Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
W hen they started up again, Bex was surprised to find herself alone with Hayden at the back. Had that been by design? She’d taken her pack off when they’d stopped and now had to readjust it a little as they got moving.
“You got all that?” he asked her.
“Yep.”
“That’s quite a pack. I’m sure it weighs more than mine.”
“I doubt it. We spread the stuff out pretty evenly last night.” She and Liam had taken on organizing the gear. “It just looks bigger because I’m smaller than you.”
He nodded. “That must be it.”
“You don’t have to hang back here with me,” she said, still wondering why he was.
He cast her an amused glance. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Not at all. I’m just wondering about your motives.”
He laughed. “I need a motive? What, do you think I’m going to whisk you off into the trees and seduce you?”
That sounded heavenly. “No, but don’t let me stop you.”
He kept his face straight ahead, but she saw him smile. “I wanted to know how you got into hiking in the first place.”
“Oh, that’s easy. A friend I worked with at the brewery in Bend invited me.” She left out the part where she’d been a walking zombie for a few months after leaving Ribbon Ridge. The invitation had come at her lowest point, when she’d been certain she’d never be happy again. “Jill’s an avid hiker and she took me under her wing.” That day had been the best Bex had felt in ages. For the first time, she’d felt the return of peace. Of hope that stretched beyond making it through the workday or sleeping through the night.
“So that was it?”
“Pretty much. I was hooked.” She’d gone every weekend and after a few months had done an overnight. “Jill and I did part of the Pacific Crest Trail a couple of years ago. That was amazing.”
He tossed her a look of admiration. “Oh wow, I had no idea. That’s so cool.”
“Thanks. I’d love to do the whole thing someday. Maybe when I retire.”
“Bucket list?”
“Sure.” They’d talked about their bucket lists when they’d been together. His had included making wine in France, while hers had included making beer in Germany. “Seems like you’re crossing things off yours,” she said.
“Am I?” He was quiet a moment. “Oh, right. We talked about that. What have you done?”
“Nothing that we talked about. I don’t know that I’ve really thought about it until now.” No, she pretty much lived for each day because that’s what you did when you had parents who didn’t plan or organize, when you weren’t sure what was happening that weekend, let alone what might be for dinner. The usual answer to both questions had been figure it out yourself .
“I’m surprised you didn’t take off for Germany. Or did you have something keeping you here?”
“Just work. And money. We don’t all have trust funds,” she said without heat. “I’ve been saving to go to Oktoberfest in Munich. Maybe next fall.”
“So you were working and hiking the past five years. Anything else?”
She sipped from her water pack. “That’s about it. I tried living in Seattle to see if Debbie and I could have a better relationship as adults.”
He let out a laugh. “I can just imagine how that went over. Your mom’s a piece of work.”
Hayden had heard the stories of course. How she’d put a thirteen-year-old Bex up in a hotel during one of their scheduled visitations because she was hosting an elegant party and having a guy sleep over. She didn’t think it was appropriate to have her daughter there. But instead of planning her party around their weekend, she’d just done what she’d always done—her own thing.
He looked at Bex askance. “I’m surprised you tried that.”
“I guess it was on my bucket list, though not officially. I’d hoped we’d establish some kind of closeness, but I’ve given up now.”
He slowed his gait for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s hard to miss something you’ve never had.” That wasn’t precisely true, but she didn’t miss having a connection with her mother the way she missed having one with Hayden. She’d had that once, and she wanted it again. She hadn’t realized how much until she’d come back to Ribbon Ridge. And it wasn’t just about him. It was about the entire package. She’d kept his family at arm’s length before, but now she found she wanted to open up, even if she was having trouble. Like with Emily and with the Only Child Club members.
“What about you?” she asked. “What were you up to in Ribbon Ridge before you went to France?”
“Same old, same old. Working for my dad, hanging out with Derek and Alex. And Cam, of course.”
She imagined the four of them leaving a stream of broken hearts in their wake. “Did Cam convert you to the dark side?”
