23. Panting
23
PANTING
Sarah
We lay side-by-side panting, a beautiful warm glow washing over me. It would have been perfect, if it hadn’t been spliced with an agonizing feeling inside. A fantasy had walked out of my dreams and into my life. That in itself was a miracle that I would have been happy enough with, but now that it was over, it had to go back into my dreams again.
I looked over and Hayden smiled at me, his voice low and gentle as he spoke.
“I had to see you tonight.”
“I’m glad you did Hayden.” It was true, I was glad. But hell, I was also sad. Now that we’d stepped over that line and blurred fantasy with reality, it felt like an ending. It was done, and now we would return to where we belonged. Two worlds that shouldn’t meet each other had done exactly that, for just a moment.
“Sorry,” he sighed, rolling onto his back, “But I do have to go soon. I need to be there for Maiden when he wakes up. ”
I reached out and stroked my fingertips across his shoulder, the skin warm and smooth, stretched tightly over his rigid collarbone.
“I know Hayden. This was nice. But I know. Now we can go back to where we’re supposed to be.”
“Maybe this is where we’re supposed to be?”
“We both know it’s not. You want to protect yourself, but you have to understand that I do, too. I can’t let myself be ruined again. It’s not fair to do that.”
Hayden sighed again and rolled back to face me, my side of the bed lifting me up under his weight as he did so, “Whatever he did to you, I’m not him.”
“Hayden, you know this isn’t real. You’re not real. You’re a fantasy to me. Perhaps I’m even the same for you.”
“I’m real,” he told me, putting my hand on his chest, right where his heart was beating. “Let me change your mind.”
I wavered, wanting to believe him, but how could I? He belonged with people who would fit right into his world. I would be the odd fish in a sea of beautiful mermaids, until it was so clear that I would be left again. Thrown back to my ocean of bottom feeders with only regrets.
“I think you should go, Hayden. Not in a bad way. I just think we should leave this as a beautiful moment, and that’s where it stays.”