Mining.
I knew that better than I knew my name.
Maybe that should have made me angry.
Maybe the feminist in me should have fought with my father.
I could have maybe convinced him that women could and did run companies bigger than Maxwell Mining.
Maybe.
But the truth, the real truth, was I didn’t care about the company.
I had no desire to learn about the family business or to run Maxwell Mining.
None at all.
I didn’t know if that made me a traitor to my sex or not.
My interests leaned towards things like cooking, baking, raising my son, reading, even crocheting. I mean I liked other stuff, too.
I just didn’t like business.
And yes, I realized what a privileged life I’d led.
My father’s tendencies towards misogyny just enabled me.
I mean, maybe it was a lazy point of view to want the lifestyle I wanted, but I couldn’t help it.
And really, didn’t it make me the ultimate feminist to want the life I wanted? Even if it didn’t include running a multimillion dollar company?
Even now that I had a few more years under my belt, one divorce, a new husband, and a son to raise, I was still fundamentally the same.
Those things hadn’t made me want to join the corporate world.
I would have sold Maxwell Mining to the first person who offered after my father died, but Gary had challenged the will right off the bat.
Even though my father’s lawyer was supposed to handle that sale, it was the fact I was inheriting the proceeds that Gary took issue with.
Like he somehow deserved my inheritance.
Poor Gar. He had honestly thought marrying me would grant him the position he’d always coveted. But that wasn’t my father’s way.
Dad didn’t think a woman could run the company, true. But he also wasn’t a fan of nepotism.
My father’s will had been written to ensure my ex-husband would never get his hands on the company. Dad and I had a strained relationship, but he never liked Gary.
Now I knew why. I only wished he’d been the kind of dad who would have told me how he felt. But he wasn’t, and he didn’t. And I couldn’t change the past.
I wouldn’t want to.
The past brought me Sammy.
And my son was worth everything I’d been through.
That wasn’t the issue. What really had me wringing my hands day in and day out was my current marriage.
I’d ignored the fact that I was actually a lot more attracted to Andres on a personal level than I’d ever intended to be.
But I really should have known better than to allow myself to get caught up in feelings for Andres.
I mean, this marriage was one I’d proposed, born of need and convenience.
What kind of idiot was I to allow myself even the fantasy that he might care for me someday?
Like really care for me.
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, taking note of the aromas in the air, I could tell dinner needed more time to simmer.
Just enough time for us to hash this out, because we needed to do that. I needed to do that.
I had to clear the air, otherwise I might combust.
Holy shit.
I think I maybe caught feelings for my husband.
And that was the dumbest thing I could have done.