This drew a puzzled look from Hayden, but then realization dawned. “You’re asking if I turned into a manwhore.” He shook his head. “No. At least, I don’t think so. Ask Derek. I think we kept our heads on straight.”
“So there’s a teensy potential?” Why was she asking? Did she really want to know?
“Bex, are you fishing for information about who I slept with when we weren’t together? If you want to know, I’ll tell you, but it’s not a short list.”
She stumbled but caught herself. Her chest ached. Why had she pursued that topic? “No, I don’t really want to know, sorry.”
He stopped and looked at her, his gaze full of concern. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just hit a rock with my toe.”
“Be careful. You’re supposed to be the expert.”
She laughed. “Thanks. Even experts can trip.”
“We’re all just a step away from total disaster, aren’t we?”
His tone was light, teasing, but she wondered if there was something more to his statement. Was he a step away from disaster? She couldn’t shake the sense that he was holding something back, that he wasn’t really at ease. She began to wonder if this had anything to do with her, or if there was something else going on with him.
“So when do we get to taste your beer?”
She almost wanted to steer the conversation back to him, but she was the last person to press someone to reveal emotions. “The first batches should be ready Monday. One’s a loganberry ale.”
“Sounds great. What’re you calling it?”
“I asked Evan for suggestions. He came up with Legolas. Because he’s an archer, and it sounds kind of like loganberry.”
Hayden laughed. “And it’s from his favorite book and movie series of all time.”
She grinned. “True, but I still like it.”
“I like it, too.”
“The other’s an IPA, but it doesn’t have a name yet.” She’d thought of a few, but nothing had stuck. “I designed it with hints of pine and spice. We’ll see how it turns out.”
“How about calling it Hot Prick?”
This time her stumble was much bigger, and he had to reach out and grab her. She laughed hard. “Are you serious?”
His eyes glinted with mirth. “Hey, we get away with calling our stout Shaft.”
“True, but Hot Prick is maybe a little over the top. How about Spice Whirl?”
He laughed. “As in the Spice Girls movie? That’s lame.”
He was right, but she pretended to be offended anyway and failed miserably as she laughed with him. “Hey, I loved that movie when it came out.”
“So did my sisters. But I doubt that’s your audience. I’m still voting for Hot Prick. Or how about Zestactular?”
She narrowed her eyes, still laughing. “That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s better than Spice Whirl.”
“I think you’re right. Hot Prick is better. Why don’t I just go with a dirty theme? Instead of Legolas, I’ll call that one Twig and Berries.”
It was his turn to burst out laughing. “Brilliant. You need a honey beer that you can call Sweet Lick.”
She dabbed at her eye as her laughter continued. “You’re terrible. What about one I can call Goldenrod? It’ll be a wheat beer.”
He laughed with her, bending at the waist. “Pink Lips. Something with cherries. Better yet, Pop My Cherry.”
She gulped air. “Hey, when I was in Eugene I got away with naming one Beaver Beater.”
He stopped, his hand catching hers so she stopped, too. He laughed harder. “You didn’t. No, of course you did. Those Duck-loving assholes.”
She loved that he was touching her. “They especially loved it since I was a Beaver. They thought it was a funny joke, and that I was just being a good sport. I laughed the entire time.”
“Come on, they got the double entendre, right?”
“Of course they did, but since it was a Beaver slam, they didn’t care.”
He took a deep breath as he wiped his eye, unfortunately letting go of her hand in the process. “This is kind of turning me on.”
“Me too.”
“I suppose stopping for a quickie now would be a bad idea,” he said, finally reining in his laughter.
“Probably. We can sneak away later after everyone’s asleep.”
“We’re keeping it a secret then?” He nodded. “I’m on board with that.”
That he asked gave her pause. Was there a chance they could go public? She’d like that. She’d love to be with him outside of the bedroom. The past five minutes were a prime example of how much she enjoyed his company. He’d always made her laugh, made her feel like the most important person in the world, something she’d never experienced before. Or since.
Damn, she’d been a colossal fool.
She was suddenly overcome with love for him. Had it always been there, or was this a new, slightly different emotion? It was both, she realized. She’d loved him before, of course, but this was deeper, richer. Not because of him—he was the same man she’d fallen for in college—but because of her. She was different. More able to love, perhaps more able to be loved.
She looked ahead and saw Sean and Tori holding hands, recalled Aubrey and Liam embracing when they’d stopped earlier. She wanted that with Hayden. But she also knew it was too soon to expect it. That was okay because she was willing to wait. Slow and steady won the race, right? She’d be patient and love him. He deserved that and so much more.
She smiled at him. “Probably best to keep things uncomplicated.”
He turned from her. “Yep. We should catch up.” He started up the trail then after a moment called back, “You coming?”
She’d gotten caught staring at his backside and thinking about sneaking into the trees later. “Yes. Right behind you.”
They’d reached the summit and set up their rudimentary camp. Kyle and Maggie had arrived around six thirty, toting a wagon full of food and drink. Kyle’s campfire cooking skills proved as sophisticated as in a professional kitchen. With the beer and wine flowing, it was a very pleasant evening, maybe the best Hayden had enjoyed since he’d been home.
They sat around the fire, the sun finally going down, everyone in low chairs that Kyle had also brought during a second trip to the car with the wagon. Cam sat to Hayden’s right and gave him a questioning look. They’d looped Jamie into their plan to share the big news tonight.
Hayden answered with a subtle nod. “So, Cam and Jamie and I have some news,” he said loudly.
Kyle finished stowing some cooking items in the wagon then came to sit down. “Hey, same-sex marriage is legal, but polygamy is still out.”
Laughter erupted around the campfire. Hayden smiled and shook his head. You could always count on Kyle to inject humor into pretty much every conversation. It was a gift. And sometimes a curse when you wanted to be serious. Fortunately this wasn’t one of those times.
“Very funny, but that’s not quite it,” Hayden said when the laughter had died down. “We’re starting a business together—with Luke. A winery.”
This was met with whoops and exclamations and Tori jumping out of her chair and practically tackle-hugging Hayden’s chair into the dirt.
He patted her back, grinning. “Thanks.”
Liam sat forward in his chair. “Details. Spill.”
“There’s not a whole lot to share just yet. We’re buying the Quail Crest vineyard, and we’ll hopefully be in production next year.”
Kyle drank from his beer—he’d brought bottles from Dad’s home brew stash. “How long have you been keeping this secret?”
Hayden bristled. “It wasn’t a secret. We were getting our ducks in a row. It happened pretty quickly. Just the other day.”
“This is so great!” Tori yelled into the sky. “We’re all going to be home now. Do Mom and Dad know?”
“Not yet. I’ll tell them tomorrow.”
Liam sat back in his chair. “We won’t steal your thunder, bro. They’re going to be stoked.”
Hayden nodded, glad that he would make them happy. That’s all he’d ever wanted. But then that had been his problem, hadn’t it? He’d been so busy caring about everyone else that he’d forgotten about himself. But he was over that. This was the Hayden show now.
“So, Tori, let us know when we can get together and talk architecture plans,” Cam said.
“Oh, yay ! I can’t wait. Oooh, you could put the facility at The Alex. But that means trucking the fruit over.”
“Nope, not doing that,” Hayden answered. Even if it hadn’t been a logistical headache, he didn’t want his new venture commingled with his family’s. Not in any way, shape, or form. He was good paying them to provide services—such as Tori doing the design—but at the end of the day, it was his thing with the Westcott boys.
“What are you calling it?” Bex asked.
He smiled, thinking she had to be recalling their conversation earlier. He thought of several inappropriate responses, but kept them all to himself. “We haven’t decided. West Arch or Arch West are in the running though.” They’d wanted to somehow combine their names if possible. “I’m partial to West Arch myself.”
“West Arch Estate ,” Jamie said. “Sounds cooler.”
“Congratulations, you guys,” Kyle said, raising his beer. “A toast to the new Gods of Wine Country.”
“Bollocks, I think you just came up with a new show,” Sean said. “I’m pitching that to Alaina tomorrow.”
Everyone laughed while Hayden exchanged looks with Jamie and Cam.
Cam turned his head toward Sean across the fire. “Seriously?”
Sean nodded. “Sure, why not? We chronicled the building of The Arch and Fox, why not West Arch Estate? I think it’s a great premise.”
“That title is the bomb,” Kyle said. He turned to look at Sean. “How come the title of my show isn’t that cool?”
Hayden didn’t remember the title of Kyle’s show, but knew it didn’t contain the word god .
“I dunno,” Sean said, shrugging exaggeratedly. “You just came up with this one. You had total input on yours, and you approved it.”
Liam sucked in a breath and gave Kyle a condescending head shake. “I think you just got burned, son.”
Kyle grinned. “I think I did.”
The conversation focused on the winery for a few more minutes before turning to something else. Then someone suggested s’mores and they broke out the supplies.
Hayden found himself next to Bex as they speared marshmallows on their roasting sticks.
“Congratulations on the winery,” she said. “I’m so happy for you. It’s a dream come true.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s a big one on the bucket list.”
“Maybe the biggest.” Right after falling in love and having a family. But those had fallen to the bottom after she’d left him.
As good as he felt tonight, there was a splinter in his brain from that afternoon when she’d said that it was best to keep things uncomplicated. He’d wanted that too—at first. But now he had to admit that while hooking up with her this week, the feelings he thought he’d buried were maybe resurfacing.
He told himself to watch out for the Bex who’d broken his heart—the woman who kept her emotions at bay. They’d been close, but he realized now that he’d always been waiting for her to completely lower her guard. It had taken a full year to get to the “I love you” stage, and he’d been the first to say it after months of not wanting to put it out there for fear she didn’t reciprocate the emotion. Then later, after she’d lived in Ribbon Ridge awhile, he’d seen how she was with his family. She’d kept herself detached—not aloof really, more like protected. But he’d been so in love with her, he’d fooled himself into thinking she’d lower her guard, as she finally had with him. But then they’d lost the baby and she’d completely shut down, which had made him think she’d never really been truly vulnerable at all.
When he thought of how quickly and completely she’d frozen him out, he grew even more uncomfortable. That had entered his mind earlier, during the hike after they’d talked about sneaking off. But as usual, he’d avoided letting himself delve too deeply. That was an old hurt, a profound one. It was best if he left it buried in the past, and it was the primary reason he shouldn’t be dawdling with Bex in the present. They had no future together. Not in the bucket list sense. Been there done that, and it had been a total fail.
Any further conversation between them was interrupted by the arrival of Maggie. Hayden went and roasted his marshmallow. When they were done with s’mores, they kept the fire going until after midnight when the yawns started to outnumber the words spoken.
Hayden was tired too, but the southern regions of his body were still hoping to meet Bex in the woods. He knew he had to put a stop to their shenanigans, but not tonight. Tonight he was buzzed and happy, and he just didn’t give a damn.
The plan was for everyone to sleep under the stars near the fire. They began to spread out their bedrolls, and soon people filtered off to take care of whatever business they needed to before bed.
Hayden waited a long time. So long that he dozed off for who-knew-how long. He jerked awake and found that the fire was nothing but embers. The sounds of sleep reached his ears, and he wriggled out of his sleeping bag.
He looked over toward where Bex was bedded down, but her bag was empty. Shit, how long had she been gone?
He tucked a small flashlight into his pocket and looked around the campsite, but didn’t see her in the near darkness. There was only a sliver of a moon tonight but thousands of stars brightening the sky. Still, he relied on the dying fire to cast its glow.
The logical place to search would be the thick trees to his right. That would provide the most cover for what they had planned. He slipped into the forest and was plunged into darkness. He pulled out his flashlight and set it on its lowest setting, a sort of milky white shadow that stretched only a few feet in front of him.
Narrowly missing a rock, he stepped over it and whispered, “Bex?”
Nothing but forest silence.
He kept going, careful to pick his way over the uneven ground. “Bex?”
Another few feet, and he finally heard an answer. “It’s about damn time.”
He found her standing near a grouping of large rocks. Her hair was down, the dark locks caressing her neck. The temperature had dropped some, but it was still well over sixty degrees, and she wore that same fitted gray T-shirt. But she’d changed her hiking shorts into a pair of very short pajama-type shorts, like the ones she’d been wearing the morning he’d run into her at The Alex. He lifted his gaze to her face. She’d worn very little makeup today, but she didn’t need it. Her lashes were always dark enough to make mascara redundant, and her lips were lush and pink enough to make lipstick unnecessary.
“What took you so long?”
For some reason, he focused on that very question, on the years they’d been apart. He wanted to turn that question around on her. What had taken her so long to come back? But it didn’t matter just then. The only thing that mattered was taking her in his arms.
He turned off his flashlight and thrust it into his pocket then closed the distance between them. Sliding his hands around her waist, he pulled her against his chest, their gazes connecting for a split second before he kissed her.
He splayed his hands over her lower back, holding her tight as he lanced his tongue into the sweet heat of her mouth. Her fingers wound in his hair and she met his thrusts with her own, kissing him with fierce abandon.
Their hips met, grinding against each other. He dug his fingers into her back, wanting more, needing everything she could give.
She raked her hands down over his shoulders and along his abs to his waistband. There, she unbuttoned his shorts, working her hands inside and cupping his ass as she thrust against him. He felt her heat against his raging cock and couldn’t wait to be inside her.
He interrupted the kiss. “Condom’s in my front pocket.”
“Not yet,” she said into his mouth before reclaiming the kiss. Her hands kneaded his flesh. Her touch was firm and demanding, and he was absolutely on fire for her.
“You better make it fast,” he managed to say.
She pulled her lips from his and kissed his throat, her tongue and teeth leaving a trail of need as she moved down to the neckline of his shirt. “I just . . . I just need to taste you. Haven’t done that . . .” Her words disappeared as she knelt before him.
Overheated, he ripped off his shirt. She splayed her hand over his abdomen, her fingertips sliding over his muscles. Then she moved down, gripping his hips briefly before she tugged his clothing down to his ankles. Her breath drifted over his cock, arousing him to a near-painful state.
He tangled his hand into her hair and guided her head forward. “Don’t make me come.”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s no way I’m not fucking you.”
She wrapped her hand around the base of his shaft and sucked the tip into her mouth. Stars danced behind his closed eyes. She’d always been good at this. Good? She’d been spectacular. No other blowjob in his life had compared to her. No other sexual experience had. Period.
Her other hand curved around his ass, holding him fast as she sucked him hard. He had no choice but to thrust into her mouth, encouraged by her fingers digging into his flesh. Her tongue slid along his length, her lips closing over him as she moved up and down. She squeezed his balls, lightly, but enough to force a groan from his throat. She took him deep, her throat opening.
Motherfucker , he was going to completely lose control. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Her mouth moved faster, the sounds of her lips and tongue in the ebony night creating a symphony of seduction that he was powerless to refuse. He was going to come.
Then her mouth was gone, and cool air stole his orgasm before it hit. He sucked in air, trying to calm himself before he shot his load into nothingness. That would be a damned shame.
“Holy shit, Bex.” She’d gotten better, and damn it he did not want to know how. Maybe, just maybe, he’d forgotten how good it had been.
“ Now I’ll get the condom,” she said, her voice husky and darker than the woods around them.
He felt her take it from the pocket of his shorts wrapped around his ankles. Then he heard the sound of the plastic opening. Next he felt her fingers stretching the latex around his heated flesh. Lust pulsed through him, and he kept his hold on her head, urging her, guiding her, needing her.
When he was sheathed, he knelt. His knees caught the edge of something soft. A blanket maybe. He kissed her hard and fast, his tongue licking at her mouth. “You thought ahead.”
“Of course.” She sounded breathy, excited. It fueled his desire.
“Turn around.”
She did as he said, moving forward on the blanket. He did the same so that his knees were completely on the soft cotton.
He yanked her shorts down her thighs, exposing the creamy paleness of her ass. His eyes had adjusted so that he could make out just enough to appreciate the view. Not that he hadn’t committed it to memory years ago.
He pulled the shorts down farther, working them past her knees and taking them off one leg entirely, careful to move them past her hiking boot. She opened her legs and arched her back, offering herself to him. He shoved her shirt up so he could see her back.
He traced his fingertips down her spine. “I’ve always loved your back.”
“I know.” She reached back and grabbed the shirt, pulling it over her head.
He hadn’t noticed before, but she wasn’t wearing her bra anymore. He reached around to stroke her breasts. They hung hot and pendulous, the tips hard and pointed. He cupped one and squeezed the nipple. She moaned, her backside moving backward.
“I thought you wanted to make this quick.” Her voice was breathy, starkly seductive.
“It would be a hell of a lot easier if you weren’t so damned sexy.”
He slipped his hand between her legs and found her moist heat. She was so ready. He was beyond ready. He thrust his finger inside her, eliciting a sharp gasp and a quick snap of her hips.
“Hayden, please.”
“Hold on, baby, I’m coming.”
He reluctantly let go of her breast to guide himself into her slick channel. He went slow, sheathing himself inch by delicious inch. Apparently impatient, she pushed back and took him as far as he could go, his balls slapping against her ass.
She cast her head back and moaned again. “Yes.”
That was enough to drive him directly to the edge. He clasped her hips and let himself go, ramming into her with deep thrusts. She met every single one of them and he had to fight not to come too soon.
Then her hand was around his balls, pulling and stroking. Her thumb and forefinger ringed the base of his shaft and held him tight while he plunged into her. God, he loved when she did that. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her touch.
Her muscles began to contract around his cock, and he gave up the fight. White-hot pleasure slammed through him and sent him careening into oblivion. He gripped her tight, holding on for his life as his orgasm ripped him apart from reality.
He worked to catch his breath as he slid from her body. “God, Bex, that was amazing.” He considered the condom and what to do with it. Guess he’d just have to take it back to camp and get it far enough into the garbage bag that no one would notice.
She was quiet, her head down on the blanket. She’d brought her knees up so that she was more compact. If they were anywhere else, he would think she could just roll to the side and fall asleep. That sounded fantastic.
He stood and set the condom on the rock while he pulled his clothes on. “Bex? You okay? That was amazing, right? If you tell me it sucked, I’ll have to get professional help. On second thought, don’t tell me, even if it did suck.”
She rolled over and pulled up her shorts. Then she pushed her hair back from her face and looked up at him. “That was more than amazing.”
He held his hand for her and helped her up. “Excellent.” He felt great. Fucking fabulous . “We should get back.”
She bent to pick up the blanket then handed him something. “Here. I brought a paper towel and a baggie for the condom.”
Wow, she’d really planned ahead. He appreciated it, but was also concerned that there was now an expectation. A routine, even. And that wasn’t good. Maybe it was time to back off.
He took her hand as they made their way back to the campsite. He used his flashlight again, but turned it off well before they emerged from the trees.
As they reached the edge of the clearing, a figure came toward them. His gut clenched at being found out by Liam or Kyle, who would undoubtedly flip him shit. Or Tori, who would be insanely happy and probably tell their mother. But the silhouette was too big to be her. In the end, it was Jamie.
Hayden had dropped Bex’s hand the minute he’d seen the shape. “Hey, Jamie. I found Bex stumbling around in the dark.”
“I didn’t think I’d need a flashlight,” she said. “Thanks, Hayden.” She walked to her sleeping bag.
“Got mine,” Jamie said, heading into the trees.
“Be careful.” Hayden turned and took care of disposing of the condom before going to his bag. He slipped inside and stared up at the sky. The stars were so brilliant out here away from any city lights. A flash caught the corner of his eye—a shooting star. Weren’t those supposed to signify good luck or something?
Or he was supposed to make a wish, maybe?
What would he wish for?
He thought of his bucket list conversation with Bex and realized he didn’t know. It seemed his life was falling into place. But instead of brimming with optimism, he felt apprehensive, like he was on the cusp of something that would bring it all crashing down around him.
After all, it had happened before.